Nobody Has to Know VIII
Restructuring

By Aries

July 2004

X-Files M/K

Rated NC-17 for m/m kink, sex and language

Disclaimer: All XF characters are the property of Chris Carter

Mulder stood in the shadowed doorway on the side of the club, arms crossed tightly over his chest, gaze cast to the ground. He’d stormed out of the club without a thought to his state of undress or how he was going to get home, penniless and dressed the way he was. All he could think about at the time was how hurt he’d been to find Alex with those two little... bitches, smiling and whispering, and...and...

Then he had a thought.

Good idea. Now all he had to do was find a way to sneak back inside without Alex seeing. Assuming Alex was still there.

Krycek walked around the front of the club, eyes peeled for Mulder.

Krycek closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

He had to find him. If Fox was walking dressed like he was, he was bound to run into trouble. Not that he couldn’t take care of himself with one or even two men, but if some group of homophobes found him...

"Fuck. Ah, fuck."

Krycek kept searching.

"Hey, C.J. Somebody here to see you. Says it’s important."

C.J. finished cleaning the vibrator he held and put it back into its case.

"You know who it is?"

"Seen him here with Alex. But he’s alone today."

Frowning, C.J. waved at the other. "Tell him to come in."

The man disappeared for a moment then returned, waving Mulder into the room.

"Thought you left."

Mulder paused, studying the other man curiously.

"You knew I was here? I didn’t see you."

"Well, I didn’t know until I came up for a drink a little while ago, and saw you screaming at Alex. When you stomped out, I figured you’d gone home."

"Yeah, well I...that’s my intention, but..."

"But what?"

Mulder’s face colored up, and he directed his gaze to the floor.

"No place to keep any cab money in this get up, you know?"

"Ah. Gotcha. Have you seen Alex?"

"Not since I left."

C. J. studied the other man quietly.

"You haven’t really got the hang of this sub stuff, have you?"

"Guess not. Guess I never will."

"You mind me asking what happened?"

"I really don’t want to talk about it," Mulder murmured. "I actually came to look for you to ask a favor."

"Oh?"

"Well, like I said, I’ve got no money, and I can’t walk home like this, so...do you think you could maybe float me a loan? I’ll get it back to you tomorrow."

C.J. sat for a moment, staring at the other man, then he nodded.

"Sure. Let me go get my wallet out of the office. Be right back."

Left alone, Mulder stood at the edge of the room, looking around at the forbidding contraptions, and he felt a slow tingle begin in his nether regions. He closed his eyes and imagined himself alone in this room or one like it, with Alex. Bound, gagged and blindfolded. Helpless and completely at Alex’s mercy.

Groaning miserably, he dropped his head and tried to clear his mind.

C.J. entered the semi-dark office and closed the door behind him. Digging his cell phone out of the jeans that were hanging on a hook by the bathroom, he searched for Alex’s number. He hit send and waited only two rings before Alex’s soft, gruff voice answered.

"Alex. It’s C.J."

"I’m kinda busy, C.J. What is it?"

"You looking for him?"

Soft sigh. "Yeah."

"I can help you with that...he’s downstairs."

"Down...in the club?"

"Yeah. He came looking for me to ask if he could borrow a few bucks for a cab."

Alex closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief.

"You want me to hold him for you?"

"...Yeah. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes."

"Okay, good."

C.J. hung up and headed back to the room.

Mulder paced the floor, trying hard not to look at anything while we waited for C.J. to return. Minutes went by, and though Mulder wore no watch, he knew that more than enough time had passed.

He decided to go out into the hall to look for C.J., but when he tried to open the door, it wouldn’t give. Frowning, he tried again.

Locked.

"What the hell? C.J.? C.J.!" Mulder yelled, pounding on the door. "C.J., why’s the door locked?"

Silence.

"Shit!" He pounded again. When there was still no answer, he lost it.

"Son of a bitch! C.J., open this fucking door, now!"

Still nothing.

"I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but you’re really pissing me off! ...C.J.!"

He heard the soft snick of the lock, and he stepped back to allow the door to open. When it did, his mouth fell open.

Krycek stepped into the room, and Mulder heard the door lock behind him. His eyes flew from Krycek to the door then back again.

"What are you doing? Tell C.J. to unlock that door, right now."

"No."

"N....what the fuck do you mean, no? Listen, Krycek, I’m done with this! I don’t want to play any more!"

Krycek studied Mulder for a moment, then he pushed away from the door and walked over to a chair and sat down.

"I don’t believe you," Mulder hissed. "I don’t fucking believe you!"

"I don’t believe you."

"What?"

"I don’t believe that you’re done with this."

"Oh, you don’t, huh? And why would that be?"

"Because your eyes tell me an entirely different story. You want to be mine, Fox. That hasn’t changed."

Mulder laughed bitterly.

"Did. I did want to be yours." His voice cracked on the last word.

"You do. You need to. Your own words, I believe."

"That was before."

"Before what?"

"Before that cute little scene I walked up on earlier."

"Do you remember what I told you about jealousy?"

"Don’t take that fucking tone with me," Mulder warned. "I’m not your dog any more."

"You were never my dog."

"No, I only wore a collar and slept on the floor like one. I’m surprised you didn’t want me to eat out of a bowl on the kitchen floor."

"You said you wanted to understand, Fox," Krycek said softly. "You said you wanted me to teach you."

"Yeah, well, I changed my mind. I don’t like the lessons."

Krycek sighed. "This is my fault, Fox..."

"Yeah, it is."

"Listen to me," Krycek said, an edge of impatience in his voice. When Mulder fell into a scowling silence, he continued. "I moved too quickly. I knew you had trust issues, and yet I took you out. That was a mistake. We should have spent much more time alone together before trying the club."

Mulder laughed harshly. "Do you really think that a few weeks of brainwashing would have done the trick? You think then I would have tripped along happily behind you and just looked the other way while you had your fun with those guys? If I had, what would you have done? Tell me, Alex, I really want to know. Would you have let them stay? Would you have brought them home with us and fucked them in front of me?"

Alex rubbed at the corners of his eyes.

"Come on, Fox. Let’s get out of here."

