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Yui Miyamoto Author Pairing Rating Subject

Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is by Yoko Matsushita and so all rights are held to her.

Naritai (I want to become.)

Chapter 2 - Faith.

I stared at his closed eyes in alarm. I didn't know what to do. But I didn't want to let him go.

Doki doki...

I felt like I was losing him. And if I voluntarily let go. I don't know what I'd do.

I didn't know how to comfort him. I didn't even know how to comfort myself.

Are you doing this out of desparation? Are you doing this out of care? I couldn't feel anything but hold onto him as he started kiss my cheek and down the nape of my neck.

I didn't know how much I had wanted his touch until he had kissed me. I didn't know how much it would hurt either.

My heart ached from the unknown repression.

How far and numb I had made myself to humanity. And yet, here was a man who wanted to become human.

Someone who gave so much of his heart that he was going to lose his mind over it. And I watched it all so painfully.

No wonder our fortunes said we were in compatible.

I salvaged my heart. I tried to keep as much as I could. I could be awful like that.

In order to do that, I had to not show too much emotion. Tears are wasteful things and yet I find myself overflowing with them whenever I see you Tsuzuki.

Even as he was undoing my buttons and kissing my chest softly, I felt like ice. I couldn't feel him. His warm could not penetrate through the barrier I set even for myself.

And I desparately wanted to touch him. I wanted him to touch me.

I held onto him as if he would never let me catch either his mind or his heart.

Either was out of my reach and I knew it all too well.

When I was alive, I thought about so many things. And I wondered about why I had to die the way I did. Was it a punishment for my mistakes? I wanted to know.

I opened my eyes to stare at Tsuzuki over me. I wanted to ask him did he even care for me.

Do you love me, Tsuzuki?

As I thought this, my heart cringed and felt burdened by the weight.

I called out his name softly to his ear. But I felt like it wasn't reaching him at all.

Can you hear me at all? Don't you understand what I'm trying to tell you?

I.I never wanted anything so much in my whole life...

I just want to be with you, Tsuzuki.

I know it sounds really sappy. But that's all I want.

I want to become the person you can confide in, Tsuzuki. The one you truly trust.

Maybe. The one you care for the most.

Even when I don't show much emotion and I talk to you in my mind, you accept me. And I accept you just the same.

I know I'm not good about saying what's on my mind, but please try to. Some part of me thinks that someday you will understand.

I believe in you, Tsuzuki.

My eyes closed as I hugged him as he devoured my soul along with my body.

A single tear slipped from my right eye as I cupped his face within my hands. I kissed him with all the strength that I had.

I kissed you until we both couldn't breath.

But even that wasn't enough, Tsuzuki. I tasted your mouth with my hope and love... But the sadness between us remains.

Even your kiss tastes like tears.

-- Author's note: I know Hisoka's really ooc, but I really think he's emotional in his mind than he presents himself to be. I love this boy! While I made this chapter, my heart cringed and I felt like I couldn't breath. * sniff, sniff * Poor Hisoka.

Woohoo! Yea for me. I finished my third fanfic today.
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Yui Miyamoto Author Pairing Rating Subject