Nobody Has to Know XIII
Mexican Standoff

Aries

Disclaimer: All X-Files characters are the property of you know who, even though it would seem that he’s basically abandoned them. All other characters are my own.

The room was dark. Too dark to see clearly. Not that the blindfolded man could see anything anyway. There was also silence. It stretched out for an eternity, and when there finally was sound, it was accompanied by the sensation of a huge vibrator penetrating his ass. The sound was a loud groan, rolling in his throat. A dull buzz followed, and he shuddered. Wave after wave of intense pleasure washed over his prostate, but the cock ring he wore stopped him from reaching orgasm. His head jerked from side to side, and he grunted frantically as a leather strap striking his ass added a new layer of torture.

The man at the other end of the strap drew his arm back, sneering as he struck the blindfolded man again.

"You like that?"

Soft whimper. "Yes, sir."

"Do you want more?"

"Mmh...y-yes, sir."

"Beg for it." He hit the man again. "Beg for it, you pathetic shit."

"Please, sir. Oh, God, please, I..."

A hard grunt and the sound of a body hitting something solid cut him off. He listened, confused and more than a bit frightened as a violent scuffle ensued, and he heard the Dom’s voice, angry and out of breath demanding to be released.

"What the fuck are you doing?" A metal click sounded and then another. "Let me go!"

The ruckus continued, and the sound of things breaking made the man jump.

"What...what’s going on? He struggled against his bindings. "What’s wrong? .........Help! Help!"

"Shut the fuck up."

Another voice. Different but also breathless and just as angry. Frightened, he obeyed.

"I don’t know what the fuck you think you’re doing, Fox, but I’m gonna..."

The threat was muffled, and a furious growl sounded as Fox gagged the bound man. Checking the cuffs at Alex’s wrists and the ties around his ankles, he strode to the door that led out into the parking lot and opened it. Returning to the struggling man, Fox pulled him into a sitting position and met blazing green eyes. He stared back, showing no weakness. Saying nothing, he rose, hefting Alex to his feet and balanced him before lifting the younger man over his shoulder. Alex growled his outrage and began to buck, almost toppling them both, but Fox managed to maintain his equilibrium and carefully moved toward his car, parked only ten feet away. He let Alex slide to his feet, pinning him against the rear passenger’s side door as he opened the front door. He wrestled the supremely pissed off man inside the car, then, wiping the sweat from his face with the leather sleeve of his jacket, he slipped into the driver’s side and started the car.

"I’ve had it with this shit. Now, we’re going to do things my way...in case you were wondering."

The already visible crease between Alex’s eyebrows deepened, and he snarled at the statement.

Fox turned away from the withering glare and drove out of the lot. When he looked at Alex again, they were almost home. The restrained man was quiet and still now, but Fox was very sure that he hadn’t fallen asleep. He drove into the parking garage, put the car in its spot, and he exited the vehicle.

Coming around to the passenger’s side, he opened the door and found Alex in an almost trancelike state. He inhaled deeply and blew out a soft breath as he gently stroked the top of the sable head. Alex hissed sharply and jerked away from his hand. He turned a glazed, spiteful glare on the older man, but Fox refused to look away.

"We’re going upstairs. Are you going to walk, or do I have to carry you?" He removed the gag to hear Alex’s answer.

"You’ve lost your fucking mind," Alex rumbled. "Let me go and get the fuck out of here."

"You’re not in charge any more," Fox said evenly. "I am. And I said, we’re going upstairs. How we do it is up to you."

Roaring furiously, Alex jerked back and forth, slamming his back into the seat.

"Take this shit off me!"

"Okay, so I guess we’re doing it the hard way," Fox sighed. "Are you going to at least be quiet, or do I have to gag you again?"

"Are you going to let me go, or do I have to beat you within an inch of your life?" Alex snapped back.

"That answers that." Fox repositioned the gag, though far from easily. Alex fought him savagely, and when he finally got it back into place, he pulled the growling, snarling man out of the car and again lifted him onto his shoulder. Fortunately, it was late, and no one was in the lobby as he trudged to the elevator and dumped his burden onto the floor as gently as the bucking man would let him.

There was a small thump as the back of Alex’s head hit the wall, and Fox hit the button to close the door before he bent to remove the gag.

"Are you all right?"

A litany of curses was his answer, then Alex glared up at him.

"Have you thought this shit through, Fox?" he asked, his voice still rough and breathless. "I don’t think you have. You’re going to have to let me go sooner or later, and God help you when you do."

Fox pushed the button for the top floor, then he squatted down and looked the seated man square in the eye.

"I’m not your pretty fucktoy any more," he said softly, using Alex’s own words. He stared at the quietly infuriated man for a moment, making sure that information sank in, then he went on. "I would have done anything for you. You know I wanted to. Even with all that’s happened, I still want to. But I can’t. Not now. And if that pisses you off, I’m sorry. But anything that happens from here on out, keep this in mind...you brought it down on yourself."

The door opened, and Fox attempted to bring Alex to his feet, but the younger man drew his restricted legs back and kicked at him, forcing him to jump back.

"I could leave you in here," Fox said calmly. "I’m sure someone’ll find you by morning. How would you like that?"

"Fuck you," Alex spat with all the venom he could muster. "You’re going to be one sorry son of a bitch when I get loose, I promise you."

"Threats aren’t going to help you any," Fox said, rising to his full height. "In case my demeanor over the last several weeks has encouraged you to forget, let me remind you now. You don’t scare me."

"You fucking prick!" Alex roared. "Let me go!"

"That’s not an option. These are your choices, Alex, and there’s no room for bargaining. You can behave yourself and let me take you into your apartment, or I can put the gag back on and leave your ass here for the next person who gets on this elevator to find."

Alex fixed a hateful stare on the older man, but he said nothing.

"I’ll take it that you’ve chosen number one."

Fox moved in again, carefully reaching for Alex then helping him to his feet. Once more over the shoulder, and he started to walk slowly toward the door.

"This’d be a lot easier on both of us if I could trust you to walk," Fox grunted as he made his way to the door, "but I just know you’ll try something stupid."

Balancing Alex with one hand, he unlocked the door and entered, kicking the door shut behind him. He went straight to Alex’s bedroom and unloaded the surprisingly quiet man onto the bed.

"Okay. Let’s get you comfortable. Do you need to use the bathroom?"

Alex turned his head and gave Fox a black stare.

"Is that a no?"

"Are you going to let me go by myself?"

"If you’re asking if I’m going to untie you, the answer is no. I’ll help you."

"The fuck you will."

Fox shrugged and began to remove Alex’s shoes. "When you can’t hold it any more, let me know." He pulled the restraints that Alex had used for him, from behind the bed, and gently pulled the younger man’s arms above his head and quickly switched him from the cuffs to the more comfortable shackles.

"I’m going to untie your legs. No kicking."

He unknotted the rope, freeing Alex’s legs, then he reached up to undo the other man’s belt, and Alex twisted away, emitting a soft, almost frightened sounding grunt.

"Keep still. I’m trying to make you more comfortable."

Alex refused to stop struggling, but Fox managed to get the belt undone and then went to work on pulling Alex’s shirt free of his pants.

"No! Don’t! Leave me alone!"

Frowning, Fox let the squirming man be, and he moved away, seating himself in the chair by the bed. He winced at the discomfort from the pressure on his rear, but he shifted position and remained seated, staring at the one he’d secured to the bed.

"Alex."

No answer.

"What did you think I was going to do?"

Still, nothing.

Fox sat in silence for a long while, just watching, then he got up and began peeling off his clothing. Alex watched, wide eyed as he draped the leather over the back of the chair and walked out of the room. The moment he was gone, Alex began to struggle against the restraints. When he had first placed them there for Fox, he had fixed the chains so that they were easily detachable from the cuffs, but the bastard had obviously modified them so that there was no escape.

Son of a bitch! How long had he been planning this? Oh, he was soooo dead.

The knowledge that he was stuck here until Fox decided otherwise really sank in, and he began to yank violently at the chains. When they would not give, the rage again broke the surface.

"Fucking asshole! Let me go!" He continued to scream demands and obscenities until Fox reappeared some twenty minutes later.

Dressed in a black tank and shorts, Fox ran a towel through his damp hair.

"You were saying something?"

"Yeah," Alex spat. "I was saying that you’re going to die a slow and painful death if you continue to fuck with me!"

Fox ignored the threat as he had all previous threats. He sat down at the edge of the bed and took in the wild, dilated eyes and heaving chest, and he gently laid a hand on the other man’s shoulder.

"It’s late. Try and get some sleep. Is there anything you need before I turn out the lights?"

"I don’t want to sleep!" Alex shouted, shrugging away from Fox’s hand. "I want you to get me out of these fucking cuffs!"

"I can’t do that," Fox answered softly but firmly. "Don’t think it makes me happy to do this, Alex. I’m not enjoying it. But you’ve left me with no other choice."

"If you were tired of being my slave, you could have got the hell out. I’d invited you to do just that, many times, Fox," Alex sneered. "You had that choice."

"A choice that would have killed me...and you."

Alex ignored the last part of Fox’s statement. "No. This is the choice that’s going to kill you."

"When are you going to stop threatening me?"

"When I’m able to make good on them."

"And yet you want me to remove the cuffs?"

"You have no right to do this to me!" Alex shouted, thrashing on the bed. "Let me go!"