"I’m not going a fucking place with you," Fox rasped, hurt all over again that Alex wouldn’t immediately say that no, he wouldn’t have fucked those men. "Just...give me some money, and I’ll take a cab home. I’ll mail you a check tomorrow."

"You’re not taking a cab. I’ll drive you."

"Home," Mulder said, rethinking sitting in a taxi dressed as he was. "My home."

"Fine," Alex sighed. "But we have to go by my place unless you want to knock on the building super’s door at this time of night, dressed like that, and ask him to let you in."

Mulder gave him a blank stare.

"Your keys are at my place."

Fuck.

Mulder stomped toward the door then stopped and waited.

"Tell your buddy to open up and let me the hell out of here."

Krycek rose slowly from the chair and moved to the door, knocking softly.

"C.J. Open the door."

Seconds later, the lock clicked, and the door swung open. C.J. stood in the hall, watching warily as the men emerged looking as unhappy as they had before. Krycek passed him without a word, as did Mulder, but the older man tossed a spiteful glare at him and kept walking. Sighing softly, C.J. shut the door and walked away.

Silence filled the small compartment of Krycek’s sports car as he drove. The man seated beside him stared straight ahead, his face taut with intense emotion. As they pulled up to the building, Mulder’s heart began to thud. He didn’t want to go in, he didn’t...

Krycek shut the engine off and got out of the car. Rounding the front of the vehicle, he stopped at the passenger’s side and waited. When Mulder just sat there, he opened the door.

"Don’t worry, I won’t lock you in or anything."

Mulder looked down at his hands, folded across his bare legs, and he inhaled deeply. Letting the air out slowly, he got out of the car and began to walk, not waiting for Krycek to shut the car door. Krycek turned and followed, not attempting to keep up with Mulder’s long strides. He reached the elevator several seconds after Mulder had, and pushed the button. The doors opened almost immediately, and the two boarded, taking up position on opposite sides of the car.

Krycek watched Mulder as the older man stared down at the floor. The urge to stop the elevator and lay a long, hard kiss on the man gnawed at him, but he made no such move, figuring it would only serve to agitate Mulder more.

When the elevator stopped, Mulder walked out into the hall and started toward the apartment, again, not waiting for Krycek. He reached the door first and waited quietly as Krycek unlocked it, then he forced himself to step into the large, pristine space.

Krycek watched Mulder walk toward the spare bedroom but did not follow. Instead, he trudged over to the sofa and dropped down onto the leather cushion and sat in silence.

In the bedroom, Mulder gathered his belongings, his heart doing a slow, hard thump in his constricted chest. He hadn’t wanted it to end this way. He hadn’t wanted it to end, period. He’d needed so badly to find out who it was that lived in the deepest, darkest recesses of his mind and body. And he’d known that this was the only place...this was the only man he could do that with. But now, it was done. Ended by his inability to let go of the man he’d always been. The impulsive, stubborn, self-centered...

Mulder stopped in the middle of his ego bashing as he caught sight of himself in the mirror. Still dressed in his ‘going out clothes’, he studied his reflection. If he didn’t know the face looking back at him, he wouldn’t have recognized himself. The only leather that had ever touched his body was his jacket. Now, here he was in this painted on outfit that had made him feel so good when he put it on, his cock had come to rigid attention and remained that way the whole night, even after things had gone so sour. He was hard still. He wondered if Alex had noticed.

His hand wandered lightly over the lengthy bulge.

Of course, Alex had noticed. For all the goddamn impact it had had.

He snatched his hand away and whirled to finish gathering up his things. When he finished, he changed into his own clothes and carried the shorts and shirt into Alex’s room. He tossed them onto the bed and stopped. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, trying to block out images of him lying beside Alex’s bed, virtually purring with contentment as the other man petted and stroked him.

His next image was that of Alex at the club tonight, touching that little shit in the very same way.

The pain returned, stabbing sharply at his heart, and he chuffed out a soft, bitter laugh.

Krycek sat in the corner of the sofa, eyes closed, listening to the soft music. He felt more than heard Mulder’s returning presence, and his lashes lifted slowly. Dark eyes rose to Mulder’s face, and he found that the other man was not looking at him.

"Got everything?"

"Yeah."

Krycek nodded, pausing for a moment before rising to his feet.

"Where are you going?" Mulder asked, backing up a step.

"Walking you to the door."

"Why?"

"I don’t know. Why not?"

"There’s no need."

"Fox..."

"Don’t, Alex." Mulder closed his eyes and shook his head. "

I don’t want you to."

Krycek bit down lightly on his bottom lip and crossed his arms over his chest. His gaze went to the floor, and he said nothing.

Mulder turned slowly and headed for the door. He didn’t hesitate as he opened it and walked out.

Krycek listened to the door close, standing in the middle of the floor for much longer than he’d be able to remember. Finally, he turned and walked slowly back to the sofa. Dropping down, he picked up the remote and turned the music up.

Mulder walked into his apartment, dark except for the small light from the fish tank. Letting his bag drop to the floor by the sofa, he sank down to the cushions, resting his head on the arm. He stared straight ahead into the darkness, trying not to think or feel until he fell asleep at dawn. He awoke only two hours later with a start, jackknifing into a sitting position and looking around the room, now alight with filtered sunshine. Groaning, he lay down again, wrapping his arms around himself and closing his eyes.

Bad idea. Consciousness and a couple of winks of sleep allowed him to begin reviewing the events of the past few days, and especially last night. He didn’t want to think about it. If he thought about it, he’d begin to have doubts, and he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t let himself believe for even an instant that it might not have been the best thing for him to leave.

"None," Mulder whispered, frown lines deeply creasing his forehead.

He flipped over onto his side, facing he back of the sofa.

"Stop," he said softly. Then louder. "Stop." He closed his eyes, hoping to go back to sleep, but the relentless thoughts that littered his mind refused to let him.

"Rough weekend, Mulder? You look like hell."

"Haven’t slept much," Mulder answered gruffly as he dropped into the chair behind his desk.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"I’m not sick or anything, I...just haven’t slept."

"Something on your mind?"

"...No."

"Not a very convincing no."

Mulder looked down at his hands resting on the desk.

