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Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Fruits Basket.

In My Hands

For a long while, Hatori embraced him quietly as Akito dug his face into Hatori's shoulder in defeat. How could Hatori always have this affect on him? To make him utterly weak and defiant at the same time? He didn't want Hatori to look at him so differently, to be the opposite of what he had always presented to everyone.
Yes, to Hatori alone he was vulnerable, and yet it made his tongue and expressions just as hurtful towards everyone, especially to the object of his affection. Akito couldn't help but think that there was something that Hatori wanted to say to him.

And somehow, the numbness that was within him was closing upon itself. He couldn't understand what Hatori was trying to tell him even if Hatori told him so honestly and clearly.

Couldn't this be a trick? Hatori's kindness was inherent and something he wanted to smear with his hand with his own blood. "Take it away," he mumbled to himself when he was a child when Hatori would calmly put a hand over his shoulder and look at him indifferently. Or, was that called calmness? Akito thought of him as a tranquil lake that never seemed to be fazed or disturbed by anything.

A heart of ice and a calm lake could be mirror images, couldn't they?

"We are the same in that respect…" Akito thought to himself with frustration.

When he pushed himself a bit off, Akito leaned closely to brush Hatori's bangs away and saw the beauty he had bestowed on Hatori's face. Putting his fingers gently upon it, he looked at the crevice lovingly. "Mine," his tongue rolled out as he looked at Hatori, who had not once looked away from him.

"Take me somewhere," Akito commanded as he rose to his feet and the kimono rose gracefully with him.

And who was he to turn down Akito's request? He was like an idiot in love with a beautiful woman, following so blindly, he should have just willingly thrown himself off a volcano to die with less suffering.

With that, Hatori cancelled his trip to Shigure's.

From the tone of Shigure's voice, Hatori could tell that he knew something was wrong. Everything was wrong if it involved Hatori caring a little too much for his number one patient.

Caring for him through mind and body… Especially through his body…

Somehow that craving had sometimes clouded his own judgment.
And his eye was proof of that decay within him.

But it also hauntingly reminded him how much he sweetly took death in his arms… That disease called affection.

He ended up taking Akito to the Sohma cabin up in the mountains saying to everyone that they shouldn't be disturbed. Akito needed silence and tranquility in order to recover from his `nerves'.

Akito laughed as he looked out the window when Hatori explained his `excuse' to him. Leaning out the window while looking at the darkness of the trees contrasting with the moon shining on the lake, Akito's face became unreadable. You couldn't tell if he was thinking or feeling serene. Or, was he scheming something as he usually did? You couldn't tell at all.
He glanced back at Hatori once in a while as if he were making sure that he would stay in his place. The shadows on Hatori's face, from this angle, made him look so refined, yet old.

The moon was playing mean tricks on both of them.

Hatori lit another cigarette as he spread his legs and leaned forward with his wrists leaning close to his knees. He looked frazzled as he avoided looking at Akito, who was too occupied about staring at the lake at that moment. Or so he thought.
But Akito suddenly turned around and took the cigarette from Hatori's fingers. Pushing it into an ashtray, Akito leaned close to Hatori and climbed into his lap. "Silence indeed…" he mumbled as Akito put his arms around Hatori's neck.

"Being quiet is quite boring, Hatori," Akito smirked as he looked into Hatori's eye.

But Hatori continued to look at Akito with a faraway look and Akito didn't like it.

"Just what have I done?" Hatori thought to himself as he stared into Akito's face.

Crossing the line between just and unjust… Between what should and shouldn't be…

They were experiences and years apart both in age and wisdom. And yet, Hatori couldn't live without this boy that had told him to stay away from him. Whether or not it was because he would later become the doctor of the household, but Hatori was always so persistent.
Akito could never understand why.

Hatori's dim eye was eating him alive ever so slowly. The jealousy of Akito was most apparent with this eye….
…and that's why he couldn't bear to ever blame Akito no matter how many times people asked him why the hell he didn't complain at all.

Oh no. It wasn't kindness at all. It was silent passion that made him feel like he couldn't breathe whenever Akito was near him.

Was it sexual, spiritual, intellectual…what? He couldn't figure it out.

In the end, you mess with nature and it'll screw you over…

"You surprise me," Akito began to say as he leaned his head on Hatori's shoulder while still holding onto him. "Before, you acted like you couldn't live without me. The next minute, you won't even react to me."