"Alex, stop."

"Fuck you! Let me go, let me..." He strained against the leather cuffs. "...go!"

"You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep that up," Fox warned, "now, stop it. Alex, stop!"

Alex wasn’t listening. He continued to growl and buck, leaving Fox no choice but to straddle his chest and pin his wrists to the bed.

"Get off me! the restrained man screamed. "Let go!"

"Alex. Alex! Stop! I’ll let you go when you stop!"

"No! Leave me alone! I don’t wanna! I don’t...don’t make me!"

"Don’t make you...Alex, what’re you..."

And it came to him.

"No. No, no. I’m not going to make you do anything. I just want you to calm down. That’s all. Alex, that’s all. Take it easy," he crooned, "Come on...easy."

"Please don’t make me," Alex gasped, his strength waning a bit. "Please..."

"Alex, look at me," Fox called, pain lacing his tone. "It’s me. I’m not going to hurt you. I’d never hurt you."

Alex began to quiet down several minutes later, and as he lay panting, vacant gaze fixed on nothing, Fox bowed his head, closed his eyes and prayed for the strength he was going to need to see his plan through to the end.

Carefully, he lifted himself off of the other man and settled himself in the chair by the bed. "Go to sleep," he whispered. "If you need anything, I’ll be right here."

For a long time Alex didn’t move, then he finally turned onto his side and curled up as much as the chains would allow. Fox watched him until his eyes couldn’t stay open any more, then they slipped shut, and he drifted into an uncomfortable sleep. When they opened again, the room was awash in pale light, and Alex was shifting restlessly on the bed. A soft whimper caught Fox’s ear, and he rose from the chair, groaning softly as he slowly unfolded his muscles.

"Alex," he called so softly it was almost inaudible. "Are you awake?" He sat down on the edge of the bed and tenderly stroked the younger man’s hair. When Alex jerked away from his hand, he sighed heavily. "Did you sleep?" he asked and got no answer. "I didn’t sleep very well, but I guess I couldn’t expect to, sitting in a chair. Are you okay? Do you have to go to the bathroom yet?"

No response.

"You’re not going to be able to hold it for much longer."

Alex maintained his silence.

"Come on, Alex. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. Let me take you to the bathroom. Let me help you get cleaned up...change your clothes...okay?"

When Alex curled more tightly into himself, Fox stood up. "I would think it’d be a lot more embarrassing for a thirty five year old man to wet his bed, but maybe not. I guess I’ll go take a shower."

Five minutes after Fox had left the room, the phone began to ring.

The phone.

And it was right there on the nightstand. There was one thing Fox hadn’t thought about.

Alex was able to reach it fairly easily. He lifted the receiver from its cradle and checked the caller ID.

C.J.

For the first time in he couldn’t remember how long, he was happy to hear from that bald menace.

"C.J."

"Alex. I...hadn’t expected you to..."

"C.J., listen to me. I need your help."

"My help?" C.J. sounded deeply disappointed. "With what?"

"Fox has lost his fucking mind."

"Oh?" Hope flickered. "How so?"

"He snuck into the dungeon last night and kidnapped me. He’s got me cuffed to my bed, and he won’t let me go."

If he could have heard the smile in C.J.’s voice, he would have been pissed.

"Oh. Uh....how come?"

"I told you, he’s gone nuts," Alex answered through his teeth. "Now, come get me out of this!"

"Can’t do that, buddy."

"What...what the fuck do you mean, you can’t?"

"After all the trouble he went through, I think Fox’d be pretty mad at me for cutting you loose."

"You...you knew what he was up to, you fucking lousy piece of shit?"

"Alex...he was at the end of his rope. He had to do something."

"Did you encourage this?"

"I had no idea what he was going to do until I saw him last night. And even then he didn’t let me in on any of the details. Alex, I know what a control freak you are, but...just...take it easy, okay? Put yourself in Fox’s hands. Trust him to take care of you."

"Take care of me? He’s got me cuffed to my bed! And you’re not going to lift a finger to help me, you son of a bitch?"

"I don’t expect that you’ll understand this right now, Alex, but the best help I can give you is none at all."

Alex’s answering curses were cut off abruptly then resumed as Fox came in and took the phone from him.

"C.J.?"

"Yeah, man. God, Fox, what the hell happened? How come Alex answered the phone? I understand you’ve got him cuffed to the bed."

"I forgot to move the phone. I guess he didn’t realize it either until it rang."

"He’s pissed, huh?"

"S-sorry, C.J., I can’t hear you. Alex....shhh. I can’t hear C.J."

"Fuck you, and fuck C.J.!"

"Wait a minute, C.J." Fox moved into the hall and shut the bedroom door. "Okay, that’s a little better. Now, what’d you say?"

"I just said he’s pissed."

"Oh. Yeah, he is. Before I forget, did you find the guy in room three?"

"Yeah. Poor bastard was scared to death. He didn’t know what to make of what had happened. From the looks of the room there was quite a scuffle."

"He didn’t go quietly," Fox answered. "But I had the element of surprise on my side."

"So...now that you’ve got him, what are you going to do with him?"

"Not much right now. He’s way too wild. I gotta try and calm him a little before anything else."

"And you think keeping him tied to the bed is conducive to that?"

"Probably not. But if I let him loose, he won’t exactly be a captive audience, will he?"

"No, I’m sure he won’t. So, you’re hoping to wear him down?"

"Yeah," Fox sighed.

"Good luck, my friend. I’ve never met anyone as single minded as Alex. Well," he laughed. "You’re pretty stubborn, too."

Fox smiled into the phone and said nothing.

"Looks like we’re gonna have us a Mexican standoff," C.J. moaned. "How long are you going to hold out?"

"Until Alex comes around."

"Fox, that could be the Tuesday after never, you know that. Now, you’re going to have to go to work on Monday. What are you going to do? You can’t leave him chained to the bed all day."

"I’m taking a leave of absence."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. When I decided to do this, I knew I had to go all the way or not bother. I love him, C.J. And he’s worth it."

"...You’re a hell of a man, Fox. I wish you luck. And if you need anything, you know where to find me."

"Thanks, C.J. I’ll call you again. But right now, I should get back in there to him."

"He hasn’t quit hollering yet, has he?" C.J. asked, "I can still hear him."

"Yeah. And that’s through the closed bedroom door," Fox sighed.

"God, you got your work cut out for you. Talk to you later, Fox."

"Bye."

Fox hung up and took a deep breath before opening the door.

".....his liver and shove it down your throat!"

"Sorry, I missed most of that. Did you want to repeat it?"

"God, I fucking hate you!"

Fox maintained his bland expression despite the pain Alex’s words caused him. "You don’t mean that. I understand that you’re angry..."

"You don’t understand jack shit," Alex spat. "If you did, you wouldn’t be pulling this insanity."

Fox sat down. "So, you think I’m crazy?"

"You’ve got to be! I can’t think of another reason you’d be taking your life in your hands like this."

"You’re forgetting the obvious reason," Fox threw back softly. "I love you. I didn’t say that to you for a long time because I didn’t want to upset you. I was wrong to do that. You need to hear it. And you’re going to. Until you understand it and accept what it means."

"I know what it means," Alex rumbled. "It means you’re a stupid, unrealistic, hardheaded asshole, who doesn’t know the damn difference between love and a good fuck. Tell me, Fox," he asked in a leering tone. "If I hadn’t shown up that first night and saved your stupid ass from those guys in the club, would you be in love with one of them right now?"

Fox said nothing.

"Or how about Shane?" Alex went on. "By now he would have had your other nipple pierced, and maybe your dick too, huh? And you would have been madly in love with that prick."

"Sorry to disappoint you, Alex," Fox murmured. "But there’s only one prick I’ll ever be in love with. But...speaking of those two instances, tell me. Why did you save my stupid ass?"

"Force of habit."

Fox rested his chin in his hand. "Oh? And that’s it, huh?"

"No, not it. The first time it was because I wanted you. The second time you belonged to me, and no one fucks with what belongs to me."

"I see. So, it was just a possessiveness issue."

"Yep."

"You feel nothing for me."

"I feel plenty for you. Let me go and I’ll show you."

Fox shook his head and stood up.

"Where the fuck are you going?"

"To get some breakfast. You hungry?"

"I’m not hungry, you goddamn fuck!" Alex began jerking against his restraints. "Get me out of these things!"

"I’ll be back in a while."

"Fox...." The older man walked out, leaving the door halfway open. "Foooox!"

When Fox didn’t return or answer, Alex let out a window rattling roar as he fought the cuffs with all his strength. The violent action would certainly have rubbed his wrists raw had Fox not padded the cuffs well. He continued to thrash and fight until his fury spent itself a long while later. Fox entered several minutes after that, carrying a tray.

"I made you something anyway. I figured you must have worked up quite an appetite making all that noise."

Chest heaving, Alex cast a glazed stare on the other man.

"Fuck...you. Motherfucker. Cocksucking little bitch."

Fox gave him a hint of a smile.

"You’re not going to vomit pea soup all over me now, are you?"

"Nnnnnaaaaaaahhh! I’m going to kill you, you fucking shit!"

Fox put the tray down and picked up a plate full of scrambled eggs.

"I’m not much of a cook, but I do breakfast pretty well. Wanna try some eggs?"

Panting heavily, Alex glared at the other man.

