~thinking~
*action*
//Cy’s director notes//
//Eva Spills His
Guts//
||Written in cheesey script form. Warnings are the same as
last chapters. Yaoi, swearing, and lord only knows what else.||
*+*+*Ha!
I’m back again, renewing the goofy shit found only in... um... Well, myself...
So what if my website got deleted and there’s no way in hell I could ever
rebuild it? So what if I spent hours just staring at the ceiling? So what if I
missed the end of OutLaw Star? And so what if my life has become even more
depressing than that of Duo’s? That doesn’t mean I’ve lost my sense of humor of
which many of you know and love! You know what I say to all this misfortune?
*Suddenly Donna Sumner appears singing ‘I Will Survive’*
“I will
survive! Oh as long as I-”
Heero- Hey! I’m supposed to do
that!
Cypress- Get over it.
“I should have changed that stupid
lock, should have made you leave your keys-”
Heero- This is so
sad...
Cypress- With no site to maintain, I’ll have plenty of time for
Fan Fictions.
“Hey, hey! I will survive!”
Heero- God help
us...
Cypress- Yes! I still got it!
Eva- And what ‘it’ is, many of
us still don’t know...
Cypress- Shad ap...
“Oh as long as I know
how to love, I know I will survive!”
Heero- Why am I even
here...
*+*+*
And Monday
AKA: The third chapter hastily written so
people would stop bugging me to. And enough with the death threats. I’m lookin’
your way, King Piccolo...
By Cypress Chang
Master of
Chopsticks
Quatre- OK, you guys! Heero and I are leaving!
Be good.
Duo- Yes mother...
Heero- You’re going too.
Duo-
Nani?
Wufei- The OZ base, Duo...
Duo- I knew that. *Gets pushed
out of the house by Quatre.* Really! I did!
Heero- Now, as for you
two...
Wufei- What’s it today? Destroy mobile dolls, assassinate
Romafeller, do the laundry... C’mon Yuy, out with it! Or should I call you ‘01’,
because I am the lowly ‘05’ and I always get stuck with the shit
jobs!?!
Heero- ...Well, since you put it that way, you get to stay home
with Trowa.
Wufei- ...you can’t...
Heero- Well, there’s ‘03’
now...
*Trowa is sitting on the couch in his um... cloud... PJ’s, smiling
at Wufei. *
Trowa- ^_^
Wufei- Yuy! You can’t just play God with
our lives!!
*SLAM!*
Wufei- Huh?
*turns*
*SCREEEE*
*Heero is no where to be found, nor is the car
he’s sharing with Quatre, or Duo’s motorcycle...*
Wufei- ...Oh
no...
*BZZT!* The electricity is out...*
Wufei- ...
*The
Chinese pilot makes a mad dash for the door, only to find himself locked in. He
goes for the doorknob, but his hands are covered in sweat! He’s panicking! HE’S
PANICKING, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!!!*
Voice- Wuuuuuufeiii....
Wufei-
o.o *Turns with his back against the door, only to find that Trowa.... is
GONE!!!*
Off stage- Bum BUM BUUUUUMMMM!
Voice- I see
yooouuu....
Wufei- ...eep...
*Mean while, doing 70 on the
highway...*
*Duo turns off the highway, and onto the main
streets.*
+Red Light+
Man in Pick-Up Truck- Hey cutie...
*smoochies*
Duo- o.O* Uh, I’m a guy.
Man- I know.
*wink*wink*
Duo- ... ~...and who says I look like a
chick...~
+Green Light+
*SCREE*
+Red Light+
Woman in
Purple Chevy- Hey you!
Duo- ...Uh, hi.
Woman- Jesus saves, my
friend!
Duo- ...It’s the priest clothing, isn’t it?
+Green
Light+
*VA-ROOM*
+Red Rover, Red Rover, Send That Bishonen on
Over!+
Man in Buick- Hey, you. With the braid...
Duo- Huh?
