[You'll notice that part 4 is considerably shorter than Part 3. I haven't had much time lately, but a decent effort was put into this. Part 5 and the Epilogue will be out very soon, and I warn you that this fic has a very touching ending; it's one of the few things that I've ever written that has a happy ending. The last two sections will contain a great deal of meaning pretaining to Rei's image of herself, and how she accepts herself. To keep you in suspense think of the following quote from Part 5: "This is me... The truth of self can only be seen when false images and ideas are shed, trapings banished. I chose to live, not for me, not for these false versions of myself, but for the one human being that I have learned to love" Nice teaser ne>
Ryoji Kaji was known for being a man of his own wishes. There was no trappings in the world that could bind his free spirit. When he felt that something needed to be done, it was made so. Despite the way that many viewed him, he was a good man who would rather die than choose the path to wrong. It had to be so, for there was no other explaination for his actions, that would so certainly cause him death. Yes, Kaji was truly willing to risk it all for the woman that he loved. He wanted her to know the real truth, and he was tired of the covert ways of the life of a spy.
One could not tell whether it was day or night at the present. Rooms like these were never graced with the light of day, SEELE and the Japanese government made absolutely sure of that. Three rooms of this sort housed all of SEELE's main data base. Within the compiled memory of these computers sat the real truth of NERV. All secrets seemed to stream from the mouths of men in the form of but subtle whispers had end up here in this vast ocean of knowledge. Kaji sat there at the keyboard, the screen reflecting in his eyes. There was a picture of Rei, the first child. The documentation on the research on Lillith sat staring him right in the face, NERV was naked before him.
The cursor blinked in the open window. The the paths that lay before him were made clear "save this file to disk? Yes/No." He withdrew one deep breath, which might be his last as he cognizantly moved the cursor over the "Yes" option, and right clicked. One more thing was left, he had attached a second small file to the CD, typing only a few lines. With a soft sigh, he opened the D drive and removed the CD. It was done now... This CD contained the entire truth of Rei's existance, and all that the girl ever wanted to know. And now for the woman he loved, Misato, she too would share in this discovery.
"Hmph... And now for the final touches." He pulled a pen from his pocket, and clicked the top. It was so silent that the clicking could be heard for miles. On a small post-it, he wrote his final words, knowing that this would be his last.
This is the very last of my existance, I ask that you put me to good use. Contained within this CD are the answers to all of your questions. It's going to be OK. And as for Rei, I can only hope that she comes to terms with her real truth. If I ever see you again, I promise I'll tell you the three words that I have withheld for so long.
The silence was overwhelming, but Kaji found the strength to leave the rolling chair where he had been seated and make his way out the door. Most would stop to look over their shoulder after having done as he had, but Kaji seemed to walk along as though nothing had happened at all. How typical of that man, accepting his fate instead of running from it. The sky was an unusual shade of dim gray today, as though God himself were in his heaven and pensive with thought. He wasn't far off from his final destination now. After a showrt car ride, he had arrived at the apartment complex where Misato was living with Shinji. The journey up the stairs seemed to never end, as though that stair case was ascending into heaven. But there he was, at Misato's door. He was so sure that she wasn't home, because that beautiful laughter couldn't be heard anywhere. As a matter of fact, the apartments were oddly silent today. She simply smiled, slipping a white square object inside the box.
He stood there a moment more, until he felt something cold pressed up against the area where the base of his neck met his skull. Kaji didn't say a word, he didn't even turn around. Before he could do anything, that confident gruff voice came the all clear.
"You thought you could get away with this... Did you Kaji? Did you think that I wasn't watching you?"
The half light of the hall way concealed the commander's contempt and anger. Fuyutsuki had not trusted Kaji from day one. He had forever questioned Commander Ikari as to how wise it was to have him around even if it was only for the sole purpose of using him. Fuyutsuki's suspicions had been confirmed as of now, the conviction of his solid will was thus burried against Kaji's neck in the form of a cold steel barrel. The noble voice of the professor could be discerned from all others, and in the present was unspeakably grim.
"This wasn't part of NERV's dealings with you. I regret having to kill you, but I must do the correct thing by Commander Ikari. Don't curse him when you end up in hell, dear friend. This was personal."
There was barely a sound heard as the silenced gun went off, piercing through Kaji's neck. That silence shot, it seemed so final. The only other sound heard was the light clank of the CD hitting the floor. He didn't fall to the floor, Fuyutsuki had managed to catch him before a sound could be heard. After having taken Kaji up, she smashed the CD into small shards. It was only a simple matter of disposing of the body now, which Fuyutsuki did quite secretly.
All hope seemed to be lost, but there in Misato's mail box sat the ultimate truth, with Kaji's last words and very blood upon it. It was all in Misato's hands now, only she could discover the truth. Kaji had done it for Misato, but he had also given his life for Rei; may the truth be forever known. It wasn't long at all before Misato got home. She stepped inside the appartment and had a drink first and foremost, and then went to check her mail. She uncovered several new bills and a CD in a white slip case. She decided to save the CD for last, assuming that it was Shinji's grades.
