Admission IX: Recovering - Part 2

The hotel room door swung open, and Doctor Peters peered out at the man in the hall.

Fox nodded and entered as the doctor stepped aside. "Where is he?" he asked, looking around the room as he walked in.

"Matthew is in his room," Peters explained, motioning to the adjoining door. "I’ve been talking to him since we spoke earlier."

"I’m very sorry. Matthew had been doing so well at home. I thought he was ready for a confrontation with Mr. Krycek."

"He seemed ready enough before Alex started to have his say," Fox pointed out.

"Yes, this is very true. And I reminded him that in order to put this part of his life to rest, he must allow Alex to speak. But as I said to you on the phone, Mr. Mulder, I’m his doctor. I cannot and will not force him to do anything he doesn’t feel he’s able to do. I’m sure you’ll agree that it would be counterproductive to our progress."

"I agree with the statement, doctor," Fox said softly. "But as I told you on the phone, Alex’s well being is my concern. Just as you believe that Matthew needs to complete this, I believe that Alex does as well. And as you have already witnessed, he’s not the most patient of men. He wants this over with so he can finally get on with his life."

"Yes, I did get the impression that he was impatient and quite bitter. I don’t blame him in the least; I’m merely saying that it isn’t helping Matthew’s emotional condition any. And if Matthew is in no shape to hear him out, it helps neither of them."

Peters nodded. "I told him you were coming. He gave no reaction either way, so..."

The doctor started for the door that connected their rooms. "Let me see if he’ll see you." He knocked softly and called Matthew’s name, then opened the door and passed through it.

Fox followed quietly, having no intention of waiting for the young man to refuse to see him.

"Matthew," Peters called to the man standing by the window. "Mr. Mulder is here to see you."

Ignoring the other man’s warning look, Fox moved forward, passing Peters and coming to stand in front of the frightened young man.

"You owe him, Matthew," Fox said in his low, monotone. "What happened to you was nothing short of horrific, but it in no way negates what happened to him."

"I know," Matthew whispered miserably. "I have awful nightmares about it. I wonder every day if what I did will somehow turn me into someone...something...like Justin."

"Not if you’re feeling guilt over it. Saint James was a man who felt no remorse. I don’t believe that’s true of you."

"No, Alex believes you’re a weakling. He abhors weakness. And this is a big part of the problems he’s having now. He’s always been very strong. Very in control. Saint James took all of that out of his hands, and he needs to have it out with you in order to regain what was robbed from him."

"Alex needs the same thing you needed," Fox explained evenly. "He needs to talk it out...or yell, or whatever he needs to do to get everything off his chest. And you need to sit there and listen to it. You haven’t done that, Matthew, but guess what?" Fox moved a little closer and spoke a little more softly. "You’re going to."

He hadn’t moved from the spot in which he stood, but Doctor Peters cocked his head, straining to hear what was being said while he carefully gauged his patient’s reactions to the other man.

"This isn’t just about you," Fox hissed, patience fading a bit. "You’re not going to come here, cry about what you went through with Saint James, then blow back out without hearing what Alex has to say. It’s not happening that way, Matthew. I’m not letting it happen that way."

The frightened young man tore his eyes from the hard, amber gaze and looked to his doctor, but Fox’s voice drew him right back.

Matthew blinked. Something in the man’s voice told him he had no choice but to obey.

"Very good. Now, pay attention," Fox continued in a tone that only the man in front of him could hear. "You’re going to see Alex. You’re going to see him today. You’re going to sit your skinny little ass down in a chair...you’re not going to zone out on him...you’re not going to start whimpering like a damn puppy, I don’t care how mad he is. You. Owe. Him. And I’m here to see that you pay up in full."

Matthew stared up into mesmerizing, gilded eyes, trying to get some intelligent sound to come from his mouth, but Fox cut him off before he could speak.

"If you’re going to tell me you can’t again, don’t bother. I’m not listening. And don’t you dare try to take off before I get back here with Alex. You’ll do as I say, or I swear, Matthew, on all that’s holy, I’ll find you. Wherever you run to, I’ll track you down. I found Alex, remember? So don’t think I won’t be able to find you. And I when I do, I guarantee you, you’ll never be that unhappy again. Got me?"

"Good. I’m leaving now, but I’ll be back soon. If you cooperate, this’ll all be over today. That’s gotta be of some comfort to you. Hold on to it." Fox turned and headed back in the doctor’s direction.

"What did you say to him?" Peters asked as the two men passed from one room into the next. "Did you threaten my patient?"

Fox shrugged. "I simply explained to him in a way which you could not, that he really needed to hear Alex out and get this settled once and for all."

"Meaning, I put all those psych classes I took at Oxford to use and assessed the situation. I then used the method I thought most effective, and convinced your patient to do what was best for himself and Alex. I apparently succeed where you, doctor, had failed."

"Of course, you realize, Mr. Mulder, that the moment you leave, I’m going to go talk to him and find out what exactly you discussed."

"Go right ahead. In the meantime, I’m going home. I’ll be back shortly with Alex."

Without another word, Fox strolled out of the room, leaving Doctor Peters to stare after him for a moment before turning on his heel and heading back to Matthew’s room.

"But it’s going to. I’m on my way to pick Alex up now and go over to the kid’s hotel."

"Yeah. Peters tried to get Matthew out of seeing Alex today, saying that he was in no shape to talk, and I went over there."

"Not hardly. He went ballistic, and I knew there was no way he could go over there in that state and not kill the kid. I managed to get him to stay put while I went over to the hotel and took care of things."

"Yeah. I convinced Matthew to get this over with today. It wasn’t a walk in the park, but..."

"Because while you’re not exactly Alex, you can flip out just as easily as he can in certain situations. I can see where this would definitely be one of those times."

"Yeah, Mulder, I can see it now. You scared the hell out of that boy, didn’t you?"

"Look, Scully, I did what I had to do to make this meeting happen. Alex is my first, last, and only concern in this."

"I know. Believe me, I’m not chastising you. I probably would have wanted to slap him around a bit had I been there, but I’m just thinking. What makes you think that he’ll be there when you get back?"

"Oh, God, there’s that tone. Okay, Mulder, do me a favor and call me later. I want to know how it went."

"All right, Scully. Listen, I’m pulling up to the house now, so I’ll talk to you later...yeah, okay...bye."

Fox disconnected and rolled up into the driveway. He cut the motor and exited the car, walking up to the front door. Just as he was inserting his key into the lock, Clyde’s bark turned him around. He smiled as from a block away, Alex let the dog off his lead, and Clyde bounded up the sidewalk and headed straight for him. He dropped down, petting and ruffling the dog’s fur as he waited for Alex to reach them. The younger man walked up, and Fox stood to meet his eyes.

"Well, you tried," Alex sighed, opening the door and letting the dog in. "Now it’s my turn."

"Whoa, Alex. No. I said it went how I expected, not how you expected. Let’s go. They’re waiting."

Alex paused, studying the triumphant glint in his lover’s eyes. "You got him to agree to finish it?"

"Yeah," Alex said softly. "Yeah, in a minute. Let me just go get Clyde some water and change."

Fox followed Alex into the house and waited for the approximately twenty minutes it took him to shower and change, and they left the house shortly afterward.

The trip was spent mostly in silence until Alex cleared his throat and spoke up.

"I didn’t touch him," Fox broke in. "I just convinced him that he needed to see you today."

Fox turned into the hand that had risen to his face and pressed a soft kiss into the palm, then turned his attention back to the road.

They made the rest of the trip in a more comfortable silence, but when they arrived in the parking lot of the hotel, Fox sensed Alex’s returning tension. As they exited the car, he took the younger man’s hand, holding it securely in his own, and brushed a kiss across the knuckles.

Alex closed his eyes for a moment, drawing on his lover’s strength, and the two strode into the building. As the elevator carried them to Matthew’s floor, Fox leaned in and kissed the side of Alex’s neck then whispered into his ear.

"No," Alex purred, grateful for the intentional distraction. "But you’ll be the first to know when I..."

"Stop," Alex whispered, the veins at the sides of his head bulging with the force he used to clench his teeth together.

The doors swished open, and Fox led Alex out and sat him in the nearest chair. "Alex? You didn’t what?"

Alex nodded then lifted his head, meeting his lover’s concerned eyes. "Let’s do this," he whispered thickly. "I have to end it now."

The first few steps were a bit unsteady, but very soon Alex picked up momentum, regaining his balance and composure. They reached their destination, and he knocked at the door, breathing deeply. Several seconds passed before the door opened, and when it did, the somber face of Doctor Peters looked out at them. Alex blew past him without so much as a hello, and Fox stepped inside, meeting the other man’s gaze.

"Matthew refused to say, but I know you did something. You said something to coerce him into doing this."

Fox opened his mouth to answer, but his reply was cut off by Alex’s voice, impatient and angry.

"In his room," the doctor replied, moving to the door. "I’ll get him." Giving Fox one last suspicious glare, he knocked softly and opened the door. "Matthew? They’re here."

Fox watched Alex closely, taking in the aggressive stance and heavy rise and fall of his chest, and knew this wasn’t going to be pretty. He just hoped he could prevent any shedding of blood.

Matthew inched into the room, eyes cast downward, and stopped a few feet in front of the door.

"Come in, Matthew," Peters coaxed softly. "Sit down and make yourself comfortable. In fact, why don’t we all have a seat?"

Alex remained standing, watching the young man as he shuffled to a chair and lowered himself into it.

"Well, I certainly think Matthew would be a little more at ease if you assumed a less hostile position."

Alex looked from Peters to Fox. "Is he kidding?" His head snapped back to the other man. "I don’t give a shit how Matthew interprets my position. Let’s just get on with this already."

Fox held both hands up and moved over to the sofa where he took a seat. "He doesn’t want to sit. What do you want me to do?" He gave Alex a tiny smile then nodded. "Say what you came to say, baby."

Alex paced slowly for what Matthew must have thought was hours before he opened his mouth and began to speak.

"You made me sit through your life story," he spat, eyes smoldering an angry green, "now you’re going to sit through mine."

"Like you, I had a decent childhood. No fairy tale, but all right. It didn’t all start going to hell till I was in my late teens. I’d never have told my parents about myself. They’d have gone nuts. So, when a friend and I were beaten and raped after a party one night, I kept my mouth shut about it. Explained away the cuts and bruises as the results of a fight." Alex shrugged. "I lived with it. Just me, myself and I. Nothing else I could do.

"My mother died in a car accident not long afterward, then my grandmother, whom I loved dearly died a couple of years after that. My father became very withdrawn, and I left home. Joined the FBI Academy after college. I won’t go into detail, but it was one stupid decision after another after that, and I sank deeper and deeper into some really bad shit. The worse it got, the easier it was for me to say, fuck it. It’s never going to get any better, so why even try to put it right? Then about four years ago, it all did an about face. Fox and I found each other.

"We’d actually known each other before that, but I was still in my destructive phase, and we didn’t exactly see eye to eye. But one weird night brought us together in a way I’d dreamed a lot about but never thought was possible." Alex’s gaze softened as he looked toward his seated lover. "We hit some rough patches but they all smoothed out, and for the first time ever I knew what it was to be really happy.

"See, I had a life." He turned back to the younger man. "I had someone who loved me without question...without exception or conditions, and after the life I had been living, this was an amazing thing to me.

"Fox saved my life. He made me believe that I was somebody worth loving, and I can never be grateful enough for that. And sometimes I look at him, and I think...I think that I can never love him enough. I can never give him all the love he deserves no matter how hard I try or how much I want to. But I go on trying. I might fall short once in a while, but I try so hard..."

Unable to stay in his seat, Fox rose and walked slowly over to his lover. He let his fingertips drift down Alex’s cheek then pulled the younger man against him. "You’ve never fallen short," he whispered, petting Alex’s head before pulling away and kissing the other man’s forehead. "Never." He backed away but did not reclaim his seat on the sofa. Instead, he leaned against the windowsill, keeping within a comforting few feet of his lover.

Alex stood quietly, momentarily lost in the warmth of Fox’s gaze, then he turned back to Matthew, making sure that the young man was paying attention. He pointed to Fox, a distinct chill replacing the warmth. "This is my whole life. This is what Saint James tried to destroy."

Alex prowled around to the front of Matthew’s chair, eyes burning into the younger man’s. "He..." The sable head shook in enduring disbelief. "...he planned it all out. See, Fox and I had met him in a club in the Bahamas. But unlike you, we wanted nothing to do with him and let him know. We never dreamed we’d see him again. But he saw Fox in New York last year, and he followed him back to Washington. He bought the house next door to us. Watched us...our comings and goings...he sat in the second floor window of that house with binoculars and watched us making love in our bedroom, all the while plotting and planning when he was going to make his move.

"He hired people...he had the goddamn nerve to rent a local carpeting truck, and they came and snatched me from my home while Fox was at work. When I woke up, I found myself chained to a bed in a fucking cage. That sick fuck had actually had a cage built for me like I was some damn zoo animal." He began to pace again, eyes never leaving the younger man’s face. "He touched me." He stopped and closed his eyes as if in doing so he could stop his skin from crawling at the thought. "He put his filthy hands on me, and he told me I was his. And I couldn’t move," he whispered through gritted teeth. "There was no way to stop him from touching me..."

Matthew lowered his head and shuddered, recalling the sickening feel of Justin’s hands on him.

Alex continued. "You ever have one of those dreams where insects are crawling over you, and you can’t move to swat them away, and you can’t wake up? That’s what it felt like. And his voice...when he spoke...it had the same sickening effect." Alex heaved a long breath. "He called me...he...he used the nickname that since my grandmother, only Fox had ever used. And all of a sudden, it wasn’t a sweet or comforting thing. It was vile. It was disgusting. Every time he said it, I felt like I needed a hot shower." He paused in front of Fox, leaning into the older man’s soothing touch.

"That’s how I felt," Matthew added softly, all at once wishing he had said nothing. Alex whirled around, snarling at him.

"You weren’t chained up and caged," Alex hissed. "You could have gotten away from him if you really wanted to. You didn’t even try, you gutless little weasel. You made him what he was. Yeah, he was a rich asshole who thought he could buy everything, but your weakness gave him strength. It fed him, and he grew into a bigger monster than he was. If it wasn’t for you, he might never have kidnapped me."

Matthew cowered in his chair, wishing with all his heart that he had never initiated this meeting. But Alex was right. He picked up his head and tried to meet the furious green gaze.

"You’re damn right it was," Alex spat. "And you know, if it was just you...it would have been bad enough, but to watch him do what he did to someone else. To know that he kidnapped and tortured another person...and to participate in it...that’s beyond weak. I...I don’t even know that I’ve got a word to describe you..."

Matthew again lowered his head. "I didn’t want to. Please, please believe that. It sickened me to do that to you. I knew...from those few hours I’d spent with you earlier, I could tell how much you loved Fox, and I knew what it would do to you..."

"I told Justin, I...begged him not to make me...but he...he got so mad...furious. He would have beaten me within an inch of my life if I didn’t."

"He was an old man, for Christ’s sake!" Alex bellowed. "There’s no way in hell he could have done anything to you that you didn’t allow. Scrawny as you are, you could have taken him!"

"You didn’t want to!" Alex bit back then stared at the younger man. "You liked it, didn’t you?"

"Come on, Matthew, admit it. You enjoyed the shit he did to you. You liked being paraded around in front of his friends, and you enjoyed the hell out of being passed around amongst them..."

"If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have let him do it! You would have got the hell out of there or died trying!" Alex’s voice lowered, but the contempt remained. "But you didn’t. And you let him try to do it to me."

Matthew shook his head, tears streaming down his face. "I asked him to let you go. Even though I knew he never would. I tried, Alex, I swear to God. But he wanted you. And Justin always got anything he wanted."

"Because wimps like you always lay down in front of him like he was a fucking god! He was nothing more than a wrinkled old asshole with the finances to get things done!"

Fox and Doctor Peters watched intently as Alex leaned in close enough to Matthew that the younger man could feel his breath on his face.

"Was it the money? Did you think that if you let him have his way, he’d leave it all to you when he kicked off?"

Alex’s tone turned seductively soft. "Come on, kid. It had to be the money. Why else would you let that old queen do all that shit to you? Why else would you stay? Couldn’t have been the sex. You couldn’t have actually liked having that withered old dick up your ass, could you? Well, maybe you could. If you enjoyed the beatings and humiliation...maybe you are that sick..."

Alex studied the curled up figure of the young man with detached curiosity. "You’re not zoning out on me again, are you Matthew? Because I promise you, your doctor isn’t going to stop me from making you listen this time."

Seconds passed, and Matthew slowly raised his head from the protective circle of his arms. He sniffed back a sob and lifted his chin, doing his best to still his quivering lips. Alex stared at him for a moment longer then continued to speak.

"You know," he started softly, "it was bad enough he snatched me from my home. But he left me with nothing when he threw me in that cage...nothing that represented my life...

"Our first Christmas together, Fox had given me a watch." He fingered the silver band on his left wrist. "This watch. He had it inscribed with something very significant, and it meant everything in the world to me." He showed Matthew the ring on his right hand. "And this. And Saint James stole them from me while I was unconscious. He’d stripped away everything connected with my life, and the only thing I had left was what was in my mind. He tried to take that too. He tried in every way he knew how to break me down. The drugs...those fucking merciless beatings...he even tried to convince me that Fox didn’t care enough to look for me, and I think it pissed him off royally that he was unable to. So, he beat me some more. And I took it. And I waited. And every chance I got, I showed him that he would not best me."

Fox watched the corner of his lover’s mouth twitch and knew that Alex was recalling the worst few minutes of his ordeal.

"He was a smart man," Alex began, pacing slowly. "I gotta hand it to the motherfucker. He knew. He knew I’d sooner die than give in to him, and he knew there was only one thing he could do to punish to me. And he knew exactly how to deliver the killing blow..."

Alex stopped pacing and turned tortured eyes to the young man. "You know, I think I would have preferred it if he’d sent four guys in there to beat and fuck me till I bled as opposed to what he did do." He gave the younger man a scornful smile. "He’d doped me up, but you know that. I was pretty well out of it...dreaming dreams of home and my Fox..." In an increasingly agitated move, he began raking his fingers through his hair and. "And out of nowhere, I felt this gentle warmth close over my cock..." He closed his eyes, talking to seemingly no one but himself. "...and I wanted it to be him...I wanted to stay in that dream. But I couldn’t. The more I woke up, the harder it was to believe. And I...and I got to the point where I knew...I...I knew it wasn’t Fox. But I’d also gotten to the point where I just couldn’t shut it off. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t..." Alex began to stalk back and forth again, clenching his hands together.