"Just a little," Fox coaxed gently. "Please?"

Nope.

Fox sighed and shoved the forkful into his own mouth.

"Choke on it."

Fox swallowed and stared at the other man.

"You’d better hope I don’t, or you’ll never get loose."

Fox finished the eggs, having offered some to Alex twice more, then he lifted the glass of orange juice that he had brought in on the tray.

"I’d offer you some, but since you haven’t had a thing to eat since yesterday, the acid’ll tear up your stomach lining. How about some tea? I’ll go make you some if you want."

Alex gave no verbal answer, but he stared daggers at the older man.

"Alex, you have to at least drink something or you’re going to get dehydrated. I don’t want you to get sick."

"Aww. Well, isn’t it just too fucking bad that I don’t give a shit what you want?"

"You should," Fox said, previous gentleness gone.

"Why?" Alex sniped. "Because you’re the man in charge? For now?"

Fox downed half of the orange juice then set the glass on the tray. He picked it up and turned to walk out of the room.

"Call if you need anything."

Fox exited the room and started down the hall, more than half expecting Alex to start another ruckus. But silence followed him. So, when his phone began to ring, it startled him a bit. He hurried to the kitchen and set the tray down, then answered.

"Mulder."

"Okay, you wanna tell me why I haven’t heard from you?"

"Sorry, Scully. I’ve been kind of busy."

"Doing what? Catering to Krycek’s every whim?"

"Not so much."

"Then, what has kept you so busy that you can’t seem to find any interest in this case?"

"It does involve Alex, but uh...I’m uh...taking a different approach with him. Trying to snap him out of this downward spiral he’s in. And to that end, I’ve taken some time off."

"Time off...from work?"

"Yeah."

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. "How much time?"

"A month."

"A month? Mulder, are you kidding me?"

"I’ve got the time, Scully, and this is important."

"Oh, my God, oh my God. Mulder...do you know what could happen in a month?"

"What d’you mean?"

"Do you know what he could do to you?"

"He’s not going to do anything to me. Though, right now he wants to so badly he can taste it...at least he thinks he does."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don’t lose your mind, all right, Scully?"

"I make no promises. What’s going on over there?"

"I’ve got him chained to his bed."

"Y...you what?"

"Believe me, I’ve considered all other options, and there were none. I didn’t want to do this; I had to."

"No, Mulder, you didn’t have to. You could have walked away. That’s the most obvious solution, but one, I’m willing to bet, you never even gave a thought to."

"You’re wrong," Fox said softly. "I did give it thought. I got as far as getting my bag out of the closet. I was ready to pack it, and I couldn’t do it."

"Oh, God, Mulder. You’ve lost it. He’s finally driven you crazy."

"I know it must look that way to you, Scully. But believe me when I tell you, I’m completely sane, and I know what I’m doing."

"I didn’t expect you to say anything else, Mulder," Scully sighed, sounding very tired all of a sudden. "So, uh...how’s he reacting to all of this?"

"To say he’s unhappy would be a gross understatement of the facts," Fox answered.

"So, he’s furious."

"Wild. He’s leveled every threat he can think of against me and called me every name in the book."

"Mulder, sooner or later you’re going to have to free him. Have you thought about what’s going to happen then? I mean, if he’s that pissed..."

"He’s going to break before he gets the chance to do anything he’d end up deeply regretting."

"So, you do think he’s capable of hurting you."

"In his present state, he’s not only capable, he’s dying to."

"How can you say that so calmly?" Scully asked. "You’re freely admitting, Mulder, that a stone cold killer is pissed as hell with you...pissed enough to do you harm if given the opportunity, and this doesn’t concern you?"

"Why do you think I’m keeping him chained up? I mean, aside from the fact that it’s the only way to keep him in one place long enough to break him down?"

"This is one hell of a dangerous game you’re playing, Mulder."

"It’s no game," Fox said flatly. "It’s a necessary evil."

"Necessary for whom?"

"For both of us. For Alex and for me."

"Mulder, I’ve always told you what I thought. Always the truth as I saw it. Do you want to hear it now?"

"I’ll always hear you out, Scully."

"Okay. Here it is. This is by far the stupidest move you’ve ever made. I don’t believe you’ve thought this through nearly as thoroughly as you should have, and I can’t see anything but really bad stuff coming from it."

"I understand your feelings, Scully. And I appreciate your honesty. But I believe in what I’m doing, and I’m going to see it through."

"Well. All right, then. I guess there’s nothing left for me to say but be careful and please keep your wits about you. I don’t care that he’s restrained. Alex Krycek is dangerous in any situation."

"I know. I promise I won’t take any foolish chances."

"You already have, Mulder. Call me tomorrow."

"All right. Bye, Scully."

Fox disconnected then walked into the living room and dropped down on the sofa, letting the phone fall out of his hand. He leaned his head back against the cushion and closed his eyes. Fatigued mentally as well as physically, he let sleep take him, and he didn’t wake up until mid afternoon.

Eyes drifting open, he took notice of the change in light in the room, and he jerked his head up, wincing at the cramp in his neck. He checked his watch and cursed softly, rising to his feet. He headed straight for the bedroom, figuring Alex had to be really bullshit by now. But when he opened the door, he found the younger man lying quietly on his side, staring at the far wall.

"Sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you alone for so long. I fell asleep. What d’you say we get you a nice shower and something to eat?"

When Alex gave no response, he moved toward the bed and gently touched the other man’s leg.

"Alex? Okay?"

Still, no answer.

Fox waited for a few more minutes then threw caution to the wind and began to unbutton Alex’s shirt. Alex twitched but didn’t fight as Fox pushed the material away from his chest, but when Fox’s hands moved to undo his pants, he became very animated, writhing and whining and trying to avoid the older man’s touch.

"You can’t take a shower in your pants," Fox reasoned as he tried to hold Alex still.

"No," Alex grunted, again twisting out of Fox’s grasp. "No."

"Alex, cut it out. I’m not going to hurt you."

"Leave me alone," Alex hissed, still struggling. "Leave me alone!"

"I can’t," Fox said calmly. "You need a shower, you need to use the bathroom, and you have to have something to eat and drink. Now, knock it off, and let me get you undressed."

Alex didn’t make it easy, but Fox finally managed to get the younger man’s pants off. Once he did, Alex quieted, seeming almost subdued as Fox cautiously released him from the bed and finished removing his shirt. He sat Alex up, shackled his hands in front of him, shackled his ankles, and led him without a struggle to the bathroom, where he stopped in front of the toilet then backed up a step.

"Go ahead."

Alex stared at the toilet for a long while then inched forward. Lightly grasping his limp cock, he aimed it at the bowl.

Fox kept his eyes on the younger man’s face, taking in the blank expression that Alex was trying so hard to keep in place, and he waited almost thirty seconds before he heard the sound of water hitting water. He watched the heavy curtain of sable lashes sweep downward, and Alex’s lips press into a thin, trembling line, and his heart ached.

Alex finished, and he felt Fox’s presence at his back.

"Is that it?"

Alex’s eyes opened slowly, and he turned his head in Fox’s direction.

"It’ll have to be, since I’m cuffed, won’t it?"

"I’ll uncuff your wrists but not your ankles," Fox offered. "And I’ll turn my head, but I won’t leave the bathroom. Deal?"

"Hell of a choice."

"Well, it’s that, let me help you, or hold it until you explode. Which’ll it be?"

Alex thought seriously about it for a moment and, the call of nature being just a bit stronger at the moment than his desire for blood, he took Fox up on his first offer.

Carefully, Fox undid the wrist shackles and backed off just far enough to give Alex some space. He waited patiently but remained alert as Alex took care of business. When he heard the toilet flush, he returned his gaze to the younger man and gave him a hint of a smile.

"Thank you."

"What the fuck for?" Alex asked as Fox refastened the restraints around his wrists.

"You could have tried something. But you behaved yourself."

Alex said nothing as Fox led him to the shower.

"You’ll feel better once we get you clean." Fox turned on the water, testing it before motioning for the younger man to get inside.

"How the hell do you expect me to wash like this?" Alex grumbled, ignoring Fox’s silent instruction. As Fox began to removed his own clothing, his eyes grew wide. "What’re you doing?"

"It isn’t like I’ve never washed you before," Fox answered calmly.

"No," Alex gasped. "No. You’re not touching me."

"What do you think I’m going to do?" Fox asked as he continued to undress.

"Not a fucking thing," Alex growled in answer. "Get away from me."

"Alex..."

"Fuck off!"

"Do I need to pick you up and carry you into the shower?"

"Try it," Alex challenged, his eyes sparkling with anger.

"You’re not going to win this," Fox informed the younger man. "I’m not going to let you destroy yourself. I can’t. I love you."

"Stop!" Alex bellowed, lifting his restrained hands. If he could have covered his ears, he would have. "Stop it, you fucking bastard!"

"I told you, Alex. You’re going to hear it again and again until it sinks in."

The younger man glared at him. "Okay, motherfucker. Come on. Get in the shower, with me. Maybe you’ll accidentally slip on the soap and whack your temple on the faucet. You’ll bleed to death on the floor, because," he shrugged. "You took the phone away, and I had no way to call for an ambulance."

