The pilot
Seth (to Ryan): Do you want to play Grand Theft Auto? It’s pretty cool. You can like, steal cars and … Not that that’s cool. Or uncool. I don’t know …Ryan: Where I come from, having a dream doesn't make you smart. Knowing it won't come true ... that does.
Kirsten: You brought him home? This is not a stray puppy, Sandy.
Sandy: I know that, Kirsten.
Kirsten: I knew it was only a matter of time before you started bringing home felons.
Sandy: Come on. It’s a whole new school year, Seth.
Seth: It’s also the same kids, Dad. Why do they even need a fashion show? Every day’s a fashion show for these people.
Sandy: Yeah, well, Ryan has to go. Marissa invited him.
Seth: (to Ryan) Marissa invited you? I’ve lived next door to Marissa since, like, forever. Her dad almost got married to my mom even and, like, she’s never even invited me to a birthday.
Sandy: That is not true. They did not almost get married.
Seth: Eh.
Ryan: Hey, maybe Summer would be there.
Seth: That’s interesting. She is Marissa’s best friend. 7:00?
Woman: What are you doing, putting my daughter in Calvin Klein? She was supposed to wear Vera Wang.
Costume designer: And she would if she had the chest to hold it up. It’s called puberty, honey. It’ll happen. Okay, girls, chop chop. Show time.
Ryan: Welcome to the dark side. [We see some kid using drugs close by.]
Seth: Oh, hey…cocaine. That’s awesome.
Seth: Don’t touch me! You know what? Why don’t you go back to Chino? I’m sure there’s a really nice car in the parking lot that you could steal.
Summer: Chino? Eww.
Seth: You guys really wouldn’t hurt me, because that would be so clichéd. [They pick him up] I guess you’re fans of the cliché.
Seth: Well, I…I don’t know what to say…except that you totally had my back out there. We’re, like, in a fight club or something. I don’t know. You know what I think? Ryan, I think that if you were to teach me some moves, I think that we could totally take em next time. That’s what I think. Give them some of that (kicks), you know what I’m saying? And a little bit of that and that (kicks twice). What do you think about that? (They clasp hands) Yeah. Oh also, that wasn’t exactly the way that I first planned to talk to Summer, but I am now on her radar. Do you think I should tell her about Tahiti? Do you?
Ryan: Not yet.
Seth: That’s what I thought. That’s what I was thinking. I wanted to make sure, we were on the same page.
The model home
Ryan: You know what I like about rich kids? (punches Luke) Nothing!RYAN I am now property of the government. Nickname 0382965.
SANDY And you know, they do find foster home for kids your age.
SETH Yeah, because everyone wants a brand new teenager. [everyone stares] I'm sorry if I'm the only one here that will state the obvious-
KIRSTEN Seth-
SETH --But we have all this extra room, right? We have a pool house. Yet you guys are going to ship him off to a group home. Am I the only one who gets how much that sucks?
MARISSA Uh, right now? Punk.
SETH I'm sorry, uh, Avril Lavigne doesn't count as punk.
MARISSA Oh yeah? Well what about The Cramps? Stiff Little Fingers? The Clash? Sex Pistols?
SETH I listen to the same music as Marissa Cooper? I think I have to kill myself.
RYAN: [to Marissa] You listen to punk, huh?
MARISSA: [matter-of-factly] I'm angry.
Seth: Yeah, it's too bad you're leaving. We never eat like this.
Kirsten: That's not true. I cook all the time.
Seth: [scoffs] Dad...
Sandy: I'm sorry, honey. [laughs]
Kirsten: Let's just eat.
Sandy: We're not saying we want you to cook more.
Seth: Oh... [blows raspberry] Hell, no. You remember the meat loaf incident of '98?
Kirsten: That was brisket.
Seth: Yeah, that's my point exactly.
Seth: Fair enough. Where are you going?
Ryan: I don't know. New town, get a job somewhere, save some money.
Seth: (sarcastically) Great plan. Sounds like you've given it a lot of thought.
Ryan: You got a better idea?
Seth: Actually, I do.
Cut to Seth in his room, packing his backpack with clothes and other things.