"I’m sorry, Alex," Matthew whimpered softly. "I know how much it upset you..."

"Upset me?" Alex stared at the younger man, his voice crackling with disbelief. "Upset me?"

The slam of Alex’s fists on one of the end tables startled the other three men in the room, but all remained silent.

"I was drugged and tortured for fucking days, and none of it upset me like coming in another man’s mouth did! Do you know what it feels like to think you’ve betrayed the only person in the world you’ve ever loved?" He pounded one fist against his chest. "It was like I’d fucking died! I was dead, but my goddamn heart was still beating! It hurt so much, I wanted it to stop. You’d ended my life with that little stunt, and I just wanted it over.

"Fox took such a...a huge chance on me. I still...I don’t...I don’t know why, but he did. And believe me, he had no reason in the world to want to. He opened himself up to me, and... and trusted that I would always love him and never hurt him. And I did that," he moaned through gritted teeth. "And it was easy. Easier than I ever could have dreamed. I’d never fallen in love with anybody in my whole life. He was my first. And he’ll be my last. And his trust, it meant...it means the whole world to me..."

Fox lowered his head and closed his eyes, willing himself to stay put and keep quiet. Alex needed to get this all out, and this was the only opportunity he might ever have.

"...And in the span of just a few minutes, it was all blown to hell." Alex trembled with the effort it took to hold himself upright. "I had just let another man do to me what no other man should ever have been able to do. I...I drove myself crazy wondering how it happened. How it could have continued even after I realized it wasn’t him. I felt like I should have been able to stop it. And that I couldn’t, it was so...I felt like fucking dirt. S-so unworthy of his love and his trust..."

A tear rolled unseen down Fox’s cheek. He knew that Alex had felt this way, but to listen to him say the words...to hear the anguish in his voice as he spoke them, ripped his heart in two. He clasped his hands together and let his head drop lower as Alex continued.

"...When I woke up in the hospital, he was the first thing I saw. He was crying...and he was smiling, and I was so relieved to be back with him. I knew he’d find me..." Alex took a deep, stuttering breath. "And when the initial euphoria faded, and it all came down on me a few minutes later, I was sick. The shame was...God, it was unbelievable. There he was...so happy that he’d found me...thinking that everything was going to be all right again, and he had no idea." Alex shook his head, staring straight through the young man. "No idea how I’d betrayed him..."

"You...you didn’t betray him, Alex," Matthew ventured to speak. "It happened just like you said yesterday. You were violated. Raped. You didn’t want it, and that’s what it amounts to."

"Yeah," Alex hissed. "That is what it amounts to. But after days of not eating and being pumped full of drugs and Saint James’s own special brand of TLC, I was pretty damn fucked up." He turned and looked to his silent lover. "But even after he found out what had happened...he never moved from my side. He kept reassuring me and telling me that he loved me and that nothing that happened could ever change that. He wanted to take me home. All the shit that had been dumped on him, and he still wanted me...and I...I felt worse. I needed him so much, and yet I felt that I didn’t deserve him, but I couldn’t...I just wanted to cling to him and block everything else out. I couldn’t though."

"I couldn’t keep it out. It played over and over again in my head. I tried. I tried so hard to make it go away, but it wouldn’t." He bit into his lower lip, squeezing his hands together, and his voice crackled with self-loathing. "Little by little I felt my control slipping away, and not long after I got back home, I tried to kill Fox."

Alex drew in a shaky breath. "He talked to me. Saint James. Came to me in my dreams, talking all kinds of shit. And one night..." He paused, blinking away the sudden sting of tears. "One night I was having a really bad nightmare, and Fox tried to wake me. I wrapped my hands around his throat and tried to choke the life of out him. I was still dreaming ...I thought he was Saint James, and I almost killed him. Our dog came into the room, and his barking woke me." He shook his head, eyes glued on the seated man. "I can’t...I can’t begin to explain what it felt like...to suddenly wake up and find myself strangling the only man I’ve ever loved. To listen to him wheezing and gasping for breath...and to have to look at the marks my fingers left on his throat the next morning..."

"You didn’t know what?" Alex whispered, hatred dripping from each word. "You didn’t know how badly you and your master had fucked me up? Well, surprise, surprise. And you know what? I didn’t do it just once. Oh, no, no. A short time later, I almost shot him. I held a gun to his face and almost blew his head off." He turned glistening eyes to Fox. "And here he is. All that I’ve done to him...all that I’ve put him through, and he’s still here." He turned back to Matthew. "He’s the only thing that keeps me from killing you, in case you didn’t know it...and he’s the reason that I want to. But instead," he said flatly, "I’ll content myself with this... talking thing. It’s hard, though, you know? I look at you and all I want to do is rip your heart out and shove it down your throat. I want to beat you until your own mother doesn’t recognize you. I’m restraining myself only for Fox. So, you have him to thank for your life."

"I’m still not in control. You don’t know what I took for me to finally admit that. For so long I thought I was. I insisted. Vehemently. And every time Fox told me I wasn’t, I’d blow up at him. I didn’t want to hear it. Not from anybody, and especially not from him, because if he said it to me, it must have been the truth. And the truth was...it was just..." Alex took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"I couldn’t be what he was telling me I was. The man he’d fallen in love with was strong and self-assured...and sane. That wasn’t who had come back from Connecticut, and I couldn’t stand it. I hated myself for not being able to be that man for him. And so my frustrations and my fears came out as denial and anger." He looked to Fox again, meeting the beautiful, sad, hazel gaze. "He doesn’t deserve my anger. It belongs to Saint James." He refocused on the young man, his tone sounding much like coarse sandpaper. "And it belongs to you. I won’t fuck up our life. And I won’t lose him. I can’t...I couldn’t lose him and live. And so here I am, looking at your goddamn face...something I swore I’d never do again. And I’m reliving shit I’d much rather forget, all in the hopes of finally cleansing myself of the fucking memories...those goddamn voices. I want them gone. I want you and Saint James gone. All the guilt, all the insecurities...I want to be who I was. Completely and totally, one hundred percent me."

"Everything that happens in our lives affects us, Alex," Doctor Peters interjected softly. "You can’t be exactly who you were before. And that’s what you have to work on accepting."

Alex shot the man a withering glare, but before he could respond, Fox reached out, closing his fingers around the younger man’s wrist.

"He’s right to an extent, baby," he said soothingly. "We’re always changing, and events in our lives sometimes play a big part in how much. It depends on who we are to begin with. You..." Fox pulled Alex closer, now holding both of his hands. "...You’re a strong, willful, dynamic man who’s been through hell, and it set you back. What happened to you would screw up a lesser man for years to come if not for the rest of his life." He glanced at Matthew, making his point. "But in the end, you’ll be stronger. That’s how it’ll ultimately change you. You’ve taken a huge step today toward making that happen, and I’m so proud of you. But, Alex, you have to know that no matter how this had turned out, you would never lose me."

Alex focused a glassy green stare on the man in front of him then seconds later took a few steps forward, melting into Fox’s embrace.

Fox held his lover tightly, tenderly petting the head that rested on his shoulder while Peters watched in silent interest.

"I’m tired, lisa," Alex whispered, clinging to his lover’s shoulders. "I want to go home now."

Fox nodded, kissing the back of the younger man’s head. "Do you think you’ve said everything you wanted to say?"

Alex lifted his head and looked over at the huddled form on the chair. He paused for a moment, then spoke.

Fox studied Alex for a number of seconds before nodding and pushing away from the window sill. Pulling the younger man into his side, he glanced over at the doctor. "We’re through. You can leave now."

Peters rose to his feet and looked over at his patient. "Matthew? Matthew, they’re leaving. Is there anything else you’d like to say first?"

"I don’t give a shit whether or not he’s got more to say," Alex spat. "He’s said enough."

As Alex spoke, Matthew picked himself up out of his chair and walked over to the two men, stopping a few feet away. "Umm, I...I just...goodbye, Alex. I uh...I hope that you find this helped you...even if just a little...I think...I think it might have helped me even if it does hurt so much right now..."

Alex, turned his head, directing a blank stare at the young man. "Go home," he whispered wearily then looked to his right, meeting his lover’s eyes. "I’m going home."

Fox returned Alex’s gaze, noting extreme fatigue but also a tiny flicker of something else. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He planted a soft kiss on the younger man’s forehead and turned to the doctor. "We’re out of here."

Peters looked from one man to the other. "Just another minute if I might...Alex?"

"So, let me get this straight." Alex drew himself up, eyes once again sparkling with anger. "You want me to pat little Matthew here on the head and tell him it’s okay that he did what he did to me?"

"No, of course it wasn’t okay. It was very wrong. He knows that. He knew it when he did it. But you don’t seem to want to understand that he did it because he was afraid for his life..."

"Oh, no," Alex cut in. "You’re dead wrong. I’d love to understand. I’m dying to understand. I can’t understand."

Peters nodded once then directed his next words at Fox. "Are you planning on seeking further counseling? I think it would be advisable..."

"Do me a favor, okay, and go advise your patient," Alex sniped before Fox could respond. "There’s plenty of condemnation in the world, and not everyone feels the need to see an analyst about it."

Peters nodded. "Very true. But I think you should keep your options open. Just in case you feel the need in the future to speak to someone. And for what it’s worth, I truly believe that if you were able to forgive Matthew or at the very least understand him, you’d find that you’d feel so much better."

Alex shook his head. "You know what would make me feel better? Five minutes alone with him. But since that’s not going to happen, the two of you on a plane will have to suffice. Now...I’m done with this. Forget your stupid notion that I should forgive this little prick, pack your bags, grab the first flight back home, and get the hell out of my life."

Before anyone else could say a word, Alex moved toward the exit with Fox in tow, and threw the door open.

"Think about it, Alex...give it a little time, and I think you’ll come to realize..."

The rest of the doctor’s words died in his throat as Fox spun around, turning a glittering amber glare on him.

"What part of ‘I’m done with this’ didn’t you understand?" he rumbled softly. "Go back to where you came from and take care of your patient."

"Forgive me, Mr. Mulder, but how successful have you been so far? No offense, but you’re too close. Too emotionally involved."

Fox hesitated for a brief instant, then, poise securely in place, he offered the doctor a mirthless smile. "Yes, I am emotionally involved. And therefore, I have much more invested in his recovery than billable hours."

Unable to come up with a suitable response, the doctor fell silent and watched as Fox wound an arm around Alex and guided him into the hall and away.

"Well, Matthew," Peters began softly, closing the door and turning to his patient, "we did the best we could with what we had. Do you feel it was enough?"

"More than enough," the young man murmured, still shivering in the aftermath of Alex’s anger.

Matthew nodded and whispered, "I deserved to hear it, though. All of it. As much as I didn’t want to...as hateful as he was, I’m glad I did it. I owed him that much. He would have killed me, you know...if he could have."

"You weren’t at Justin’s," Matthew interrupted. "He killed those men with no regret. It didn’t matter that they were just following orders. Nothing mattered. He’d been kidnapped from his home. He was separated from the only thing that mattered in his life, and it drove him up the walls. He was like..." Matthew paused, looking for a proper comparison. "Imagine capturing a wildcat, caging it in a strange place, then poking at it with sticks and rattling its cage constantly. Imagine the fury...

"To his mind, everyone in that house was involved in keeping him prisoner, and so he lashed out at whoever he could. I’m the only one he talked to. The only one he was civil with, and like he said, what I did to him was worse than anything that had happened. And now, I’m the only living reminder of that. Of course he’d like to kill me."

"You’re a very understanding young man, Matthew. And quite sensitive. I’m very sorry we couldn’t make Alex see that."

"It’s all right," Matthew shrugged resignedly. "It doesn’t matter what he thinks of me. I came, and I did what I needed to do. I just hope that somehow, he’s able to make peace with it." Matthew moved in the direction of his own room and stopped at the door. "I’d like to follow his wishes and leave here as soon as possible."

Green eyes darted back and forth, watching the scenery roll by. His left leg bounced in an erratic rhythm, keeping time with the thoughts ricocheting through his head.

Fox’s soft words turned his head, and he looked at the older man. "Do you believe that shit?"

"That, ‘why don’t you forgive poor little Matthew’ shit. Why the hell should I?"

"Damn right," Alex snorted. "Seems like you and I were the only sane people in that room."

"Well," Fox responded in that soothing monotone, "it actually wasn’t Matthew asking for forgiveness. I think he knows how impossible that is for you."

"And damn, fuckin’ well he should know." Alex turned back to the window, muttering more to himself than to Fox. "Come fuck with me then ask for forgiveness? He’d have to be out of his mind."

The sable head snapped back. "I mean...do you think he deserves forgiveness?"

Fox inhaled deeply then let the breath out. "He messed you up bad, Alex. I love you, and truthfully, no. I can’t forgive him."

Alex attempted to do as Fox suggested, but seconds later, his eyes flickered open.

"He did irritate me a few times," Fox agreed, reaching out a hand to stroke his lover’s head. "C’mon, close you’re eyes."

Again, Alex’s eyes drifted shut. He sighed softly, letting Fox soothe him a bit. "Should’ve killed him in the hospital when I had the chance," he muttered softly.

Finally, Alex fell silent, and the knot between his eyebrows gradually faded and disappeared. Fox continued to lightly massage the back of his head while kept the Porsche on a steady track for home, and when at last he pulled into the garage, he leaned over and gently roused the napping man.

Fox helped the younger man out of the car and led him into the house. Followed closely by Clyde, he walked Alex into the bedroom and let him sink down onto the bed. He pulled off the other man’s shirt, shoes and socks, then sat down on the edge of the mattress as Alex turned onto his side, burrowing into one of the pillows. He let one hand drift over his lover’s back and shoulders, attempting to coax him back into sleep.

"Feel like I’ve been dragged for miles," Alex moaned, luxuriating in Fox’s touch.

"Go to sleep," Fox purred softly into Alex’s ear. "When you wake up, you’ll feel a lot better."

"Go to sleep," Fox repeated a little more firmly, planting a tender kiss on the younger man’s temple.

Mere seconds later, Alex was softly snoring. Fox sat a while longer, unwilling to immediately relinquish contact with the warm skin beneath his wandering hand. He studied the sleeping man for a while, then, brushing a breath of a kiss over the bare shoulder, he arose and exited the room.

"No. Not that he wouldn’t have loved to. It was just emotionally exhausting. In fact, he’s asleep right now."

"It was good for him to be able to confront Matthew. He needed to do that. But he needs to let go of the anger, and he can’t seem to. I think he knows he needs to, but he’s at war with himself over it."

"No. God, no. There’s a better chance of you marrying Frohike and having his kids."

"No, I’m just suggesting that he needs to acknowledge that Matthew truly felt he had no choice in what he did. He can’t reconcile himself with that. He would have sooner died than done anything Saint James wanted, and he can’t see why Matthew or anyone wouldn’t feel the same way. That’s what he’s got to do. He’s got to allow himself to realize that it isn’t a betrayal of himself or me to simply understand the kid’s state of mind. I don’t mean to make it sound like I’m sympathizing with Matthew. I’m not. I just understand how it is he ended up in the position that he did. Of course, that doesn’t in any way diminish my very strong desire to beat the shit out of him."

"I trust him, Scully," Fox said with soft resignation. "He’ll come around, and he’ll do what’s right."

Scully chuckled at the amused tone in her partner’s voice. "Anytime. Hey, you guys want to go out later for dinner?"

"I don’t know how that’d work out," Fox replied. "I get the feeling that he’s going to be out for some time. If you want to come over here, I’ll make us something. And if he wakes up before dinner, we can all eat together."

Fox hung up and slouched against the back cushions of the sofa, folding his hands behind his head, and reviewing the last few hours.

Painful, but very definitely necessary. The meetings, such as they were, might not have been all that he had hoped, but it was certainly leap in the right direction. Now, all he had to do was keep Alex talking, and sooner or later, he’d talk himself right into letting go of the anger and hatred that had hurt them both for far too long now.

Fox groaned softly and hauled himself off the sofa and into the kitchen to see what he could dig up for dinner.

Scully sniffed appreciatively at the aroma wafting up from the large pot and smiled.

"Mulder, if anyone had ever told me you’d turn into a halfway decent cook someday, I’d have laughed in their face."

Fox crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the kitchen counter and grinned.

"I can’t deny it." Scully opened the oven door to check on the garlic bread. "You think all these odors would’ve brought Alex out of the bedroom by now."

"I’m not surprised he’s still out. He was pretty wasted when we got home." Fox tasted his sauce then added a bit more oregano. "I’ll go check on him, though...see if he’s even moved."

Scully nodded then looked down at the dog sitting beside her. She frowned at the mournful expression, then asked, "What’s he want?"

Scully returned her attention to the unblinking brown eyes. "I really don’t think there’s anything up here that you’d like, Clyde." To prove her point, she plucked a grape from the bowl in front of her and held it out, laughing when the dog quickly snatched it from her palm. "You’re a strange animal, Clyde. You fit right in around here."

The bedroom door inched open, and Fox cautiously stepped into the room. Eyes on the motionless form in front of him, he crept toward the bed, gaining a few inches at a time until he was standing directly over his unconscious lover. A faint smile touched his lips as he observed the sleep softened features and steady rise and fall of the broad chest, and he wondered if Alex’s slumber was as untroubled as it appeared from the outside.

Unable to help himself, Fox reached out and let his fingers slide over the glistening sable strands of the younger man’s hair.

And all at once he regretted his decision to invite Scully over for dinner. At this moment, he wanted nothing more than to curl himself around his sleeping lover and join him in peaceful darkness.

Fox released an inaudible sigh and, leaning over to drop a tiny kiss on the corner of Alex’s mouth, he cursed himself briefly then returned to the kitchen. As he walked back into the room, he found Scully sitting at the table with a bag of his sunflower seeds in front of him, peeling away the black and white shell from one of them.

Fox shook his head and walked over to the stove. "He eats everything, Scully. The only thing we’ve found so far that he doesn’t like is tomatoes."

Scully succeeded in cracking another shell and tossed the seed to the dog who immediately snapped the tiny object out of mid air.

"Like a light. I guess it’s just you and me." Fox bent to remove the garlic bread from the oven and heard the curious snuffling of the third who would never let his presence be forgotten. "And Clyde..."