Fox studied him for a moment, determining the extent of his sincerity, then he advanced slowly. Gaze fixed on Alex’s face, he stopped when they were only a breath apart. He stared quietly into glittering, dark eyes, then reached out, snatching the short length of chain between Alex’s wrist cuffs before the surprised man could react. Without a word, he walked off, pulling Alex along behind him. When Alex recovered from his shock, he began to fight, spewing curses at the other man.

"It won’t take much for me to take you off your feet, so I wouldn’t struggle too much if I were you," Fox said, reminding Alex of his restrictions as he hauled him into the shower.

"I hate you," Alex hissed as the warm water hit him. "My chance will come. And when it does, you’re all fucking done."

"I’ll take that under advisement," Fox droned, beginning to wash the infuriated man. Soaping the incredibly tight muscles of Alex’s shoulders and arms, Fox continued to stare into his eyes. "Relax, Alex," he murmured. "I promise I’ll be all business."

Alex’s eyes filled with something Fox couldn’t adequately identify, and then it was gone. He remained tense, staring transfixed at the wall behind Fox as the older man quickly and efficiently washed him. The only times he showed any signs of life were when Fox got near his groin and rear. He twitched away from Fox’s touch once each time then forced himself to stand still for the brief, impersonal contact. When Fox concluded, he led the now docile man out of the shower and gently dried him.

"See?" Fox said as he patted Alex dry. "There was no need for all that hostility." He finished and led Alex back to the bedroom. "Lie down."

"I don’t want to lie down," Alex whispered. Then, his voice grew a bit stronger. "I’m sick to fucking death of lying down. And you’re tracking water all over my fucking floor!"

"I’ll take care of it once I get you settled." Fox looked from Alex to the bed and back again. "I can...prop the pillows up, and you can sit. There’s enough chain to do that."

"Is there enough to wrap around your neck?"

"Probably," Fox said evenly. "Not sure."

"Let’s try it and see," Alex offered.

"Let’s not and say we did." Fox gestured to the bed. When Alex didn’t move, he sighed and physically moved the other man forward. He guided Alex down to the mattress, piling the pillows up before attaching the chain to the cuffs and letting Alex lean back.

"That good?"

"Peachy. Gee, I don’t know why we haven’t done this before. Oh. I know. Because it’s fucking insane! How long do you think you can keep me here like this?"

"As long as I have to," was Fox’s simple answer as he started opening drawers and pulling out clothing. "I’ve got plenty of time on the books, and I’ll take every second of it and then some to see this through." His tone and his gaze softened. "Know why?"

Alex’s already stormy expression darkened further, and he said nothing.

"Because I love you."

Alex closed his eyes as though doing so would shield him from the words.

"Do you know how sick you sound? You kidnap me, you chain me to my bed, and you say that to me?"

"Say what to you, Alex?" Fox coaxed softly. "Tell me."

Alex turned his head.

"Come on. It won’t hurt; I promise."

"I’m not telling you shit," Alex rasped, unconsciously testing the few links of chain between the cuffs.

Fox was quiet for a moment then changed the subject.

"Are you hungry?"

No answer.

"You must be. C’mon, Alex. Have something. Don’t do it for me. Do it for you. How are you going to kill me and make your escape if you’re weak from lack of food and water?"

"You think it’s a big joke, don’t you?" Alex asked, his anger rising. "Let’s see how funny you think it is when you’re gasping your last breaths."

"I don’t find any of this funny," Fox answered. "If you think I’m having a good time, you’re very wrong. If there’s another way to get you to face what happened to you and stop your nightmares, you tell me, and I’ll be all for it. Until then, you’re staying put."

"You can’t break me down," Alex warned. "Men who do it for a living have tried and failed. You’re in way over your head."

"Am I?" Fox asked, genuinely interested in what Alex thought of the situation.

"You think putting on some leather and chaining me up puts you in charge?" Alex laughed bitterly. "Think again."

Fox tilted his head to one side. "So, what’ll convince you that this is my show?"

"Weren’t you listening? Nothing."

Fox nodded thoughtfully then proceeded to dry and dress himself. He walked toward Alex, carrying a few items of clothing in his hands. "I’m going to get you dressed. Please behave."

Alex stared at him as though he had three heads. Fox uncuffed and dressed him, keeping an eye out for any sudden movement, then he refastened his restraints. Fox straightened up and stared down at the younger man.

"’Thank you. Uh...would you like some music?"

Alex gave him no answer.

"I thought it would be nice." He walked over to the portable CD player. "Classical?"

More silence. He loaded the player and turned it on.

"Well, I’ve got some things to take care of. Let me know when you get hungry." He cleaned the water from the bedroom and bathroom floors then exited the room, leaving Alex alone with his confusion.

C.J. sat sprawled across his sofa, pants lying in a heap beside him. The man at his feet, sucking voraciously on his cock moaned and hummed around his mouthful, and C.J. panted with the effort to stay in control.

"Christ...ah, shit. If you slow down, Mick, I’m gonna..."

The ringing phone startled both men. Mick pulled back with a groan of frustration, and C.J. cursed as he reached for the phone.

"Sorry, babe. It could be Fox."

"I know."

"...Hello?"

"C.J. It’s me."

C.J. nodded at Mick, confirming that he was right. "Hey, Fox, what’s up? How’s he doing?"

He’s waiting."

"For?"

"For his opportunity to kill me."

"Still pissed?"

"You could say that. I just gave him a shower, and he wasn’t the slightest bit happy about that. He’s still refusing to eat." Fox sighed softly and went quiet.

"And you really think he’s going to break down?" C.J. asked. "I mean, God, I hope so, but Alex Krycek is by far the most strong willed, nastiest, scariest son of a bitch I’ve ever met."

"Yeah, he puts on a good show, doesn’t he?"

"You think it’s a front? I don’t know, Fox. I’ve been witness to his temper, remember?"

"I know he’s all those things and more, but his life has made him that way. It’s the way he feels he’s gotta be to survive. I’ve seen the other side of him."

"Yeah, true," C.J. agreed. "He’d never admit it...he’d get aggravated with me when I brought it up, but, before whatever this is got a good grip on him, I could see how he felt about you. Everybody could see it. There was no hiding the love in his eyes when he looked at you."

Fox was silent for a while, then he spoke.

"He’s so out of it right now, I don’t doubt that if he sees an opportunity, he will attack me."

"He won’t be able to live with himself if he hurts you," C.J. assured Fox.

"Maybe if and when he snaps out of it that’ll be true," Fox answered. "But the way he is now...the way he’s been...there’s not enough left of him to regret it."

"The way he’s been...Fox, has he done anything to hurt you?"

"...Yes."

"God. Physically?"

"Sometimes," Fox answered softly. "Not anything really horrible, but bad enough."

"Shit."

"The mental stuff was worse. Definitely enough to make me wonder why the hell I was still here."

"We both know why you’re there."

"Yeah. The tough part is to get Alex to understand and accept it."

"I know you’re not gonna tell me what his problem is, but can you at least tell me what his issue is with the love thing? Why can’t he accept that you love him? Why can’t he admit that he loves you?"

"It’s all tied together," Fox murmured. "I can’t tell you that without telling you the rest."

"Damn, Fox. I’m not trying to be nosy, really I’m not. But don’t you think that spending all this time with Alex, as weird as he’s gotten, might make you a little kooky if you’re not able to get this shit off your chest?"

"Maybe," Fox admitted. "But he told these things to me in confidence. I won’t break his trust."

"You’re a hell of a guy," C.J. sighed. "I hope Alex is able to fully appreciate that one day soon."

"Don’t get me wrong, C.J.," Fox replied. "I’d love to be able to share this with you and Scully and get your opinions, but right now Alex hates me for so many reasons. I can’t give him one more, you know? He’s drowning in blackness right now. That connection, that one little unbroken trust between us is the only pinpoint of light."

"I understand," C.J. said, stroking Mick’s hair. I just feel so bad that you’ve got to shoulder it all by yourself."

"I’ll be okay. Just knowing you’re there is a help. I gotta get going, now. I got some stuff to do."

"Okay, buddy. You stay in touch, okay? Call me any time you need to."

"I will. Thanks, C.J."

Fox hung up and looked in the direction of Alex’s bedroom. All was quiet. He wondered if he should go in and make sure everything was okay, then he thought better of it. Alex was restrained well, and there was no way he could get loose.

Think about what? How he’s going to get free and cut your heart out with a broken CD? 

Groaning softly, Fox turned and set about taking care of his chores.

Alex was drifting. In and out of sleep he went, each moment of wakefulness considerably shorter than the last. The fourth CD finished, and he was out. His sleep was peaceful for a while, then the dreams came. And once again he was a child. In one of the cavernous rooms in his stepfather’s sprawling house, servicing the man he hated most.

Fox’s eyes opened as a sharp cry broke the silence. He quickly shook off the effects of the deep sleep he had fallen into, and he bolted out of the chair by Alex’s bed.

"No...please...leave me alone! I don’t wanna!"

The frightened, childlike voice felt like a searing hot knife plunged into Fox’s gut. He lowered himself to the mattress and attempted to gently wake the frantic man.

"Alex..."

"Hurts...noooo, it hurts..."

"Jesus. Alex, please. Wake up. You’re dreaming..."

Alex’s eyes blinked open, and he stared dazedly at the dark figure looming over him. He recoiled as much as the chains would allow him to, and he whimpered softly.

"Go away. No more."