Sandy: (knocks on door) Seth?
Seth immediately runs to his bed and jumps under the covers, taking the lamp off.
Sandy: [walks in] Hey...can I talk to you?
Seth: [acting like he just woke up] Dad? What? Is it morning?
Sandy: There's no need for sarcasm.
Seth: I'm not being sarcastic.
Sandy: Well, it's hard to tell sometimes.
Marissa: What are you doing?
Seth: Nothing. We're just hanging out. Oh, look, it's somebody's birthday. I guess my invitation probably got lost in the mail.
Marissa: It's my friend Summer's birthday.
Seth: Summer's birthday is not till Wednesday. That's what I heard. I don't know. That was a guess.
Ryan: I didn't tell her anything. I think the black turtleneck in August tipped her off.
Seth: Okay, I was going for stealth, and also it's slimming.
Marissa: I mean, what did I ever do to you?
Seth: Nothing, Marissa. I've lived next door to you forever and you've never done or said anything to me.
Marissa: Oh, my God, you're the one who never talks to me. You think you're so much better than everyone.
Seth: I do? Well, if you're talking about Luke, then yes, because that guy shaves his chest!
Ryan: I'm not too popular around here, and your boyfriend--a little bit angry.
Marissa: You're telling me you didn't try to hit him back?
Ryan: Actually, I hit him first.
Marissa: Well, hard to believe you're not more popular.
Seth: Oh, hey, hey, hey. Is that Summer? Tell her I said happy birthday.
Marissa: Okay.
Summer: Coop, where are you? We're coming to get you.
Marissa: Oh, no, no, no, don't. I'm coming.
Seth: Tell her I said happy birthday.
Marissa: Seth Cohen says happy birthday.
Summer: Who?
Marissa: [she makes a face, but then smiles] She says thanks.
Julie: Hey, there's eggs. Oh, I'm taking Caitlin to the stable, so I need to get that check.
Jimmy: Does Caitlin really need a pony? In a couple of months, she's not even going to like horses.
Caitlin: What?! I love China. She's the prettiest pony.
Seth: (laughs) Well, at least I don't shave my chest.
Luke: What'd you say?
Marissa: Luke, come on.
Seth: I just said you look nice in a sweater vest. It was a compliment.
The Gamble
Sandy: Well, I should be off. Got to find the next kid to jeopardize the community. Maybe a black kid. Or an Asian kid. Bye, ladies.Seth: I...what? Yes, what is up. Uh...I'm going to visit Ryan. I thought, you know, maybe you'd like to come. I'm sure he'd love to see you.
Marissa: [speaking loudly] Uh, what's that, Seth? Did you say you need a ride to a Star Wars convention? [She walks into the hallway with Seth and closes the door.]
Seth: The Star Wars convention? I'm sorry. Her top was off. You couldn't have at least said "X-Men" for me?
Julie: You will not believe what Sandy Cohen said to me. He basically called me white trash. He said I was from Riverside.
Jimmy: Honey, you are from Riverside.
Julie: It was his tone.
Seth: Hi, Summer. Seth Cohen.
Summer: I'm superstitious. Blow on these.
Seth: What?
Summer: [holds out dice in her hand] Blow.
Summer: (screams and pulls him towards the table) You're not going anywhere, Sid.
Seth: Seth.
Summer: Whatever.
The debut
Ryan: Guess I don’t really fit in, huh?Sandy: Oh, I got news for you. Nobody does. I guarantee you--every single person at that cotillion feels like a fraud. They’ve all got secrets and they’re all terrified the guy net door is going to find them out.
Ryan: So, what’s your secret?
Sandy: Sometimes, when the sun’s coming up and the surf is good, and I haven’t pissed my wife off quite as much as I have today, I kind of like this place.
Kirsten: Seth, we need to talk to Ryan.
Seth: Okay...if this has to do with the rug, though, I just want to tell you that..Ryan had nothing to do with it.
Kirsten: What about the rug?
Seth: I'm going to go now.
Kirsten: We've all talked about it and we want to be your legal gaurdians. We want you to be part of the family. If you want to be.