Ten minutes later, they sat down to eat, and when dinner was over, Scully helped clean up, and the partners sat down in front of the television.

"God, I feel like a beached whale," Scully complained as she slumped onto the sofa.

"Couldn’t have anything to do with the two helpings of spaghetti you ate, could it?" Fox asked as he sat down beside her and reached for the remote.

Fox broke into laughter. "I couldn’t even see you over the mound you had in your plate!"

"No, I’m not kidding. I’m thinking warm apple pie...a la mode...oh yeah, that’d be..."

Scully broke off her request and followed the line of her partner’s stare to the one who had just entered the room.

More asleep than awake, Alex shuffled in, dropping down on the sofa and wedging himself between his lover and Scully.

"Oh, for..." Scully bounced a few inches to her left and watched Alex sink into Fox’s open arms. Despite the disgusted grunt, a tiny smile formed on her lips as Fox pulled the younger man to his chest and dropped a few kisses in the tousled hair.

Fox rested his cheek on top of the other man’s head and smiled over at Scully. "So, anyway..."

"Fine," Scully sighed, hefting herself off of the sofa. "I’ll go dig up my own dessert. You want anything?"

"No," Fox answered absently, perfectly happy to sit there, gently stroking his lover.

"Alex?" As soon as she’d called the other’s name, she threw a hand up and turned toward the kitchen. "Oh, never mind."

Fox laughed softly then turned all of his attention on the man in his arms. "Babe?" he called just loud enough for Alex to hear.

There was silence for a few seconds, then came a very soft, unintelligible acknowledgment.

"Nothing," Fox whispered, brushing a kiss along Alex’s hairline. "Go back to sleep."

He sat quietly, letting his hand glide up under the shirt that Alex had thrown on but neglected to button. The warm, smooth skin felt good against his hand as he stroked his lover’s back, and a barely audible moan rose from Alex’s throat as Fox continued to lavish his gentle attentions on him. Before Scully returned only minutes later, Alex was again asleep.

Taking a seat in the chair diagonal from the sofa, Scully turned the seat around so she could better see the television.

"I see you found something," Fox said softly, grinning at the redhead’s heaping bowl of pistachio ice cream.

"Not exactly apple pie a la mode, but it’ll do in a pinch." Blue eyes fell on the man who lay motionless in Fox’s arms. "Is he asleep again?"

"I don’t get it. Why would he leave a comfortable bed only to fall out again two minutes later on the couch?"

Scully shook her head, looking from one man to the other. "You’re not supposed to still be this sweet on each other after the years you’ve been together."

He turned adoring eyes down to the man pressed to his chest. "You know how fond we are of breaking the rules."

"Yes, I’m well aware. Hey..." Scully turned in the direction of the TV "Is that...it is! Wow, I haven’t seen this in ages."

Fox tilted his head to one side, studying the actor. "You know...give him a little more weight...some hair around the sides of his head and glasses, and he’d kinda look like Skinner." Fox grinned over at his partner. "Scully, do you think Skinner’s sexy?"

A touch of pink tinged the woman’s cheeks as she attempted to laugh off the question.

"Simply that the deceased Mr. Brynner and Skinner both fall under the same male type. You find one sexy, therefore, you probably feel the same about the other."

"For God’s sake...okay, so he’s an attractive man. So what? I’m not dead. I notice things. What’s wrong with that?"

Fox shrugged. "I guess. Not my type, though." He looked down at Alex, giving the sleeping man a soft smile.

"You don’t have to believe me, Scully, but it’s true. I couldn’t make him any more perfect."

Scully stared at her partner, chin resting in her palm then spoke, her voice dripping with good natured sarcasm. "Gee, too bad he’s not awake to hear this. It’d be just the ego booster he needs. ‘Cause it’s not enormous enough."

Fox laughed softly. "No. It’s sexy. On him, anyway." He looked down at Alex, brushing a few stray hairs away from the other man’s brow. "He’s lost a little bit of that arrogance because of all this. He’ll be okay, though. He’s working his way through it, and he’ll be stronger."

Scully gave her partner a smile. "Don’t you think though, Mulder, that he could do with a little less arrogance? He’s already got more than any ten people I know combined."

"But it’s well balanced," Fox argued. "He’s compassionate, and he’s sweet..."

"Hmm?" Fox looked from his partner down into sleepy eyes. He smiled but remained silent, half wondering if Alex might not just go back to sleep if he didn’t speak to him, but the younger man shifted, placing a kiss at the base of his throat then gently closing his teeth on the sensitive flesh.

Alex nodded, winding his arms around the older man’s waist and pressing closer to his warmth.

Alex lifted his head from Fox’s chest and looked to the woman sitting across from him and nodded. "It was hurting us, and I couldn’t see it."

Scully gave Alex an understanding smile. "I know. And I also know that you’d never purposely want to do that."

Alex shook his head and again snuggled against his lover. "So, you know all about it?"

Scully put her bowl down and came to sit beside the two men and let her hand rest on Alex’s knee. "Yeah, but you didn’t. That took a lot of restraint on your part. You should be very proud of yourself."

"So, since you’re up, how about some dinner?" Fox asked patting his lover’s thigh.

Alex shook his head. "Sorry. The spaghetti sauce smells really good, but I can’t seem to work up an appetite."

"That’s okay, babe," Fox assured the younger man. "Just let me know if you change your mind."

Alex went quiet for a moment then looked at Fox’s watch. "Think they’re gone?"

"But..." Scully hesitated then continued, "what if there’s something else you want to say to him?"

"I said more in that meeting than I think I’ve said in my whole damn life, Scully," Alex replied a bit too quickly. "There’s nothing else to be said."

"Yeah, I’m..." Alex pulled himself upright, now directing his conversation at Fox. "Do I look like I need to say anything more?"

Fox kissed his ruffled lover’s forehead. "Nobody knows your mind better than you, Alex."

"Thank you. I..." Alex stopped in mind sentence, directed a questioning look at Fox, whose expression remained completely passive, then turned back to Scully. "I know my mind," he said firmly, repeating his lover’s words, "and there’s nothing in there anymore regarding that little worm."

Alex leaned back against Fox then jerked forward again. "His doctor asked me to try to forgive him... you believe that shit? He tried to tell me that if I could just bring myself to understand the kid’s position, I’d feel better. Bullshit. He’s just trying to help the little bastard ease his own conscience."

Scully opened her mouth to speak, but Alex cut her off before she could emit a sound. "Well, screw ‘im. His conscience should bother him for the rest of his miserable life." He looked to Fox. "Right?"

Fox lifted a hand to the younger man’s face, letting his thumb sweep back and forth across his cheek. "Imagine someone who’s committed such unforgivable acts wanting the chance to start his life over and be happy. Isn’t right, is it?"

Alex blinked then stared at the other man, visibly discomposed. Seconds later, he lowered his eyes and fell into a thoughtful silence.

Having pushed things as far as he was going to, Fox wound an arm around the younger man and gently pulled him back into his embrace.

Alex rested uneasily in his arms for a few moments, staring quietly at nothing, then turned and wrapped his arms around Fox, burying his face in his lover’s shirt.

Green eyes flecked with amber met azure, and Scully gave her partner one of her ‘are you sure you know what you’re doing?’ looks. Fox merely closed his eyes and inclined his head, rubbing his cheek against the sable strands beneath it. Scully shook her head picked up her bowl.

The woman shot her partner an impatient look then took the remainder of her ice cream into the kitchen. She reemerged a few minutes later and announced her departure to the two men.

Reluctantly, Alex uncoiled himself from around Fox and let the older man rise to escort his partner to the door. He bid her a soft goodbye and tucked himself into the nearest corner of the sofa until Fox returned.

Fox opened the door and leaned against the frame as Scully stepped outside and turned to face him.

"That’s a dangerous game you’re playing, Mulder," Scully whispered as softly as she could.

"I wouldn’t play games with something so important," Fox shot back just as softly.

"If he felt I had hurt him, he wouldn’t have turned to me like he did. It’s okay. He’s just thinking."

Fox watched the redhead get into her car, waved as she pulled out of the driveway, then returned to the living room, sitting at the other end of the sofa. He looked to the huddled figure, giving his lover an inviting smile.

Alex crawled toward Fox, stretching his body out along the cushions and letting his head come to rest in the older man’s lap.

Fox rubbed his hand over the younger man’s back. "How about if I go lie down with you?"

The thick, sable veil of lashes swept slowly upward, revealing a wary, green gaze. "You don’t have to."

"I know that." Fox leaned over and brushed a soft kiss across the flushed lips, then gently pushed Alex to his feet. He rose from the sofa and stood in front of the other man, pressing their foreheads together. "Why don’t you go ahead and get into bed, and I’ll go put the food away?"

Alex nodded and backed away from the older man, then turned and walked slowly toward the bedroom.

Fox watched until Alex disappeared from sight, then stood for a few seconds more, mulling over a thought that had just come into his head. He headed into the kitchen and quickly cleaned up, then moved out of the room to complete one more task before joining Alex in the bedroom.

Alex slipped out of his shirt then removed his pants, draping both over the chair by the window. Now clad only in a pair of black boxer-briefs, he straightened out the rumpled sheets before getting into bed. Once under the light cover, he hooked one arm over the top of his head and rested the other across his stomach, and stared up at the ceiling. After long moments filled with nothing, his mind began to work.

The new presence in the room drew Alex out of his thoughts, and his eyes flicked over to the door. He watched quietly as Fox walked in, tossed him a bit of a smile, then headed in the direction of the closet. Hanging from the older man’s hand, he noticed a dark object. When his eyes fully focus on the object, he realized that it was his gun.

Fox gave him an innocent shrug. "You said a little while ago that everything was out. So I figured there was no need to keep your weapon hidden any more."

Fox opened the door, but before he could return the gun to its place, Alex called to him.

Fox approached the bed and sat down, resting a hand on Alex’s leg. "What’s the matter? Alex, are you still having trouble? Are you hearing that voice?"

"You said you don’t have any more unresolved issues," Fox said gently. "And I trust that you know your own state of mind. There should be no reason not to let you have your gun back."

As Fox started to rise from the mattress, Alex reached out and grabbed his wrist. "No. Don’t, Fox...okay? Just go put it back. Please? Just for a little while."

Fox cocked his head, studying Alex’s expression. "Okay," he said softly, leaning forward the press a kiss against the younger man’s lips. "If you really want me to."

Fox rose and left the room, returning minutes later. He came to stand beside the bed and began to undress while his eyes held those of his lover. When he had stripped to his underwear, he sank down to the mattress, half covering Alex’s upper body with his own. The younger man’s hands automatically came up to his shoulders, moving slowly over the muscled flesh.

"I don’t..." Alex began softly. "I don’t know what to say." He shook his head, eyes pleading for Fox to understand. "I...I don’t...I don’t want to hurt you." He brought a hand to the older man’s face. "I can’t take that chance."

Fox turned his head, planting a kiss in Alex’s palm. "Somewhere inside you there’s doubt or you wouldn’t feel this way."

Sable eyelashes fluttered. "I guess. I...so many thoughts...I’m trying to sort them all out, and I..."

"It’s okay," Fox interrupted, his face so close to Alex’s that the younger man could feel his warm breath flow over his lips. "There’s plenty of time to sort it out. You don’t have to do it all tonight."

"You’ve had enough for today." Fox brushed his mouth against Alex’s. "I want you to relax now."

Before Alex could speak another word, Fox’s lips came down on his, tenderly drinking in his protests. He pulled away for a moment, noting the needy gleam in his lover’s eye, then moved in again, taking the younger man’s mouth in a more demanding kiss.

Groaning softly, Alex opened his mouth, surrendering himself to Fox and his own growing desire. The older man took immediate advantage, his tongue sweeping inside the dark warmth, engaging in a sensual duel with its mate.

It had been a long, exhausting day, fraught with one stressful moment after another, but it all took a back seat to the uproar now taking place in Alex’s body. In this single moment, there was nothing else in the world. No Justin, no Matthew and his irritating doctor. No memories or hatred or fear. There was only Fox, lying over him. Warming his body and his heart. Knowing, as always, exactly what he needed.

The hardening of flesh against flesh did not go unnoticed as Fox continued to feed on his lover’s mouth. He shifted a bit to one side so that one hand could wander more freely over Alex’s torso, lovingly stroking and soothing the tense muscles. He broke the kiss and gazed down at the younger man as his fingers whispered over a hardening nipple.

Alex flinched as a tiny, electric shiver passed through him, but he never let his heavy-lidded stare fall away from his lover’s face. Fox’s hand continued to move, drifting slowly up his throat and over his cheek, and as it detoured and passed over his lips, his tongue inched out for a small taste. The older man smiled down at him then moved on, stroking over his temple then smoothing the stubborn crease between his brows.

"You’re not completely relaxed," Fox murmured kissing the tip of his lover’s nose.

"Sort of hard," Alex replied, "when we’re both mostly naked and you’re lying on top of me and touching me."

"I suppose you’ve got a point." Fox lowered his head and brushed Alex’s mouth with his own. "Turn over."

Fox lifted himself and let Alex turn over onto his stomach, then kneeled over the younger man, straddling his hips. A low groan rose into the air as he began to gently knead the warm flesh beneath his hands.

Fox worked slowly, his hands moving in long, firm strokes over the length of Alex’s back. He watched, almost hypnotized as the muscles rippled and relaxed beneath his fingers, then his eyes focused on something else. Leaning in, he kissed the small number of remaining scars that would be an eternal reminder of Alex’s few days of hell.

It had been long months before Fox to could look at the scars and not feel hurt and blinding rage, but he had finally conquered his emotions and had come to view the marks as his lover’s victory over the evil that had threatened to steal him away. Now he could touch them. Love them as he did every inch of Alex, as they were now a permanent part of him.

It wasn’t all that long ago...a few months after he’d returned home when Fox had begun taking notice of the scars that had remained on his back. Maybe taking notice wasn’t really the right word for it. Acknowledging might have been better.

After they’d healed and Fox was no longer required to tend to them, he’d just ignored them, pretending that they’d never existed, and Alex hadn’t been quite sure how to feel about it. There were times when he was glad for Fox’s seeming disregard. At those times he’d felt sure he would lose his mind if the one person in the world who meant anything to him looked on him with sympathy. And then there were times when he was hurt. Angry almost that the same man could so completely ignore the evidence of what had happened to him.

Sometimes he’d wanted to ask Fox what he’d been thinking while they were making love. He’d noticed that the older man would never take him from behind...a position they had both been fond of. He’d wanted to ask if the sight of his scars was so unbearable, but he’d been afraid of the answer, and since Fox seemed to have no desire to talk with him about it, he’d let it go.

Then, one night several months later, he remembered waking up to a soft caress. He’d opened his eyes and looked up from his face-down position and found Fox, just returned from a three day case, seated at the edge of the mattress. The older man had sat quietly, watching in the flickering light of the television as his own hand lightly wandered over the bare back. His lover’s eyes had risen to his, and he’d leaned in and began scattering a number of gentle kisses over his shoulders and back. Alex had begun to tremble as Fox lingered over the very scars that he’d gone out of his way to ignore for so long, and when he’d tried to turn over onto his back, Fox had stopped him. When he’d looked up to the older man in question, Fox spoke.

"The way I’ve been..." Fox traced a particularly prominent scar. "The way I’ve been about these. I haven’t really been able to look at them...I couldn’t...I didn’t want to have one more reminder..."

"I do," Fox interrupted. "It’s not helping, this ignore-it-and-it’ll-go-away thing I’m doing. It’s not right. These scars won’t go away. I love you, Alex, and they’re a part of you now."

"I was thinking about it last night in my motel room. I’d never intentionally hurt you, baby..."

"I love every bit of you," Fox went on insistently. "Everything that is you...everything that was you, and everything that becomes you, and I won’t turn away." Tears had welled up in the older man’s eyes. "Never again. If I ignore your scars it’s like letting him keep a little piece of you. And I won’t do that." Fox had wrapped Alex in a fierce embrace. "You’re mine. All of you."

Alex had wound his arms around the older man, clinging tightly to him. He hadn’t known how much he’d hurt until that very moment when it was relieved. The pain of the actual beatings was intense, but when it was gone, it was gone. The ache of Fox’s reaction to the scars had eaten slowly at his heart, and regardless of which way his outward feelings on the matter were swinging at any particular time, the inner turmoil had been constant. For both of them, it had seemed.

"You’re mine." Fox had whispered the words urgently against his lover’s cheek as he’d dragged his lips over the smooth skin and met Alex’s lips.

They’d kissed endlessly, passionately, and then Fox had lowered them both to the bed and, until the sun rose, made love over and over to the man who belonged to him alone...

"You’re not falling asleep, are you?" the amused monotone sounded, tickling the inside of Alex’s ear.

"No," Alex whispered, trying to shake off the lethargy that had invaded his limbs. "Just relaxing like you wanted." He shuddered then issued a throaty laugh as the tip of his lover’s tongue fluttered into the opening.

"Not too relaxed, now," Fox purred. "I want to feel you squeezing me when I’m deep inside you...

"I want to feel the way your whole body tenses when I’ve got you hanging on the edge, and you’re begging me to let you come..."

Alex squirmed beneath his lover, his movements somewhat restricted by the weight pinning him to the mattress.

"That’s better." Fox ground his hips against Alex’s rear, letting the other man feel the rigid length of his cock as he continued to massage him.

Fox smiled as his hands slid down Alex’s back, his fingers hooking in the waistband of his underwear and pulling them down his legs. He removed his own shorts then resumed his position, spreading his lover’s ass cheeks and letting his cock rest snugly between them. The twin muscles automatically contracted around the solid presence, and Alex groaned softly.

"Easy, sweetheart," Fox warned shakily, nipping at the base of the younger man’s neck.

"Soon," Fox cooed. His tongue trailed down Alex’s neck and along one shoulder, then he sat up, wedging himself even more tightly between the quivering cheeks. His hands began to move again, rubbing and soothing the clenching muscles of the younger man’s back.

Alex groaned in frustration, trembling at the contrasting, dual pleasure of Fox’s comforting caresses and the insistent, teasing pressure of his cock.

Fox thoroughly massaged his lover’s upper body then his hands moved on, firmly stroking the smooth flesh of his ass. The action stimulated his cock as well, and he thought hazily, that he might easily come this way if he continued. And as his wish was to take them both as high as they could go before they fell, he pulled away, encountering a loud, agitated growl of protest.