"It’s me, Alex. It’s Fox." He reached out to stroke Alex’s forehead, and the younger man flinched away from his hand.

"Don’t touch me," he hissed, trying to control the tremors running through his body. Fox withdrew his hand.

"Okay. I won’t...I won’t touch you. But, Alex..." Fox switched on the bedside lamp. "...Talk to me, okay? Tell me about it."

Alex turned away from the older man’s concerned gaze and stared at the wall.

"Alex, please. I can see what this is doing to you. Let me help. Please, let me. I hate that you’re hurting so much. I love you..."

"Shut up!" Alex shouted as he turned and tried to hide in the pillows.

"I’m not them, Alex," Fox pleaded. "There’s no pain or humiliation attached when I say it to you."

Alex said nothing, remaining curled up as far away from Fox as he could get. Sighing softly, Fox shut the light off. He sat on the edge of the bed for a few minutes longer, then he went back to his chair. He stared at Alex’s motionless form until his vision blurred and his eyes began to burn. Finally, he closed them and fell into a restless sleep.

****************

a week later

****************

"Ah! Shit." Fox hopped to the sofa to answer his ringing cell phone. Snatching the phone up from the spot where he’d thrown it down earlier, he fell onto the sofa and rubbed his bare foot. "Yeah."

"Whatsa matter? You sound a little winded."

"Hey, C.J. I ran into the living room to get my phone, and I whacked my foot on the leg of the coffee table."

"Ah. So...I haven’t talked to you in a couple of days. How goes the battle?"

"Oh, you know...he’s a stubborn bastard. Still won’t talk, eating and drinking only when he really has to..."

"So, there’s no change at all?" C.J. asked, sounding every bit as disappointed as he felt.

"After all that, yes, actually, there is a small change. Last night, after a pretty intense nightmare, he didn’t try and fight me off when I came and sat next to him on the bed."

"That’s it? All you did was sit with him?"

"Yeah. Just so he knew I was there. I try it every time he has a nightmare, and he hollers and thrashes around. It kills me to do it, but I end up going back to my chair and watching him from a distance."

"Your ch...Fox, you’re still sleeping in that chair?"

"Yeah. I can’t bring myself to leave him."

"God, you must be sore."

"It’s not that bad."

C.J. sighed heavily then changed the subject.

"You talk to your partner lately?"

"Yeah. Actually, I called her this morning."

"She still trying to talk you into giving this up?"

"Of course. She’s worried, y’know? I can’t get mad at her for that. I’d probably have the same concerns if our situations were reversed."

"Yeah. Let me ask you, Fox...what if your vacation is over, and Alex is still being, well...Alex? What’ll you do?"

"If he wins this waiting game, C.J., we both lose. I can’t let that happen. I guess I’ll have to take a leave of absence."

"How big’ll that go over with Scully and your boss?"

"It’s not something I’ve ever done before, so I don’t think my boss will give me any trouble. Scully will be another matter entirely."

"She really thinks you’ve lost it, doesn’t she?"

"Absolutely. If you knew our history with Alex, you’d probably understand why she’s so upset."

"You were partners at one time," C.J. said. Is there more to it?"

"A buttload more," Fox answered but didn’t go on. C.J. wasn’t going to let him leave it at that.

"So, what’s the story?"

"Let’s just say our partnership didn’t end on a very good note, and things got plenty worse from there."

"That’s all you’re gonna give me? Come on, Fox, spill it!"

"If one day Alex wants to tell you, he will. I don’t want to tell you things about him without his knowledge or permission."

"God, you’re killin’ me," C.J. grumbled. "But I guess I understand."

"Thanks. Well, I gotta go get his lunch. Not that I think he’s actually going to eat it since he had a little breakfast this morning, but I have to try."

"Okay, buddy. I’ll talk to you later."

"Later, C.J."

Fox disconnected and slipped the phone into his pocket as he headed into the kitchen. Quickly, he put together a light lunch and took it into Alex’s room. He warily eyed the other man, who was staring sightlessly at the television that Fox had brought in for him.

"Whatcha watchin’?" he asked cheerfully, never expecting Alex to answer. But he did.

"Quiet. My soap’s on."

Fox rolled his eyes at the sarcasm. "How about some lunch? You didn’t have a whole lot of breakfast; you must be hungry by now." He set the tray down over Alex’s legs and stepped back. His jaw dropped when Alex picked up the sandwich and actually began to eat. He stared for a moment, coming close to saying something, then he thought better of it, instead deciding to turn and leave. A single word could bring progress to a screeching halt, and he had no desire to rock the boat.

Alex gave no indication that he noticed that Fox had left, nibbling slowly at the sandwich as he refocused his attention on the television. Nearly half an hour later, Fox snuck back in to find the food gone, and Alex watching Montel Williams. He stopped beside the bed and followed Alex’s gaze to the screen. He watched in silence for almost five minutes before asking a question.

"Sooo....she doesn’t know that the father she hasn’t seen in over thirty years is waiting backstage?"

There was silence for a few seconds, and then Alex grunted softly.

"Does he know why he’s there?"

"...Yeah."

Fox looked at the younger man out of the corner of his eye then glanced back at the TV. The father walked quietly out onto the stage, coming up from his daughter's blind spot. It wasn’t until he was almost upon her that she felt his presence and turned around. She began to scream, knocking the chair over in her haste to jump up, and she threw herself, crying into his open arms. The camera panned to a few audience members, conveniently dabbing at their watery eyes. One corner of Fox’s mouth slanted up in bemusement.

"Brother. Do you believe any of this? I mean, don’t you think that it’s all a bunch of contrived bullshit?"

"Maybe. Or maybe there are some people who don’t value their privacy as much as others."

Holy shit, they were having a conversation.

"Yeah. I just don’t see that thirty-three minutes on TV. is worth half the country knowing my business."

Alex shrugged and said nothing more.

Damn. He’d thought that too soon.

"I’ll take this away." Fox reached down to remove the tray and turned toward the door. "You want anything else?" he asked before leaving the room.

"...No."

"Okay." Fox disposed of the remnants of lunch, and he walked quietly back into the bedroom and lowered himself into the chair. He sat silently for a good long while, sneaking sidelong glances at Alex, then he decided to take a chance.

"How are you feeling?"

Gaze not moving from the TV., Alex shrugged.

"Okay."

"Anything you need?"

Alex’s head turned slowly, and he stared blankly at Fox for about ten seconds before turning back to the TV.

"Does that mean that you still want my head on a stick?"

Alex let his silence speak for him.

Fox nodded at the floor. "’Kay."

The silence that came after stretched on for over half an hour, then Alex spoke. The words came out so softly that Fox had to strain to hear.

"This is not going to end the way you want it to. No matter how long you manage to keep me here."

"I don’t believe that."

"I’ll make a believer out of you."

"One of us is living in denial, Alex, and it isn’t me," Fox said as a matter of fact. He rose from the chair and stretched briefly before starting toward the door. "Call me if you need anything." He disappeared from the room then stuck his head back in. "I love you."

The words still felt like a knife in Alex’s gut, but now a week later, they burned just a little less. He supposed hearing it twenty-five times a day had somewhat desensitized him. He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he reopened them, Fox was gone. He sighed heavily and dropped his head back against the stack of pillows behind him.

A week. A fucking week in this room. Chained to this goddamn bed. Trapped. Being fed and bathed and shaved and...dressed.

Fuck. Why did Fox dress him? Alex had thought he would have kept him naked in an attempt at psychological control. But he dressed him. No questionable touches, no comments, no anything. Even after the dreams, when he was at his most vulnerable, Fox didn’t try anything funny. He just sat by the bed, speaking soft words of comfort.

Okay, so he wasn’t being directly tormented. But shit. What about the fact that he was being held against his will? What about that?

And...and what if all this was just a front? What if Fox was just trying to soften him up for what he really had in mind?

He tested the chains for the eighteen hundredth time. He didn’t expect them to give, but it didn’t stop him from being royally pissed off anyway. He jerked violently against their strength, growling furiously. Several seconds passed before he realized that he was no longer alone in the room.

Sedate hazel eyes watched as the irate man stopped thrashing against his restraints and cast a hateful glare at him.

"Let me out of these things," Alex hissed through clenched teeth.

"You know I can’t," Fox whispered back and approached the bed. "What happened, Alex? You haven’t lost your temper lately. What’s wrong?"

"What’s wrong? Are you fucking kidding me?" Alex shouted and began to buck again. "Let me go...let me go!"

"Alex...come on. Take it easy, okay? It’d be all right if you’d just relax and trust me."

"You’re holding me prisoner in my fucking bedroom!" Alex shouted. "How the fuck do you expect me to trust you?"

"You could be in a world of hurt right now, Alex, and you’re not. You know my intention is not to harm you. You know all I want from you is your trust."

"That’s not all you want from me."

"No?" Fox sat down and stared at the other man. "Okay, smart guy. Tell me what I want."

Alex said nothing.

"Come on. I’m waiting."

"You can wait until you die. I’m not telling you shit."

Fox rubbed at his temples.

"What’s the matter, snookums? Headache?"

Fox answered the question with one of his own.

"If I asked you if we could go back to the way things were, would you do it?"

Curiosity made Alex ask.

"The way things were, when?"

"Just a couple of weeks ago. When you were fucking me and nothing more. Did you like that? Would you go back to it if you could?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"That time has passed. All I want now is to be free. Free of these fucking cuffs, and free of your crazy ass."