"Scully, do...do you ever feel that there may be more to you than just the person who comes in here every day?"

Scully sat down, studying her partner.

"Where’s this coming from, Mulder?"

"Just been thinking about it is all."

"Everyone’s got another side to them, I suppose," Scully answered. "A side people may not often see. Sometimes it just takes the right situation to bring it out."

"Have you ever seen your other side?"

"On occasion, I guess," Scully shrugged.

"Is it a good change or a bad one?"

"I...I don’t know, Mulder. I guess not really better or worse. It’s just...different. Now really Mulder, what’s this about?"

"I told you, Scully, I was just thinking."

"But something’s got you thinking. What is it?"

"I just...I’ve seen a side of myself recently that I don’t know what to do about."

"Why do you need to do something about it? Is it bad?"

"I don’t know. I didn’t think so, but..."

"But now you do?"

"I don’t know."

"Mulder, you’re really confusing me."

"Sorry."

"Why don’t you explain this to me? If I can understand what you’re talking about, maybe I can be of some help."

"I can’t."

"You can’t. Why not?"

"You wouldn’t understand. I don’t understand."

Scully closed her eyes and massaged the bridge of her nose. "Okay," she said softly. "Will you explain it to me when you figure it out?"

"I...I...don’t know."

"I’m getting awfully tired of that phrase, Mulder. Look. We’re friends. I feel closer to you than just about anyone. I thought you felt the same about me."

"I do."

"But?"

"Look, Scully, I...let’s drop it, okay? I’m sorry. Forget I said anything, okay?"

Scully stared. "You’re kidding, right? You drag in here looking like crap, you tell me you haven’t been sleeping, then you begin this mysterious, confusing conversation about alter egos, and now you want to just drop it?"

"Yeah. Please?"

Scully lifted her eyes to the ceiling. "...Sure, Mulder. Okay. Consider it dropped."

"Thanks. Now, let’s get this expense report done and up to Skinner before he comes looking for it."

Mulder turned his attention to the report in question while Scully sat and stared at him.

"I’m not here. Leave a message."

Beep.

"Alex? Hey, it’s C.J. Listen, man. I haven’t seen you around since that night, and I’ve kinda been wondering if everything is okay. Gimme a shout when you get this."

Krycek listened for any other messages. When he found none, he erased the one from C.J. and walked out.

"Yeah, Mulder. No, I didn’t forget to send the report to you, but I’m telling you, there’s absolutely nothing remarkable about the way that man died. What’d his sister have to say? Well, you can hardly blame her...yeah, I’m feeding your fish. As a matter of fact, I’m walking toward your apartment right now. Yeah. Okay, talk to you later."

Scully disconnected just as she reached Mulder’s door. Letting herself in, she went straight to the tank and fed the fish. As she turned to leave, she spotted a cup of two day old coffee sitting on the desk. Shaking her head, she picked up the cup and took it into the kitchen, dumping it in the sink. She ran some water into the cup, left it in the sink, then exited the kitchen. As she entered the dining room, she jumped, letting out a surprised squeal as she saw a man standing uncertainly in the doorway.

"Sorry," the man said. "I’m sorry. The door was open, and I...I guess I have the wrong apartment."

Scully looked the man over, taking in the large frame, chiseled features and gleaming bald head, and something made her ask.

"Who’re you looking for?"

‘Uh...Fox."

"Fox."

"Yeah. Don’t know his last name. Sorry, I know that sounds weird."

"What’s weird is that you know his first name. You a uh...a friend of his?"

"So, you know him? I have the right place?"

"I’m his partner," Scully answered vaguely. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"His partner?"

When it became obvious that the woman wasn’t going to respond, he cleared his throat and went on.

"Umm...do you know where I can find him?"

"He’s out of town. Is there a message?"

"Can you tell him to contact C.J.? He knows where to find me."

"C.J. Yeah. Okay. I’ll tell him."

"Thank you."

Scully leaned in the doorway, watching the man walk away, and she wondered just what the hell was going on. Who was this man, and how the hell did Mulder know him?

Concluding that Mulder wasn’t going to give her any answers, she decided to get her own.

"Hey, C.J. Where you been?"

"Had to do an errand. The councilman waiting?"

"Impatiently. He keeps babbling about some fundraiser he’s gotta get to at some point tonight, or his wife is gonna make his life a living hell for weeks to come."

"Ah, I’ll use the ten inch on him tonight. That’ll make him happy."

C.J. made his way to the back of the club, unseen by the woman who had just entered.

Slack-jawed, Scully gaped at the scene around her.

"What the hell..."

There had been no mistake. She’d definitely seen the man named C.J. enter this place. The huge question on her mind now was, what connection did he have to Mulder?

The talk they’d had a couple of weeks ago came back to her vividly, and she started putting two and two together.

No. Oh...Mulder couldn’t be involved in this kind of stuff...could he? It’d sure as hell explain that conversation, though.

Taking a deep breath, she picked her way through the crowd, eyes scanning everything around her.

She’d heard about this stuff, this...lifestyle, but she’d never seen it up close and personal.

Men, scantily dressed in leather, chains, rubber. Some shackled to walls, others being led around on leashes, while others still were draped over objects being whipped or paddled.

Suppressing a shiver, she found the bar and called to the man behind it.

Grinning, the bartender walked over to her.

"Now, this is different. Never saw such a well dressed lady in here before.

"I’m looking for someone."

"Isn’t everybody."

"I’m looking for C.J."

The bartender’s eyebrows lifted.

"Really. He expecting you?"

"I’m sure he isn’t."

"What’s your name? I’ll see if he’s here."

Scully reached into her pocket. "I know he is. Call him." She shoved her badge in the man’s face. "Tell him Special Agent Scully of the FBI would like a word with him."

"Shit. Uh...okay. Hang on"

The bartender rushed away and picked up a phone. He said a few terse words into it then returned to Scully. "He’ll be right up. You can wait here if you want."

Scully nodded and looked around again.

"Oh, God."

Quickly, she turned away from the sight of two men on leashes with their faces buried in the crotch of the man at the other end of the leads.