Ryan: What if it doesn't work?
Kirsten: Well, how do you mean?
Ryan: Um...what if something happens and you guys change your mind?
Sandy: Like what? You steal a car? You burn down a house? You beat up the captian of the water polo team? Those ships have sailed, my friend.
Ryan: You knew about this and didn't say anything.
Seth: I didn't want to jinx it. Dude. You're a Cohen, now. Welcome to a life of insecurity and paralyzing self-doubt.
Ryan: Yeah. Now all I have to do is...stay out of trouble.
Seth: Yeah, that could be...difficult.
Summer: (looking at Ryan) Every girl needs a white night.
Seth: Seth Cohen, white knight.
Anna: Wait. Are you the kid Chino who steals cars and sets people’s houses on fire? So you’re saying I’m making my debut into society with Newport’s most wanted?
Ryan: Is that going to be a problem?
Anna: I can’t wait.
Seth: Are you just not going to go ‘cause you’re afraid of Luke?
Ryan: That’s not what I’m afraid of. Look, your parents taking me in, that’s, like, the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m not going to lose it just to kick some guy’s ass.
Seth: But you could totally kick his ass, right?
Ryan: Oh, yeah.
Anna: I mean, whatever you think about the whole superhero movie genre, at least it’s getting people to read the original source material.
Seth: I cannot believe that you read comics books. I mean, you’re a girl.
Anna: What is that supposed to mean? And I call them graphic novels. In fact, if more people did, maybe the whole form wouldn’t be so marginalized.
Seth: I couldn’t agree more.
Anna: Do you know what girls find sexy?
Seth: Nope. Uh, wait, let me guess. Dudes who play water polo?
Anna: Could you be anymore pathetic? Lone figure, sitting on the floor, wondering if he’s going to be lonely for the rest of his life.
Seth: Oh, hey, your sensitivity, it’s really…nonexistent.
Anna: You know what your problem is? You’re not a man.
Seth: Again, not appreciating the brutal honesty.
Seth: So, do you think that I’ll get to see you again?
Anna: Hmm, no.
Seth: Oh, okay.
Anna: No, it’s just…I know this might sound kind of whatever, but…I’m spending the rest of the summer on a sailing trip…to Tahiti.
Seth: You like sailing?
Anna: Yeah.
[Seth blinks a few times.]
The outsider
The girlfriend
Gabrielle: And this birthday party for Caleb, it’s kind of like a who’s who in Newport. Should be wild, huh? . . . I’m being sarcastic.Seth: Ah, yes. We don’t get a lot of that around here.
Gabrielle: Can I join you guys?
Ryan: Yeah
Seth: Yeah
Ryan: No
Seth: Come on in
Gabrielle: Oooh, it’s warm. So what’s up?
Ryan: We were ah…
Seth: We…
Ryan: Talking about the…
Seth: You were…
Ryan: He was telling me about the…
Seth: Telling about the thing…
Ryan: The thing.
Seth: Is it twisted to find my potential grandma really hot?
Ryan: Not when she looks like that.
The escape
Summer: I am positive that I'm leaving this place with a rash.Seth: So, you're planning on making some extra money tonight?
Seth : We have my mom's ranger, we have a perfect alibi as i go to this comic book convention every year and we also have my entire life never doing anything wrong. Which completely allows my parents to give a false sense of trust.
Ryan : And you want to give that all away for Summer in a wet t-shirt doing body shots.
Seth : (pause) Sorry, i thought that was a rhetorical question. Yes, Ryan, yes. On the last weekend before school, one goes to Tijuana, it is tradition, it is a right of passage, and you know what else? What happens in Mexico stays in Mexico.
Ryan: What happens in Mexico?
Seth: I don't know because it stays there! That's why we must go.
[on the way to TJ]
Summer: 80 is the new 70.
Seth: What? Who talks like that?
Summer: Who gets passed by a van full of nuns? Oh, wait.. Cohen does.
Seth: Well, they have God on their side, Summer. I'm not gonna beat Jesus.
Ryan : Why can't we just go to Comic-con?
Seth : Okay, Comic-gon is just a bunch of pathetic virgins ogling some porn star dressed as Cat Woman.
