Hello everyone! ^-^ This is our first Card Captor Sakura and its also our first real depressing story, but please stick it out till the end. ^^; We really hope you enjoy this. ^^ We’d love to know what you think so please e-mail us at: firstname.lastname@example.org
We’d like to write more CCS stories (we’re working on a more lighthearted one already) so hopefully we’ll actually get around to them sometime soon. ^^; Tomoyo and Sakura are just so cute together. ^=^
By Amazoness Duo
Tomoyo clutched the blade tightly in her hand. She was happy for Sakura. She was always happy for Sakura. No matter what. She loved her, but what did that matter? If Sakura was in love with someone else, then she'd be happy for Sakura. How could she be selfish? She'd never been selfish about Sakura before. Why start now?
Sakura meant everything to Tomoyo. She was her life. What else did she have now? She knew she'd end up like her mother, losing the one person she truly loved. She'd grow older alone, maybe having a daughter and continuing the cycle that had begun with her mother.
Tomoyo looked around her dark room again. The curtains were drawn tightly, leaving the room heavily shadowed. She saw her video camera lying on her dresser. How many times had she used that to record her love? How many times had she watched Sakura over and over from the tapes she'd recorded? The dark haired girl sighed sadly and switched off the TV that had been playing the flickering images of the one she loved. Making the costumes Sakura had worn and videotaping her wearing them had been some of the happiest times in her life. Happy times she knew she'd no longer have.
She had seen Sakura kiss him. That had hurt her more than any physical thing ever could. It cut deeply into her soul. She'd tried not to let it get to her too badly, but she couldn't stop thinking about it. He had won. He had gotten Sakura. She tried to tell herself that it didn't matter. She loved Sakura and she'd be happy as long as Sakura was happy. And Sakura was definitely happy. Tomoyo couldn't handle it anymore. She loved the other girl so much. It felt like her life was over now that Sakura had fallen in love with someone else.
Tomoyo had told Sakura that she was in love with her before. But Sakura thought she was talking about the love of a friend. That had hurt to some extent, too. She had intended to tell Sakura when she thought the brown haired girl was mature enough to understand, but now it seemed she was too late. Would it have changed anything had she explained to Sakura earlier? Would things have still turned out this way? What would Sakura think if she knew Tomoyo was in love with her? It could destroy the only thing still important to Tomoyo, their friendship.
Tomoyo was left with a difficult decision to make. She paced nervously as she held the blade. She could try to tell Sakura so the other girl would at least know. Or she could end things now before she destroyed their friendship.
Tomoyo looked at the picture of Sakura she kept on her nightstand. She was the most beautiful thing Tomoyo had ever seen. She winced as she felt the biting edge of the knife pressed against her wrist. Tears ran down her cheeks as she slumped to her knees, unsure of what to do, her mind filled with conflicting thoughts. What about everyone else? Could she really leave them all behind? What would they think if she was gone? But it hurt so much. She loved Sakura so much. She would always love her. She didn't want to go on if she knew Sakura would never love her. She'd tried to be happy for Sakura, but that didn't keep the emptiness from filling her. There was a void inside her that seemed to grow everyday. She'd tried to talk to her mom, but her heart had sunk further when she'd heard of her mother's own tragic love for Nadeshiko. She could try to tell Sakura, but what good could it do now? Wasn't it too late? How could she compete? Sakura loved him, didn't she?
Tomoyo gasped as the knife pushed deeper against her pale skin. "Sakura-chan," she said, her voice cracking. "I love you, Sakura-chan."
Sakura weeped over the grave of her best friend. Her shaking hand set down some flowers on the cold, damp ground. 'If only I'd told you earlier,' Sakura thought to herself. 'Would you still be here now if I'd told you how I felt?' The girl was wracked by sobs as she stared at the tombstone. This was unfair. She was the Card Mistress. Things weren't supposed to end up like this. She'd do anything to bring the dark haired girl back. Hot tears fell from her chin to the cold dirt below. "Tomoyo," she cried sadly.
Sakura woke up drenched in sweat, her sheets tangled around her. Her heart was beating heavily in her chest, as if trying to escape. She gasped for breath, trying to think, trying to get rid of the horrid images still invading her mind. ‘It was just a dream,’ she told herself over and over. Tomoyo was just a phone call away. She’d see her the next day at school. Everything was fine. She sat uncomfortably in bed, kicking the sheets off of her. Was everything really fine?