Not knowing where else to look, she stared down at the bar. Only a few seconds passed before C.J. appeared, looking curious and confused as he spoke with the bartender. The other man pointed him in Scully’s direction, and confusion was replaced by dread. Slowly he walked over to the where the woman stood and cleared his throat.

"You...why’d you follow me?"

"You know my friend, Mr....C.J. I want to know how."

"Not well. We just...we talked a couple of times. That’s all."

"And a couple of conversations were all it took to make you come looking for him. Okay. How did you know where he lived?"

"Saw him at a gas station one day last week. I followed him."

"Those must’ve been some conversations. Why don’t you tell me about them?"

"Not to be rude or anything, but I really don’t think it’s any of your business."

"Look, C.J. My friend has not been himself the last few weeks, and I think it has something to do with you. Now start talking."

"It’s not my place to say. If he wanted you to know what was going on with him, he would have told you himself."

Scully looked around then turned a hard glare on the man.

"I don’t think you understand, something, C.J. I’m not asking you to tell me. I’m demanding. And if you don’t start talking, I promise you, I’ll make your life a living hell. And I can do it, too."

C.J. closed his eyes and tipped his head back. "Why did I go there? Why didn’t I just mind my own business?"

"Shoulda, woulda, coulda, C.J. What’ll it be?"

A long hard sigh, and C.J. began to talk.

"He was someone’s sub. But he couldn’t get the hang of it..."

"Wait. Wait. Sub?"

"Sub. Submissive?"

Scully stared blankly. C.J. made it plainer.

"Slave."

"Slave. Mulder?"

"If you mean Fox, yeah. He wanted to do it...I think he needed to. But there were some aspects of it that he had trouble with. He gave his dom...master...a lot of trouble. Last time they were here, he blew up, made a scene and took off."

"Slave. Master. I...I’m sorry, I don’t...what exactly does that mean?"

"Just what you think."

"I’m not sure what I think."

C.J. looked around and, finding what he was looking for, pointed Scully in that direction. "See them?"

Scully followed C.J.’s direction, and she breathed deeply as her gaze fell on a man in tight black leather, sitting at a table, talking to another man, similarly dressed. At his feet, a barely dressed man sat quietly, wearing a collar and leash. His blonde head rested on the seated man’s thigh as the other man absently petted it.

Scully’s attention snapped back to C.J. "Do you really expect me to believe that Mulder..." She stopped, noting the man’s dead serious expression. "...Mulder. Fox Mulder. About six feet tall, medium length brown hair. Hazel eyes...prominent nose..."

C.J. nodded.

Scully blinked and backed up until she fell into a stool. Looking dazedly to the man, she finally asked.

"Who? Who is he doing this with?"

"I can’t answer that."

"You can’t because you don’t know the guy, or you won’t?"

"Guess I won’t."

"I have to know. I have to..."

"You have to what? Fox...Mulder...whatever you call him, is a big boy. If this is the life he wants to live, there’s nothing you can do about. It’s his business."

"This isn’t him," Scully argued. "There’s gotta be something wrong. Something...I need to know who this...this dom is."

"Lady, you don’t."

"Remember what I told you about your life being hell?" Scully threatened. "It still applies."

"I guess I’ll have to take my chances. I’d rather be tormented than dead."

"If this person is a threat to you, I can..."

"You can nothing. Listen, I don’t know him all that well, but certainly well enough to know that there are some lines no one should ever cross with him. If he’s got any friends, I want to be counted among them."

Scully tapped her fingers on the bar, staring hard at the man, but he wouldn’t budge. "I’m going to get to the bottom of this," she promised. "With or without you."

"It’ll be without me. I’ve probably already said too much."

Tossing C.J. another glare, Scully slid down off the stool and stormed out, picking her way through the maze of patrons. Once outside, she stopped and drew a few steadying breaths.

"Mulder," she whispered as she started walking slowly toward her car. "Mulder, what the hell are you doing?"

She had to talk to him. She had to know why he was doing this.

As she sat in her car, another pulled into a nearby spot. Expensive-looking sports car. Sleek and black. It was the perfect complement to the man who emerged from it. She watched him shut the door and set the alarm, and it wasn’t until he passed by her passenger’s side that she recognized him. Suddenly, everything came down on her like a ton of bricks.

"No. Oh, hell no. No, no, no...

"Alex. Jeez man, where’ve you been?"

"Around." The dark man picked up the drink that had just been placed in front of him. Nodding at the bartender, he tossed the liquor back. "You called me?"

"Yeah. Is everything okay? I mean, I know we don’t keep in touch or anything, but ever since that night, I’ve just had the feeling that things haven’t been good. Did you get stuff straightened out with Fox?"

"As straight as it’ll ever be."

"That doesn’t sound good."

Krycek said nothing.

"I’m sorry, Alex. If you don’t mind me saying so, I could see that he was special to you."

"Problem is, he couldn’t see it. Guess I should’ve expected that." Krycek took a deep breath and looked around. "So. What’s going on around here?"

"Glad you asked. Listen, Alex...uh...don’t get mad at me, but I tracked Fox down and went to see him."

The green eyes went dark, and Krycek’s voice lowered even more than usual.

"You what?"

"I hadn’t seen or heard from you, and I’d seen Fox one day about a week ago at the gas station, so I followed him to see where he lived. I didn’t visit him then. I was still hoping to make contact with you. When I wasn’t able to do that today, I went to his place. He wasn’t there. But uh..."

"But uh...what?"

"Someone else was."

Krycek’s eyes narrowed. "Who?"

"A woman."

Krycek breathed a silent breath of relief. "Short redhead with blue eyes?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"She asked who I was and what I was doing there. I didn’t give her much. I just asked her to have him contact me. She apparently tailed me here, and she shook me down for more information."

"What’d you tell her?"

"More than I should have, but she was threatening me, and something told me that she’d make good on her promises. I drew the line at any info on you, though. But she was dying to know who the guy was that Fox was involved with. I’m sorry, Alex, but I’m sure she’ll keep digging until she...oh, shit."

Krycek didn’t have to turn around to know that someone he probably didn’t want to see was now standing behind him.

Krycek didn’t have to turn around to know that someone he probably didn’t want to see was now standing behind him.

"Hey, Scully."