"It’s okay," he whispered against the middle of Alex’s back, swiping at the tiny beads of sweat that had started to form. His tongue glided downward, teasing the dip at the base of his lover’s spine before it began to ascend the tight, rounded muscle.

Alex twitched but did his best to lie still as the gentle nip of teeth sent little surges of electricity through him. Trapped between his body and the bed, his cock throbbed its need. The urge to push into the mattress was strong, but somewhere in the back of his muddled mind, he knew that what Fox had in store for him would be infinitely more pleasurable. He held himself in check and tried to endure the sweet torture for as long as Fox saw fit to inflict it, but when the other man gently nuzzled his cheeks apart and let his tongue dance between them, his body clenched in an uncontrollable spasm, and a sharp groan sounded into the pillow.

Fox drew his hands back and forth over the younger man’s lower body in a soothing gesture as his tongue continued to tease and torment him. The more anguished Alex’s cries became, the more he teased, stopping just before the moment that he knew there would be no turning back. With one more long pass over the puckered opening, Fox pulled away, leaving Alex gasping and begging for more.

"You don’t mean that," Fox stated softly, letting his tongue slide over the velvety skin of his lover’s ass.

"I do," Alex insisted frantically. "I can’t...I can’t take it. Please. Jesus, please..."

Fox pulled himself up, settling his weight on top of the younger man. "Yes, you can." He dragged his tongue up the side of Alex’s neck then bit into his earlobe.

"I know you can," Fox moaned seductively, sending warm shivers down the other man’s back.

Fox lifted his body away from Alex’s and rolled the younger man over onto his back then again stretched out on top of him. Amber flecked eyes smoldered down into emerald green.

Fox lowered his head and took Alex’s mouth in a bone melting kiss. "Tell me, Alexei," he purred. "Do you want to give it up now and end this?" His hips rocked slowly against the other man’s, pressing their cocks together. "Or do you want more? I’ve got so much more to give you, baby."

Alex whimpered at the whispered promise, and the greedy part of him, the part that could never get enough of Fox screamed its consent, drowning out the part of him that had already been pushed about two inches past desperate.

A victorious smile curled Fox’s lips, and he moved in for a lingering kiss. Long seconds later, he lifted his head only to be stopped by Alex’s fingers clenching in his hair.

"More," the younger man demanded on a hard breath and pulled Fox back down to him. Their mouths again met, but Fox held back from the intense kiss that he knew Alex had intended. Tenderly, he covered the younger man’s lips, letting his tongue slip inside the moist warmth.

Alex arched beneath his lover, opening his mouth to the lazy assault. Although he had initially hoped that Fox would be somewhat less than gentle, he melted immediately, easily bending to the other man’s will. As he allowed Fox’s unhurried exploration of his mouth, his hands began to move, gliding over the older man’s back and paying considerable attention to the delicious curves of his ass.

Fox moaned softly into Alex’s mouth then broke the kiss, licking a trail over the younger man’s chin and down his throat, pausing here and there to nip and pull at the fragile skin. Alex’s rumbles of appreciation vibrated against his lips before he continued downward, making his way toward one brown nipple. He pulled the tight peak into his mouth and closed his teeth around it.

A tiny grimace curled Alex’s upper lip as his lover tugged at his nipple, but the discomfort turned to waves of pleasure as the tip of Fox’s tongue danced over it. Minute bumps erupted over his skin, and he drew a shuddering breath as Fox began to suckle on the hard bit of flesh. The fingers of one hand curled in the older man’s hair, and the other restlessly stroked his back. The soft gasps that left his lips really were meant to be actual words, but for some reason they simply refused to come out as such.

Fox released the moistened nub from his mouth then gently blew on it, feeling Alex’s body jerk. He moved to its neglected twin and performed the same service, this time winning an impatient whimper for his efforts. He lifted his head and trained dark, smoky gaze on the younger man.

The organ in question leapt in response, and its owner writhed beneath Fox, whining softly.

Fox began kissing a path down to his goal then stopped halfway and looked up at Alex. "Lie still, all right? I don’t want you to move. Let me take care of you."

Alex closed his eyes and sobbed quietly at the thought of remaining motionless while that exquisite mouth drove him up the walls.

Fox resumed his journey, pausing once to leave a small mark of possession on the younger man’s left hip. Satisfied with the darkening bruise, he worked his way down to Alex’s cock, where he nuzzled the flushed head before licking away the pearly bead of fluid that had formed at the tip. Savoring the brief taste, he dragged his tongue down the underside of the rigid shaft then back up, repeating the action several times, insuring that his Alex’s cock was thoroughly bathed, and Alex was thoroughly beside himself with need. He looked up at his lover, now dotted with beads of perspiration and gasping for air, and an incredible warmth flooded his insides.

So much time had passed. A few years, actually, since he and Alex had become lovers, and sometimes Fox’s still couldn’t believe the rush he felt simply looking at him. The anticipation of each touch...the excitement just before that moment of possession...the indescribable joy of completion. It never diminished. If anything, it only grew stronger, as did his love for Alex.

He wondered sometimes if there was a limit. A point that he would reach where he would finally stop and say, ‘this is as much as I can possibly love or want him’. But then Alex would do something or say something. It wouldn’t have to be anything remarkable. Certainly nothing that romance novels were made of, but to Fox it would mean the world, and he’d feel his heart swell a bit more.

That deep, ever growing love was the glue that kept them bonded to each other, and the smoldering lust between them was something that could be tempered if need be, but could never be extinguished...

Fox watched the green of Alex’s eyes appear and disappear as his eyelashes fluttered frantically, and he smiled. Quickly but gently, he swallowed the entire length of his lover’s cock, feeling the younger man buck beneath him and sob his name.

It would be mere seconds before Alex exploded, and there was no way Fox was going to allow that until he was where he wanted to be. He lifted his head, applying almost no suction to the pulsing shaft, and settled himself over his lover’s prone body.

Alex managed to maintain his focus for more than two seconds and gazed up into eyes as green as his own. Fox smiled down at him and brushed his fingertips across the stubbled jaw.

Fox reached over to the nightstand and found that Alex had already withdrawn the lube and placed it by the lamp. He grinned down at the other man and kissed the tip of his nose as he grasped the tube and hastily applied some of its contents to his cock. "All right, baby," he whispered against the younger man’s lips, stroking the underside of his thighs, "give it to me."

Obediently, Alex lifted his legs and wound them around Fox’s waist as he clung to the older man’s shoulders. His head pressed back into the pillows as the tip of his lover’s cock began to slowly stretch him, and a long moan rumbled in his throat. He pushed up against Fox, begging wordlessly to be taken quickly, but the older man had no such inclinations.

Slowly, Fox inched forward, letting Alex feel every centimeter of his considerable length. The younger man writhed and panted beneath him and pulled him down, wrapping him in a firm embrace. Understanding Alex’s need for as much contact as he could get, Fox completed their union and lay quietly in his arms for a moment. But soon, he began to rock gently against the other man, incurring a barrage of impatient whimpers and pleas. He maintained his lazy rhythm, covering Alex’s face with tender kisses.

"Open your eyes baby," he cooed softly. "Look at me." Alex responded to his request, and he looked down into twin pools of tormented green.

"There’s no hurry." To emphasize his point, Fox ceased movement, remaining buried deeply inside the younger man. Brushing the bowed lips with his own, he moaned against them, "Let me love you nice and slow."

In answer, Alex’s tongue crept out from between his parted lips, almost timidly searching for Fox’s. Immediately, it found its mark, and he moaned almost inaudibly as the very tip of Fox’s tongue danced over his. As Fox’s hands began to slowly roam over his body, he followed his lover’s lead, touching as he was being touched, stroking and soothing the warm satin beneath his hands.

Suppressing the ever increasing demands of his own body, Fox continued to tease Alex’s mouth, offering tiny nips and licks as his hands glided over the familiar terrain of his lover’s chest and abdomen. He pulled back a bit from Alex’s mouth and looked down into almost black, glittering eyes.

"Yes," Alex breathed, combing the fingers of one hand through the hair at the back of Fox’s head. "Anything you want."

"I want you here..." Fox moaned as he pulled slowly out to the tip of his cock then began the long slide home. "...under me...naked...warm..."

"I want you sweet and submissive. And I want you demanding and impatient." Fox moaned softly as Alex writhed against him. "I want you all around me." He inclined his head, licking a long path up his lover’s exposed throat then clamping his teeth down on the flesh just beneath his chin.

Fox’s mouth moved lower, his teeth grazing the fragile skin. Finding his lover’s erratic pulse, he closed his mouth over the spot, sucking gently but firmly as he continued to thrust lazily into him.

Alex drew a shaky breath, his mind and his body lulled into the world of sensuality Fox had created just for him. His hands stroked and massaged the slowly contracting muscles in the other man’s back and ass, enjoying his lover’s muffled responses.

Fox released Alex’s throat, pausing to soothe the red mark he’d left, then lifted his head, looking the younger man directly in the eye. "I want you forever."

Alex opened and closed his mouth several times before he could speak. Then, "I...you know I’m not going anywhere."

Fox nodded, looking down at the younger man, his eyes shimmering with deepest emotion.

Alex opened his mouth to respond, but before he could say a word, Fox claimed it in an achingly tender kiss. The fingers still traveling through Fox’s hair curled around the golden-brown strands, and the hand stroking the older man’s back slid over it and around to his side, Alex’s arm tightening and hugging Fox to him.

For longer than Alex could ever have dreamed he could, Fox maintained his composure and his unhurried tempo, keeping them both precariously balanced on the edge of total satisfaction. An eternity later, Fox raised himself up on his elbows and gazed down at his mesmerized lover.

Alex shook his head quickly. "No." He raised his legs a bit higher, tightening them around the other man’s waist. "No..."

Fox studied him for brief seconds then as smoothly as he could, disengaged and rolled them both, bringing Alex to rest on top of him. He bent his legs, planting his feet flat on the bed, and adjusted the younger man’s position so that his cock was wedged snugly against the crevice of his ass. He bucked gently, stroking Alex’s thighs.

Eyes heavy with desire, Alex raised himself up just enough to guide his lover’s cock inside, then sat down in the cradle of Fox’s hips. His head rolled back against his shoulders as Fox filled him completely and started to move.

"That’s better," Fox purred, reaching up to run his hands over Alex’s chest. Gently, he plucked at the rigid nipples and watched as Alex’s face contorted in extreme pleasure. "Beautiful," he murmured, wrapping a hand around the younger man’s cock.

His body humming with excitement, Alex pitched forward, draping himself over the older man, but Fox placed a soft kiss in his hair and eased him back into a sitting position.

"You’re gorgeous to watch," Fox moaned as Alex’s muscles tightened, trapping him in his silken prison. "I want to see how much you love what I do to you."

Alex’s mouth fell open on a hard gasp as Fox began to stroke his cock and pushed into him with a bit more force. He fought to keep his eyes open as he felt himself spiraling out of control, but the sensation of Fox so hot and hard inside of him, and the maddening pressure on his cock made his efforts damn near impossible.

Fox felt the rhythmic tightening of Alex’s body and the erratic patterns of his respiration, and knew that he couldn’t ask the younger man to wait any longer. He increased the speed and strength of his thrusts, and his hand matched the pace precisely, drawing a long, loud sob from his tortured lover.

"You don’t have to wait any more," Fox gasped as he now worked Alex’s cock as furiously as he drove into him. "Come on, baby, don’t hold it back. I see it...Jesus, you’re so beautiful...come on..."

Sobbing incoherently, Alex thrashed against Fox, driving them both insane with mutual need. He threw his head back and screamed as he finally came, drenching his lover’s hand in warm semen, and Fox’s own roars of completion joined his just seconds later as the older man spent himself inside of him.

Alex twitched several times in the aftermath of his explosion then fell limply into his lover’s waiting arms, whimpering softly.

Fox hugged the shivering man to his chest, petting the damp, sable head and murmuring soft words of love to him until he fell into a deep sleep. Then, without waking Alex, he managed to pull the sheet up around them. His range of movement severely restricted, Fox shifted as best he could under Alex’s full weight, looking for the most comfortable position. Having found one, he again wrapped his unconscious lover in his arms and joined him blissful slumber.

Thunder rumbled in the distance, its deep, threatening tones making promises of a good, gusty storm. The sound woke Alex, who snuggled deeper into the warmth surrounding him and smiled.

The sable head lifted, and Alex peered down into the sleep-softened features of his lover. "How long have you been awake?"

Fox stretched and kissed Alex’s chin. "A little while. Did you hear the thunder?"

"Yeah, that’s what woke me." Alex slid down to the mattress beside Fox and nestled against him, again closing his eyes. "What time is it?"

Alex lifted his head and looked around. "And Clyde hasn’t been in here bugging us to go out?

"That’s kind of strange, don’t you think?" Alex sat up and called out to the dog. "Clyde. Where are you?"

Seconds later, the dog nosed the door open and stood peeking into the bedroom. Alex squinted at him.

Fox wrapped a hand around Alex’s arm and stopped him from getting out of bed. "No, I’ll go. You stay here."

As Fox rose from the bed and pulled on a pair of underwear, Alex asked why he had to stay in bed. A pair of gold-splashed eyes smiled down at him.

"Because I’m coming right back, and I don’t want to return to an empty, cold bed."

"Nope." Fox leaned down, coming face to face with the other man. "I love walking into the room and finding you lying in bed all naked and," he ruffled the already wild hair, "rumpled and... did I mention naked?"

Fox raised one eyebrow. "Try? The word try implies that there’s the possibility of failure. Have I ever failed to seduce you?"

"I didn’t think so." Fox captured the younger man’s lower lip between his teeth and pulled gently. Releasing the sleep-swollen flesh, he growled softly, "You stay your pretty ass right here. I’ll be back in a few minutes."

Alex watched Fox’s tight ass move beneath the flimsy underwear as he left the room and groaned deep in his throat as he rolled onto his side. He pulled a pillow against his chest and imagined that ass so smooth and hard beneath his hands...straining and contracting as his lover fucked him nice and hard.

Fox returned some twenty minutes later to find Alex on his side, knees drawn up to the pillow he clutched to himself. He approached the bed and ran one hand down the younger man’s back.

Alex turned a smoky gaze up to Fox and nodded. "Just waiting for you. So, what did Clyde do?"

"Got hold of the new roll of paper towels that I forgot to put in the dispenser last night. Looks like it had snowed in the kitchen." Fox shook his head. "Damn dog must have been at it all night. The pieces were so small."

Alex suppressed a grin. "You know how he is with paper. Did you get it all picked up?"

"What I could see," Fox answered, sitting on the edge of the mattress. "I’m sure we’ll find more in the next couple of days, though."

Fox swung himself over the prone man, straddling his body on his hands and knees. "You can help me right now," he murmured, licking the side of Alex’s face.

Fox pulled the puff out of Alex’s grasp and flipped him onto his back. He looked down at the full blown erection and turned an appreciative smile on the younger man. "Oh, yeah."

"I think," Fox rumbled softly as he nipped at Alex’s mouth, "I’m in the mood for a blowjob."

Alex reached up, petting the light sprinkling of golden-brown hairs on his lover’s chest. "Lie down and relax."

Fox obeyed, rolling onto his back and welcoming Alex’s mouth as it closed over his. They kissed for long minutes before the other man moved on, covering every inch of skin with teasing nips and licks.

Halfway down Fox’s stomach, Alex stopped and reversed his path, sucking a nipple into his mouth. The older man groaned his delight as Alex flicked his tongue over the sensitive tip then let his teeth graze along the rigid flesh before turning his attention on its twin.

Drowning in pleasure, Fox’s hands wandered the length of his lover’s back as he whimpered and moaned softly. Alex released his other nipple and again began his descent, kissing the warm skin and pulling at the fine golden hairs that led down to the darker, heavier patch at his groin, and Fox’s heart began to pound out a frantic rhythm. As always, the anticipation of having Alex’s mouth on him was far greater than he’d ever expected, and the actual event never left him wanting. The soft, moist heat that engulfed him arched his back and sent a shudder through his body so strong, he wasn’t entirely sure that part of it might not be attributed to the roll of thunder overhead.

Alex smiled around his mouthful, feeling the violent vibrations of the man under him. Again and again he slid up and down on the rigid shaft, teasing every inch of it with his tongue, and when he reached the tip for the tenth time, Fox’s hand in his hair stopped his descent.

"Wait...Jesus...wait, baby." Fox swallowed hard and attempted to get his breathing under control. "Do something else for me."

Alex raised his head but not before bestowing a single kiss on the tip of the older man’s cock. "What?"

Fox turned over onto his right side and ran his fingers through Alex’s hair. "I want you to jerk off while you suck me."

Alex studied Fox for all of ten seconds before he rolled onto his back and turned his head toward the cock that bobbed in front of him. Looking up at Fox through his lashes, Alex extended his tongue, lapping daintily at the head as his hand closed around his own cock.

Alex pulled away momentarily and grinned up at the other man. "To carry around in your wallet?"

"Yeah," Fox breathed. "When I’m having a bad day at work, I can whip it out and look at it."

Fox shrugged. "Okay, maybe that’s a bad idea." He grasped a handful of hair and moved Alex’s head toward his abandoned cock. "Isn’t there something you’re supposed to be doing?"

Laughing softly, Alex sucked the organ back down his throat and continued to pump his cock.

"That’s better," Fox hummed contentedly. "That’s...oh, shit, that’s good..."

For as long as his heavy lids would allow, Fox watched Alex’s performance. The glide of his hand on his flushed cock...the way those perfect lips moved over Fox’s own erection... Stunning was far too mild a word for the sight, but it was the best description that Fox’s muddled brain could come up with at the moment.

Deciding that he would wait no longer, Alex removed his mouth from his lover’s cock just long enough to wet two fingers then, again swallowing the throbbing shaft, he worked both fingers into Fox’s ass at once.

Fox bucked and cried Alex’s name as the younger man began to finger fuck him. All at once he felt as if his entire body was caught in a vice, and the pressure grew greater and greater until he broke into tiny bits. His screams bounced off the bedroom walls and faded to soft whimpers, but Alex refused to let him go until he’d claimed his own satisfaction.

Harder, Alex sucked on his lover’s cock as he milked his own with quick, jerky movements. He withdrew his fingers from Fox’s ass and clutched at the smooth, rounded muscle, digging his fingers into the hard flesh as he came. His muffled cries sounded around the spent organ still in his mouth, and he fell away, dropping onto his back and shuddering with the intensity of the aftershocks.