When she’d finally found out how Tomoyo felt about her, she’d acted scared, uncertain. Tomoyo had just smiled and told her that she was glad to get to tell her, but the smile hadn’t reached her eyes. They had lost the sparkle they’d held moments before. They seemed empty, sad. Had she acted too harshly? She hadn’t meant to, but she’d been so shocked. She had no idea her best friend was in love with her. What was she supposed to do? What could she say? Tomoyo had left, but she hadn’t gone after her. She’d just sat there as the dark haired girl walked away. When she’d worked up the courage later, she tried to call Tomoyo, but her mother said she wouldn’t answer.
Sakura realized Tomoyo must have been scared to tell her. The dark haired girl had no idea how Sakura would react if she knew. Yet she’d told her anyway. Tomoyo must have been scared of what would happen next but she had told her. And Sakura had hurt her friend with her reaction. She had hurt her friend badly.
As she stared straight ahead in the darkness, she remembered how Tomoyo had told her before, when they were younger. And how she hadn’t understood what the dark haired girl had meant. Tomoyo said she’d tell Sakura when they were older and she did. In retrospect Sakura wondered how she could have been so blind to Tomoyo’s affections. So much made since now that she knew. It was like a fog had been lifted.
Why had she acted the way she did when Tomoyo had told her? Because she was scared, she told herself. She was scared because she didn’t understand. How could she be in love with her? They were both girls. They’re mothers were cousins. They were best friends. Because she just was afraid. She was afraid of what might happen. They’d been best friends ever since Sakura had given Tomoyo an eraser in class. They had been best friends for so long. What would happen now? Would that change between them if Tomoyo loved her? No, she’d felt that way for a long time so the only thing that would change would be Sakura. Would things change if they were in love? Perhaps that thought had frightened Sakura the most. The thought that maybe she echoed Tomoyo’s feelings. After some soul searching over the past few days, she knew how she felt. She was in love with Tomoyo as well.
But now what could she do? Tomoyo wouldn’t even talk to her. What if she did go as far as in the dream? Now, when Sakura realized how she felt about the dark haired girl, the reality that Tomoyo could be stripped from her so easily chilled her to the bones. She tried to think of what Tomoyo was doing at this instant, but none of the thoughts eased her mind. She was filled with dread as she remembered some of the premonitions she’d had in dreams before. Could this be one of them? She couldn’t lose Tomoyo now. She just couldn’t.
Sakura stood up in bed, the soft sheets rustling against her bare feet. She climbed off onto the carpet and looked around for her staff. She clutched it tightly and headed for the window. Cold air blew into her room as she opened the window. Her sweat drenched pajamas clung to her. She shivered and climbed outside. She knew what she had to do. She had to see Tomoyo. She had to know she was all right. She had to tell her how she felt before it was too late.
“Fly!” She yelled as she invoked the power of the Clow Cards. Two angel wings appeared on her back. Hopping into the air, she flew as fast as she could towards Tomoyo’s house. She willed herself to go faster, hoping she wasn’t too late, praying it was just a dream. The landscape beneath her blurred from the speed she was going and her own tears. She blinked them back, trying to concentrate. Her pajamas rustled against the biting wind.
She almost missed the luxurious house Tomoyo and her mother shared because of her frantic hurry. She flew closer to the house, trying desperately to spot Tomoyo’s window. She made a silent prayer that the light would be on, that the dark haired girl was still awake watching a video or sewing a costume. Something, anything. She finally spotted Tomoyo’s window. The light was off and her blinds were closed. The pit in Sakura’s stomach doubled in size. Her heart thundered as she reached out to the window. She rapped on it heavily, trying to wake the dark haired girl up, hoping she could wake up. The wind blew past her again as she waited for some response. Even Tomoyo being angry with her would be better than this…silence. She prepared to knock again, louder this time, when the window opened.
Tomoyo groggily rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She pulled her blanket tighter around herself as the wind blew inside. “Sakura-chan?” she asked sleepily.
“Tomoyo-chan!” Sakura practically bolted into the room. Her arms went around the unprepared dark haired girl and dragged her close. “Oh, Tomoyo,” she sobbed.
Tomoyo abruptly got worried at the sound of Sakura’s voice. She felt the other girl’s warm tears on her bare shoulder. “Sakura? What’s wrong?” Sakura shuddered against her, relief flooding into her. “Please don’t cry, Sakura-chan. It’s okay. Please tell me.”
The comforting tone in Tomoyo’s soft voice carried through Sakura. The tears slowly trickled to a stop. “Tomoyo, I’m so glad you’re okay. I was so worried.” Her voice wavered as she spoke.
“Me?” Tomoyo asked surprised. “Sakura, I’m fine.”
“Are you?” Sakura asked quietly. The dark haired girl looked away. She tried to say something, but nothing came out when she tried. She didn’t know what to say to Sakura. “Tomoyo, look at me. Please?” Sakura’s pleading voice broke in through Tomoyo’s thoughts. She slowly turned back to face the other girl. “I was so scared. I’d thought…. I thought you were gone. I thought I’d never see you again. That scared me more than anything ever has.”