Ryan : I thought you went every year.
Summer : It is just too hot to save anyone. Speaking of hot, I can't believe you and Luke. That you guys did it! You have to tell me everything, i've been waiting for this forever.
Marissa : You have?
Summer : you've seen it before
Marissa : C'mon
Summer : touched it?
Marissa : Summer! It's a secret act between two people,
Summer : It was a letdown, right? Kinda hurt? totally awkward?
Marissa : Well, it's not like I had anything to compare it to.
Summer : So? do it again, it is way better the second time.
Summer: You're Jewish?
Seth: Yes. That's why I feel so comfortable in this desert heat.
Summer : It's like one guitar and a whole lot of complaining.
Seth : This reminds me of someone else who's doing a whole lot of complaining, Summer. YOU. Listen to me, I am driving this vehicle, and i will drive at the speed i feel comfortable, okay? It's my music, it's my snacks-
Summer : Kudos and goldfish? what are you, 8?
Seth : Ryan, Marissa, say goodbye to Summer.
[enter motel room]
Summer : Ew.
Seth : It's not exactly the honeymoon suite.
Marissa : Well, it's only for one night. Until the axel's fixed.
Summer : That's nothing to brag about. Sweet, do we have to pay extra for the pubes ? This is so gross, i can not stay here.
Ryan : well, unless you feel like hitchhiking again.
Summer : No thank you. I've had enough time in a truck full of chickens.
Marissa : Hey guys can we try to be positive, here?
Seth : Yeah, okay, i am positive that this is Summer's fault.
Summer : Get off the bed. The sooner i go to sleep, the sooner it'll be morning and the sooner this nightmare will be over. ... I'm not sleeping on that couch. It's stained and smells foul. You sleep there.
Seth : After you made it sound so appealing, yeah, right, okay, good night.
Summer : C'mon get off the bed!
Seth : Nope.
Summer : Be like, a gentleman?
Seth : Chivalry's dead, sugar.
[Summer reluctantly gets into bed]
Summer : [glares at Seth] You make a move, I rip out your jugular.
Seth : Hey, pillow talk.
[seth and summer having breakfast reading newspaper. They trade newspaper in unison. Seth pushes his toast to summer, while Summer takes a bite of it. S&S both pick up their tea/coffee in unison, freezing when they realize what they just did, they both put down their newspapers]
Seth: So...Tijuana.
Summer: Yea.
Seth: You think we should've woken up Ryan and Marissa?
Summer: no, they looked so cute together. Vomit.
Seth : Hey it's a real sentimental streak you got there, summer.
Summer : Trouser it, Cohen. It's too early for your so called comedy. Seth : You enjoy my comedy.[Summer gives him a look]
Seth : You know what else I think you enjoy? Me.
Summer : Well, that's because you're mentally unstable.
Seth : Be that as it may, I think that facts speak for themselves. May i remind you of a little something I'd like to call, the time you kissed me by the pool at my grandfather's birthday party.
Summer : What're you talking about?
Seth : okay, i know that denial is a very powerful coping mechanism. But i just think Summer, that it's time that we paid lip service to our lip service.
Summer : Two words: no tongue.
Seth : Well, you did agree to take this little trip down to mexico.
Summer : I needed a ride.
Seth : We shared the same bed.
Summer : I wasn't going to sleep on the couch, it smelled like these eggs
Seth : You ate my toast, Summer.
Summer : I like crusts, Seth.
Seth : Face it, our chemistry is undeniable.
Summer : You know what else is undeniable?
Seth : What?
Summer : the pain this fork is going to cause when i jam it into your EYE!!
Summer : [apologetic smile] I suffer from rage blackouts.
Seth : i'm just, uh, check. [waves the waiter]
Summer : Where's Coop?
Ryan : Taking a shower.
Summer : I hope she's wearing shower shoes
Seth: I still don't understand why we needed to get two rooms. I'm gonna leave you my key, just in case you get lonely.
Summer: Or, in case, I wanna smother you with your pillow while you're sleeping.
Seth: Whatever turns you on.