*turns*
Man- *wwwhhhHHHHIIIIRRRR* *Points a portable hair-dryer out the
window* Look out buddy, I’m packin’ heat.
Duo- ...
+Green Day
*WHOOO!*+
*bbbbbrrrrUUUUMMMM*
+Red Skeleton+
Woman in Limo,
possibly Diane Summers- Hey you!
Duo- ~I’m gonna regret this...~ Yes?
*turns*
Diane- Could you do me a favor?
Duo- I guess
so...
Diane- In that case, pull my finger.
Duo- ...Excuse
me?
Diane- Pull my finger.
Duo- ...right...
+Green _____
(fill in the blank, people.)+
*putputputputputputputput*
+Red
Forman+
Duo- ~Just stare straight ahead... Do not make eye
contact...~
Man in Buick- Excuse me, sir?
Duo- DEAR GOD! *Turns*
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!
Man- ...Uh, I was just going to
ask you for directions to Dairy Queen...
Duo- *sweatdrop* I’m sorry,
man... It’s been a rough day...
Man- That’s OK. We understand, don’t we,
Frank?
Duo- *Peers into empty car* ...Frank?
Man- *His finger
shoots up with a little smiley face on it* Meet Frank.
‘Frank’- Hello,
you silly man!
Duo- Uh... um... yah... er...
Man- *Leans in closer
out the window* You recognize him, don’t you?
Duo- ...I do?
Man-
You know... The Ziplock ads?
Duo- ...This is going to be a long
day...
*We join our little blonde bishonen, and his Japanese ‘friend’, as
they walk up in the Psychiatry building...*
Heero- Room 405... 405...
405...
Quatre- Here it is, Hee-chan. It looks like it just started, too.
*Opens the door*
*Everybody is sitting in a ‘couch circle’, whilst tea
and muffins are being placed in the center.*
Heero- ...This doesn’t look
like OZ to me...
Quatre- I always suspected Trieze was a little ‘light in
his loafers’.
Heero- ...
Woman- *Walks up to them* Greetings! I’m
Mary, the group counselor. When will your wives be joining us?
Heero-
...Wives?
Quatre- I’m sorry, but is this the OZ meeting?
Mary- Oh,
no. This is the couple counseling. The OZ meeting was canceled because they
thought someone would infiltrate it.
Heero- *cough* Well, we’ll just be
on our way then...
Mary- Wait! If you already paid, then why not stay and
invite your spouse. We have plenty of time for them to arrive.
Heero-
...Uh...
Quatre- Oh, come on, Heero! It’ll be fun!
Mary- That’s
the spirit! What are your wives names, so I can add them to the
list?
Heero- Er.. No wives.
Mary- I’m sorry!
Girlfriends?
Heero- None.
Mary- ...well, this really is a ‘spouse,
romantically involved’ kind of thing, so I don’t think your female friends would
really work too well...
Heero- Oh, well, hey. We’ll catch you some other
time!
Quatre- *Grabs Heero’s shirt collar*
Heero- *Struggles to
get free from Quatre’s vice-grip*
Quatre- Actually what my boyfriend here
means to say is, we are a couple...
Heero- Heh... heh...
*sigh...*
Mary- ....oh....
*Back at the house, the blackout is
still on... or off, depending on how you look at it...*
Wufei- *Steps
further out into the room* ...T...Trowa?
Voice- Yuuuummmmyyyy
Wufeiii...
Wufei- o.o*
*The Chinese pilot can feel the hairs on
his neck begin to rise. A cold chill runs up his spine. His breath quickens.
Every second he waits is one more closer to-*
Wufei- HEY!! Will you cut
that out!?!
*...sorry...*
Wufei- That's better...
*Hand
taps on Wufei’s shoulder*
Wufei- EEEEK!! *Turns to see Trowa standing
with a box of matches and candles*
Trowa- Wow, that was very masculine of
you...
Wufei- ...