"So, it is you," Scully hissed as Krycek turned to face her. "What the hell’s going on, Krycek? What are you doing to Mulder?"

"I’m not doing anything to him."

"You’re a goddamn liar."

"You’re not going to believe me no matter what I tell you, so why are you wasting your time and mine?"

"Because for the moment, you’re all I’ve got."

"Flattering. But the truth is, Scully, I’m not doing anything to Mulder. We were...involved, but that’s over."

"I don’t get this. I just don’t..."

"Don’t want to believe that your partner would get dressed up in leather and let me lead him around on a leash?"

"No, I don’t," Scully grated, cringing at the image Krycek’s words produced. "Not unless you drugged him or something."

"I assure you, I used no artificial means of coercion. Mulder actually came to me. He wanted what I had to offer him."

"You’re full of shit."

"Am I?"

"He hates you."

"That part may still be true."

"He doesn’t trust you as far as he can throw you."

"That part’s definitely true. Which is why he ended our...association."

"According to your friend there, he was your...God, I can’t even say it."

"My slave? Yes."

"So, how could he just walk away if that were true?"

"Like Mulder, you don’t understand. Well, he was starting to get some of it, but..." Krycek shook his head. "Just because he was my slave, that didn’t mean that he wasn’t free to leave any time he wanted. He decided to exercise that option a couple of weeks ago."

"What did you do to him?"

"Nothing that he didn’t want me to do."

"Yet, he blew up at you one night and ended...things."

"Like you said, he didn’t trust me."

"At least I know he hasn’t lost his mind completely," Scully muttered.

"He wanted to," Krycek said. "I truly believe he wanted to. He just couldn’t."

"Why would Mulder even want to trust you?"

"You’d have to ask him that. I just know that it was something he really needed...among other things."

Scully shuddered at the thought of what ‘other things’ might be.

"How’s he been?"

The softness in Krycek’s tone took Scully by surprise.

"None of your business."

Krycek looked down at the floor between them.

"No, I suppose it isn’t." He pushed away from the bar. "If you’re through asking questions, I’m going to go. Have a nice night, Scully."

There were a million more questions speeding through her brain, but as she wasn’t entirely sure that she was well enough equipped to handle the answers, she let Krycek walk away.

"I’m really sorry about that, Alex," C.J. said as he followed the other man downstairs. "I never meant for all this to happen. I just...I sensed that there was more between you than either of you realized, and I just hated that you were letting it go to hell. Guess I’m just a big, romantic sap at heart."

"There’s nothing I can do about what happened," Krycek said, moving through the hall and toward the office. "He left, and I had to let him. As much as I wanted him, I couldn’t hold him to me against his will."

"Wanted."

"What?"

"You said, as much as you wanted him. You still want him."

"It doesn’t matter," Krycek said flatly. "It doesn’t make a damn bit of difference."

"I don’t believe that," C.J. argued. "I think he’s just scared. He’s fighting his feelings because he’s afraid you don’t feel the same way." He stared at the other man. "I know it’s kind of unconventional, but would it hurt to sort of treat him with kid gloves for a while? Maybe he just needs to feel a little more secure."

"I’d come to that conclusion. I’d offered that to him. He left anyway. There’s nothing more I can do, C.J. Now let’s drop it." Krycek picked up the appointment book and thumbed through it. "You got someone coming in, in about half an hour."

"Yeah."

"I’ll take it."

"Alex..."

"Is it a repeat client of yours?"

"No..."

"Then you won’t mind, will you?"

"No. That’s not it."

"So, what is it?"

"It’s just...I don’t think your heart’s really in it. You’ve been away from here for two weeks because of him."

"Who said it was because of Fox?"

"Tell me it wasn’t."

"It wasn’t."

"I don’t believe that."

"You don’t have to." Krycek removed his jacket and went to the desk, taking the key for room three.

"I’m gonna go get ready. Call me when he gets here."

Krycek left, and C.J. dropped heavily into the burgundy leather chair, sighing loudly.

He sat, tapping his fingers on the desk.

"So, how’d it go?"

"Stamp another one unsolved."

"Surprise, surprise."

Scully stopped at the corner, looking both ways before turning out of the airport parking lot.

"What’s been going on around here? Anything interesting?"

"That, Mulder, is the sixty-four thousand dollar question."

"Really?"

"Oh, yes."

"So, what’s up?"

"You tell me."

Mulder’s brow creased. "Huh?"

"While I was at your apartment yesterday, you had a visitor."

The frown deepened. "Who?"

"C.J."

Mulder froze.

"You’ve been keeping some pretty odd company, Mulder."

"Scully...wh...what did he want?"

"Wanted you to contact him when you got home. I tried to ask him some questions, but he wouldn’t give me any straight answers. So, I followed him when he left. Guess where he went."

Mulder swallowed hard. "Uh..."

"Mulder, was that what all that talk about your other side was, that day?"

Mulder lowered his head. "Told you, you wouldn’t understand."

"You were damn right about that. I don’t understand at all. Guess who I saw while I was there?"

"Mulder, what’s wrong with you? Alex Krycek?" Her voice took on a shrill tone. "You were Alex Krycek’s..." She searched for a word. "...pet? I’m saying it, and I still can’t wrap my mind around it."

"Scully, I..."

"Why, Mulder? I can’t... why?"

"I don’t know!" Mulder shouted back. "If I could explain it, I would, okay?"

Scully emitted a frustrated sigh. "It’s over?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Mulder turned his head to the window. "Can’t you just be happy that it is? Do you have to twist the knife?"

"Twist the...Mulder, does it bother you that it’s done?"

No answer. Which was answer enough.

"Oh, my God. What the hell has that bastard done to you?"

"He hasn’t done anything to me."

"That’s what he said."

Mulder’s head whipped around. "You talked to him?"

"Yes."

"What about?"

"What do you think?"

His gaze went back to the window. "Stay out of it, Scully. Please."

"How do you expect me to do that, Mulder? You’re my best friend, and you’re...you’re..."

"A freak? A slut?"

"That isn’t what I was going to say. But something is terribly wrong if you’re letting someone like Alex Krycek degrade and humiliate you."

"What if it was someone else? Could you accept it then?"