Fox pulled Alex up and into his arms, scattering soft kisses all over his face, then turned onto his back, dragging his lover up to lie on top of him. They lay motionless for quite some time before Alex drew a deep breath and spoke.

"Why don’t you?" Fox asked, caressing Alex’s back. Clyde has been out, it’s Sunday...it’s now pouring..." He kissed the top of the dark head. "There’s nothing pressing that needs to be done."

"I’m not exactly raring to go. I think I could probably fall asleep again if you did."

Alex tucked his head under Fox’s chin and closed his eyes listening to the slowing beat of his lover’s heart. "I can’t remember the last time we spent the day in bed."

Fox waited for the roll of thunder to fade before answering. "I know. There always seems to be something else to do." He hugged Alex tightly. "Not today. I don’t care what happens, I’m not letting you out of this bed."

"If you’re hungry, I’ll go get whatever you want. But aside from going to the bathroom, I don’t want you out of bed."

Fox traced the swell of Alex’s bottom lip with one finger. "Because you need the rest. Yesterday took a lot out of you. I can see the fatigue in your eyes."

Alex laughed softly. "If I look so tired, how come you kept me up last night then wore me out again this morning?"

"Not starving. But maybe by the time you’re done making me breakfast I will be."

Fox frowned up at his lover. "Get, Alex, I said get. I said nothing about make."

Alex displayed a beautifully pathetic pout. He had learned well. "But I like your French toast," he whined softly.

Alex lowered his head and nuzzled the other man’s throat and chest. "Lisa..."

"Yes. Like you didn’t know it would." Fox rolled the younger man off of him, depositing him on the mattress. "Close your eyes."

"That’s okay. It’ll be at least an hour anyway, so you go ahead and have a nap. I’ll wake you when it’s ready." Fox dropped a light kiss on Alex’s nose then his mouth, and he walked into the bathroom.

Still smiling, Alex turned onto his side and snuggled down into the pillows. In no time at all he began to doze off, but his semi-conscious state lasted for only as long as Fox took in the shower. As the older man returned to the bedroom, he woke.

Moving quietly around the room, Fox threw on a pair of faded jeans and a t-shirt, then looked over toward the bed. A smile curled his lips, and he walked over to the younger man.

"Well, I’m going to go make breakfast now, so you’ll have plenty of quiet for a while." Fox moved a few wisps of hair away from Alex’s face then let his hand drop to his side. "Go back to sleep."

Alex watched Fox leave the room then attempted to recapture the lethargy that he felt only minutes before.

He slipped out of bed and stripped the sheets, replacing them with crisp, fresh ones, then retreated to the bathroom for a warm shower. Returning to the bedroom some ten minutes later, he fell into bed and writhed around on the cool, clean sheets.

Alex plunged his fingers into his hair, clutching at the sable strands. "Jesus."

For the next forty-five minutes, Alex lay staring up at the ceiling, barely noticing that the storm had grown more intense. Only when Fox had entered the room carrying a tray containing their breakfast did he refocus his attention.

"You’re not asleep," the older man scolded as he placed the tray down on the bed.

Fox studied his face for a moment, then waved his hand over the tray, directing the aromas of their breakfast in his direction. "How’s that?"

Fox moved the tray aside and looked down at the prone man. "What’s the matter?"

"I don’t know." Alex turned his head, looking toward the window. He passed a number of seconds watching the solid sheet of rain fall outside. Then, suddenly, he turned back to Fox, his eyes full of indecision. "Tell me what to do."

"I’ve...I...I’ve been thinking maybe I should..." He fell silent and looked back to the window.

Alex shrugged. "Maybe I should...I don’t know...think about being a little more generous with the kid."

Fox leaned in and kissed the wrinkled brow. "Nobody knows what’s best for you better than you, Alex."

Alex looked up at the other man, his expression one of complete trust. "You do."

Fox smiled his appreciation. "I could tell you what I think you should do, but I think you already know what I think. In the end, babe, it’s got to be your decision. You’re the one who’s going to live with it for the rest of your life."

Alex lowered his head, fiddling with the sheet. "That’s not really true. We’re going to live with it. I know which decision will make you happy. I know which decision makes me happy. But I think maybe I’m just living in the moment, you know? Right now, I hate him. I’ve hated him for almost a year, and I can’t see myself ever changing my mind about that. And I keep wondering why I would...why I should have even a speck of compassion for him. Then I think about everything that was said yesterday...things you said last night...and they make sense. My mind knows they make sense. But in my heart, all I want to do is rip his lungs out." Alex heaved a long sigh. "And I think that makes me no better than the man I used to be. I want to be better." He blinked up at Fox. "You deserve better."

Fox shifted, planting a hand on either side of Alex’s head. "There is no better. Not for me."

"Yeah. Open and at ease and happy. You’d become so closed off from me. It scared me. You were drifting away from me, and you wouldn’t let me in. All I wanted was to help you. I wanted that hurt that I could always see in your eyes, gone." Fox kissed the corner of the younger man’s mouth. "If you hated Matthew...if you wanted to tear him in two, but you were truly at peace with yourself about it, I wouldn’t give a damn. You could despise him for the rest of your life and beyond, and that’d be fine with me. It’s you, Alex. It’s the way this is eating at you that I can’t stand."

Alex reached up, stroking the older man’s face. "I don’t want you to ever look at me and see someone you can’t stand."

"It could’ve reached that point," Alex interjected. "I was heading in that direction. It could still happen if I don’t do something. I hated that tension between us. I love you, Fox, and I want things the way they were. I’m tired of being up and down all the time. I hate feeling so uncertain. I want off of this damn roller coaster that I’m on..."

"Seems to me you don’t need my help." Fox laid soft kiss in Alex’s hair. "I think you know in your heart what to do...even if you are telling yourself you don’t want to do it."

"But will it turn out right? Nothing I’ve done so far has. I thought I was doing the right thing by ignoring it. Wrong. I thought I was doing the right thing when I confronted it. Not exactly. What if I do go ahead and compromise my self-respect and tell the little weasel that I understand why he felt he had to suck my dick and fuck up my life? What if that doesn’t straighten me out? What if it just makes things worse?"

Fox heaved a thoughtful sigh. "You’re fighting with yourself, babe. You’re second guessing every thought that goes through your head, now."

"I know," Alex moaned. "That’s why I need you to help me." He pressed closer to Fox. "I trust you."

Fox remained silent for a few seconds, then pulled the younger man back far enough to see his eyes. "Okay, then, here’s what I want you to do..."

"Rest, Alex." Fox kissed his forehead. "You need rest. You’re driving yourself crazy, here. I want you to sleep for as long as you’re able to, and when you wake up and your mind is clear, think about what it is you want to do. Whatever it is that first comes to your mind, do it. No buts, no what ifs."

Fox pulled Alex back against him. "Come on, close your eyes...that’s it. Now, go to sleep."

"It’s okay. But if you decide you’re hungry when you wake up, it’s take-out. Got it?"

Almost twenty minutes later, both men were soundly asleep. The bedroom door inched open, and Clyde peeked inside, watching the motionless forms on the bed for a while before creeping into the room, sniffing the air. The smells of his masters’ untouched breakfast lured him over to the nightstand. One more sidelong glance at the bed told him the men were still out. The bushy tail began to swing lazily as he turned his attention back to the bonanza on the tray...

Fox sighed softly and shifted. The golden-brown lashes fluttered as he struggled to wake up, and the first thing that came into view was the alert green eyes of his lover. He smiled and stretched as Alex planted a light kiss on his nose.

Fox turned his head, looking around the room then frowned as the tray came into focus. "You didn’t eat that cold food, did you?"

Alex propped his head up on one hand and looked down at the older man. "I’ve come to a decision...I think."

Alex leaned in and kissed the man beneath him. "I’ll tell you over lunch. I’m starving."

"Alex, I’m not... no...cut it out. I already told you...damn, you’re a pain in my ass." Fox sighed heavily, pushing the younger man off of him as he prepared to get out of bed. "What the hell do you want?"

Alex grimaced up at the man standing over him. "Five days to be exact." He sighed softly. "I get three or four paragraphs in and decide that I hate it. I’m about to give up."

The younger man sat back and allowed Fox to look over his shoulder. Seconds later, Fox nodded.

Fox placed his hands on Alex’s shoulders to stop him from getting out of his seat. "No, come on. You can fix it."

"I’ve been fixing it for almost a week, and it’s not getting any better!" Alex complained. "Maybe somebody’s trying to tell me something."

"Alex." Fox curved a hand against the younger man’s cheek and turned his face up. "You said you trust me, right?"

"I don’t think you’ve made the wrong decision. I think maybe you just need a little direction."

"Thought you said you shouldn’t help me with it?" Alex pouted, looking at the monitor.

"Yeah, I did, but for the sake of your sanity and mine, I believe I should re-think that."

Fox pulled a chair up next to Alex’s and re-read what he’d written. "See, you’re...I think you’re shutting off your emotions. This looks like a form letter."

Fox covered the younger man’s hand with his own. "Just let it go, baby. You had no problem telling him how you felt at the hotel..."

"Okay." Fox took a deep breath, thinking for a moment. "All right. Switch seats."

Puzzled, Alex let Fox sit down in front of the computer, and he claimed the seat that the older man had just vacated.

"Now." Fox motioned toward himself. "Talk to me. Tell me why you’re writing this."

Fox closed his eyes and shook his head. "No. I mean...tell me how you’re feeling. What do you want to accomplish with this. What is it you need..."

"Okay, this is good?" Fox asked, finger paused over the mouse. "You don’t want to add or subtract anything?"

"No, it’s fine," Alex shook his head. "God, my head is spinning. Just hurry up and print it so I can breathe again."

Fox hit ‘print’ and spun the younger man’s chair around to face him. "Now..." He dropped down onto Alex’s lap and wound an arm around his neck. "Do you remember," he purred, nuzzling Alex’s ear, "last week sometime, I believe, when you were supposed to make some uh...plans?"

Forgetting all about the last few hours, Alex draped an arm around Fox’s waist and looked up into sparkling hazel eyes. "Plans...oh! Those plans."

"Yeah, those plans. I’ve been good. I’ve left you alone since then, but uh...today’s Friday."

"So it is." Alex’s lips curled into a predatory grin. "You did say a whole weekend, didn’t you?"

"Yes, I did. I know you’ve been preoccupied, but I was beginning to think that maybe you forgot..."

"Never," Alex whispered, stroking Fox’s thigh. "You at my mercy for a whole weekend is hardly something I could ever forget."

Alex inhaled slowly, then let the breath out on a soft moan. "What to do, what to do..."

Fox wiggled in Alex’s lap as he nipped at the other man’s ear. "Think of something."

"You refused to see that movie. You said if I wanted to see it, I’d have to go alone or con Scully into going with me," Fox reminded him.

Fox eyed him suspiciously. "Yeah. But you’re up to something. You’ve got this evil little glint in your eyes."

"Me?" Alex asked innocently. "Evil? Lisa..." He squeezed the inside of his lover’s thigh. "I don’t even know the meaning of the word."

Alex chuckled softly, letting his hand inch higher. "Baby, the only thing that’s going to be getting deep is me in your ass."

"I got a better idea," Fox growled, teasing the interior of his lover’s ear. "Why don’t we get naked and you can show me right now just how deep it’s gonna get."

Alex shook his head, grinning up at Fox. "You’ll be lucky if you get some by Sunday morning."

The other man lifted his hips, pressing his erection against his lover’s ass. "No?"

Alex laughed softly, sending tremors of dread and excitement crawling up Fox’s spine.

Fox made the call to the theater box office and found out that the movie was indeed still playing, and if they left fairly soon, they could catch the nine-thirty p.m. showing. That information in hand, Alex pushed Fox up off of his lap and dragged the older man into the bedroom.

Already beginning to undo his shirt, Alex turned toward the bathroom. "Get undressed."

As he stripped, Fox heard the shower go on. Seconds later, Alex walked back into the bedroom completely naked. His eyes traveled the length of his lover’s body, appreciating its beauty as Alex moved slowly toward him. The younger man stopped when their erect cocks brushed against each other.

Held only by the heat of the emerald gaze, Fox followed as Alex backed toward the bathroom. Seconds later, they were standing beneath a warm spray of water, running soapy bath sponges over each other.

Alex watched his own hand glide over Fox’s chest, leaving a trail of thick foam as it moved to his shoulder then neck. He inhaled slowly, forcing himself to remain cool as the older man tilted his head back, providing him with an incredibly tempting target. Exhaling, he moved in, gently nuzzling the exposed throat. A soft moan from Fox shook his resolve, and for a moment the urge to attack the vulnerable flesh almost overtook him. But he resisted his feral impulses and instead licked a path up and over the older man’s chin to his lips.

Feeling the teasing flick of Alex’s tongue, Fox opened his mouth, offering his lover access. As their tongues found each other, he let his hands wander over the length of Alex’s back, depositing a layer of dense lather wherever they touched. As they moved over the muscled curve of the younger man’s ass, he felt Alex’s fingers tighten and release in his hair before making the trek down his own back to his rear. Both men groaned deeply as each squeezed and kneaded the hard flesh beneath his fingers, and it was Alex broke the kiss first.

"So?" Fox asked, rubbing against him. "I’d much rather get fucked in the shower than go to a movie, anyway."

Alex closed his eyes and grinned as Fox performed a slow bump and grind against him.

"Sorry," Alex breathed against Fox’s mouth, earning a frustrated whine from the other man. "I’ve got plans for you."

"And what makes you think that if you fuck me now, that’ll cancel out whatever plans you have?"

"I suppose it wouldn’t," Alex conceded, spinning the older man around and pushing him against the tiles.

Trembling, Fox spread his legs as Alex’s fingers brushed the crevice of his ass. He bit back a whimper as he felt one finger tease the tight entrance, then two. "Please," he whispered, wiggling against Alex’s fingers.

Alex pressed the length of his body along Fox’s, pushing his soap-slick fingers past the small opening. The older man’s head fell back and a sharp gasp escaped past his open lips as Alex thrust his fingers into him up to the last knuckles and bit gently into his shoulder.

"That what you want?" Alex asked breathlessly as his fingers found just the right spot, and Fox howled his approval. One more stroke over his prostate, and Alex withdrew, leaving the other man clawing in frustration at the tiles.

"No," Fox gasped. "Alex, n-no..." His protests died a quick death, and a long, needy moan arose from his throat as his lover’s fingers were replaced by the head of his cock.

"Did you say something?" Alex whispered against Fox’s shoulder. The older man shook his head, quaking in anticipation. Alex grinned and surged forward, giving Fox only enough time for a hard gasp before pulling back and again driving into him.

Pinned to the wall, Fox thrust against the cool tiles, seeking some relief for his aching cock, but Alex became aware of what he was doing and withdrew, turning the frustrated man to face him.

"No," Fox whimpered, wrapping his arms around Alex’s neck and rubbing against him. "Please don’t tease me."

Alex emitted a low, sadistic chuckle. "Moy lisa, you haven’t seen teasing yet."

Fox sobbed softly at the statement. He’d placed himself at Alex’s mercy for the entire weekend, and he knew damn well that his lover would take full advantage of the offer.

Gently putting a little distance between them, Alex smiled at the tortured expression on Fox’s face. "Come on," he coaxed, finding the sponges. "Let’s finish our shower and get dressed."

Coming from Alex they took on an entirely different, completely twisted meaning. And Fox trembled at the implications. Nevertheless, he let Alex have the lead. They concluded their shower and stepped out of the tub, drying each other thoroughly, then he followed Alex into the bedroom and watched warily as the younger man moved toward his closet, humming to himself.

Pulling out a pair of jeans and a black shirt, he threw them down onto the bed and grinned at Fox as he moved to the other man’s closet.

Fox tossed a puzzled look Alex’s way as the younger man withdrew similar attire and walked toward him.

"So, what’s with the big-ass grin? There’s nothing special or kinky about that," Fox murmured as he motioned to the clothing.

"Now where would I be going butt naked?" Fox called as Alex walked away. He watched the younger man move across the room and emitted a deep groan when he stopped in front of what he fondly referred to as the ‘toy chest’.

"Now, lets’ see..." Alex stood before the open chest, a slight frown creasing his brow as he carefully considered his choices.

Waving impatiently at the older man, Alex bent and plucked a few items out of the chest. "Yeah, this’ll work." He turned and advanced toward the wary man, a fiendish glimmer in his eyes.

Fox whined a soft complaint but his cock twitched in anticipation as Alex neared, carrying his favorite torture device and a few other items.

"Come on, you know you’ve missed it," Alex teased as he reached for his lover’s cock.

Fox shook his head and whimpered as he attempted to back away, but Alex stopped him with a firm grip on the rock-hard shaft. "Little Fox has missed it," he chuckled softly and began to secure the restraint around his cock.

Alex looked up and smiled into tortured, amber eyes. "What? Not tight enough? I can fix that..."

Trying a different approach, Fox leaned forward, rubbing his cheek against Alex’s. "I’m always yours," he murmured.

"That’s true," Alex answered, letting a hand wander up and down the older man’s back.

"You don’t need to restrain me," Fox continued softly, trying to hypnotize Alex into compliance. "I promise, I won’t come until you tell me to."

"Lisa," Alex whispered into the golden-brown hair, "you know you can’t promise that. You might be able to hold on for a little while, but sooner or later, you’ll crack."

Alex shook his head, moving in to nuzzle the older man’s throat. "You will. You won’t have a choice..." His voice, soft and honey-smooth lulled Fox even as it made the older man’s nerve endings tingle. "...your body won’t let you hold back." The tip of his tongue danced over Fox’s mouth. "That’s why you need my help."

Alex moved to Fox’s ear, his words humming low and sweet. "Yes. Now let’s get dressed."

Alex laughed as they pulled on their clothing. "Torture? Me? Naaah." As soon as Fox had finished dressing, he picked up the three silk scarves, gold chain and dildo from the bed and winked at the older man. "Let’s go to the movies, lisa."

Twenty-five torturous minutes later, the two men entered the virtually deserted theater.

"Well, would you look at this?" Alex cracked. "Empty. Imagine that. And this is supposed to be such a good movie..."

Fox glared in response, and at Alex’s direction moved to the seat nearest the wall in the last row of the darkest corner. He sat down, wincing at the discomfort in his snug jeans.