Trowa- *Lights a candle* I went to the basement
and got these. Help me out. *Hands some to ‘Fei*
Wufei- *sighs* I swear
to god, Barton... If you ever do that creepy voice thing again,
I’ll-
Trowa- What voice thing?
Wufei- ...
Voice-
Trrrrooowwwwaaaa....
Trowa- ... Tell me that was you...
Wufei-
*Eye twitches*
Voice- Siiiilllkkky Trowaaaa....
Trowa- ...So, what
do you say we make a mad dash for your room and hide under the
covers?
Voice- Feeeiii...
Wufei- ...agreed.
*All pride set
aside (Although from the fact that Trowa is wearing little cloudy jammies could
have told you that a while ago...), the two boys cover their asses and run for
the upstairs, lock Wufei’s door, and scramble under the covers.*
Wufei-
*pant*pant* This is humiliating...
Trowa- *pant* Especially since you’re
in nothing *pant* but boxers and a t-shirt...
Wufei- ...
Trowa-
*pant* Hey! This could have been a Lemon fic!
Wufei- ...That bitch is
mine.. *grrrr...*
Cypress (Off Stage)- Yipe!
*After surviving the
mean streets of- ...wherever he is, Duo Maxwell finally arrives at the OZ
base.*
Duo- Bum bum... bumbum bum, bum bum. Deedo doo... deernew.. bum
bum-
Voice- Excuse me, why are you singing the ‘Mission: Impossible’
song?
Duo- ~Drat! I’m caught! And I was only in the lobby
too...~
Voice- Uh, sir?
Duo- *Turns* It’s good for your vocal
cords.
Voice, who turns out to belong to Dorothy...-
...really?
Duo- Hey, I never lie. *cough*
Dorothy- Oh, well...
Would you like me to take you on a tour of our office building? It is regular
business hours, after all.
Duo- ~...huah...~ Sure.
Dorothy- Right
this way, then.
*Walking... walking.. walking.. La la
lalaaaa...*
Dorothy- That’s Lady Une, er.. Colonel Une, now. She’s a real
psychopath.
Duo- *looks at Une who is clad in bell-bottoms and and a
Grateful Dead tie-dye shirt* How so?
Colonel Une- Hello, Dorothy. How are
you today?
Dorothy- Just fine. I’m showing this gentleman
around.
Duo- Hiya.
Colonel Une- *hands them each a daisy* Well,
have a good time my friends. And remember, make love, not war. *Skips
off*
Duo- ...
Dorothy- *cough* And that would be
Romafeller.
Duo- Why’s he doing Taibo?
Dorothy- He thinks it makes
him young and ‘frisky’.
Romafeller- Kick and step, and one, two,
three...
Duo- *Shudders* Bad, bad, bad images...
Dorothy- And
through those doors is Treize.
Duo- *Peeks through the
crack...*
Trieze- Hmmm... Yes, I do believe the white pants do make my
ass look very nice... What the hell. I’ll wear fisherman’s boots,
too.
Duo- *Sweatdrop*
Une- *Er-HEM*
Duo- *Gets up* Heh
heh... Didn’t see you there, Colonel... You’ll just have to wait your turn.
Une- It’s LADY Une, now. *Glares through her glasses*
Dorothy- Oh
dear...
Duo- Uh, well, Lady, can I see Trieze?
Lady Une- MISTER
Trieze has no time for the likes of you.
Duo- *Whispers to Dorothy* I
think she has a little too much fun saying ‘Mister Trieze’...
Dorothy-
~_~*
Une- *Ggrrrrr...*
*2.5 seconds later...*
Duo- OW! Hey!
Whatever happened to, ‘make love, not war’!?! *Lands on sidewalk*
Lady
Une- Hmmph! *Slams door*
Duo- Crickey.... I wonder what would happen if
she wore a monocle...
*Group Therapy. All Fanfic authors have been there
at least once...*
Mary- OK! Now that we’re all here and settled down,
we’ll be going around the room and the men will be introducing themselves, and
saying 3 things they like about their spouse!
Heero-
~DAMNIT!!!~
Mary- But first...