"You’d be miserable without me."

"Is that right?"

"Yeah, that’s right. C.J. told me what you were like when I’d left. You lost it."

"C.J.’s full of shit."

"You wanted me back. And not just because I belonged to you. You missed me. You said that to me yourself."

"Shut up."

"You needed me."

"Shut. The fuck. Up."

"Why? Did I hit a nerve?"

"No, I’m just sick to death of listening to you."

"Really? Well, that’s too bad, because I’m not done talking yet."

"Jesus..."

"Remember how sweet you were to me? Before this thing got a grip on you?"

Alex looked away.

"I remember," Fox went on. "I would have done anything for you when you were like that. All I wanted was for you to treat me like I meant something to you. And you did for a while. You’d seemed to have worked it out, and things were good then, weren’t they?" When he received no answer, he went on.

"And then you started having these dreams. And everything went to hell. You knew what was happening, Alex. You knew what it was doing to us. Why have you allowed it? Are you that afraid?"

"I’m not afraid of anything," Alex snapped. "Get that straight."

Fox sighed softly and lowered his head for a moment before lifting it and again directing his gaze at Alex.

"Until you can admit to yourself that this has got you scared, we’re at a standstill."

"Awww. Does that upset you? See, Fox? I’m hopeless. Might as well give up."

Fox stared for a moment then slowly shook his head. He turned and walked out without another word.

****************

three days later

****************

"Phone for you, C.J."

"Thanks, Ron." C.J. finished coiling his bullwhip and hung it in its place. He picked up the phone, hit the flashing button and dropped into the black leather chair at the desk.

"C.J. here."

"C.J., it’s me."

"Fox! You’re a mindreader, dude. I was thinking about calling you in the morning. How’s it going?"

Fox sighed. "Lousy." Oh, he sounded tired. "For the first time, C.J., I’m thinking that he’s going to win this one."

"Why?" C.J. asked, disappointed. "The last time I talked to you, things looked at least a little hopeful."

"Yeah. That didn’t last very long."

"...Are you thinking of giving up?"

"No. No, I...I just needed some encouragement. A few positive words."

"Things that bad?"

"It’s wearing on me, C.J.," Fox said. "Much more so than I anticipated. God, he’s a tough nut to crack."

"Fox, I...I admire the hell out of your persistence, but you gotta think about yourself too, man. You’re under a hell of a strain. It’s no good for you physically or mentally."

"That’s why I called you," Fox answered. "I needed to talk to a reasonable, rational person."

"Okay. What d’you want to talk about? Sports? The weather? What Mick and I had for dinner?"

Fox smiled into the phone. "How are things with you two?"

"Great," C.J. gushed. "He’s all but moved in with me, and I couldn’t be happier."

"Great, man. Good for you."

C.J. groaned inwardly at his friend’s wistful tone. "Uh...he and Lucas asked me to tell you hi when we spoke."

"Tell them hi back...I miss seeing them. And you. I miss..." He stopped.

"Miss what, buddy?"

"The way things were. They weren’t perfect, but they were a hell of a lot better than they are now."

"I’m so sorry, Fox. I...I don’t know what else to say. You don’t deserve this. Neither does Alex. I know what’s going on now has everything to do with whatever happened to him before. All the same, it must be hard to remember when he’s behaving the way he is toward you."

"It is a little difficult to maintain my perspective when he looks at me and all I can see in his eyes is pure hatred."

"He doesn’t hate you, Fox," C.J. said quickly. "Really deep down in his heart. You know that, right?"

"Usually, I do. But there are times...when I’m feeling a little weak, I guess, when I’m just not sure."

C.J. let out a long sigh. "I guess I can understand that. Hey...why don’t you take a night off? Go out and get your mind off of things."

"I can’t leave him alone," Fox said, surprised that C.J. would even suggest that he do so.

"I know that," C.J. answered. "But what if I stayed with him while you went out for a couple of hours with Mick and Lucas?"

"I...I couldn’t ask you to do that."

"You didn’t ask. I offered. You need a break, Fox. Let me do this for you."

"...You’re a good friend, C.J. Let me think about it, okay? I’ll let you know tomorrow."

"What’s to think about? Fox, you need some time away from him. Please. Go. Have a nice night with the guys. I promise, I’ll take good care of Alex."

"I don’t know..."

"You think I can’t handle a man chained to a bed?" C.J. smirked into the phone. "I get paid for that kind of stuff, remember?"

"The men you chain up want to be in that situation," Fox reminded his friend. "They don’t curse and spit and threaten your life."

"No, that’s true. But don’t worry, buddy. I can handle Alex." A short laugh erupted over the line. "Of course, that’s only because he’s restrained."

Fox said nothing.

"So...I’ll ask Mick and check with Lucas, and I’ll get back to you about tomorrow night"

"T...tomorrow? Uh..."

"What’s wrong with tomorrow? It’s Thursday. The club won’t be too crowed if you want to go there, and Mick and Lucas won’t be able to keep you out too late since it’s a work night for them."

After a long pause, Fox agreed. C.J. again reassured him that everything would be fine, and he hung up. The minutes ticked by endlessly as he contemplated how he was going to tell Alex about his night out.

Having talked himself into believing his decision was the right one, Fox took a deep breath and went in to see Alex.

".....You gonna say something?"

A blank green gaze stared straight ahead at the television, and the man on the bed remained silent.

"I figured you’d either be pissed that I’d have the nerve to go out while you’re stuck here, or you’d be happy to not have to look at my face for a night."

"What difference does it make?" Alex droned. "Either way, you’re not letting me loose, and I still have to see your face tomorrow. There’s nothing to be pissed or happy about."

"When you put it that way," Fox said with a slight shrug, "I guess you’re right. Well..." He looked around the room then rose from his chair. "If there’s nothing you need, I’m going to go do some laundry and a few other things before bed."

He waited a moment, and, getting the non response he expected, he quietly left the room.

"Man, you look like shit."

Fox looked down at himself. "Whatsa matter with me?"

"I’m not talking about the way you’re dressed," C.J. said, looking his friend over as he passed through the door and into the apartment. "I mean you look worn out."

The other man ran his fingers through his hair.

"Do I look that bad?"

"You need some serious r and r, buddy. A lot more than a couple of hours out."

"Yeah, well, this’ll have to do."

C.J. let out a heavy sigh.

"This is not good, Fox. It’s not good at all." C.J. skimmed the top of his head with his palm. "Let me help you out. More than just tonight, I mean. Maybe between you, me, Mick and Lucas, we can..."

"Thank you, C.J.", Fox broke in. "Really. But I have to do this myself. He’s got to have only me to depend on. It’s me he’s got to learn to trust."

"I understand that, Fox, I really do. But standing here looking at you, it makes it almost impossible to go along with. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror?"

Fox shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. When I shave, brush my teeth..."

"But you’re not really paying attention," C.J. insisted. "Your eyes are all dark underneath, you’ve got lines around your mouth...you’re pale..."

Fox crossed his arms over his chest and moved a few feet away.

"Are they downstairs?"

"Yeah. Yeah...they’re in Mick’s car."

"Okay. I’m going to go say goodnight to him. If you forget any of what I told you, you can find all my instructions tacked up on the fridge."

"All right."

Fox nodded then headed for Alex’s room. "I’m gonna get going now," he said to Alex as the younger man stared at the TV.

"Have a great time," Alex murmured.

"It’ll just be for a few hours. C.J.’ll take good care of you while I’m gone."

"Whoopee."

"I’ll see you soon. I love you."

Alex didn’t spare him a look as he made his exit. Walking over to the sofa, he picked up his jacket and turned to face C.J.

"Call me if there’s any problem."

"Relax, dude. Everything’ll be fine."

Fox scratched his head as he walked slowly toward the door. He stopped before his hand could reach the knob, and he spun around, almost colliding with C.J.

"C.J..."

"I don’t wanna hear it."

"But I..."

"Get out," C.J. ordered, opening the door and gently shoving Fox out. Fox sighed and walked away slowly. He turned and looked at C.J. when he reached the elevator, and the other man waved at him then stepped back inside and shut the door. Once he was alone in Alex’s living room, he leaned against the door and looked up at the ceiling.

"Christ."

Moving cautiously toward Alex’s room, he nudged the door all the way open and knocked softly.

"Hey, Alex."

The man on the bed stared straight ahead for a good long time, then his head turned slowly, and he fixed an icy cold gaze on C.J.

"Say something, man."

"What does one say to a dead, man?"

"I know you’re upset with me, Alex, but..."

"You think I’m upset?" Alex purred. "Aww, C.J. Why would you think something like that?"

"Alex." C.J. sat in the chair that Fox usually occupied. "..There was no choice. Fox didn’t want to do this. It was his very last resort."

Alex looked away.

"He loves you."

"Oh, God!" Alex growled. "Don’t you two ever fucking quit?"

"I thought a couple of times that Fox should quit," C.J. murmured. "And I told him so. I hated like hell to say the words to him, but I did. He didn’t listen. He’ll never quit, Alex. All you’ve done to him, and still he’s devoted to you."

"You call this devotion?" Alex shouted, rattling the chains as he thrust his cuffed wrists out in front of him. "You’re just as fucked in the head as he is!"