"Poor Fox," Alex cooed taking the seat beside him. "Let me make you more comfortable." He pulled the two scarves out of the inside pocket of his jacket and began to secure one of Fox’s wrists to the arm of the chair.

"You...you call this comfortable?" Fox whispered as Alex finished restraining one arm and went to work on the other.

"Don’t be so impatient," Alex admonished, accomplishing his task. He leaned in, scattering a few kisses along Fox’s jaw as one hand skimmed down the front of his lover’s shirt and brushed over the considerable bulge at the front of his jeans. Fox began to squirm as he undid the button and drew the zipper down.

Fox choked back a whimper as Alex reached inside his jeans and gently pulled his bound cock out.

The minute the words were out of Alex’s mouth, a couple walked in. They cast only a very brief glance at the two seated in the back of the theater and moved to the front row.

"It’s too dark for them to see anything, and they’re moving way down front," Alex pointed out. "God, I can’t believe somebody actually paid money to watch this."

Alex squeezed the inside of Fox’s thigh. "I didn’t come to watch the movie."

"Still..." Fox grunted as Alex lowered his head and blew on his cock. "...you could have done this at home for nothing."

"True. And while it’s fun to tease you anywhere, it’s just a little bit more enjoyable to do it someplace public."

The theater went from dark to extremely dark, then the screen lit up and the previews began to roll. Alex turned to Fox, a sudden thought crossing his mind.

"What if somebody else walks in?" Fox pleaded in his softest, most desperate tone. "I can’t fucking move!"

"Fox, it’s darker than dark in this corner. Nobody’s going to see anything."

"You don’t know that. Alex, please... please. Damn, you bastard," he spat as Alex blew him a kiss and sauntered out the door. Alone now, he looked nervously to the front, making sure that the only other people in the place weren’t looking at him. Finding them engrossed only in each other, his eyes slid back to the door, praying that the next time it opened, it would be Alex walking in.

Crossing his left leg over his right to block the view of anyone who might enter, he groaned softly at the discomfort the action cause. He pissed as hell with Alex, but he couldn’t deny the excited throb of his cock.

Brief moments later, a band of light fell across the floor and Fox’s heart began to pound. A tall, dark figure appeared, and though he could make out none of the man’s features, he knew instantly that it was Alex. The younger man moved to his seat balancing a tub of popcorn and a large cup of lemonade in his arms. He set the cup down in the holder provided at the end of the arm of his seat.

Alex stuffed a handful of butter drenched popcorn into his mouth then lifted the cup. "How about some lemonade?"

Fox’s threats died in his throat as Alex leaned down and abruptly sucked the head of his cock into his mouth.

"God..." his head dropped back and rolled against the top of the chair. "Oh, God..."

Alex sucked gently, letting his tongue swirl repeatedly over the swollen head. Hearing the needy moans of the man above him, he lifted his head, satisfied. "You were saying?"

Fox lifted his head and struggled to open his eyes. Finally able to focus on the amused, dark gaze, he drew a shaky breath and whimpered.

"But what if someone comes in?" Alex asked innocently, using his words against him.

Alex chuckled softly. "Well, guess what, babe? By the time I’m done with you, you’re going to despise me. Now, how about some lemonade?" He held the straw up to Fox’s lips, but the older man refused to drink.

A tiny grin twitching at the corner of his mouth, Alex sucked some of the pink liquid up through the straw and turned Fox’s face to his. Placing his mouth over the other man’s, he released some of the lemonade into his mouth. In mere seconds, Fox was drinking eagerly from him.

Alex pulled back and smiled as he drew a finger down Fox’s cheek. "I just remembered how much you liked that."

Fox nodded, and as soon as Alex took in more lemonade, he fastened his mouth on the younger man’s, sucking in the cool liquid.

Deciding Fox had had enough, Alex pulled away and nodded toward the screen. "Your movie has started."

Panting heavily, Fox turned a glazed, dark gaze on the other man. "Fuck the movie."

"Aww, c’mon, lisa. You’ve been dying to see this. It’s okay, you watch it. I’ll find something to keep myself entertained."

Fox bucked involuntarily as Alex slowly undid his own jeans and withdrew his cock.

"Don’t do what?" Alex asked softly, letting his fingers graze the velvety surface of his cock.

"I love you, too." Alex again reached into his pocket and withdrew the dildo and chain. Snapping the catch at the end of the chain onto the ring at the end of the cock straps, Alex drew the length up snugly over Fox’s chest and over his shoulder, securing the other end of the chain to the back of the arm of the chair.

Fox’s hips began to move, increasing tension on the chain and his cock, and though it was pure torture, he couldn’t bring himself to stop.

"You’re only going to drive yourself crazy," Alex crooned into the trembling man’s ear. "You know you can’t come."

Fox whimpers grew a bit louder as he continued to struggle against the chain. Alex’s gaze moved quickly to the couple down front, but they were so busy groping each other that neither had taken notice of the sounds. Still, he thought he should take no chances. He pulled the third and last scarf out of his pocket and efficiently tied it over Fox’s mouth.

Fox closed his eyes, sobbing desperately as each new offense stimulated him a bit farther past the point which he thought he could stand.

"You have to be quiet, lisa," Alex warned sweetly. "I don’t think our friends down there are interested in us, but you never know." Alex looked back toward the front, finding that he could only see the head of the male now. "Look, babe." He directed Fox’s attention to the first row. "She’s sucking his dick," he whispered, nipping at the older man’s earlobe. "See? They’re just as kinky as we are."

Fox’s muffled whine regained Alex’s attention, and he lifted the dildo to his lips, licking lightly at the head.

"You can’t actually see her, but..." He drew his tongue up the length of the object in his hand. "You want to watch me?"

Fox jerked frantically at the chain, trying in vain to relieve his torment as Alex leaned back against his seat and sucked the dildo into his mouth while his free hand began to slowly milk his own cock.

A long sigh broke past Alex’s lips as he released the dildo and began licking the length of it. His hand worked faster, sliding up and down his engorged shaft. The sounds of Fox’s vague whimpers spurred him on, and he again swallowed the length of the rubber shaft. He jerked himself more insistently, feeling the warm tingles start at the base of his spine. Any second now, he was going to come, and though the thought of stopping it had flitted across his mind, he continued, knowing the only way he was going to tease Fox for as long as he’d planned to, was to remain relaxed and in control.

Fox watched his lover writhing and moaning as he stimulated himself, and the agony tripled. He wanted to be in that exquisite mouth. Jesus, he needed to be. But he’d gone and opened his mouth and told Alex that he’d spend the entire weekend doing what he wanted, and now that’s exactly what he was doing.

He watched Alex buck and grunt as he came over his fist, and every nerve in his body throbbed.

Alex pulled the dildo from his mouth and slumped in his seat, panting softly. Long seconds later, he gathered up a handful of napkins and cleaned himself up.

"God, I feel better." He grinned over at the restrained man beside him. "How’re you doin’, babe? Enjoying the movie?"

Through the gag Fox managed a snarl, and the furious glint in his eyes told Alex all he needed to know.

"Guess not." Alex reached over and petted his lover’s cock. "Would you rather be doing something else?"

Fox immediately submitted, arching against Alex’s touch. The younger man grinned and lowered his head, planting a few kisses along the leather-bound cock, and a loud, unfamiliar grunt brought his head up. He looked at Fox, whose attention had already switched to the couple in the front row.

The male of the pair stiffened in his seat, his lower body jerking erratically as he came loudly then slumped in his seat. Seconds later, the female lifted her head, coughing and began to curse the man.

Alex burst into laughter while his immobile lover tipped his head back, groaning softly. He watched the woman storm up the aisle while the man fumbled with his jeans and began to follow her.

"Wanted to?!?" The irate woman tossed over her shoulder as her passed Alex and Fox. "You held my head down, you asshole!"

One after the other, the couple disappeared out the door, leaving the two men alone in the theater.

"Now, that was worth the price of admission," Alex said to Fox, his eyes sparkling with glee.

Unable to think of anything other than his own suffering, the older man whimpered piteously, eyes pleading for mercy.

Alex’s grin faded into a tiny trace of a smirk. "You’re not amused, are you?"

"Well, why didn’t you just say so?" Alex removed the scarf from Fox’s mouth and turned the older man’s face up for a tender kiss. "But, you know what?" he whispered. "Going home doesn’t help you much. You’re still not going to come until I’m damn good and ready."

Alex untied Fox’s wrists, unsnapped the chain, and tucked him back into his jeans. Stuffing all of his toys back into his pockets, he rose and held his hand out to the older man. "Ready?"

Fox closed his eyes momentarily then took Alex’s hand and let himself be led out of the theater. Once inside the car, he slid across the seat moving as close to the younger man as he could. His hand crept up Alex’s thigh, and he nuzzled the lightly stubbled jaw.

Fox groaned, knowing that Alex was about to do or say something else he wasn’t going to be thrilled about.

Alex shrugged. "It’d be a lot nicer if we could have a nice, leisurely dinner together, but as I said, I’m starving, and I gotta have something. Besides," he purred, curving his arm up around Fox’s face and petting his head, "I need to keep my energy up. Wouldn’t want to fall asleep on you in the middle of anything...important."

The ensuing silence did nothing to dissuade Alex from his course. "Maybe once we get there and you start smelling the food, you’ll find your appetite."

Arriving at a small, dimly lit pub, the men were immediately met by a perky young woman.

"Hi! My name’s Amy, and welcome to Brannigan’s. Would you gentlemen prefer smoking or non?"

Alex wrinkled his nose, looking to his silent lover. "Nah. Could we have something a little more out of the way? More private."

"Well...I could seat you back there," the girl offered, pointing to a dark corner of the dining room, "but unfortunately, customers kinda get forgotten when they’re far removed from the busier sections. I mean, not actually completely forgotten, but service is a little slower, you know?"

"That’s fine," Alex smiled. "We’re in no rush." He paused to nuzzle the other man’s cheek. "Right, lisa?"

Amy’s jaw went slack, but seconds later, the perkiness was back in place. "All righty then." She guided the two men to a table at the very rear of the pub and stood, uncomfortably shifting from one foot to the other as Alex took the seat beside Fox and ran his palm over the shimmering surface of his hair then pressed a kiss to his temple.

"M-menus are right there," she pointed to the colorful, laminated cards at the edge of the table. "I’ll go let Jenny know that you’re here."

As the girl rushed away, Alex broke into soft giggles. "Think we’ve scared Miss Teen America for life?"

Alex slid two fingers under Fox’s chin and lifted. "What’s the matter, babe? Cat got your tongue?"

Gilded eyes rose to sparkling green, holding them entranced as Fox leaned forward and covered Alex’s mouth with his own. The younger man’s moan vibrated on his lips as his tongue slithered out to caress the soft interior. An eternity later, he withdrew staring at Alex through a curtain of golden-brown lashes.

Just as Alex had begun to lean in for another kiss, a nervous feminine voice interrupted.

"Yeah. Jenny. I’m Jenny, and I’ll be your server tonight. Would you like to start off with a drink? An appetizer maybe?"

"Sure, that sounds good." Alex looked down at the menu. "Uh..." He again looked to his quiet companion. "Some wine, Fox?"

"Okay." So softly spoken, that aside from the motion of his lips, the server would have sworn he’d never spoken the word at all.

"White wine. And..." He looked back at the bill of fare. "The sampler platter, I guess."

The girl nodded and gave them a cautious smile. "I’ll be back in a few with your wine."

The girl left them alone, and Alex again turned his full attention on the older man. "Where were we?"

Once more, Fox lifted his eyes to his lover’s, and his tongue inched out to moisten exquisitely generous lips. Tentatively he leaned closer, brushing Alex’s mouth with his own.

"Oh, yeah," Alex murmured, gently accepting the offer. Lazily, he teased Fox’s mouth while one hand combed aimlessly through his hair. Breaking the kiss long moments later, he smiled down into lust-glazed eyes. "Have I told you today how gorgeous you are?"

"Do you know how turned on I am right now? Do you know how much I’d love to pull you onto my lap and grind my cock against your ass...I’m hard again, you know."

Fox closed his eyes, and his body trembled slightly as Alex took his hand and laid it over his crotch.

"See?" the younger man whispered close to his ear. "I came only an hour ago, and already it’s like a brick. You do that to me. With those eyes...the way they look at me...begging...and that beautiful...fucking unbelievable mouth." He caressed the pouting lower lip. "So soft on mine...it feels like warm velvet around my cock..."

Fox drew a shaky breath and opened his mouth, letting Alex’s finger slide between his lips. Gently, he sucked on the digit, moaning in protest when Alex pulled it away.

"How can I not be hard fifteen times a day when I live with such an outrageous slut?" He stopped talking for a moment, words giving way to a long, low groan as Fox began to massage the bulge beneath his hand. When he had again composed himself, he pulled the tablecloth up over his lap, blocking anyone’s view of what was happening underneath, and starting giving instructions.

Glancing once around the room, obeyed the soft command and slipped his hand inside his lover’s jeans.

"Good," Alex whispered. "That’s good...easy...nice and slow..." As Fox gently worked his cock, the server approached. "Don’t stop," he warned. "Just take it easy."

Fox’s heart leapt in his chest, throbbing in concert with his restrained cock as he caressed his lover under the tablecloth. Jenny came to a stop in front of the table, balancing a tray in her left hand, smiling uneasily at her customers.

Only slightly less composed than he was, Alex thanked the girl and allowed her to leave. The moment she was out of ear shot, he turned and spoke to Fox.

Fox neatly draped four napkins over the younger man’s waist, and as smoothly as he could, began to quickly pump his cock.

Alex closed his eyes and tilted his head back, panting softly through parted lips as his body continued to tighten to the point of breaking.

Fox watched longingly as Alex gritted his teeth and shuddered violently as he drenched the napkins and his lover’s hand. His body screamed for the same release, but he had the sinking feeling that Alex wasn’t finished with him yet.

Sable eyelashes lifted and fluttered slowly. A satisfied gleam coated the green eyes, and Alex raised his head and smiled serenely at his lover.

Fox removed and folded the soiled napkins, wrapped them in a few more clean napkins, then pushed them to the far end of the table. He then looked down at his hand. Raising his eyes to Alex’s, he lifted the hand to his mouth, but the younger man’s fingers closed around his wrist. Smiling, Alex pulled the hand toward his own mouth and licked away all traces of his own semen. Pushed about as close to the edge as he could get, Fox’s legs twitched spasmodically, and he practically sobbed his lover’s name.

The other man’s lashes swept upward, and he inhaled deeply, nerves tingling at the look of agony on Fox’s face.

The golden-brown head dropped to Alex’s shoulder and Fox nodded again, stroking his chest.

"Okay, guys, here’s your..." The girl looked up, seeing the quiet man practically sitting in the other’s lap, clinging to him, and lost her train of thought. "Uh...your uh...appetizers. W-would you care to order dinner now?"

Alex looked down at the heaping platter then over at his tormented lover. "You know, I think this might do us. There’s a hell of a lot of food here."

"Okay, well, uh...if you..." She stopped in mid-sentence, watching the dark-haired man lift a mozzarella stick to the other’s mouth and brush it across his lower lip, coaxing him to take a bite. "...need anything else..."

Alex thanked her absently, his attention not deviating for a moment from his lover’s tempting mouth. The girl disappeared quickly, and he leaned in for a playful nip at Fox’s chin.

Fox shrugged and accepted more of the appetizer. Swallowing the contents in his mouth, he turned pleading eyes up to the younger man.

"Think what it’ll feel like," Alex murmured, "if it keeps building...and building. The explosion’ll be fantastic."

"But I can’t wait that long," Fox complained, refusing an offer of a bacon-topped potato skin. "Don’t make me."

Alex smiled and bestowed a sweet kiss on the older man’s cheek. "You and I are gonna raise the roof before this is over, I promise. Now, let’s eat before this stuff gets cold, then we can go home, okay?"

Fox ate a bit more, leaving most of the food to his ravenous lover, and when the platter was clean and the glasses drained, Alex tracked Jenny down, paid the tab, and the two men headed for home.

Fox sat in the passenger’s seat, dying a thousand deaths as Alex took the scenic route home, but he remained silent. The only sign of life he showed was the slow, strained rise and fall of his chest. Alex took notice and reached across the seat to stroke his lover’s cheek.

"We are. It’s just that it was such a nice, clear night, I thought you might like to take the long way home. You know how a nice, long drive usually relaxes you."

Not tonight. A handful a valium and a bottle of Jack couldn’t relax him after what Alex had done to him the last few hours. And now, the younger man’s hand creeping across the seat and into his lap pretty well insured that calm would be the last thing he felt.

Fox’s whole body jerked, and he released a pained groan as Alex petted his leather-bound cock.

"Easy, babe. What are you going to do when in a few minutes I’m biting the insides of your thighs?"

"You don’t have to beg, love," Alex purred, now squeezing the muscle beneath his hand. "I love sinking my teeth into you. I love looking at you the next morning and seeing my marks on your perfect skin..."

The ache. God, the ache was unbearable. Yet, somehow it fed Fox’s excitement, and though outwardly he presented the picture of a man dying to put an end to his torture, deep in his heart, he was reveling in the every sadistic act that Alex perpetrated upon his mind and body.

Obediently, Fox began to work on the fastenings of his shirt as efficiently as his shaking fingers would allow. By the time he’d completed his task, Alex was pulling slowly into the driveway. The garage door opened, and the Porsche rumbled to a stop inside.

The two men exited the car, and Alex led the way into the house. The moment they hit the door, Clyde was there, yapping and whining.

"I’d better take him out." Alex drew his knuckles down Fox’s bared chest. "Why don’t you go wait for me in the bedroom?" As Fox moved to leave, Alex grasped his upper arm and turned him back. "And," he murmured, "don’t take anything off."

Fox stepped forward, pressing their bodies together. "Nothing?" he asked, drawing his tongue across Alex’s lips.

The younger man shook his head, brushing his fingers across one rigid nipple. "I want to be there to watch you. Now, get going."

Fox moaned softly and headed into the bedroom. Once there, he lay down on the bed, forcing himself to breathe deeply and evenly.

Some ten minutes later, everything he’d told himself went straight to hell in a hand basket.

Feeling that he was no longer alone, Fox opened his eyes and looked toward the door.

Gilded eyes swept over the length of the body standing not more than eight feet away.

Gloriously naked, Alex stalked slowly toward the man on the bed, a feral gleam in his eyes.