Heero- ~Phew..~
Mary- *Pulls
out two puppets. One of Pikachu, the other, Charizard.* We’d like to talk to you
about feelings.
Heero- ~Dear God... If you get me out of this, I will not
kill Relena Peacecraft. ...Only maim her.~
Mary- I’m Mary, and I’ll be
conducting this group. On the center coffee table, there are muffins, tea, and
tissues for when we get into the touchy subjects.
Heero- *Snicker*
Quatre- *Elbows him in the stomach*
Heero- Yipe!
Mary- As
for my friends here, they’ll be helping me through out the
discussion.
Group- ...
‘Pikachu’- Pika-pi!
‘Charizard’-
Grr... *Growls at it*
‘Pikachu’- *Turns and looks pretty mad. Well, for a
sock-puppet...* PIKA!
‘Charizard’- GROWL!
‘Pikachu’- PIKA PIKACHU!
*Opens mouth*
*In the next five minutes, Pikachu has ‘swallowed’
Charizard. A raging hand war goes on, and finally, Pikachu is ripped off the
hand, and hangs limply in Charizard’s mouth.*
Mary- Oh no! *Grabs
Pika-Puppet* Pikachu!
Group- ....
Mary- SPEAK TO
ME!!!
Group- *Sweatdrops*
Mary- *Sniff* It’s so hard when they
loose... Oh well. *Throws them into potted plant.* Lets begin.
Bob-
Uh... I’m Bob, and this is my wife, Nancy. Three things I like about her would
have to be... 1. Great cook. 2. Loves me for who I am, even with the pot belly.
3. Takes good care of the kids.
Nancy- Awww... *smooches
Bob*
Mary- How sweet! Next?
Bill- Uh... I’m Bill, and this is my
girlfriend, Nicole. Three things I like about her would have to be... 1. Great
cook. 2. Loves me for who I am, even with the pot belly. 3. Takes good care of
my little bro.
Nicole- Awww... *smooches Bill*
Heero- ~This may
take some time...~
*10 minutes later...*
Mary- ...How sweet!
Ne-... *Looks at Quatre & Heero* Um... Why don’t both of you just
go.
Heero- OK. ~Oh no... What if I can’t think of anything!? Quatre’ll
hate me... Here goes..~ Um... 1. Looks good in an apron, and socks, although he
only does that when we’re alone...
Q/M- *Blush*
Group-
*Sweatdrops*
Heero- 2. Loves me for who I am, even though I blow up
stuff. Including myself. Although, hey.. We’ve all done that before,
right?
Q/M/Group- *sweatdrops*
Nancy- Bob has...
Bob- Uh,
honey?
Nancy- Hey mister. I remember the Labor Day cookout all too
well...
Bob- ...
Heero- 3. Takes real good care of Wing when I’m
not around.
Q/M- *Sweatdrops*
Group- Awww...
Mary- Uh,
your turn Quatre...
Quatre- Me? ~Oh crud...~
Heero- ~...Why is
there this sudden eerie silence?~
Quatre- ...
Mary- Oh, c’mon
Quatre! There must be something you like about Heero!
Quatre-
Well...
Heero- ...
Quatre- He makes a mean sushi!
Heero-
Um... Ouch?
M/Group- *Sweatdrops*
*Final Exercise*
Mary-
Okay! Now we’re going to do an entire group exercise. The other couples will
analyze your relationship! And since Quatre *glare* has pretty much analyzed
everybody else’s, we’ll just be doing his.
Quatre- Heh
heh...
Rosco- Well, frankly I think Quatre is a little depriving of
Heero.
Quatre- ...what?
Janet- Obviously.
Nancy- Tell us
about it...
Quatre- Now wait a minute! ~This isn’t how fics usually go...
hmm...~
Heero- Hey, Quatre I’m going to-
Quatre- Just a second,
I’m debating our everlasting love.
Heero- But I-
Quatre- In a
minute, Heero!
Heero- ...
