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Yui Miyamoto Author Pairing Rating Subject

Disclaimer: YnM isn't mine.

Naritai (I want to become.)

Chapter 4 - Love.

I held the door and opened it to find Hisoka sitting on the desk before me distraught. It was something that was rare to see. So, I was very concerned.

"Hey, what's up?" I said with my cheerful voice.

"Nothing," he answered as he shook his head.

"You're still thinking about the case, aren't you?" I nodded my head understandingly as I patted his shoulder. "And about Tsuzuki."

He didn't change his expression.

"I.I just want to be alone right now. I'm sorry," he mumbled.

Nodding my head with an affirmative, I left the room. Before I did, I threw him a calpi candy. "Don't think too much. You just have to get used to it. Tsuzuki's.always attached, let's just say."

I smiled. "That's why you like him so much." I winked at him as he cracked a smile. "Thanks," he responded.

"That's what friends do," I said matter-of-factly as I closed the door.

It was then that I once again looked for a room. My bad luck was just as bad as my drawing skills. I sweatdropped.

Watch this door be with-Oh my. It is.

"Hi guys!" I greeted with a sweatdrop from my forehead. "I'm sorry if I interrupted anything."

There was Tatsumi hugging Tsuzuki in front of me. Tatsumi looked away in slight alarm as Tsuzuki let go and wiped his eyes. "No, come in."

I shook my head as I tried to keep my eyes away from staring. To calm myself, I patted Tsuzuki on the head. "Here, have a candy."

I took one randomly from my pocket. "In fact, have two."

Tsuzuki gave me a skeptical look. "You didn't spike these, did you?"

"I swear, I didn't." I gave a sigh of appalled shock. "I can't believe you think so lowly of me."

"You've done it before."

"So I have." But, I smiled sincerely. "Here, have two. It's my medicine for today."

Then, I left with a wave. "See you guys later!"

But I wasn't heading for my lab today. The chemist inside of me didn't want to come out.

Not after seeing that scene.

My eyes lowered to the ground as I took my jacket and left the office. As I looked up to the bright afternoon sky, I felt even more sad.

The child. Hisoka was so worried about the child and then he is now so worried about Tsuzuki. Tatsumi sees Tsuzuki's distress and is comforting him.

I laughed as I took a leaf into my hands and twirled it.

Funny how life and love are.

Then, I let the leaf go with the wind as it fell into the lake before me.

The park is so peaceful even though there are so many people. I leaned on the railing and looked at the water.

"I keep on acting like there's nothing wrong in the world. Not a care." I sighed.

I remember that person from long ago who helped in school. I wasn't so calm as I am now. I was pretentious that I got myself to the ER once. That's how I decided to become a doctor. To help people like myself. And that special person I held in my heart had not even known that I made that decision because of them helping me.

For everything. I could never thank you for anything.

For a moment, I couldn't breathe as I felt my heart become hard within me.

But I cannot draw you. That is just a fake spirit, isn't it?

It's just not the same.

What I would give to have you back here. But life and love are so twisted that I don't want to deal with it anymore.

In a way, you were cruel. You were my best friend and then you leave me. It wasn't out of malice. You just had to move away. We went our separate ways as friends. I have nothing to show for it though. Only my life.

I want to draw you.

My heart sank at that moment.

But I'm constantly reminded of you, you know that? Through my friend, Tatsumi.

He even wears his glasses like you did and doesn't talk very much.

But there's a main difference: You were warm. He isn't.

I gulped.

How about if. .Tatsumi is your reincarnation in some way?

Sounds strange, I know.

Some part of me wishes it were so. My mind says, 'That's just sick.' My heart says, 'Stop doing this to yourself.'

I don't ask for much anymore from life. All I want is to become stronger. Stronger to overcome my feelings and stop running away from myself when I'm alone.

That's all.

Ripples began to appear before me in the water. My tears fell to the water exactly as rain does to the pavement when it pours.

It hurts to see something you can't have almost everyday of your life. Even when you were alive I thought this way.

And every time I look at Tatsumi, I'm constantly reminded of this very fact.

And everyday gets a little harder to pretend to be carefree.

-- Author's comment: I really like this. I really like doing this fic.
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Yui Miyamoto Author Pairing Rating Subject