Summer : Baby, I'm so sorry. Whatever you want to do, Coop. But if i may, speaking as a child of divorce, you do not want to be home right now. And this is our last chance for freedom, we get back to Newport and it's all just school and reality. Let's go to TJ, have fun. Life will suck soon enough.
Ryan : She might.. actually be right.
Seth : there's got to be a first time for everything.
[everyone in the room looks at him]
Seth : Rage black outs, got it. I'll be in the car.
[Summer starts to run and kick Holly's ass but Seth pulls her back]
Summer : Her parents are getting divorced, you stupid slut!
Seth : She suffers from rage blackouts.
The new beginning
[Seth is in his room. Someone knocks on the door.]SETH: Not now, Mom, I'm studying naked.
SUMMER: (on the other side of the door) Ew.
SETH: Summer? Come in.
SUMMER: Um... no way
SUMMER: (covering her eyes) No no no no! (peeks, then takes her hands away)
Mmkay, I don't get it. What kind of family do you have, Cohen?
SETH: The kind where mothers and sons wear clothes. Always. Even in the shower.
SUMMER: Mmm... (spots something and laughs) What (picks up toy horse) is this?
SETH: Uh, I don't know, I've never seen it before.
SUMMER: Uh huh, what's its name?
SETH: I don't know. (Summer gives him a look) Captain Oats. What are you doing here?
SUMMER: Yeah. I'm serious. I've gotta do something, Cohen. I need to get radical. I need Ryan.
SETH: Well, you can't have him. He's taking a placement exam. What's wrong with me, though? Am I not radical enough?
SUMMER: Well, that depends. Are you ready to take on Julie Cooper?
SETH: (pause) We need Ryan.
SUMMER: Yeah.
SETH: That's my bed.
SUMMER: Okay.
SETH: Just wanted you to know that—
SUMMER: Uh huh.
SETH: I have a feeling you'll be seeing it very soon—
SUMMER: Okay, let's go.
RYAN: I'm done waiting for Summer. (to clerk) Hi, we're here for Marissa Cooper.
SUMMER: [appears in candy striper outfit] Uh, it's okay, Denise. They're with me.
SETH: [takes a good look at Summer] Good. Lord.
SUMMER: What? I told you I was a candy striper.
SETH: I thought you were kidding.
SUMMER: It's for charity. All the girls do it.
SETH: I should be hospitalized more then.
SUMMER: Well, if you need any help...
(Summer gasps. Seth begins to make funky military gestures to Summer)
SUMMER: Okay, wait, no, I don't know what that means, Cohen. I wasn't in Panama.
SETH: That means you should, uh—
SUMMER: Okay, just go, and I'll run interference.
SETH: Yeah, that's what I said. 10-4.
SUMMER: Therapist, huh? Do you have a second? Because I keep having this dream, and well I'm in the woods trying to find this restaurant, but I'm totally lost, and so hungry. See I have a reservation so I can't be late, are you following?
SUMMER: What do you want to do now, Coop?
MARISSA: I don't know what to do. I mean, what can I do?
SETH: We could hide you in one of my mom's developments. [Everyone stares at Seth] I'm kidding.
Seth: So, you still think that, after everything that happened today... when we get back to school, you're gonna be able to ignore me?
Summer: Well, all I can do is try.
Seth: I admire your will.
SANDY: Hey. Check out my new mug shot.
SETH: God.
SANDY: What?
SETH: Dad, those eyebrows are out of control.
SANDY: It's a sign of power, you know.
SETH: Well, then you must be the most powerful man in the world.
SANDY: Well, brace yourself son. It's genetic.
SETH: Yeah, there's a new invention that just came out. You might have heard of it. It's called tweezers.
SANDY: Oh ho! You're killing me. Ooh! You're killing me.
This page was getting so lengthy that I wondered if I should split it up a bit. After taking advise from an consultant (haha), it was decided to add an extra page. So click on the link to get to more o.c. quotes!wooo!!!
special thanks goes out to melissa's screencaps...for the cool pics...
(the escape pic (w/newspapers)was from the occentral
Quotes were accumulated by many sites...one day i'll make a link page, I promise!