"Of course not. But the fact that it was that son of a bitch makes this about a million time worse."

Mulder shook his head and went quiet. Not knowing what else to say, Scully stopped talking as well. The two rode in frustrated silence for a while, then Mulder spoke again, softly.

"For the record, it wasn’t degrading or humiliating."

"Mulder, that just worries me more. How could walking around in front of a mob of people, wearing next to nothing, in a collar and attached to a leash, not be degrading?"

"In my mind, I knew it should be. But I...I...wanted so much to please him. And when I did, it felt so good. I wanted to give him..."

"Give him what?"

"Everything."

"Mulder, what did you do? Did you give him access to your computer or bank account or..."

"That’s not what I mean when I say everything," Mulder said. "I’m talking about everything else. My mind. My body, my will...my pain."

"Why him?" Scully asked in a hushed voice, feeling the change in her partner’s mood. "I don’t need to understand the rest of it right now, I guess, but Mulder...why Krycek?"

"It just...it felt...right. I don’t know how else to explain it."

Another sigh. "What changed it?"

"Just...some stuff I couldn’t get past."

"You couldn’t trust him."

"I tried."

"You were right not to."

"...I miss him."

"God, Mulder, no."

"You want to know about it, Scully. You might as well know it all. I slept on a blanket on the floor by his bed."

"Christ."

"While I was in his apartment, I wore basically nothing except for the collar he had given me."

"Mulder....stop."

"He punished me the first night for getting drunk and letting some guys do some stuff to me"

"I don’t want to hear this."

"Then he punished me another night because I disobeyed him at the club. And I liked it, Scully. I needed it."

"Mulder, shut up!"

Mulder sank down slightly in his seat and fell silent. Not another word was said until Scully pulled up in front of Mulder’s building.

"Will you be in tomorrow?"

"Why wouldn’t I be?"

"I don’t know. Just...goodnight, Mulder."

Grabbing his bag out of the back seat, Mulder got out of the car. Without any parting words, he shut the door and walked away, leaving his partner confused and shaken as hell.

"What’s wrong with you, Mulder?" She asked her partner as he disappeared into the building. "What the hell’s wrong with you?"

The man lay face down on the table, drenched in sweat as the one who had finishing working him over began to clean his tools.

"Oh, Christ," the man whispered. "Christ, thank you."

Dispassionate, green eyes flicked up to the man’s face then back down to the other’s task.

"I’d like to see you again," the man said, wincing as he turned onto his side. "When are you here?"

"Not too often."

"I’d make it worth your while if you could make yourself available like, every two weeks."

"I’ll think about it. Check with C.J. next week."

"Okay."

The man got off the table, dressed slowly, and left Krycek alone in the room.

In the middle of sterilizing a dildo, he began to think about Fox, laid out naked on his bed, pushing that thick dildo into his virgin ass, just to please him.

Krycek sank down into the closest chair, whispering Fox’s name into the darkened room.

"God, I fucked up good, didn’t I?"

Slowly, he lifted himself from the chair, finished his task, then locked up and went home.

The apartment was quiet except for the low drone of the television. Mulder lay on his back on the sofa, watching but not seeing what was on the screen. He hadn’t expected to ever have to have that conversation with Scully, and the shock of it had hit him smack between the eyes.

Well, it was done, and there was nothing he could do about it. Scully would either accept it or she wouldn’t. It wasn’t as if Krycek was still in his life, anyway.

He closed his eyes, hugging himself tightly.

It wasn’t like that at all.

Krycek paced the perimeter of his living room slowly, his favorite classical CD playing softly as he walked. The music did nothing to soothe him tonight, and soon he shut off the player and went in to bed. Tossing restlessly for a while, he threw off the sheet and went to his closet. He opened a panel at the back of the space, and he looked down at the surveillance equipment he’d stored there when Fox had come to stay with him. He hadn’t used it since, unable to bring himself to lay eyes on the man he still wanted so very badly. But tonight, the urge was overwhelming. And he decided to give in to it.

Mulder peeked out from beneath the arm crossed over his face, glaring at the phone as it rang. He had no desire to answer it, but he got up anyway, trudging over to the desk and lifting the receiver to his ear.

"...Hello?"

"Fox?"

He didn’t immediately recognize the voice, but his mind started running through the very short list of men who called him by his first name.

His father - dead.

Alex - Yeah, right. Besides, he’d know Alex’s voice in his sleep.

Uh...

"C.J.?"

"Yeah. I’m glad I caught you home. How’re you doing?"

"Okay. What d’you want?"

"You got time to talk?"

"I suppose. What do you want to talk about?"

"You and Alex."

"Haven’t you heard, C.J.? There is no me and Alex."

"You can’t tell me that that’s the way you want it."

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"I walked out on him, C.J. I threw his collar at him and walked the hell out."

"You can go back."

"I can’t."

"Why not?"

"I can’t...I can’t deal with it."

"With what?"

"With being the obedient little slave. I tried, but...I couldn’t sit there while he let those others throw themselves at him. He said he didn’t want to share me with anyone...why should I have to share him?"

"Fox...you don’t understand."

"No, I guess I don’t. And you know what? I don’t want to. Not if it means feeling like I did. I would’ve done anything," Mulder rambled. "Anything he asked. All I wanted from him was to know that I meant more to him than I apparently did. I wanted to be all he wanted. Was that too much to ask?"

"Why do you think you weren’t?"

Mulder laughed bitterly. "I went for a drink, C.J. No more than a few minutes. When I got back, he had two men sitting on either side of him, fawning all over him, and he was sucking it up. He made it pretty fucking clear that I meant nothing to him."

"No, Fox. You’re wrong. Alex knew about your trust issues. Trust means everything in our circle. He was just testing you. That’s all."

"Guess I failed," Mulder murmured. "Too bad for me."

"It doesn’t have to be. Come on, Fox. You’re unhappy, Alex is unhappy. Don’t let this stand. Go to him. Work it out."

"I tried that once, C.J. It didn’t work."

"Try again."

"I can’t."

"What’re you so afraid of?"

"...Alex knows."

"Well, tell me."

"Listen, C.J. Thank you for trying, okay? It just...it wasn’t meant to be."

"That’s bullshit."