"Because you don't understand," Hatori simply answered as he glanced at Akito's face.

"What's there to understand?" Akito began to laugh as he said, "I understand it perfectly. You're only being very kind to me because I'm dying. You feel sorry for me. Hasn't it always been that way?"

"Yes, that's how it's always been," Akito thought sadly to himself as he looked into Hatori's face. "No one can be good to someone who loves to see others in pain, especially his special one."

":Ah, Yuki…" he thought as he kept his eyes on Hatori.
"Displaced anger because of _you_ and _you_ don't understand me at all, do you, Hatori?"

At that, he got up suddenly and looked at Hatori with a scathing look. "That was your mistake, Hatori."

"You act all grown up and yet you don't understand what it means to be an adult." He didn't even try to reach for Akito's red sleeve.

"You're one to talk!" Akito lifted his chin as his eyes squinted at Hatori. "How dare you say this to me?"

At that moment, Hatori caught his wrist and pulled him close to him. But Hatori's eye became quite serious as he scolded, "Don't push me, Akito."
"Push you how?" Akito retorted back arrogantly.

Hatori then pushed Akito down on the couch and held his wrists above him. "I've never felt pity for you.
Say this again to me and I'll…"
"You'll what?" Akito turned his head and pointed his head away from Hatori as if Akito smiled triumphantly.
"It's not as if you've never done it before."

"Because that's the only time you believe me," Hatori said with bitterness in his eyes and tongue.

"I don't believe in love," Akito said with a straight face as he looked at Hatori above him.

Hatori leaned forward as he whispered, "Then what do you believe in?"
"I don't know." Akito answered with the same lost look he used to give Hatori when he was a little boy. But now, it was a stubborn expression blocking the once innocent boy inside of him.

"Even until now, it isn't me," Hatori thought to himself as he stared down at Akito and he sighed in irritation.

Scolding him still, Hatori gave Akito a firm look. "You should believe me, Akito."

"I'll only let you burn in hell," Akito replied as he remained stubborn towards him.

"As long as you give me something," Hatori said as he began to kiss Akito on the lips. Enjoying his lips and tongue as Akito would lightly protest.
As Hatori pushed off collar of the kimono, he pushed Akito more onto the couch as Akito began to unbutton his pants. As Hatori pushed himself onto Akito, Akito began hold onto Hatori's back while wrapping his legs seductively onto Hatori's waist while he turned his head to one side while being kissed on the neck. As the sweat was falling down his face, his hands pasted themselves on Hatori's slippery face. He closed his eyes in pain as he whispered breathlessly into Hatori's ear. "Do whatever you want to me as long as you give me your soul, Hatori."
His white fingers slid onto Hatori's neck as Hatori stopped while breathing heavily. Instead of letting go as he usually did, he held onto Akito lovingly. Reaching up Akito's bare back, his fingers clutched lightly onto Akito's slightly damp hair.

"Can't breathe with you here. Can't breathe without you," his body was telling him.

As Akito fell asleep shortly while the kimono loosely hung onto his waist with the tie, Hatori kissed his forehead and zipped himself up before going to the window that Akito had hung on.

He looked at the moon at the darkness before him, Shigure's warning tone was stuck inside of his head. He knew how much Shigure disapproved of what he was doing and Ayame only could suspect, but was blind to it.

"I have to attend to Akito because he has been having more attacks recently," he said to Shigure on the phone. "I'm sorry."

"You're in love with the devil…" Shigure told him on the phone with a laugh. He had replied, "To each his own damnation."

Click.

Then, he went over to Akito and looked at the seductive pose Akito was in as he slept. The red illuminating the white, pale skin of one who hated the sun with a vengeance. His arms apart while his profile stared back at him. The hair now dried, spread all over the place like paint brushes had made it that way. His legs peeking from the opening where the two ends of the kimono met.
Cheeks still pink from taking him.

He didn't mind being in love with a beautiful devil.

Leaning closely cheek to cheek, Hatori began to bite lightly on his ear, whispering, "I don't mind worshipping you until damnation."

His silence said: I'll take your punishment.

Tsuzuku… -- Author's note: Remember, I'm just going through the motions. I'm trying to figure out what I really want from this fic.
All I can understand is that Hatori is really going nuts too. His level-headedness is assumed by his silence. Well, weird as it may be, this is what I think would happen to them.
Their relationship is really unhealthy…

if you'd like to leave feedback, please do so here: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1492627&chapter=2 thanks!

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