Yui Miyamoto 
Author
Pairing
Rating
Subject
disclaimer: Maki Murakami owns Gravi.Infatuation
Chapter 9 - Absolutely.
When I opened my eyes, I turned
over to face Tatsuha. He was still hugging me, but I pushed his bangs out of his
face so that I could look closely at him.
He who had said to me, "I need
you."
I wanted to clench Yuki's shirt at that moment and shout in his
face, "See?! See this is what you can't understand!"
But that was just a
childish outburst on my part. I couldn't help but want to cry and so when I was
going to get out of the bed, Tatsuha pulled me closer to him. Whispering in my
ear, he said, "What are you crying about now, Shuichi?"
I opened my eyes
a bit wide. How did he know?
"I'm, I'm not crying," I said in
protest.
"Yes, you are." He held me tighter. "Whenever you cry, I can
feel it."
I held him tighter with nothing to say.
When we
walked over to the studio, everyone was surprised to see me there. Hiro took my
shoulder and brought me into an open room.
"You should be getting rest,
Shuichi," he said with full of concern.
"I'm fine." I then went to the window
and pressed my hands on the windowpane.
He came over and placed his hand over
my shoulders. "Liar."
Then, he began to embrace my shoulders warmly from
behind. "If there's anything, just tell me, Shuichi."
He began to sigh.
"What are you hiding, Shuichi? Is this something that you can't even tell
me?"
"It's not that Hiro..." I stared at the city outside below
us.
"Everyone's so worried about you," he whispered. "And I can't keep up
looking like I'm not, Shuichi."
I leaned back on Hiro and began to feel
at ease. If...if only I had fallen in love with this person...
Everything
would have been fine, ne?
Hiro...who always loves me despite
everything...
Silence.
"I...am living with Tatsuha right
now." I finally let out. If I didn't let it out and even to Hiro, what kind of
person am I? Hiro of all people to hold things from!
"Oh." Hiro didn't
let go of his grip, but nor did he scold me. He stayed there still hugging me
looking out the window with me. "Do you like being with him?"
I blinked
my eyes and nodded.
Everything felt like it was in slow motion; and I
couldn't help but think that it was because I was prolonging
everything.
"Then, what's wrong? Yuki?" he whispered with an even lower
tone.
That's when all my emotions began to flow up to the surface and I
was so confused that I pushed Hiro away from me. I stepped back with my hands on
my head and my eyes closed. "I don't know! I don't know what's wrong!"
I
opened my eyes to myself blurry-eyed. "All I know is that even though I love
Tatsuha, there is something wrong with it! A guilt that is in my heart! And it
won't go away!
It isn't about Yuki anymore...it's about me!"
Shaking
as he walked closer to me, I shouted with my hands clenched while looking Hiro
straight in the eye, "I...I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY!!!"
That's when I
finally broke down as he placed his arms around my quivering body like a bird
that didn't know how to sing or leave its nest.
At that moment, the
television that had been on all this time, pushed itself to the foreground and
we finally heard it.
Out of the corner of my ear, I heard, "And here's
our special guest today, Yuki Eiri."
I stopped crying to see Yuki's face come
onto the screen.
"You're smile...is off..." I mumbled to myself knowing
that it made no sense to me.
As if in a trance, I walked over to the
television and knelt by it. I found myself touching the screen in front of me as
if I were trying to reach out for his cheek.
Trying to still touch that
Yuki that seemed so far away from me...
Still in a trance, he adjusted
the mike stand as he held it with both of his hands. He fixed his blue shirt,
which was only holding on by one button. And his usual black slacks hugged his
waist just as well as they did with Sakuma-san's.
Yuki closed his eyes and
opened them with a determination in his eyes.
"Isn't this a special treat
today?" said the announcer with a smile. "Today, Yuki Eiri will sing the song he
made for his latest book called, 'Absolutely'."
Yuki winked at the camera
and tapped his foot. Then, he whispered to the microphone, "I watched you too
many times, didn't I?"
My hand still touched the screen and I couldn't
hear anything but Yuki, as if he were singing to me...
"(whisper)
When the wind moves
a new air has come,
have I lost you forever?
I hope
not,
but it may be otherwise...
In this silence,
this barrier that
seems to break us apart
what is it that you seek from me?
I can give
nothing.
But that isn't the case.
I lied
when I said I didn't
care.
When you performed on stage,
I saw the passion that had faded from
me,
the drive to live without my living corpse
and when I thought I lost
everything,
there were you were
standing in front of me.
And this
is the me sleeping inside of you
in this silence
you don't
understand
how much I really need you.
I don't say anything,
but can
you hear
how much I love you?
(whisper) I don't know
how to show
you
I can't smile when I don't know how.
But what is it that you
want?
I've tried to keep myself
from becoming weak
only to hurt
you
by doing so, pretending
to be strong.
And what is it am I
afraid of?
This force that
Maybe you'll leave me someday
before I get
to do anything?
That I'd bared my heart to you
and you'll step all over
it,
betray me like someone
I once knew?
Ashita silence
Is
this the life I've been living
I think I can look strong,
but when you're
away-
Don't you ever understand what
I can't say to you?
Too many
words, too many feelings,
all contained within my mind
and my
heart...
and I can't even express them to you.
where do we go from
here?
I hope that you'll stay beside me...
despite the
silence...
between...
You and Me."
Here was yet another
surprise from Yuki...
I stared at the television in absolute silence.
I couldn't utter a word.
But before he ended the song, I found myself
sitting on the ground like a lump. I couldn't hear anything around me
anymore.
All my hurt had made me numb.
I was like a doll
looking outside of myself. As Tears fell from the sides of my face, I couldn't
feel anything anymore.
I didn't know if I had been slapped or was this the
sign that I had been waiting for all this time.
I sat there not
knowing anything...
Nothing at all...
--
Author's note:
Damn! *frustrated* I thought Killing Me Softly was hard, but this is so much
harder! ;_; At least we're getting to the end! Maybe 2-4 chapters to go??
*sighs*
Ashita - tomorrow
Yui Miyamoto
Author
Pairing
Rating
Subject
