When we last left our C.R.E.W. (Craving Ready to Eat Wings), they had defeated Queen Jenny Craig, despite the small problem of them dying or dieting (you decide the greater evil). Miraculously they were resuscitated by a crew of paramedics who happened to be in the area and had low-fat cheeseburgers, but due to the weird chemicals in the burgers caused them to lose their memories! Since all is calm for now, Wendy and Ronald are content to let the Sailor Franchise go on with their normal lives.

But wait! Suddenly from space come the aliens of the Dutch Apple Pie Tree! Ecoliye and Sallmonella are the two alien guardians of the tree, and it needs hot apple pies to survive. At first, the two aliens buy them, but the Tree quickly exhausts their money, so they begin attacking people for the hot, gooey energy contained within each flaky crust. Speaking of flaky, one of their minions, known as Cyanide Seedlings, attacks Serena and her friends, who are promptly given back their powers by Wendy. The Sailor Franchise makes short work of the monster, but are now puzzled by their new enemy’s motives. Alas, those who got their memories back do not include Darien; he remembers nothing of Sailor Food or Serena!

As if things couldn’t get worse, two new kids show up at their school, Eco and Sally; Eco has the hots for Serena, and Sally wants Darien. And yet another person is put into the fray (fry :); instead of Tuxedo Drive-Thru, Open ‘til Late Knight rescues the Sailor Franchise from danger with his magic headset, which squeals and causes enough pain to distract the enemy. Eventually, after many battles and encounters with the aliens of the Dutch Apple Pie Tree, the gang puts two and two together and follows the evil sister and brother to the Dutch Apple Pie Tree. Ecoliye and Sallmonella try to use the Sailor Food’s power to fuel the tree, but it rejects it for not being fatting enough for a descent for a Dutch Apple Pie. The tree then goes berserk, causing Darien to regain his memories and nearly killing Ecoliye and Sallmonella with hot apple pie filling. Sailor Food realizes the problem and unifies with the other Sailors to power up the tree with Sailor Dessert Power; the tree then heals the aliens and disappears, but leaves behind a baby Dutch Apple Pie tree (not as good as Granny Smith). And suddenly, they discover that Open ‘til Late Knight is really Darien’s inner self trying to get away with a cheap publicity stun to increase business. The two aliens thank the Sailor Franchise and depart with the new tree, ready to start all over again with a real bakery.

A few days later, a pink-haired girl falls out of the sky. Who is she? Why is she posing as Serena’s sister? What’s with all the cheap plastic toys that follow her around everywhere? Especially the creepy, disembodied cat-head with the red braids? Turns out the kid’s name is Rini, and she’s on a quest, to save her mother, Neo-Queen Ruby Tuesday and Father, King T.G.I. Friday, from an invasion that destroyed her world. At the same time, the invaders have tracked Rini to the past; both are trying to find the Cholesterol Crystal in Serena’s possession so that they can control the future. First, the evil sisters of the Negafood try to capture Rini. Anorexia, Obesia, Scurvya, and Bulimia make things tough for Rini and the Sailor Franchise, but eventually, they decide to join the side of good, maybe even get some help for their problems, and escape from their evil manager, Rufigius, and become ordinary fast food workers with decent hours and good overtime.

Rufigius, incensed by the escape of the Negafood sisters, goes after Sailor Food and Rini himself, but he too fails when he slips in a pool of grease and breaks his neck while battling Sailor Food. Emetamucila tries next, but succeeds far more in annoying people with her laugh than planting evil around the city. To escape her annoying chortles, the Sailor Franchise agrees to travel into the future with Rini. At the Gates of the Big Slam, the guardian, an unknown Sailor Franchisee named Sailor Dennys, allows the group to pass through to the future for a mere $2.99 a piece. There, King T.G.I. Friday appears in the form of a ghost to tell the story of how the world of the future and its palace, the White Castle, was destroyed when the Cholesterol Crystal disappeared and the forces of Negafood overran the kingdom.

Just then, Sailor Food is kidnapped by Prince Enemus, who fell in love with the Princess Ruby Tuesday of the past. Tuxedo Drive-Thru rescues her, and they flee to the White Castle, only to have a giant purple mascot who shall go unnamed here attack them. Fry Man had tricked Emetamucila into turning into the hideous beast, making her believe it would give her the ultimate power or at least scare kids with songs. Instead, the Sailor Franchise easily beat Emetamucila up, and she runs off crying and waving her arms pointlessly (but then again, she's really pointless anyway).

However, in the fray, Rini is lost, and so the Franchise returns to the past to look for her, presuming she was hungry and would stop to eat at any of 5,000 convenient locations in the Tri-Tokyo area. They do find her, but in the form of Lady Unhappy Meal. Sailor Food quickly realizes that this new enemy is Rini in a slightly more evil form (not as evil as the Purple Mascot). Lady Unhappy Meal tells them that she was sad as Rini, because she never got the one Beanie Baby from the Happy Meals that would complete her collection (And the animal pals just weren’t the same). As a result, she turned her mind over to Fry Man, who turned her into her current form (Tall, skinny but still greasy).

Meanwhile, Fiberus, the brother of Prince Enemus, thinks that the alliance with Fry Man and the transformation of Rini are bad moves. He thinks Fry Man is planning something, partially because of his powers, but mostly he heard Fry Man talking on the phone with a friend about “those suckers, the Negafood.” Fiberus tries to warn Sailor Food, but is quickly deep-fried by Fry Man.

A powerful storm gathers over the city, the Sailor Franchise and Tuxedo Drive-Thru travel into the heart of it to face Prince Enemus, Unhappy Meal Lady, and Fry Man. During the confrontation, Enemus realizes that Fry Man both killed Fiberus and tricked the Negafood kingdom. He takes a fatal blow for Sailor Food by stepping in front of her when Fry Man throws some coffee that is far, far too hot. The Sailor Franchise travels deeper into the storm to avenge Enemus. They try to convince Unhappy Meal Lady of her true enemies, but she refuses to listen until Sailor Food pulls out the main piece of the problem: the missing Beanie Baby from her collection. Unhappy Meal Lady quickly turns back into Rini, and she joins everyone in the final confrontation. Fry Man is about to unleash the ultimate destructive force on the world, the Economy-World Sized Deep Fat Fryer that hasn’t been changed in a while. Rini starts drooling, anticipating the delicious things that could come out of the Fryer, and her saliva forms the Cholesterol Crystal of the future. She powers up with it, and together, she and Sailor Food destroy Fry Man and the Deep Fat Fryer. With the evil vanquished, Rini returns home to the future, where she is met by her parents and a huge, fattening feast.

Next up: Sailor Food S, in which food is eaten, the world is threatened, and cousins are...well, anyway...see you there!

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is copyright 1992, Takeuchi Naoko, Toei Animation, TV Asahi, DIC, Cloverway, Bandai, and other associated companies. We are not affiliated with any restaurants mentioned on this page in any way. Any copyrighted terminology on this page was used as parody/satire under fair use laws. This is a fan page and does not earn profit in any way, shape, or form. Yeah right, like people would pay money for this. Most people wouldn't waste time on this (except us!), let alone money.

This page was copyrighted October 2000 upon creation by J & K.