Fox drew himself up, watching the smooth flow of muscle under satiny skin. Years later, the beauty of this man he was blessed enough to call his, awed him still. And his breath left him, only to return seconds later with a rush, bringing with it all of the excitement and anticipation that it had countless times before.

As Alex reached him, Fox raised a hand to his thigh, gently skimming the hard flesh as their eyes met. "Of course it is."

A tiny trace of a smile appeared, and Alex grasped the hand on his leg just before it reached his reinvigorated cock. Bringing it up to his mouth, he kissed the palm and whispered against it.

Never letting his gaze wander from the other man’s, Fox rose up on his knees and began to slide the already unbuttoned shirt off. As it dropped to the mattress, his movements stilled and his respiration deepened as Alex leaned in to lick a path from his shoulder to his neck.

Willing his hands to cooperate, Fox undid his jeans and pushed them down as far as his knees. Reluctantly, he pushed away from Alex’s warmth and sat down on the bed to remove the pants and shoes. Now completely naked except for the cock restraint, he again rose to his knees.

Alex let out a long sigh, feeling the silky glide of skin on skin as Fox rubbed against him.

"You feel better than a high-priced stripper, you know that?" Alex murmured, humor tingeing his voice.

Fox pulled himself out of his rapturous state long enough to shoot his lover a questioning look.

"You know..." Alex ran his hands over Fox’s shoulders and back. "...soft. Smooth..."

Alex smirked at the distressed query. "Remember when I stayed at your apartment after I was wounded?"

"Don’t you remember me telling you that I wanted you so much but I thought I could never have you, so I went on a rampage, doing a whole bunch of men and women?"

Alex cocked his head and smiled sweetly at the other man. "Lisa...you weren’t thinking that I’d been with someone else after we got together."

Fox shook his head silently. His eyes dropped closed for a brief second then opened again, focusing on the intense green gaze in front of him.

"Never," Alex whispered, stroking the long back. "From that first day there was only you. You know that."

Looking a bit more confident, Fox nodded and gave the younger man a bit of a smile.

Golden-brown lashes swept upward, and Fox fell into Alex’s loving gaze. It had been a long time, though he’d never forgotten the words so often spoken between them when their relationship was new.

Alex lowered Fox to the bed and stretched himself out over the length of his lover’s body.

Fox arched upward, pressing himself against Alex and forcing a groan from each of them. "And I’m yours."

"Because you love it." Alex threaded the fingers of one hand through the older man’s hair, pulling his head back at an almost uncomfortable angle. "Because you want it. You can protest from now till Christmas, but your eyes tell me what you really want."

The corner of Alex’s mouth twitched. "You want me to torture you until you’re sure your body’ll break in two..."

"You want me to make you beg and plead for mercy, but you don’t want me to give it to you." He smiled at the low mewling sound now escaping past Fox’s lips. "Don’t worry, pretty Fox. I wouldn’t dream of it."

Alex’s weight was promptly removed from his body, leaving Fox whimpering in protest. His glazed eyes followed the younger man as he prowled over in the direction of their ‘toy’ chest and soon returned with an armload of items.

Slowly, Fox did as he was asked and waited for what was to come. His muscles twitched and tightened as a smooth, slick object pressed between his ass cheeks, insisting that the small, hidden opening yield to its pressure. He choked off a gasp as he felt himself stretched and filled, and when the butt plug was securely in place, Alex pulled his arms behind his back and cuffed his wrists.

"Very nice," Alex whispered, letting one hand glide over Fox’s ass. "Just one more thing." Deftly blindfolding his lover, he grinned down at the picture before him. "How’s that?"

Momentarily beyond speech, Fox lay trembling and moaning softly. Then Alex’s hands were on him, pulling and lifting; moving him from the bed and raising him to a standing position. Smoldering green eyes roamed over his body, followed by knowing fingers, stroking and teasing the overheated flesh.

Unable to use his arms for balance, Fox sank slowly to the floor and waited. Alex’s fingertips passed over his trembling lower lip, and seconds later, he detected a presence very near his face. Instinctively, he opened his mouth and accepted the entire length of his lover’s cock...

Alex watched as every last inch disappeared past those incredible lips, and his body shuddered blissfully. Gently, he threaded his fingers through Fox’s hair and began to move. The small vibration of the older man’s moan sent a tingle along the sensitized shaft, and before he’d even realized it his hips were pumping steadily, repeatedly shoving his cock down Fox’s throat.

Fox sank lower, giving Alex and himself the best, most comfortable angle, and as he prepared for the explosion that seemed more than a bit inevitable, Alex regained just enough composure to pull out of his mouth and drag him to his feet. Without a word from his unseen lover, he was spun around and pushed face down onto the bed. There was a brief flurry of movement, then Alex’s hands grasped his hips and pulled him up on his knees. The pillows muffled his cry as the butt plug was removed, and Alex’s cock took its place.

Unwilling and unable to stop the torrent of lust now crashing through him, Alex grabbed a handful of golden-brown hair while steadying Fox’s hip with the other, and slammed into him. His head snapped back, and a long snarl pierced the air as the force of the action took him to within a hair’s breadth of release. He paused for mere seconds, trying to hold it off, but there was no way. Not this close. He tightened his grip and initiated an all out assault, bucking violently against the man beneath him.

The feel of Alex so hard and deep in his ass, hitting his prostate on almost every stroke, the continual throb of his cock within its restraints, and his inability to relieve it drove Fox way past the point of insanity. He whimpered frantically, praying for Alex to come even though he knew with all certainty that he would not be allowed to. At this point, all he wanted was for the intolerable stimulation to stop.

In answer to Fox’s prayers, Alex’s body began an uncontrollable series of spasms as he came for the third time that evening. His harsh cries turned to exhausted gasps as he emptied himself into his tortured lover, and he fell to the mattress, curling up on his side. Fox sank down beside him, lying flat on his stomach, hips occasionally pushing into the rumpled sheets...waiting. And waiting.

Seconds turned into minutes, turned into an eternity, and still there was nothing. Only the soft, steady breaths that generally meant that Alex would soon if not already be asleep.

Fox shifted in the direction of the sounds, gently butting his head against what turned out to be Alex’s shoulder. "Alex, please. Don’t...I can’t...Alex..."

Whining insistently, he inched closer, struggling to his side and rubbing his bound cock against the younger man’s hip.

Alex flinched and moaned, firmly pushing Fox away. "Go to sleep," he muttered then fell silent, leaving Fox unsatisfied and miles beyond frustrated.

"No... no. Get this thing off me," he demanded, beginning to thrash around on the bed. He felt sudden movement, and all at once he was being uncuffed and shoved onto his back, where Alex proceeded to shackle him to the bed. His chest heaved with the excitement of being restrained further, and his cock screamed in anticipation of exactly what, he wasn’t sure.

"Alex...baby..." Fox squirmed and writhed, attempting to entice the other man. "I need you so much..."

"Fucking son of a..." Fox’s curses were abruptly cut off as Alex covered his mouth with a strip of silky material. Crossing the cloth behind Fox’s head, he brought the two ends back around front and tied them in a knot over the older man’s mouth.

Fox growled at the soft brush of Alex’s lips at his temple, then lay panting as he felt the younger man settle into a comfortable position.

Jesus, it was such an incredible fucking turn on. Alex had left him hanging before...a few hours at the most, but all night? Restrained and gagged and deprived of a good many of his senses...

God, he was kinkier than he ever would have dreamed. Yet he couldn’t find it anywhere within himself to be shocked or disgusted.

All this time together...all these years, and still Alex was coming up with new ways to excite him. Okay, maybe not new...they had frequently engaged in a little light bondage, but had never gone quite this far before. Fox began to wonder how much farther they had yet to go. The possibilities made his blood pressure rise, and his cock throb.

He stopped listening to himself for a moment, and tuned in to his lover. Not a sound from Alex except for the slow, even sounds of sleep.

A smile formed behind the strip of silk as Fox plotted and planned his revenge. He was still smiling when he fell asleep.

Before his mind had completely awakened, Fox’s body had, throbbing to full consciousness.

Fox began to twitch, and he couldn’t hold back to low moan that sounded deep in his throat.

A gentle tugging began at the knot over his mouth, and soon the gag was pulled away. Fox’s mouth fell open, and he took in a number of long, cleansing breaths, sounding Alex’s name on the last one. Fingertips brushed his lower lip, and he voiced a request.

Alex pulled himself up, resting on one elbow and smiled down at his lover. "Yeah, I suppose that might be a good idea. All right, but you behave yourself, okay?"

Fox nodded silently and waited while Alex released his wrists from their bonds. That done, he felt the younger man’s hand then move down to his cock.

"Remember," Alex warned softly. Incurring another nod, he slowly undid the straps, setting the older man’s cock free for the first time since last night.

Fox choked back more than a few whimpers but managed to keep himself together. Still blindfolded, he let Alex lead him into the bathroom and point him in the direction of the toilet. As he relieved himself, Alex stood behind him, gently caressing his back and ass.

"You’re beautiful in the morning," Alex whispered into the hair at the back of his neck. "So warm...soft flush to your skin..."

Fox lowered his head and stood trembling, letting Alex’s words blanket him in tingling heat. He managed to concentrate on what he was doing, and when he was finished, was nudged to one side while Alex urinated as well.

The golden-brown head snapped up for a brief moment then slowly lowered again. The older man answered with silence.

Even though Fox’s eyes were still covered, Alex could read his lover’s emotions easily enough in his posture and exquisite pout of his lips. He walked them both over to the sink, where they washed their hands, then he led Fox back to the bedroom.

Fox allowed himself to be laid back against the pillows, and then he felt the further depression of the mattress as Alex straddled him.

"You never answered me, Fox," Alex purred, letting his breath flow over his lover’s mouth. "Are you hungry?"

"Should I take that as a no?" Alex waited but no answer was forthcoming. One corner of his mouth twitched up into a knowing smirk. "So, you’re giving me the silent treatment, huh? Pissed that I left you shackled and unsatisfied all night?"

Alex lightly traced a path along the stubbled jaw with the tip of his tongue. "Talk to me, lisa."

"Do I have to make you talk? ...I guess I do." He retrieved the wrist restraints, and as he moved to grasp one wrist, Fox began to fight. Caught off guard for just a second, Alex lost his grip on the other man, and they struggled for quite a while before he was able to regain control.

"Bad move, Fox," Alex gasped as he managed to secure the writhing man’s wrists to the bed. "That little stunt didn’t exactly help your situation any." He leaned in, murmuring seductively into Fox’s ear. "But I’ll tell you what it did for me." He reared back and grasped the tube of lubrication from the floor, where he’d dropped it the previous night. "It made me hot as hell. You know how I love a good fight."

Quickly, Alex applied a coating of gel to his cock and pulled Fox forward and into position.

"Ohhhh, you found your voice?" Alex asked, arousal tempering the amusement in his tone. "And since when don’t you want to get fucked?"

Not waiting to see if Fox would answer this time, Alex surged forward, burying himself inside the other man with one hard thrust.

Fox’s surprised cry mutated into frustrated sobs as Alex fucked him mercilessly, pounding harder and faster into him until he came mere seconds later.

Momentarily weakened by the frantic release of energy, Alex fell forward onto his forearms, panting heavily for some time before rolling into a sitting position. "You know," he gasped softly, directing his conversation at the trembling man beside him, "I was going to end it earlier...when we woke up. But you went and got all bitchy on me. So, now I think we’ll have to just continue it a while longer."

"No," Fox whimpered. "Don’t. Please, Alex. I didn’t mean to...I’m just..."

"Frustrated." Fox turned his face to nuzzle the hand that had come down to stroke his cheek. "Please," he whispered into the warm palm before licking the faintly salty skin.

There was silence for what seemed to Fox like an eternity, then Alex’s weight lifted from the bed.

Alex chuckled softly at the whispered curse. "Wish you could, don’t you?" And with that, he disappeared into the bathroom leaving Fox more frustrated than he could remember being in a long, long time.

Alex stood under the warm spray, letting the water push the thick lather away as he rubbed the bath sponge over his as yet unsatisfied body.

Yes, he’d come several times since last night, but he’d only be truly satisfied when he had Fox wrapped around him, screaming his name as they came together. And God, as worked up as he was, he’d be screaming himself hoarse.

Alex smiled at the thought of Fox trying to explain to Scully tomorrow why he’d suddenly lost his voice...

Several minutes later, Alex shut the shower off and reached for a towel. As he dried himself, he padded quietly to the door to see what Fox was doing...not that he could do much tied to the bed, but still, Alex wanted to have a look. His breath left him slowly as he observed the figure stretched out on the mattress.

All his wildest, wettest dreams come true. Lying there. So beautiful. So goddamn, fucking sexy.

Alex closed his eyes, shuddering at the quick reawakening of his cock. A sound from the bed drew his attention, and his eyes opened in time to find Fox squirming as Alex’s name fell from his lips in a very soft, very tortured moan. His cock pulsed in answer, and before his brain had time to catch up, he was moving toward the bed.

"I am," Alex answered lightly, his eyes fixed on the flushed fullness of his lover’s mouth. "But first, I thought you should have some."

"No?" Alex slid up on the bed, positioning his hips parallel to Fox’s head. Sliding the fingers of one hand through the older man’s hair, he turned his head to the side. He grasped his cock at the base with the other hand and brushed the head gently over Fox’s lips.

Fox stifled a hungry moan and attempted to draw back, but Alex held his head firmly.

"Tell me you don’t want it," he rasped, rubbing the tip more insistently over the quivering mouth.

A short, harsh sound rolled in Fox’s throat as he fought to keep his mouth closed, but the nearness of him...the newly clean scent...the brush of velvet over his lips was too much to resist.

"Tell me you don’t want me in your mouth, pushing down your throat, and I’ll call you a fucking liar," the honey-coated gravel rumbled above his head.

Fox whimpered his submission, and his lips parted ever-so-slightly, allowing the tip of his tongue to slide over the smooth head.

Alex sucked in a quick breath, not willing to take his eyes off of Fox for a moment. His fingers loosened around the golden-brown strands of his lover’s hair, and he began to tenderly pet them. "That’s better," he purred as Fox opened his mouth further and began to lick him with more enthusiasm. "God, so much better."

Fox exhaled heavily and took half the length of Alex’s cock into his mouth at once, sucking ravenously, and drawing a hard groan from the younger man. He withdrew most of the way then slid back down the glistening shaft, this time working his way to the base. Listening to Alex’s labored breaths, he worked harder, instinctively knowing that there was no way in hell the younger man could last very long.

Alex threw his head back, the low growl rumbling in his chest growing louder and louder as his hips began to move in quick, almost violent bursts. Seconds later, a frantic, sobbing groan tore past his lips as he pumped a rush of warm fluid down Fox’s throat.

Unwilling to release Alex from his mouth, Fox sucked greedily, milking him of every last drop even while his own cock screeched for relief.

As soon as Alex regained some of his strength, he began to pull away but encountered a bit of resistance from the man whose mouth was still fastened stubbornly around him.

"Fox...lisa, come on...baby, let go. You have to let..." As gently as he could, Alex forced Fox to release him, and he backed away and off the bed.

"Where are you..." Fox’s head moved from side to side on the pillow. "Alex, don’t go. Don’t..."

"Thank you, lisa," Alex interrupted. "As always, you were incredible. But now, I’m really starving. Gonna go get some breakfast and take Clyde out. He must be ready to explode by now."

"What about me?" Fox lamented. "I’ve been ready to explode since last night. Why aren’t you worried about me?"

The fading sound of Alex’s laughter rang in Fox’s ears long after the younger man had left the room.

As he shook off the last vestiges of sleep, he realized that he was able to move.

Fuzzy though his vision was, Fox turned and focused his gaze on the figure beside him.

Alex reached across the very short distance to let his fingertips dance across his lover’s sleep-swollen mouth.

Obviously, otherwise how would he not have awakened when Alex uncuffed him and took the blindfold off?

Alex moved, draping himself over the other man’s chest and staring down into his eyes.

"How do you figure you’ve been teased? Exactly how many times did you come? Remind me, I lost count."

"Ohhh," Fox replied sarcastically. "Is that all it was? Well, I’d have liked to have had some of that physical relief..."

Alex cupped the heavily stubbled cheek. "It’s hollow. I mean, it was fun teasing you, but any of those times that I came...they weren’t really satisfying. Not in the way that counts. It won’t be complete until you come with me." He lowered his head and brushed his lips over Fox’s. "Come with me, baby."

A fraction of a second was all that Fox hesitated before he opened his mouth and met Alex’s in a bone melting kiss. Instantly, his arms came up and wound around the younger man, holding him tightly as Alex settled his full length on top of him.

Fox pushed up against Alex, feeling their erections touch, and he released a loud groan into the stillness of the room.

"Now, Alex," he whispered roughly, trying to increase the pressure, but to his amazement was held off. "No...don’t...please. You said..."

"I know," Alex broke in, stifling his lover’s frantic whimpers with another long kiss. "But I think," he said, releasing Fox’s mouth, "that you deserve a little more than you’ve gotten the last eighteen hours." One hand grazed Fox’s cheek then slid down his throat and whispered over a rigid nipple. "Let me make it up to you."

Eyes that at the moment appeared every bit as green as Alex’s, gazed dreamily up at the younger man, hypnotized by the silky, utterly persuasive voice.

Fox’s eyes dropped shut, and he arched against the hand still brushing over his nipple, silently giving the permission that Alex had asked for.

Emitting a rapturous sigh, Alex came in for another kiss, tenderly feeding on the luscious lips that only a couple of hours ago had been wrapped so ravenously around his cock. Stroking his tongue gently over the soft flesh, he coaxed Fox’s mouth open, and he swept inside, teasing the warm interior.

Drowning in bliss, Fox gave himself up to his lover’s will, letting Alex seduce his mind and body with silent promises of the heaven he knew well and longed to see. But memories of the demon Alex had been so very recently crowded in and cast suspicion over those promises, prompting Fox to react. He began to cling desperately to Alex, his fingers digging almost painfully into muscles of his lover’s back and shoulders. His mouth clamped down on the presence inside, sucking greedily, wanting as much as he could get before it was taken away again...

Alex tensed at the discomfort and attempted to extricate himself from Fox’s grip, but the older man’s hold was too strong.

"No," he gasped against the demanding mouth. "Wait...easy, baby..." Finally, he managed to loosen Fox’s grasp and pinned his hands down on either side of his head.