“You mean… No, Sakura-chan, I wouldn’t do anything like that,” Tomoyo smiled reassuringly. Sakura’s gaze went to a knife on Tomoyo’s nightstand. The dark haired girl laughed nervously. “That’s for cutting some threads on your outfits I’m making.”
“Tomoyo, I don’t want to live without you,” Sakura said sadly. “I couldn’t live with myself if anything ever happened to you. Please don’t leave me like that. I know I hurt you, but I’m sorry.” Tears started to fill her eyes again as she looked directly at Tomoyo.
Tomoyo couldn’t meet Sakura’s gaze. “Sakura…” she said weakly. She loved the other girl more than her own life. She’d been heartbroken when Sakura had reacted frightened to her confession of love. She just wanted Sakura to know, to understand how she felt. Sakura’s fingers on her chin brought her eyes up to meet Sakura’s. “Sakura, I…”
“I love you,” Sakura said before the dark haired girl got the chance. She leaned in and kissed Tomoyo softly on the lips. She felt a warmth in her heart as they kissed. The dark haired girl’s lips were heaven.
Tomoyo’s eyes went wide and her hands fell to her sides. She was completely caught off guard by Sakura’s sudden words. Her spirits soared as the realization of Sakura’s words hit her. Her eyes closed halfway and tears slowly slid down her cheeks. There was so much she wanted to say, so much she wanted to do. Tomoyo kissed Sakura back, a dream she’d long held fulfilled in the space of one blissful moment.
Blushing after they pulled apart, Sakura looked deeply into Tomoyo’s eyes. “Tomoyo-chan, I love you,” she said again. She waited nervously for the other girl’s reply. What if Tomoyo was still mad at her for earlier? What if she decided she didn’t need Sakura? What would happen to the two of them? Sakura banished the thoughts from her mind. She was scared about what might happen now that she’d admitted how she felt, but she pushed those feelings back. She wasn’t going to let it control her. Love was more important than fear. She couldn’t let it stop her.
“Sakura-chan!” Tomoyo’s arms wrapped around the other girl. She’d dreamed of hearing those words over and over for years in her dreams, practicing what she’d say in her mind when she was awake. She just wanted to hold Sakura, to be in her arms forever. “Sakura, I love you so much.”
Sakura smiled. Things would be fine. She and Tomoyo had gotten through so much since they were little kids. They’d always been there for each other. They could make it through this, too. They would together. “Tomoyo-chan, just promise me. Promise me you’ll never leave me,” she said, trying to shake the last images from her dream.
Tomoyo’s heart ached at the serious look on Sakura’s face. She had never wanted to make her sad. “I promise. I love you, Sakura. Forever.”
“Forever,” Sakura repeated, a smile spreading on her lips. She leaned in and kissed Tomoyo again, this time more passionately. The two stayed that way for a long time, kissing and holding each other, neither wanting to let go. After what seemed like an eternity, they finally parted.
“Sakura-chan,” Tomoyo said softly. “Don’t go.”
Sakura looked hesitantly back at Tomoyo. Those big dark blue eyes beckoned her to stay. She turned her gaze back to the window. She knew her father and brother would get worried if she wasn’t there when they woke up. And Tomoyo’s mother would probably want an explanation of what she was doing here. Yet, she wanted to stay. Let everything come in the morning,. They could deal with it then. After everything that had happened, she didn’t want to up and leave Tomoyo alone right now. After telling the other girl she was in love with her, there was so much they both wanted to say, to know. She again turned back at Tomoyo. The dark haired girl looked at her hopefully. Sakura reached over and closed the window. Tomoyo smiled brightly.
As the two lay whispering to each other on Tomoyo’s bed, they let everything poor out. Feelings and emotions, dreams and worries. All the tension from the past few days drained away as the two lay in a tight embrace. They slowly drifted off to sleep in the early hours of the morning.
The dim outline of Nadeshiko smiled approvingly at the two sleeping girls. An ethereal hand gently brushed through her daughter’s hair. Sakura’s dream had been a frightening one, but in the end it had brought her together with the one she loved. Slowly backing away from the bed, Nadeshiko felt a twinge of guilt for having to put Sakura through that. She had sent the dream as a way to motivate Sakura into revealing her true feelings. She hadn’t wanted to scare her like that, but for Sakura to be happy she had to accept how she felt. She was glad it had wound up so well. She knew her daughter would be fine. She had always looked out for her and now she knew someone else would, too. She smiled to herself as she started to fade away. “Sleep well, Sakura,” she said, her voice hardly above a whisper, before she disappeared.