Misato Katsuragi was not the most virtuous of all women; certainly she had her own tragic flaws. Tragedy, the dictionary defines it as a disasterous event, a misfortune. Misato was still a child in many ways, most often in the way that she sometimes found her self placing the blame on others rather than falling into self loathing. More so than often, however, Misato had begun to realize that the apex of human iniquity was not brought about by outside forces, but by the will of man himself.
She felt terribly guily for what had happened to Asuka. She would have felt just the same no matter who the pilot had been, unless it had been Rei. Misato further investigated her peculiar detachment from Rei. Looking back at it, she slowly began to realize that no one seemed to be able to form a bond with Rei, except perhaps for Commander Ikari. It was assumed that a bond had formed between her and Asuka since she was so easily able to sync with Unit 02. But, Misato had not seen any solid concrete proof of this.
Come to think of it, no one really knew anything about Rei to Misato's knowledge. She was bored now, and had begun to wonder why Shinji wasn't already home. In her boredom, her eyes idly wondered over to the CD in its case. Whatever could be on it? It was sort of early for Class A's grades to be in already. She got to her feet and took the CD in her hand pulling it out of its case. Sitting at the computer desk, she ejected the drawer to the CD rom. The disk loaded, and her complete shock registered with it as she began to read into the text. Kaji's message was there for her to read at the very end. Unlike the decoy, it had been added in a small file on the real CD.
Misato held her head and instantly began to cry. Slowly dropping to her kees, weeping bitterly, she covered her eyes, those tears seeping through.
"You S... stupid jerk... How could you... waste it all. HOW COULD YOU?! How could you waste your whole life so.. carelessly"
Misato's heart had gone and died with the man that she loved, and she probably would never recover from the loss. Her words were muffled and staggered though her heart felt sobs. But what was there to be done? Could she just go and disolve the only hope that mankind had left? Misato didn't want to destroy hope for the futer, but there had to be something to do with what she had been given; indeed she had to been obligated to it. it was an inalienable fact, the only right thing could be for Rei Ayanami to learn the truth.
Rei sat in the corner again for this gym period. Her physics book remain opened and spread out on her lap.
"And because of De Broglie's extensive research, it was concluded that Einstein's Theory of Relativity and Planck's Equation could be combined to enable him to predict the wave wavelength of a particle of mass and velocity. Heisenberg later concluded that that this was impossible. For everything you study, you also run the risk that it has changed via experimatation."
She lifted her head up from the text book. Reflecting on Heisenberg's Principle, Rei began to wonder to herself. Do we really know anything at all? She missed Asuka. Rei never thought that she would live to see the day, but that day had come. This love that she felt for Asuka, she wasn't going to ignore it. It had been there the whole while; Asuka had simply been trying to help her learn who she was in her quest to know Rei herself, and yet Rei had closed her mind for so long.
"Uncertainty" she thought to herself quietly. "This must be what breeds such fear in the hearts of human beings. Is this why it hurts so much, what I feel for her? It's because I am uncertain not of these feelings, but of who I am myself... There must be a way, a way around uncertainty"
And now, it was probably too late. Asuka was still in the hospital. That party that they were to go to, it was only a day away now. Asuka had been looking forward to it, but she would probably never be able to attend it now.
Rei's lips moved almost without her even knowing it.
"Asuka Langley Soryu. If you die now, the truth will die with you. I love ... you."
She herself could not believe that she had just said what she had. Considering a principle of uncertainty, Rei had certainly said something that she was very sure of, and without the aid of evidence. Rei was unaware that she was not the only one who was wrecked over the grief of tragedy. Lost in her thoughts, she closed her book, and tucked it into her book bag. She had begun walking off the school grounds when she had run into Misato.
Misato could not believe that she had run into Rei so easily, as if it had been brought about by fate. She tried her best to keep a look on her face that would suggest that the pain in her eyes was not present at all. A smile spread across her face as Rei stood there still, without so much as a word waiting for Misato to speak first.
"Rei... I have been looking for you." Rei still looked down, but she did answer Misato.
Misato choked back the tears in her throat, and reminded herself that she had a prupose in finding Rei.
"There's something that I need to talk to you about, something that you have to see."
Rei showed no emotion in her eyes, once again retreating behind the veil of apathy.
Her amber eye stared softly down at the pavement beneath her feet, as though she felt that if she should take her eyes away from it, that it would fail to exist at all, and she would be whisked away into the worries of her self-doubt. Misato knelt, so that Rei would be forced to look at her in some way shape or form.
"I am asking you as a friend, that you please come with me. There is something that I have to share with you, because it's the only right thing left for me to do. Please don't deny me that. I'm not so blind as I pretend to be Rei. I'm old enough to know that you have to venture down the path that you can't see clearly, because that's the only true way. That's the only true path that leads to self. Please come with me..."
Rei did not reply verbally, she simply nodded, those locks of palest sky blue swaying with the gentle motion of her head.
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