"Call it what you want."

"You want to be with him, Fox. You need him. I can hear it in your voice."

"I want a lot of things. I need a lot of things. I don’t have them, though."

"You can have this."

"I can’t." Mulder sounded tired and so very sad. "I can’t, C.J. Please leave me alone."

Mulder hung up and placed the phone gently on the coffee table before turning onto his side and burying his face in the back cushion.

In the quiet of his bedroom, Krycek listened to Mulder’s soft, agonizing whimpers, and he covered his face with his hands. He sat that way until all sound stopped, then he rose to his feet and walked out of the room.

"Let’s play, Fox."

Mulder opened his eyes to find himself shackled to an inclined bed. Naked except for his collar and a cock ring, and Alex was standing over him, dark and delicious in tight black leather. His eyes sparkled a luminescent green as he drew a leather riding crop over Fox’s mouth, down his chin then over his chest. Mulder flinched and cried out as the crop quickly flicked over one of his nipples.

"You’ve been bad lately, Fox. Very, very bad."

"I’m sorry," Mulder whispered. I didn’t mean to. It’s just that..."

"No excuses. You promised to be mine. You promised to obey me. And have you?"

"...No."

"No. And so you should be punished. Shouldn’t you?"

"Yes. Yes, I sh...I should be punished."

He watched as the two young men from the club entered and came to stand on either side of Krycek, caressing and nuzzling him.

"This is your punishment, Fox. If you take it well, I may forgive you."

Wide, panic-stricken eyes watched as Alex sat in a chair, assuming a careless sprawl as the two immediately fell on him, pulling at his clothing.

"No. No, Alex, please. Don’t let them. Please."

Krycek’s eyes closed as the two licked and sucked at him, taking turns deep-throating his cock.

"Alex," Mulder cried piteously. "Please. Punish me another way. Starve me. Lock me in a closet. Beat me ‘til I bleed, but please make them stop!"

One of the pair climbed onto Krycek’s lap and, while the other held his cock, he lowered himself onto the rigid shaft, and Fox screamed.

"Nooo! No, no, no..."

Strong but gentle hands held him as he thrashed, and a low voice cooed softly to him, asking him to wake up. His eyes blinked open, and he stared up into an all too familiar face.

He was still dreaming. He’d just passed into another fucking dream.

"Fox."

A dream more real than the last.

Fuck.

"Fox, wake up."

Jesus, it even smelled like Alex.

Did one have a sense of smell in dreams?

Mulder concentrated on the man leaning over him, and his heart began to skip already erratic beats.

"What are you doing here?" He was about to ask how Krycek got in, but that would have been just stupid.

"I’m here to drag you back to my apartment, bound and gagged if necessary, and make you finish out the week that you had promised to spend with me."

Anger gave way to confusion. "Over two weeks later? What happened, Krycek? Did you take the scenic route?"

"It’s Alex, and no. It just took a couple of weeks of brooding to realize that if I wanted you back, I’d have to come get you."

"I’m not going anywhere with you."

"I brought the gag and shackles, Fox; don’t think I was bullshitting about that. I’d rather not have to use them, though."

"Don’t you get it? Mulder shouted as he started to sit up. "I don’t want to play any more!"

Krycek shoved him back down to the mattress and held him there with his upper body. He cut off the coming tirade with a bruising kiss.

Mulder’s mind screamed for him to fight, and he did for a few brief seconds then his traitorous body took over, and he relaxed under the sensual assault. Slowly, his hands crept up Krycek’s arms then his arms wound around the younger man’s neck, and he returned the kiss, which had gentled considerably.

Moaning softly, Krycek pulled away only to come right back in for more.

Yes, Mulder cried to himself. Oh, God, y...no. No, don’t You can’t let him do this to you.

He started to fight again, and when Krycek refused to let him go, he did the first thing that came to mind.

"Ah! Shit!" Krycek jerked away and touched his fingers to his bloody lower lip. "Oh, you’re gonna pay for that."

Mulder glared up at him and said nothing.

"You can save the evil looks, too," Krycek informed him. "I can see right through them."

"You can’t see shit."

"No? One thing you haven’t got, Fox, is a poker face. I can read you like a book. If I were to get up and leave right now, you’d be as disappointed as hell. You want me here. You want to go with me. You might fight it, but that’s just for show...to make yourself feel better about waking up in my bed tomorrow morning."

"Don’t you mean beside your bed?"

"I said what I meant."

Mulder stared. Krycek moved closer.

"I did it wrong the first time," Krycek murmured, his words humming against Mulder’s lips. "Come with me and let me fix it."

"...You can’t."

"I can," Krycek moaned, brushing his mouth over Mulder’s. When he pulled away, Mulder inadvertently licked at some of the blood Krycek’s kiss had deposited there. He withdrew his tongue quickly, and he looked up at the other man, almost frightened at what he’d done and his body’s reaction to it.

"Go ahead," Krycek whispered, mesmerizing Mulder with his eyes and voice. "You want to."

Unable to tear his gaze away from Krycek’s, Mulder slowly licked the blood away from his own lips. When he finished, Krycek lowered his head, and Mulder tentatively stretched up the rest of the way and cleaned the blood from his mouth as well. He lowered his head back to the cushion, and he stared up at Krycek, his chest heaving with excitement.

Pressing his slight advantage, Krycek leaned in for another kiss, which Mulder succumbed to willingly this time, and he began to undo the older man’s shirt. Brushing the material aside, Krycek kissed his way down Mulder’s throat and chest, stopping to thoroughly tease his nipples, and by the time he’d finished doing that, Mulder was his. He finished undressing the older man, slipped out of his own clothing, then lay down on top of him.

"You feel so good against me," he whispered in Mulder’s ear as he slowly rubbed against him. "I knew you would."

Nodding, Fox wriggled beneath Krycek, sobbing softly every time their cocks made contact.

"Please...Alex, please..."

"Please what, beautiful?" Krycek asked, his hands and mouth everywhere on Mulder’s body that they could reach.

"Fuck...m-me..."

"Is that what you really want?"

"Yes.

Krycek reached for the pants that he’d dropped on the floor by the sofa, and he withdrew a tube of lubricant. Mulder wondered fleetingly what Krycek was doing with lube in his pocket, but the thought flitted out as quickly as it had entered.

