Behind the Dividing Line

By NonameJane

AN- Thought I’d break away from RK for now.

Disclaimer- Me own? No!

Summary- Meia was always lost, stumbling alone. But was this the right path? Set before the second stage.( bear w/ me...my first Vandread fic...)

After all this time, I can’t seem to pinpoint where it all began. This reservoir of feeling that has broken loose from the barriers of my soul flooding my being, that leaves my mouth bitter and my stomach churned.

But what is it?

Regret, anger, melancholy?

I don’t know, a constant plague to my psyche. Was it her words that had touched me, that had created this maelstrom of chaos in my heart? I can’t seem to swallow it, as it seems forever choked in the back of my throat.

My whole life...I’ve thought my mother was something she wasn’t.

All my life, I resented it.

I see that now.

I see it, so clearly.

My own fears...drives...and weaknesses, I saw them embodied in her. Nothing but a crutch for my own insecurities, poisoning my thoughts and blackening my very soul.

But she told me I had a gentle heart, that I was strong.

But was she right?

This life of mine, the one I had once contemplated taking. Is it what she would’ve wanted, would she be proud of me?

And she wants me to keep living, to survive, to open up and smile freely for those I care about. The ones I have been preventing for so long, to see me, the real me.

I don’t know if I can do that.

I can say I’ll try, but it means less than nothing. The stigma of ‘actions speaking louder than words’ more than holds true here. I must take action and move forward, if only at a step at a time. I must let go of the worry of getting hurt.

I’ll do my best to unshackle my heart from its constraints and take joy in living.

That much...I can do for her.

AN- Hope that didn’t horribly suck. Felt like a plot filler more than anything...I needed to ease my way into this series somehow. Short, sweet, and full of questions. Opinions, anyone?