An abbreviated sob formed in Fox’s throat as he strained against the weight holding him down. "I can’t take it. Please, no more."

"No," Alex insisted. "No more. I won’t stop this time, baby, I won’t. No more games."

Fox’s struggles died as Alex leaned in and nuzzled the side of his neck. His cries of frustration turned into whimpers of passion as the younger man moved lower, licking delicately at the tender skin of his throat. Seconds later, Alex released his hands, and they began skimming the contours of the well-muscled back, tracing the more prominent scars and lingering over sensitive areas.

Alex lifted his head and directed a sparkling, deep green gaze at the man beneath him.

In all their time together, Alex had never broken a promise for any reason, and Fox knew that. Sighing softly, he brought Alex back down for another kiss.

Sure now that Fox believed him, Alex deepened the kiss, letting one hand roam over as much of the other man’s body as his position allowed, while the other slid under the golden-brown head, cradling it in his palm. He drank in every sweet sound that his wandering hand had persuaded Fox to make, and when it reached his upper thigh, Fox began to tremble violently.

"You’re not going to make it, are you?" Alex whispered, lightly caressing the older man’s leg.

Before Fox could answer, Alex was lifting himself and dropping to the mattress beside him. He winced at the sudden release of pressure on his cock, and drew a deep breath to calm the fluttering of his insides.

"I’m sorry, lisa." Alex kissed Fox’s shoulder then drew his tongue across the same spot. "I should’ve known better. Are you okay?"

Taking in another long breath through his nose, Fox nodded. "Okay," he said on the exhale then turned pleading eyes to his lover. "Alexei..."

In response, Alex kissed the tip of the other man’s nose. Then his mouth. His chin was next, and when he reached Fox’s throat, his tongue inched out and drew a moist line all the way down to his chest.

A long, breathy moan left Fox’s lips as his lover moved so very slowly to one rigid nipple, gently circling the brown nub before pulling it into his mouth. When Alex began to suck lightly, his body jumped at the pleasurable sting of electricity that sizzled through him.

"You would be too if I did what you did to me for all those hours," Fox breathed.

Alex looked up at him through a veil of sable lashes. "Are you very upset with me?"

"You said you hated me," the younger man pouted, dragging his tongue across the hard peak.

"Mmm. You know I don’t..." Fox sucked in a hard breath as Alex’s teeth closed over the nipple and tugged. "...You know how much I love you."

Alex released the nipple and moved to its twin, flicking at it with the tip of his tongue.

"Shit. Baby, please. Please, I swear to God, I’m going to come if you don’t..."

Alex lifted his head and smiled at Fox, eyes glittering madly. "You really think you can?"

"Some other time." He nipped at the skin just below Fox’s nipple. "Right now, I want to make love to you."

Alex laughed softly then continued his southerly track, lovingly bathing Fox’s stomach. The twitching of muscles beneath his tongue hardened his cock to an impossible extent, and he moved on, letting his mouth flutter over his lover’s long neglected erection. The sound the action triggered reminded Alex of nothing even remotely human. He looked up to find the other man’s face contorted into a mask of sheer agony and decided that enough was definitely enough.

Licking away the pearl of moisture at the tip of his lover’s cock, he kissed the superheated shaft, then the insides of each thigh, and slid up to lie beside Fox again.

Gold-kissed eyelashes fluttered open just long enough to see that Alex had found the lube and was just beginning to unscrew the cap. Fox’s eyes closed again, and he issued a long whimper of anticipation.

"Baby." Alex reached for Fox’s hand and turned it palm side up. Slick coolness flowed out onto the warm skin, and he kissed Fox’s wrist. "Put it on for me."

Swallowing convulsively, Fox opened his eyes and directed his trembling hand down to his lover’s waiting cock. Both men groaned softly at his touch, and he slowly and gently applied the gel. When he finished, Alex planted a tender kiss on his lips.

Alex squeezed some gel onto his own fingers and slipped them between the clenching muscles of Fox’s ass.

Fox obediently spread his legs and bent them at the knee, giving Alex easier access. His fingers tangled in the sheets as one digit gently worked its way inside, and he strained against Alex’s hand, whimpering and begging for more.

"You’re so tight, moy lisa," Alex crooned, stroking the warm interior. "Squeeze my cock that hard, and I won’t last ten seconds."

"I don’t care," Fox whined in protest. "Don’t wanna wait...can’t...don’t make me..."

"I won’t, baby, I won’t. I told you, no more games." Alex withdrew his finger and added a second.

A frustrated hum pushed past Fox’s compressed lips, and he bucked involuntarily. "Fuck me," he panted, frantically rocking against his lover’s fingers.

With some small degree of difficulty, Alex withdrew from his lover’s clutching heat and kneeled between his parted thighs. Stroking the long, lean muscles, Alex slowly shook his head.

Reading the anguish in Fox’s eyes, Alex leaned down and placed a reassuring kiss on his mouth. "I’m going to make love to you," he concluded, brushing his lips back and forth across the older man’s.

Trembling fingers tangled themselves in Alex’s hair, and glittering pools of gold-splashed green stared up at him. The rest of Fox’s body began to shake as violently as his hands as Alex pulled him forward and positioned his cock.

"Look at me, baby," Alex commanded softly as he watched Fox’s eyes close. The golden-brown lashes swept upward, and he inched forward. "Stay with me." His respiration deepened as slick, tight heat slowly closed in around him, but his eyes remained focused on the object of his all-consuming desire.

"Beautiful baby...my beautiful..." his words ended on a strangled sob as with one final, gentle thrust, he buried himself completely inside his shuddering lover.

Fox’s back lifted off the bed as he cried out what could have been Alex’s name, and his muscles seized, trapping the younger man inside.

"Jesus," Alex gasped. "Baby, please...easy." Trembling hands stroked Fox’s face and chest. Easy..."

Fox bit down on his lower lip as he fought to control the hurricane of sensation rolling through his body. Release was so close he could taste it, but for Alex, he would try to hold it off.

The one who had taunted and tormented him...made him wait an eternity while he came time and again over the last day. And now, Fox was holding it off...hanging on by a ripped fingernail for him. Proving once again that his devotion to this man knew no boundary or exception.

Slowly, fraction by painful fraction, Alex felt Fox’s vice-grip on him loosen, and he relaxed against the older man’s chest. "That’s it," he whispered, feeling the tickle of a bead of sweat as it rolled down from the nape of his neck and over his back. "Breathe, lisa."

Fox took breath after shaky breath as his hands moved over Alex’s shoulders, and he searched the forest-green depths of his lover’s eyes. His mouth opened to speak, but no sound could be heard as he mouthed the simple words that Alex so easily read.

Tenderly pressing his palm to Fox’s cheek, Alex let his thumb rasp across the older man’s lips as he carefully withdrew then slid back home. Hesitating a moment, he successfully executed a second thrust and then a third before Fox’s soft cries for satisfaction completely undid him. His hand left his lover’s face and slid over his pounding chest and taut abdomen, combing briefly through the dark patch of hair at his groin before wrapping around his diamond-hard erection.

Fox began to gasp, taking in great quantities of air as Alex’s hand began to move in unison with his hips, but nothing short of a miracle was going to stop the explosion he’d waited so long for. As gentle as Alex was being, the sensations his tenderness was evoking were anything but. They were violent, and they were devastating, promising a conclusion that would leave Fox’s mind and body shattered for hours to come, and he wanted it. More than he wanted to breathe.

Alex watched the color of Fox’s eyes change to the closest thing to black he’d ever seen, and he knew there was no turning back. Not that he had any such inclination. He quickened his pace and whispered breathless encouragement to his sobbing lover.

"It’s all yours, baby. Come on...take it. I’m there...I’m with you...sweet baby, I’m right there..."

And so was Fox. In one sweating, heaving instant, it was on him. He clung to Alex, trembling violently while tidal waves of devastation ripped his body apart, and his roars of long awaited satisfaction shook the windows in their frames.

Alex held his wailing lover tightly with one arm while his other hand glided quickly over his cock, and he continued to sink again and again into his body, refusing to stop until he’d wrung every last ounce of pleasure from him. He’d tortured Fox long and mercilessly, and now he was going to make damn sure that his lover enjoyed every explosive second of his reward.

The height of the storm passed, and Alex rolled onto his back, pulling Fox into his arms, where he lay shuddering, his body kept on a low hum by the hand still moving over the length his still rigid cock.

In answer, the older man grimaced, twitching spasmodically every time Alex squeezed him.

Emitting a desperate whimper, Fox shook his head and burrowed into Alex’s warmth. Another gentle squeeze, and he bucked into his lover’s fist, softly gasping his pleasure.

"I have an idea," Alex whispered, gently biting down on Fox’s earlobe and pulling. "Since you’re still hard..."

Fox shivered in anticipation as Alex rolled over, presenting his back to him. He slid forward, molding himself to his lover’s back and guided his semen-slick erection into his ass.

Alex sighed heavily, wiggling against the man behind him and making sure he was as deeply buried inside him as he could be. Fox whimpered into his hair, wrapping him in a weakened embrace.

"I know you’re tired, baby," Alex said to him. "Just lie there and let me make you feel good." Slowly, he rocked against Fox, contracting his muscles intermittently as he moved, loving the sound of blissfully exhausted sobs.

Fox nuzzled the back of his lover’s neck, tasting the salty tang of sweat as tiny aftershocks continued to control his body. "I love you," he whispered unsteadily, petting his lover’s damp chest.

Alex closed his eyes and smiled, reaching back to stroke Fox’s hair. "Still amazing, considering what I’ve done to you."

"Should be furious with you, but..." Fox paused, moaning softly as another tiny jolt passed through him. "I can’t."

Alex lifted the hand from his chest and placed a soft kiss in the palm. "Finally coming down?" he asked, squeezing the subsiding presence inside him.

Fox nodded, snuggling against his lover. "I don’t know how it is I lived through that. Feel like parts of me should be scattered all over the room."

"From the way my back is throbbing, I’d say I’m going to have a couple more scars added to my collection."

"What?" Fox lifted his head and looked down at the younger man’s back. Sure enough, a number of angry red welts had risen across his upper back and shoulders. "Shit. Alex, I don’t even remember..."

Alex released his lover’s now depleted cock and turned to take him in his arms. "I’m sure you don’t." He grinned and planted a kiss on the tip of the other man’s nose. "You’re such an animal." Growling, he nipped at the other’s lower lip. "Thank God."

Fox returned the grin. The grin turned to a leer, and he spoke, his voice low and honey-sweet. "It’s good that you like my bestial side, babe. ‘Cause when I recover from this, you’re going to pay. And I’m sure you already know this, but you owe me big."

Alex squirmed in delight. "I know. It wouldn’t be nearly as much fun if you didn’t make me pay."

"Sorry, babe," Alex cooed. "I’m done. No sense in trying to turn me on now."

"You’re just lucky I’m done too or I’d have to challenge that." Fox curled himself into Alex’s embrace and closed his eyes. "Go to sleep, dammit, I’m beat."

Alex kissed the top of the golden-brown head then rested his cheek on it. "’No, but I can beat you tomorrow, if you like."

Fox’s muffled goodnight was the last word spoken before the two men eventually fell into a deep, contented sleep.

Alex sent the other man half-hearted glare and looked down at the envelope he held in his hand. It was the right thing to do. He knew it was, and yet...

Alex took a deep breath and released the white rectangle, watching it disappear into the depths of the mailbox. He turned to his smiling lover, who wrapped him gently in his arms.

Alex returned the smile. "That means everything to me." He took a deep breath and nodded. "I think I feel better."

"It was hard," Alex admitted. "Obviously, or it wouldn’t have taken me this long to do it." he turned sparkling eyes up to his lover. "Thank you for putting up with all my craziness."

"You were crazy for a damn good reason. I know we thought it was over before, but this is different. I feel it, this time. Really, physically feel it."

"I know," Alex breathed, pressing his forehead to Fox’s. "I know exactly what you mean. I’ve never felt this positive before." he leaned into Fox’s arms, neither man caring who might be around to see. "We can finally get on with our life."

Fox’s mouth brushed Alex’s temple, and he murmured against it, "Welcome back, baby." He drew the younger man back for a long, sweet kiss then released him. "Now..." He turned and guided Alex down the sidewalk with one hand placed low in his back. "...there’s one more thing you can do to make me really proud."

Fox stopped short, pulled back a few steps by Clyde, who had suddenly stopped to sniff a patch of grass. He sighed at the dog’s impeccable timing, then looked at Alex. "Make an appointment for this beast to get neutered."

Alex’s eyes widened at the suggestion. "But..." he sputtered, looking from Fox to the dog and back again. "C’mon, Fox, that’s barbaric!"

Fox sighed and shook his head. "Okay, fine. I just figured that since you were the one who took him for all his vet appointments, you would do this too. But...no problem. I’ll take care of it. I’ll call the vet as soon as we get in the house."

"I have thought about it. This isn’t the first conversation we’ve about this, remember?"

"It’ll be okay, babe," Fox assured the younger man, rubbing his hand up and down his back.

Fox rolled his eyes and sighed, completing their trip back to the house in silence. Once inside, he gave Clyde some water and caught Alex by the wrist as he passed by, dragging the other man up against his body.

"As a matter of fact," Fox growled, cupping the denim-clad ass and squeezing, "I can make you scream."

A tiny flash of a smile appeared and disappeared, and a glittering emerald gaze rested on Fox’s face. "You think so?"

"You challenging me, Krycek?" Fox asked, rubbing their growing erections together.

Alex gasped sharply as without warning, Fox stooped and bent him in half with a hard shoulder to his middle. He recovered a quick breath but used it up quickly, laughing and cursing as Fox lifted and carried him over his shoulder into the bedroom.

"What the hell are you doing?" he yelled, groaning as the older man dropped him none too gently onto the bed. A low, nasty chuckle mocked him as Fox moved to the toy chest and dragged it over to the side of the bed.

"I told you the other day," Fox mumbled, presently engrossed in searching out every sadistic item in their considerable arsenal, "that you owed me big." He pulled out an evil looking ten inch vibrator and turned it on, testing the battery. "Time to pay..." He tossed the younger man a purely demonic grin. "...big."

Alex squirmed on the mattress, drawing himself up toward the headboard. "Yeah, uh...I know, but don’t you think..." He stopped in mid sentence, whimpering at the sight of the ball gag and full body harness.

Alex swallowed hard, unable to resume his train of thought. "I...I don’t...I don’t know..."

"Nervous?" Alex asked, voice cracking like fine crystal in an earthquake. "N-no..."

"No?" Fox questioned, picking up a pair of tiny nipple clamps and stalking toward the wide-eyed man. "Aww, baby. You really should be..."

The young man walked in from his mother’s living room, noticing the woman’s odd expression. He looked down at her hands and turned almost as white as the envelope she held. He looked up into his mother’s eyes, not knowing what to do.

"We won’t know until you open it," the woman replied, holding the envelope out to her son.

"I can’t..." He stopped and took a steadying breath. "I can’t imagine what he could have to say to me."

"I know, I know. Open it and find out." Matthew took a deep breath and ripped the envelope open, pulling out two folded sheets of paper. He looked up at his mother who still hovered nearby. "Mom, do you...do you mind if I read it to myself, first?"

"Of course not, honey. It’s a private matter. If you feel you’d like to share it later, you know you can do that." That said, the woman quietly slipped from the room, leaving Matthew alone with the last he’d ever hear of Alex...

Matthew,

I’ve had some time to think since we last met, and I’ve decided that for the benefit of all concerned, this matter needs to be put to rest; finally and for good.

For almost a year now, I’ve let memories of you and Justin Saint James haunt me. Night and day, you were there. One or both of you. Sometimes just lingering in the background, at the very least irritating me like a persistent rash. And sometimes you were right out there in front, completely decimating what I thought I had left of my mind, and taking my world, my relationship with Fox right to the edge of destruction.

It wasn’t me who pulled us out of the fire. I didn’t even know we were that close to ruin, so obsessed was I with proving to myself and the world that I was not a beaten man. It was Fox. Always Fox who would put on the brakes and drag us back from the catastrophic end I was driving us toward.

He tried. God knows he tried so hard to make me see. To make me understand what I was doing to us, and I wouldn’t listen. But always, he searched for another way. He wouldn’t give up, though there were times when I made it almost impossible for him to go on trying. I swear to Christ, I still don’t know what it is I did to deserve his love, but I’m eternally grateful for it, and for him and him alone, I’d lay down my life. I don’t know of a better way to express to you the depth of my love for this man.

Things came to a head after your letter arrived asking for a meeting between us. I absolutely refused, making him toss the letter immediately into the garbage. He tried to talk to me. He pleaded with me to take the opportunity to get things settled once and for all, and I accused him of wanting to reopen my wounds. That hurt him. I saw the pain in his beautiful eyes, and still I couldn’t bring myself to listen. I went on hurting him and finally, after two nearly fatal incidents; one involving myself, and the other involving us both, I started to come around. Fox begged me to help put us back where we belonged, and finally I listened. But not as well as I should have.

At his insistence I met with you, and all I could think about during the time you were here was what you did to me, and how much I wanted you to suffer for it.

His idea wasn’t working. Not because it was a bad one. It wasn’t. I sabotaged those meetings before I even got to them with my hatred and unwillingness to forgive. It consumed me. It turned my life upside down and used up all my energy. Energy better spent living my life. Loving my Fox. I can’t do that anymore. I won’t. I had a perfect life with Fox before you and Saint James, and I’ll have it again.

To do that, I have to let go. Let go of the pain and the hate. I have to admit to myself that you truly felt as though you had no choice in doing what you did. If you had, you never would have let Saint James control you the way he did. Being who I am, it was very hard for me to understand that. But with Fox’s help, I’ve worked through it, and I’m able to actually sit down and write this letter to you. It’s something I never thought I’d be able to do. Something I never thought I’d want to do. But here I am.

I need to be free, Matthew. And I haven’t been. Not since the day Saint James took me from my home. I’ve been his prisoner for far longer than the few days he had me caged in Connecticut. I realize now that the only way for me to truly be free is to free you as well.

I’ve let it go. All of it. The anger, the guilt. The fear. Now, you let it go. Reclaim yourself and find a life. There’s one out there for you. And if you’re extremely lucky, you might even find one half as perfect as mine.

Alex

Admission IX
Recovering - Part 2

By Aries

Admission IX Recovering - Part 2

By Aries

Admission IX
Recovering - Part 2