Puk'emon
Act Three
(near the dock, Nappa is swimming in an inflatable kiddie pool. Charmander is petting it's head and muttering angrily to herself. Usagi and Crash Raptor have just appeared on the scene, Ascott shows up a few minutes later)
Usagi, "Why did you go and do that Charmander? We could have been rich!"
Ascott, "Well at least we don't have to pay for the crane I wrecked, that could've gotten expensive!"
Usagi, "What's this 'we' stuff? Ichiban was pretty pissed off, and she's not only sending you the bill, but Yajirobi is going to sit on your back for the rest of the episode."
(Yajirobi falls out of the sky and squishes Ascott)
Charmander, "Char char char char char char char char char!(Shutup, Cowtails! your disgusting! And you piss me off!!"
Usagi (taken aback), "What? It's just a bunch of ugly ol' Saibamen, what's the big deal?"
Charmander, "Char?char char char char char CHAAAAAR! (Ugly? Saibamen are ADORABLE!)"
Ascott and Usagi-(facefault)
Charmander, "Char char char char char char char char char. (It's so cute the way they open up their heads and spit acid all over, and the way they chitter mindlessly to each other)"
Ascott(muttering under breath),"Yeah, that seam in their head is known as the buttcrack of the sea!"
Charmander," Char char char char char char char char char!( I love water Pok'emon, didn't you see what a great artist that Nappa was?)"
Usagi(thoughtfully), "Yeah, ya' know if ya' think about it, Nappa's drawing kind of looked like a gerbil."
(Ascott and Charmander look at Usagi strangely)
Usagi (stuttering),"I mean a Saibaman, of course" (nervous laughter)
Ascott (struggling to stand up straight), " Your right, but what was that other part?"
(Usagi and crew have no time to speculate, Wing Zero is crawling through the streets of Townsville)
Usagi (shrieking), "Powerpuff Girls! HELP!"
(Shhhooom "Bubbles" arrives on the scene)
Usagi, "Oh thank goodness your here! There's a- (Usagi does a doubletake) Hey, aren't you a bit tall to be Bubbles?"
"Bubbles"(looks offended), "I don't know what your talking about!"
(Charmander jumps up and pulls off "Bubbles"' wig)
Vash, "Cut that out!! If Meg sees me out here like this I'm dead meat!"
Ascott(from under Yajirobi)"Short on cash?"
Vash,"Sort of, now gimme that back!" (Snatches wig away from Charmander)
"Bubbles", "That's just Ms.Ichiban's ride, I have to go now, my tights are itchy."
(Wing Zero is crawling along with Ichiban on top. The members of her bikini squad have added army helmets and uzi's to their uniforms)
Ichiban, "Hey all you people! I'll give anyone who can get rid of the saibamen 20 bucks!"
Charmander, "Like the people of Townsville are that stu-"
(Charmander is cut off as footage of the same nine scouts race through the streets of Townsville about twenty times)
Ichiban(gloating at Charmander's outraged expression) "Let's see, Um....I pick-"
(A rose flies out of no where, knocking the megaphone out of Ichiban's grip)
Ichiban, "What the hell!"
Voice,"Prepare for trouble!"
Other one voice,"I'm not gonna say that stupid rhyme!"
Voice (sounding annoyed),"We musn't dissapoint our public, ahem To protect the world from devestation!"
Other one voice,"Screw them!"
Voice(sounding shocked)"Ryoko this is a kids show!"
Yet another voice, "Narf!!"
(A speed boat zooms into view, and two figures in Team Rocket uniforms flip off the boat and onto the dock. The third seems to be piloting the boat rather erratically)
Ayeka,(striking a pose)" Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!"
Ryoko,(yawning)"This is queer."
Ayeka,(faltering a bit)"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
Ryoko," Call me when it's over."
Ichiban,"Oh great, Euro-trash."
Ryoko(speaking over a very pissed off princess),"Yeah, yeah, whatever, look we'll get rid of your saiba-thing problem if you pay for little Sasami's operation."
Ichiban,"What's wrong with little Sasami?"
Ryoko,"She fell off her bike and hit her head, and now she thinks she's Madonna."
(scene flashes to little sasami wearing a dress made of electrical tape and bailing wire while flashing her many gold teeth at the crowd)
Tenchi,"I thought she ate to many snack cakes, and got stuck in a lawn chair."
(scene changes again, now little Sasami's butt is stuck in a lawn chair with a blown out bottom, an empty box of snacky cakes at her feet)
Ayeka,"No no no, She was playing with Ojisan's dentures and they got wedged in her mouth."
(scene changes once again but now little Sasami has abnormally large teeth)
Ryoko,"Whatever, look the kid has problems, and we're strapped for cash, so do we get the job?"
(Everybody's crying at this point, even Sephiroth)
Ichiban,"That's so sad!!" (Ichiban turns and wipes her snotty nose off on Radditz's hair, which was a neat trick considering he's still on a pogo stick) Ichiban,"Deal! Kill the saibamen and the 20 is yours!"
(All this time nobody has been watching Pinky, who, having the IQ of an eggplant, has been squirting antibacterial soap onto the saibamen. Causing one to mutate into 'dum dum dum' Him)
(In that wierd melodical voice He has),"Why hello! Everbody looks so nice and terrified, I don't know who to destroy first!! I think I'll start here!" (starts blowing shit up)
"Nappa!! Nappa nappa nappa!!"
Charmander,"CHAR!!(NOOOOOOO!)."
Him,"Hmmm? Oh do shut-up" (picks Nappa up and pops him in his mouth)
Him(chewing with great delight) I do love the fiesty ones!" (there is a loud crunch, a sickly gurgle and He swallows)
"dum dum da da da da dum, dum dum da daaaa, dum dum da da da da"
It's "Bubbles"! And "Blossom" and "Buttercup"! Actually it's Vash in a costume with two sock puppets, this is a low budget picture.
"Bubbles", "Uh...let's use the eye lasers girls!"
(through the side of his mouth),"Let's do it!"
Him,"Is this some kind of joke?"
(A mysterious hand pops out of the water and gives Him a 50 gadjillion jolt reminder of his part in the great circle of life)
Him,"Owie, owch!! I'm dead!!" (explodes and dies)
(The explosion rocks Townsville and "just happens" to blast Ichiban and Team Rocket right out of the city)
Usagi,(giving charmander a reassuring pat)"You tried your best Charmander, that's what's important. Nappa wouldn't want you to be sad."
(Charmander turns toward Usagi, her face shining with..large....black......welts??)
Crash Raptor, "AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!"
Charmander,"Char char chaar char char char char,(Aren't they adorable!? They washed in with the explosion! I'm so lucky to have found an entire colony of water leaches that were in the market for a host!"
(Usagi says nothing as she is puking into the surf. Ascott pulls a remote out of his sleeve and quickly pushes the big red button. A large hammer slams down out of no where and squashes something that screams loudly)
(Charmander and Ascott look at each other)
(Ascott pushes the little blue button next to the red one and the hammer flies down and crushes Batman and Robin)
Ascott,"All right a two-fer!!"
(Usagi looks worse and goes for another ride on the porceline bus)
written by Ichiban Saiyan