Bob- Mmmm-hmm...
Nicole- Poor
Heero...
Mary- You know what guys, I think you’re right.
Quatre-
Nani!?!
Lucy- Really, Quatre. You under appreciate him! I’d kill to have
a man like that! ...If he wasn’t gay and all...
Jack- Hey!
Lucy-
Sorry, babe.
Heero- ...
Quatre- I don’t at all! Isn’t that right,
Heero?
Heero- Well, I-
Quatre- See!?
Heero/Group-
...
Mary- Why don’t we give Heero a chance to talk. Heero, go
ahead.
Heero- Well, now that you mention it, I hav-
Mary- Not to
us, Heero. To Quatre.
Heero- .... Well, Quatre... You have been gone an
awful lot...
Quatre- But we have missions!
Mary- Trying to make
excuses won’t help, Quatre.
Quatre- ...
Heero- And you do go out
with the Maganac boys quite a bit these days...
Quatre- But they’re my
friends!
Mary- *Cough*Cheater*Cough*
Heero- *Sniff* And all of
those endless night with Sandrock!
Quatre- But that’s you with
Wing!!!
Mary- Quatre, you can’t let your obsession with cars get
in the way of your relationship.
Quatre- ...
Heero- *Sob* What am
I to you, Quatre!? I’m not just there for you to use!!
Mary- There,
there... Let it out...
Quatre- But I’m the uke!!
Heero-
Damn it all, Quatre!!! What if I wanted to be the one tied to your coffee
table!!?!!
Quatre- .....
Heero- *Sob*
*Back at the darkened
house...*
*BZZT!*
Duo- There. I guess Tro’ and Wufei were too dumb
to figure out what an electric box looks like... Hey... where are the
buggers?
*Duo walks upstairs, to find Fei’s room locked. Never told by
his momma, ‘Knock before entering’, the lock is quickly picked and the door
swung open.*
Duo- Well, well.
Wufei- *Opens one eye* Shut up...
*Rolls off of a sound asleep Trowa*
Duo- I can’t leave for one day and
not come back to find you two boinking each other, can I?
Wufei- You know
damn well that didn’t happen...
Duo- Do I, Wufei? Do I?
Wufei-
*Sweatdrop*
Voice- Awwwaken, Trowwaaaa.....
Duo- What the
hell?
Trowa- *Sits up* Not again...
Duo- Hmm... *Walks to hall
closet* Ah-HA!
*The door swings open, and Catherine is revealed, sitting
with a microphone.*
Trowa- Cath!?
Catherine- Yeah, well... How
else was I going to get into this fic!?!
T/D/W-
...
*SLAM*
*Quatre walks up the stairs, and into his room. A few
moments later, he appears with some hand-cuffs.*
Duo- ...
Q-man?
*Quatre walks back down, and is seen again. This time, with a
blushing Heero in his arms.*
Wufei- ..uh...
*Quatre’s door locks,
and a chilled breeze passes through the hall.*
Catherine- ...That’s our
cue to, um...
Trowa- Haul ass?
C/D/W- Yes.
*And so, our
final chapter ends with four of the heroes eating ice cream at a Dairy Queen.
Trowa is beside Wufei, still with his PJ’s on. Wufei is trying to ignore the
hand roaming up and down his thigh, without much success. Duo and Catherine
exchange tips on lather, rinse, repeat. As for Heero and Quatre, it all depends
on how Hentai your imagination is.*
Eva- Whatever happened to
Zechs?
Cypress- ...dunno.
Heero- You’re fucking
weird.
Cypress- And I’m so damn good at it, too.
Eva- Maybe you
should lighten up on the swears.
Cypress- What’s the fun in
that?
Heero- Donna Sumner left a while ago.
Cypress- Good for
her.
Eva- What about your survival song?
Heero- Didn’t you say
something about Destiny’s Child, ‘Survivor’?
Cypress- And since there are
three of them and three of us, I figured...
H/E- ...no.
Cypress-
Whatever.
Author 
