Notes: Well since I can't stand sad endings I made up one for the two. Tomoyo-chan just wasn't meant to be alone, even if I was.. >.< So since I can't have a happy ending here's one I wouldn't mind having..
Trying To Let Go
By Chibi Nuriko
I don't believe in happy endings anymore. I've given up on the idea that somehow she will grow to love me. Or even that I will someday get over her and find a happiness in someone else as she has. Yet, I still can't find myself able to give up on the hope that someday, someone will somehow prove me wrong and bring to me the happiness I used to dream of.
I think I was born to make her happy, even if it means my misery. It's made me hard to some extent because everyday that I fail to hide my emotions I only hurt her. I try so hard to make her happy but it seems my feelings for her always get in the way. She still claims I do make her happy but things aren't the same now. I feel detached from the real world.
She says she never wants me to stop being her friend, and I don't know how I could live without being her friend. Then I wonder if it would be best for me to go away. How can she be happy if she's constantly worried about my feelings for her? If she gives up her own happiness with someone else just to protect me I'd feel guilty for the rest of my life. Wouldn't she be better off if I just left her, so she could forget about me and be happy again? Or is the truth that I would be better off away from her, so maybe I could forget my pain? Either way it doesn't matter, because that's something I promised her I'd never do.
Sometimes I wonder if she can notice how different things are with us now. In a way I hope she doesn't because I think it would make her sad to know that I feel slightly less close to her than before. I can make things better on my own can't I? Why should I burden her with my sadness?
"Tomoyo-chan," I hear a soft voice at my door causing me to forget my thoughts. "Kinomoto-san is here to see you."
"Hai," I stand up from my desk and go to greet her at the door. As I stand at the top of the stairs I look down at her and my heart fills with a combination of joy and pain. She's still the most beautiful angel God has ever created. "How come your here Sakura-chan?" I ask as I descend the stairs.
"I needed to talk to you about something important," she tells me in a tone of voice that almost frightens me. She's much too serious for it to be just an ordinary visit. I lead her up to my room and we sit down on my bed.
"What is it?" I ask trying not to get myself too worried about what she has to tell me.
"There's something wrong with us Tomoyo-chan, and we need to fix it."
"What do you mean?" I try to hide the emotion in my voice.
"I know you've been hurting so much over me and I didn't know what I could do to fix it before. I think, well I know I've finally figured it out," she takes my hand into her own and I look at her. In her eyes I see something new, as if she's looking at me the way she used to and the way that I've always looked at her. "I never wanted you to hurt because of me Tomoyo-chan and now I know how to make it all go away," she squeezes my hand slightly.
"I don't think you can make it go away Sakura-chan." I look away from her so she can't see the tears that threaten my eyes. "Don't worry about me though. I honestly just want you to be happy Sakura."
"How can I be happy if my best friend is going through hell? Especially a hell that I put her in? I realized last night how distant you've become and I have to do something before I loose you forever. I didn't know before, but now I do."
"Know what?" I look at her again and I can feel her place her soft palm against my cheek. I find myself leaning into her embrace and I'm helpless to stop it. For a moment, I belived that I truely was in Heaven.
"I realized how close I am to loosing you last night and I couldn't help but feel the biggest emptiness inside of my heart. It hurt so much it brought me to tears and I cried for what seemed like hours. I can't, and I won't loose you Tomoyo-chan." Sakura took a deep breath and moved closer to me. "Let me love you as you love me," she quietly asked.
I froze in place unsure of what to do or say. This must be another of my cruel dreams that I'll shortly wake up from and be left with nothing all over again. She wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace and I hear her whisper 'please' to me. How can I resist?
"Are you sure this is what you want?" I ask knowing I'm taking a big chance. If we do this, and I loose her, I loose everything I've ever lived for.
She breaks our embrace and looks into my eyes again. Her eyes are so full of innocence. "I love you Tomoyo-chan, please let me be with you." She asks of me again.
"I know you love me Sakura, but I don't think you can love me as I love you." I say sadly realizing I may be pushing away the oppertunity I've always dreamt of. However I also know that she needs to be sure of her feelings before we do anything.
"Trust me Tomoyo. I swear I'll never hurt you." I feel her softly running her fingers through my hair and all my resolve melts away. I don't care if she loves me as I love her or not.
"I trust you Sakura-chan, I always have." I feel a solitary tear run down my cheek and when she softly kisses it away my heart is filled with a joy that I had long ago given up hope of ever having. "I love you," I say as I pull her close to me.
"I love you too Tomoyo-chan. Your the only one I need, I just wish I had seen it before." She leans forward and slowly our lips meet in a kiss. I never knew something so pure existed in all the world until that moment.
"I'll love you forever Sakura, and I'll give you everything you could ever need. I give you all of me, heart and soul." This time I notice it's her who is crying and I pull her into my arms and lay down on the bed holding her close.
She wraps her arms around me too and rests her head on my chest. When her tears stop she speaks again. "I can hear your heart beating Tomoyo-chan. It's beating so fast."
"Thats because you've just made me believe in love again. You've made my dreams come true. And now, I'll never let go of you no matter how long we shall live." I kiss the top of her head and close my eyes so I can put this moment into my memory forever.
"I never wanted you to let go of me Tomoyo-chan, but I'm glad you tried or I would have never realized that things are supposed to be like this. That I'm supposed to be here in your arms."
"I promise Sakura-chan, I'll never let you go no matter what."