"If he’s fucked in the head, Alex, guess whose fault it is?"

"You’re trying to tell me I got myself into this situation?"

"In a word? Yes."

Alex relaxed against the pillows and looked away.

"Yeah, well, y’know...maybe you’re right about that." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Maybe I did do this to myself. I made the mistake of bringing him into my life. But now...I’m asking you to help me correct that. Help me, C.J."

"Alex..."

"I thought you were my friend. If you were, you’d help me."

"I am your friend, Alex. And I am helping you."

His anger began to seep through. "You’re helping him."

"He’s my friend too. I’m helping you both."

"Bullshit! It’s me or it’s him, C.J. It can not be both. Now let me go!"

"Stop asking, Alex. It’s not going to happen."

"I’m not asking," Alex hissed. "Unlock these fucking cuffs, or I promise you, asshole, you and your buddy will die together!"

"You know...I believe you mean that."

"Damn right I do..."

"Right now. Because you’re not in your right mind. That’s right, pal, you’re fucked up too...in case you didn’t know it. And if you do manage to do something to hurt him, you’ll never be able to live with yourself."

"You think so," Alex said, giving the other man a venomous smile. "There’s a lot you don’t know about me, C.J. If you did, you’d never be so stupid as to credit me with having a conscience."

"I’m sure there’s plenty I don’t know about you," C.J. agreed. "For instance, I have no clue what happened to get you this crazy. And Fox won’t tell me out of loyalty to you. But this much I know. You love him. Your rage is blinding you to that fact right now, but you do. And the instant you do anything to hurt him, that’ll be it. It’ll finish you."

"Shut up. You have no idea what you’re talking about."

"Yeah, I do. Apparently, I have to keep reminding you that I was there when Fox left you. Every time that he left you. I saw how it affected you. And I saw what you were like when you were together. You were a different person when you were with him. You’re the hardest man I’ve ever known, Alex, but there was no hiding the softness in your eyes when you looked at him...in your voice when you talked to him or about him. You were ready to kill the assholes who’d hurt him. I saw your rage. I felt it.

"Then something happened. Something drastic happened, and you hurt him. In more ways than Shane and his friends ever could have. You hear me saying it to you, Alex, and yet I know it isn’t really sinking in. Whatever this is has got too tight a hold on you."

"No. Fox has the hold on me," Alex snapped, jerking at the chains. "And the longer this goes on, the worse it’s going to be for him...and you."

"So, you’re just going to ignore everything I just said. Okay. Fine." C.J. got up and looked down into hate-filled eyes. "I’ll leave you alone. Call if you need anything."

Alex glared at C.J.’s retreating form, and when he was gone from the room, he slouched against the pillows and stared sightlessly at the flickering television.

"It’s so good to see you, Fox," Mick said, taking his drink from the bartender then handing Fox his. The three men made their way to an empty table and sat down. "It seems like forever since we’ve been out together."

"It’s been a while," Fox agreed as softly as the blaring music would allow. "I just wish this was under better circumstances."

"Yeah," Lucas said. "It’d be so nice if C.J. and Alex were here. But uh...I guess Alex isn’t doing too well?"

"Not really, no."

Mick gave him a small smile. "That night you showed up here to get him, looking like you did, I couldn’t believe my eyes...I guess Alex wasn’t as impressed, huh?"

"Guess not."

"Shit. I almost peed my pants," Lucas sighed.

"That’s ‘cause you’re a pussy," Mick laughed, ruffling the small blonde’s hair. "You did look like you meant business though, Fox. You could have had two dozen men on their knees that night."

Fox laughed softly. "It wasn’t really for Alex," he confided to his friends. "I just thought that dressing the part would help me maintain my nerve."

"You looked so fucking hot," Lucas whimpered. "How Alex didn’t just fall at your feet is totally beyond me."

"You don’t know Alex," Fox said matter-of-factly, then he looked down into his drink. "I wonder how he’s doing."

"He’s fine, I’m sure," Mick said, patting Fox’s shoulder. "C.J.’ll take good care of him."

"He’s already so mad, though. I can see him thinking that I’m out having a great time while he’s chained up there. I can imagine the anger that thought must be generating." He went quiet for a moment then shook his head and started to rise.

"I shouldn’t have come out. I gotta...I gotta go. Mick, will you take me home?"

"Nooo." Mick tugged at Fox’s sleeve. "C’mon, Fox, sit down. You’ve been cooped up with Alex for weeks now. You need a break."

"He’s not getting one," Fox countered. "I shouldn’t have one either."

"Yeah, but you’re not the one we want to crack."

Fox lowered his head, resting it in his hands.

"He hates me, you know."

"He only thinks he does," Lucas assured Fox. "I promise you, Fox. Alex loves you with a passion like most of us will only ever read about."

"He’s right," Mick agreed. "Stay strong, buddy. He’ll come back to you."

"Thanks," Fox said into his hands then lifted his head and looked at his friends. "It’s a good thing I’ve got you guys. I’ve missed you." His head went down again. "I miss Alex."

Lucas reached out and took Fox’s hand. "We know. But like Mick said...he’ll come back to you. He will be back."

Fox nodded then picked his head up and took a deep breath.

"Yeah. Yeah...he’ll be back." He looked around the room then back at his companions. "Anybody wanna dance?"

It was almost one o’clock when C.J. heard Fox’s key in the lock. He pulled himself upright, rubbing at one eye as the door opened and Fox entered quietly.

"Have a good time?"

Fox glanced down the hall at Alex’s door as he walked into the living room. He dropped into a chair and leaned his head back against the leather cushion.

"It was nice to spend some time with the guys."

"I’ll take that as a yes?"

Fox gave him a tiny smile then tilted his head back further.

"How’s he been?"

"Nasty. Stubborn...threatening...you must be exhausted, Fox. I’ve only been here a few hours, and I’m worn out. What the hell keeps you going?" He looked into the other man’s dark eyes and shook his head. "Never mind. Stupid question."

Fox sat in silence for a while, then spoke.

"Mick said he’d be at your place. But he’d probably be asleep by the time you got there."

"’Kay."

"...When was the last time you looked in on him?"

"’Bout half an hour ago."

"Was he asleep?"

"No, it...it almost seemed like he was in a trance. Just staring. Staring at the TV. I tried to talk to him, and it was like he never even heard me. Does he do that to you?"

"Yeah. When he doesn’t feel like talking, there’s nothing that I can do or say to get him to respond. He won’t even look at me."

"It’s pretty damn unnerving."

"I’ve grown accustomed to it. Though, I have to say that all things being equal, I prefer the threats. At least then he’s responsive."

"I hear ya."

"Did he eat anything? Drink? Go to the bathroom?"

"Nothing. I asked several times. All he did was hiss and growl at me."

"Isn’t he cute?" Fox asked without humor.

C.J. slapped his thigh then got to his feet.

"God bless you, Fox. You are a man amongst men."

Fox gave him a sad smile.

"You wanna tell that to Alex?"

C.J. laughed. "If it makes you feel any better, he’s going to kill me right along with you; me being your accomplice and all."

"Wonderful," Fox breathed as he got up and accompanied C.J. to the door.

"I’ll call you in the morning...well...not too early in the morning."

"All right. Thanks, C.J. I really did need this."

"I’m glad I could help. And even though I just finished telling you how Alex wore me out, I mean it when I say, I’ll be glad to give you any help you need."

Fox stared for a moment then stepped forward and hugged the other man.

"Thank you."

"Any time. Now go check on him, because I know you’re going to, then get to your chair."

"Actually, I’ve moved to the other bedroom."

"Really. How come?"

Fox shrugged, giving the other man a tired smile. "Thought I’d give him the chance to miss me."

"Riiiight. Well...g’night." Fox let C.J. out then took off his jacket and headed slowly into Alex’s room. The dim glow from the TV. was the only light in the room, but it was enough for Fox to see that Alex was still awake.

"It’s late," he almost whispered as he advanced further into the room.

"You’re back. Goody."

"Aren’t you tired?"

"Yeah. I had a really hard day today."

Fox ignored the comment. "Can I get anything for you before I turn in?"

"The only thing I want you to get right now is out of my sight."

"But I just got here."

"Mmm. And how was your night, honey? Did you have a good time with the boys?"

He couldn’t resist. "It was nice to be with people who appreciate my company."

"Aww. That’s nice. How about people who appreciate your talent?"

"Talent for..."

"Sucking cock. Did anyone get to appreciate that?"

Fox tilted his head and studied Alex. His eyes were blank, his words steady and cool, but still, there was something...

"Why do you want to know?"

Alex looked away, giving Fox an insolent shrug. "Just making conversation, that’s all."

"I don’t think that’s all. Not by a long shot. But I’ll answer your question. I did a little dancing. And only with Mick and Lucas. No one even approached me."

"No? Gosh, do you think you’re losing your charm?"

"Well," Fox sighed, scratching the back of his head. "I guess it’s possible. But I think it’s more like everybody knows that I belong to you."

"Everybody needs to be set straight then, don’t they?"

"Why?" Fox asked softly, moving closer to the bed. "I am still yours, Alex."

"That’d be great news if it weren’t for one little thing," Alex said in a nearly inaudible tone. "I don’t fucking want you."

Fox came closer still.

"Look at me and say that."

...Nothing.

"Can’t?"

"......I’ve had enough of this game."

