Our story begins in an alternate dimension. Unlike the bleak world of Miria no Trunks, this world was never ravaged by murderous cyborgs. The Dr Gero of this world programed his cyborgs for peaceful purposes. Numbers 16, 17, and 18 live a quiet life working in a factory, where they paint the stripes on candy canes, whilst the Number 20 is the star of a childrens television show. But our dearest friend Cell is quite a different story. Unlike his highly succsesful breathren, Cell is, well he's a bum. He lives in an alley somewhere near the east side of town, under a bridge, that's really just a board propped between two buildings. Kami and Mr. Popo find this amusing, and jump on the board when Kami isn't watching "Barney and Friends".
It's early in the morning, the flies that live near the dumpster are just waking, as the sun rises to warm the well ripened garbage. A dank breeze sweeps through, making the sewer's water ripple in it's wake. Empty bottles and broken capsules glisten in the early light. As the rats retreat to their holes, Cell awakens.
He wakes up slowly, while in the distance garbage trucks rumble to life. He is not in a good mood, and feels that it might be best to forgo the early morning forage, and simply sleep late instead. When all of a sudden, someone steps on him, hard.
Flailing willdly, Cell latches on to what feels like an ankle.
Cell is basking in the glow of his prize, when all of a sudden someone steps on his head! Screaming in rage and pain, ('cause now his head's really flat), Cell lashes out and catches hold of Trunks' ankle.
Looking somewhat irked at the thought of having to give up two whole quarters, Trunks thinks fast,
Burping loudly, Cell decides he feels much better now. Being under real pressure can be hard on ones stomach. He's just beginning to get that comfy, sleepy feeling, when all of a sudden, Someone steps on his head!!
"AUUUUGH!," Cell's head looks like someone hit a hot pocket with a baseball bat. Just as he is about to strike for a third time someone steps on his head again. Cell turns his head and opens his eyes just in time to watch a boot come down and crush his skull. With his hand Cell peels back his eyelid to have a look around.
Staring down at him, with a malacious grin on his face, is Vegeta. Being able to see his target Cell does the only logical thing he can think of. He strikes.
He's kinda chewy, so Cell decides to go have some water from the nearst gutter. Just as he's getting up, (you'll never guess), Someone steps on his head! Howling in agony as his brains shoot out and hit the wall, Cell is forced to regenerate his arm to scrape them back inside. He has a little trouble fitting them into his ruined head, because he accidently caught a rat when he was scraping. Trying to keep his new brains in his head, Cell strikes.
Cell stops wrestling with his brain and notices he has caught two members of the Phsyco Scouts, Ichiban Saiyan and Diane Mizuno.
Cell's really hurting now, Diane pulls Ichiban away, the overenthusiastic girl already broke Cell's arms and was about to start in on his legs. As the two walk away, Cell regains consiousness long enough to see them go.
He's just laying there, his brain finally managed to escape, and he's bleeding all over,(again). But all in all he's feeling pretty good. Until, Someone steps on his head!
This is about all his head can take, and everything just over his mouth crumbles off into dust. On the ground one of his eyeballs reconstitutes itself, and Cell has a look around.
Standing in front of him is Radditz, newly resurrected for this story. Having been in hell for the past decade or so, Radditz is pretty pissed off. And having some engorged, headless, buggy-lookin' dude yell at him for quarters just doesn't do much for him. To add insult to injury Cell bites Radditz's ankle.
Cell can't believe what he sees, Radditz has raised his power level to that of a super saiyan, and has proceeded to kick his pansy ass, up and down the block. "OOOOWW OOOOOOOOW OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!," Cell yowls.
Radditz pauses for a second, the sheer weight of his hair is enough to make him sorry for making fun of Nappa. Cell's on his back, and his belly has started to dance. The hedghog-like awesomeness takes one look at that and throws up all over Cell.
Radditz wipes the puke off his face and decides that throwing up on the battlefield is the most disgraceful thing he's ever done. For messing with his super-saiyan karma, Radditz grabs Trunks' sword, (which had been dropped earlier), and gives Cell a C-section from hell.
And is amazed when Trunks, Vegeta, a green haired chick, and some wacked out little saiyan, tumble out of Cell's belly, covered in stomach acid and various bits of pedestrian. The foursome look dazed, and Radditz is a little green around the edges, when who should appear on the scene, but Gokuh!
Gokuh blows Radditz through a building, two buses, a streetcar named "Desire", the National Convention of Men With No Chins and Women With Flabby Arms, a pet store and Mr. Roger's neighborhood.
Gokuh looks around at the five unhappy not-smiling faces, the idea that he might have done something wrong has just began to percolate. Not seeing an easy way out, Gokuh does the only natural thing, he blames the writer.
This is starting to piss the writer off, not only is Radditz dead, but Gokuh just used logic!
The writer chuckles to herself as she slinks away, to wreak havok upon another anime.
Written by Ichiban Saiyan