"All right, Fox. Relax, okay? I need you to relax." Krycek applied some gel to one finger. "Spread you legs, baby. Yeah, like that." Gently, he teased the valley between Mulder’s cheeks, working his way into the small opening. He felt Mulder’s muscles contract in natural response, and he kissed first the tip of Mulder’s nose, then his mouth. "It’s all right, Fox. It’s all right."

As gently as he could, he eased his finger inside. "See?" he said as he went in as far as he could then stopped. "Just lie still and breathe easy."

Mulder obeyed, and soon he was whimpering with pleasure as Alex slid the finger in and out of him. The addition of a second finger brought little discomfort, but a third made him suck in his breath and tighten up.

"Breathe, Fox," Krycek instructed softly. "Breathe, baby."

Mulder took breath after shaky breath, and only when Krycek was sure he’d adjusted to the invasion, did he begin to move them slowly in and out.

"God," Mulder gasped, moving every so slightly against Krycek’s hand. "Oh, God, Alex."

"Is it all right now?" Krycek asked.

"Yes," Mulder sighed. "Oh, yes. More. Please, more."

Smirking, Krycek moved a bit faster. When he had Mulder whining and begging loudly for more, he withdrew his fingers.

"Nooo," Mulder cried, tossing his head back and forth and the cushion. "No, please."

"Shhh." Krycek stroked the hair back from Mulder’s forehead. "You’re going to like this better." Lifting Mulder’s legs, he positioned himself and pressed slowly inside the older man.

Mulder’s mouth fell open, and a harsh gurgle erupted from his throat as Krycek’s cock entered his body. Tears sprang to his eyes, and he clawed at the younger man’s back.

"Alex....mmmh...Alex..."

Krycek answered Mulder’s joyful sobs with a gentle thrust of his hips, forcing himself even deeper. Mulder threw his head back and cried out, lost in the exquisite heat possessing him. He held tightly to Krycek, wrapping his legs high around the other man’s waist, and he pushed against him, demanding more, faster, now.

More than happy to oblige, Krycek increased the speed of his thrusts, and when he was sure that Mulder had gone far beyond the point of any returning sense, he grasped the older man’s cock and began to stroke it as his hips moved in a sure, strong rhythm.

No more than a clipped sob could make it past Mulder’s constricted throat as a storm, both physical and emotional broke loose inside of him. Krycek lay over him, pounding furiously into his ass, his hand working almost as fast on his cock, and as he came explosively, he couldn’t imagine for the life of him anything that he wouldn’t do or say or give to always have this. Krycek’s guttural, broken sobs brought him back to the moment, and as his own body twitched in the aftermath of his orgasm, Krycek’s was just beginning. He held the younger man, feeling every contraction of every muscle, the flow of semen washing his insides...the rumble of Alex’s cries against his open mouth...

Krycek emptied himself into Mulder, shuddering in the ecstasy of it, then he went still, his body slumping heavily on top of the other man. Only his soft moans gave Mulder any indication that he was conscious. Long minutes passed, and he lifted his head to gaze into Mulder’s eyes.

"Are you all right?" he asked softly, brushing his knuckles over the older man’s cheek.

Staring up at Krycek, Mulder nodded slowly. His eyes drifted shut as the other man came in for a tender kiss. His fingers threaded through the plush, sable hair, and he sighed against the other’s mouth as they broke the kiss.

"We gotta get something straight, right now," Krycek announced, his voice still soft and sweet. "I don’t want anyone else. For as long as we’re together, I’ll never touch another man."

Mulder looked away from Krycek’s eyes and said nothing.

"I mean that, Fox. As much as you belong to me, I belong to you."

Hope surged.

"I want to believe that, Alex. I need to. Especially now."

"You just gave me a precious, precious gift, Fox. I won’t disrespect that."

Mulder nuzzled Krycek’s hand as it cupped his cheek.

"C.J. said that you never intended to do anything with those guys at the club. Is that true?"

"Yes."

"Why didn’t you just tell me that at the time?"

"It was a mistake not to. I wanted you to trust me without question. Call it ego. Call it stupidity. I don’t know. But I should’ve told you, Fox. I never would have done anything with any of them. I had you. I neither wanted nor needed anyone else."

Mulder returned his gaze to Krycek’s face.

"I was dreaming...earlier. You woke me from it."

Krycek waited.

"You were punishing me. I mean, really punishing me. You had those two guys with you. And I was tied down. You made me watch while you let them suck your cock. Then you fucked one of them."

Krycek moved to the sofa beside Mulder and pulled the older man against him.

"It was just a dream."

Mulder wrapped his arms around Krycek and snuggled into his warmth. "I don’t understand this," he sighed. "I don’t understand how or why I feel like this....I had it out with Scully earlier."

Krycek moved back to look Mulder in the eye.

"She told me that C.J. came here to see me the other day, and that she followed him to the club, and she said she talked to you."

"Yeah. She wasn’t happy."

"She still isn’t. I...told her some stuff. I...I couldn’t stop myself...until she screamed at me to shut up. She was stunned. She was confused. I don’t know what to do to make her understand and make her feel better." Mulder stopped and smiled humorlessly. "Who am I kidding? I’ll never be able to make her feel better about any of this."

"I’m sorry about that." Krycek stroked Mulder’s back. "Are you going to let her be a disruption, though? Is she going to get in the way of what you want to do?"

"No, I...I can’t let her. I can’t let anyone." He held tightly to Krycek. "For the first time I think that maybe I might be on the verge of knowing all of me. I need to know."

"It’s not going to be easy working with her."

"I know," Mulder sighed. "I gotta do it, though. We gotta come to some sort of understanding."

"Good luck."

Mulder pulled back and looked up at the other man. His fingers traced over the other man’s wounded lip.

"I’m sorry about this."

A slow smile curved Krycek’s lips.

"You’re gonna be."

Mulder lowered his eyes and said nothing.

"Get some sleep," Krycek murmured in the golden-brown hair. "Tomorrow we do a little...restructuring."

Mulder shivered deliciously at the implications, and he closed his eyes.

END