"Okay. But it’s only four words. Well...five, if you include the expletive. I’m just asking you to repeat them...while you’re looking me in the eye."

"I’m not telling you shit."

"Why not?"

Alex turned his head and glared at the other man. "Because you want me to."

Fox folded his arms over his chest. "Ah. I see. Well....I’m pretty tired, so I’m going to turn in now. Is there anything you need or want before I go?"

Alex gave no answer.

"All right, then. Call if you need me...goodnight, Alex. I love you."

Fox walked out, pulling the door only far enough to block out the dim light in the hall, then he stopped and leaned against the wall.

So. He was feeling something besides rage. He was feeling jealousy. Possessiveness. Was it just some leftover emotion, or did it really mean something?

He closed his eyes.

It was too late, and he was way too tired to contemplate the question.

Unbuttoning his shirt, he trudged slowly to the spare bedroom.

"Nooo. Please, I...I can’t... can’t...don’t wanna! No!"

Fox shot out of bed and was in Alex's room in seconds.

"Alex...Alex, wake up."

"Mmmmh...."

"Come on." He gently shook the other man.

Alex stopped thrashing, and his eyes opened. He drew a long, shuddering breath and, registering that Fox was sitting on the edge of the bed, he turned his face into his pillow. Too late, as he felt the tender brush of Fox’s fingers, wiping away the tear that ran down over the bridge of his nose.

"Don’t touch me," he whispered with little conviction.

"You don’t mean that," Fox whispered back. "Do you?"

Alex gave no answer but moved away from the comforting hand.

Sighing softly, Fox stroked Alex’s hair, determined to maintain some contact. When Alex allowed the touch, Fox spoke in a soft, reassuring tone.

"You’re safe, Alex. Those men can’t hurt you. Never again. But the memory of what they did is destroying you. You’ve survived too much else to let this do you in. Talk to me. I swear on my life you can trust me. You started to, remember?"

Alex gave no response.

"I want nothing more than to help you and love you. I know that the word holds no more meaning to you than pain and humiliation. But that was at their hands. It isn’t that way with me, and it never would be. Let me show you the true meaning of the word. I promise that if you put yourself in my hands, it’ll be all right. I won’t hurt you, Alex...can you please talk to me?"

Alex fought to keep the trembling of his lower lip under control.

"Please? I love you so much."

Alex grimaced as another tear fell.

"Fuck...fuck you."

Fox closed his eyes and reluctantly removed his hand.

"...Try to go back to sleep."

Alex felt the mattress rise and heard the soft shuffle of Fox’s retreat, and then he was alone. His hands closed into fists, and he lifted them to his mouth, pressing them against his lips. His body spasmed once then tightened. He held his breath and willed his emotions under control. Once his eyes had dried and his head had stopped spinning, he lowered his hands and lay motionless, letting his mind go mercifully blank.

Fox trotted into the living room, towel draped over his damp head, and he snatched up his phone.

"Mulder."

"It’s me."

"Hi, Scully."

"How are you?"

"Okay. You? How’s work?"

"If I hadn’t called you, you wouldn’t have given a thought to me or work, would you?"

"I have so much on my mind, Scully. I’m sorry."

"Mulder, you don’t...tell me you haven’t still got him tied up."

"Chained. Uh...actually, he’s chained to his bed."

"That’s it. Mulder, you are officially insane. You gotta let him go."

"I can’t."

"Then I’m stepping in."

"No. You're not."

"I have to. This has to stop. Right now."

"Scully, listen to me."

"No, Mulder, you listen to me. I’m coming over there. And you are going to let Krycek go. Then you and I are leaving."

"Shut up, Scully," Fox snapped. "You have absolutely no idea what the hell you’re talking about. You don’t know the situation, and you don’t know his state of mind. You stay away from here, you understand me?"

Scully forced herself to calm down. "Mulder. Mulder, listen to yourself. You sound like a raving lunatic."

"Because you don’t listen to me, and yelling seems to be the only way to get my point across!" Fox shouted back. "So, while I have your attention, hear this. If you can’t support me, you need to stay the hell out of it. I can’t deal with your shit and worry about Alex at the same time."

"My shit, as you call it, Mulder, is being terrified that you’re going to wind up dead or insane because of this...this... obsession of yours."

"It’s not an obsession, Scully," Fox countered, willing himself to calm down. "This is what you refuse to understand. I love Alex. And I will not abandon him."

"Okay...okay, Mulder. Whatever. I don’t have the energy to talk to you about this any more."

"Good. Because I don’t have the energy to listen."

There was a brief silence then a soft sigh, and Scully asked if there was anything he needed.

"No. No, I...I’m fine. Uh...thank you."

"If you do need anything, you can call me, you know."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know. Scully, uh...shit. Scully, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be such a..."

"A stubborn ass?"

"Not exactly what I was thinking."

"Well, that’s what you’re being," Scully said without malice. "You know I’m just worried about you, right?"

"I know that. And I appreciate your concern, Scully, I do. But you’ve got to trust that I know what I’m doing. He was close last night. I could feel it."

"Close to what?"

"A breakthrough...or maybe a breakdown. I don’t know. But it was something more than that blind rage. This isn’t going to go on forever. I promise you."

"God, Mulder, it already seems like forever."

"I know. He’s such a stubborn bastard."

"You say it as if it’s something to be admired."

"It’s part of who he is. And I love all of him."

"It really is a tragedy that he can’t appreciate your devotion, Mulder...for both of you."

"Are you starting again, Scully?"

"No," Scully said tiredly. "...No. I...I’ll check on you again."

"All right. Take care, okay?"

"I will. You do the same."

Fox disconnected and stared at the phone for several seconds before sighing and returning to the bathroom. He placed the phone down on the counter and finished drying his hair, then he checked in on Alex, who had absolutely refused to let Fox touch him this morning.

"What d’you think?" he asked, giving the other man a gentle smile. "Ready to get cleaned up now?"

When Alex gave him no answer, he walked over to the television and shut it off. The moment he turned to face Alex, it went back on.

"Alex...come on; give me your attention for just a second, okay?"

He shut the TV. off again, and again, Alex immediately turned it back on. He moved toward the bed and held his hand out.

"Give it to me."

Alex stared down at the remote clutched in his right hand but made no move to relinquish it. Fox’s hand sliding over the cool black surface brought him to life. He snatched it away and gave the older man a challenging glare.

"I only want to get you showered and dressed," Fox said softly but firmly. "Now, come on. Give me that."

Alex dug in his heels.

"I’ll give it to you. Bend over."

Fox said nothing, instead choosing to make a grab for the remote. Getting a good grip on the exposed end, he pulled, but Alex was just as fast, jerking it back in his own direction, and the struggle was on.

"Jesus," Fox grunted, trying to pry Alex’s fingers away from the remote with one hand while still holding on with the other. "Alex....you...let go!"

Alex held on, grimacing with the effort it took to resist Fox’s prying fingers.

"Stubborn....bastard....cut it out!"

He should have just forgotten the whole thing. Let Alex have the damn remote and walked away. He could have tried again later to get him into the shower, but he couldn’t...something wouldn’t allow him to let it go. And now here he was, wrestling with his chained up, pissed off lover, and...wait. That wasn’t right. Alex wasn’t his lover. Not any more. And the way things were going, Fox wasn’t sure if he’d ever be again...

Alex fought wildly, trying for all he was worth to keep Fox from gaining the upper hand. Soft, feral sobs rolled in his throat as he tried to roll away from the other man and tuck his hands beneath him. When that didn’t work, he began to kick and buck, the sobs growing louder and more frantic.

"No...get offa me. Get off!"

"Gimme the remote and I will!" Fox shouted back, so irritated that for the moment he’d put Alex’s mental state to the back of his mind.

"Leave me alone!" Alex wailed, losing his grip. As Fox pried the remote from him finally, he began to cry hysterically, snapping Fox out of his anger.

"Alex," he croaked, instinctively reaching out to console the weeping man. Alex folded himself up as best he could, fingers clenching in his hair. He didn’t try to push Fox’s hand away, and Fox got the distinct impression that Alex, for the moment at least, was unable to process his touch.

"It’s okay," he whispered helplessly, not knowing what to do to comfort the younger man. Then, before he really knew why he did it, he pulled one of Alex’s hands away from his head and pressed the remote into it. Alex began to quiet down, pulling the returned object to his chest. Fox watched, dumbstruck as Alex lay whimpering quietly, the remote clutched to his body. He barely breathed, hardly blinked for what seemed like hours, then he ever so slowly lowered himself to the bed, gently pressing his body to Alex’s. When Alex made no move to put distance between them, he wrapped his arms around the other man and dusted the back of his head with a tender kiss.

"I’m sorry, Alex. I’m so...we’re gonna figure this out," he vowed in a hushed murmur, burying his face in the tangle of sable hair as he tightened his hold on the man in his embrace. "We’ll figure it all out, and then we’re going to fix it. I promise."

Alex lay quietly now, but holding on to the remote for dear life. Fox’s words as well as the warmth of his body vaguely made it through the screaming tangle of confusion that had set up shop in his brain, but he hadn’t the strength either mentally or physically to respond.

Fox fell into silence too, sending up a desperate prayer that this would be the beginning of something more positive.

He squeezed his eyes shut, prayed that that wasn’t so, and he waited.

  since Feb. 20, 2008