Good Feelings Gone
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: No music
Topic: life, travel nursing

Gah!! I was so happy this morning. Now I'm in a bad mood!

Once again I was watching those house shows on HGTV. The one I watched earlier today was 'My House is Worth What?' These people had the houses of my dreams. I was going to vomit I was so fuckin' jealous. What really burns my cookies though, is that these houses were all half a mil. There's no way I could afford something like that on my own, you know? (At least, I don't think I can). Maybe if I made a hundred grand a year instead of seventy? I don't know. Still pissed me off though.

What also has me in a bad mood is that there's no way I can do international travel nursing without getting a bachelor's degree. That. Pisses. Me. Off. I don't WANT a bachelor's degree. I don't WANT to go back to school. Fucking hell! *has tantrum*

Okay. Sorry. It just hit me now. I turned 28 in May. I'm damn near 30, and no where near where I thought I should be at this point in my life. I have few friends. Except for one cousin, I don't associate much with other extended family because we're just...strangers. That's no excuse, but it takes two of us to tango. I'm tango-ing by myself. And I want these things for myself: relatives that be there for me and vice versa, beloved friends who I'll love until the end of my life, a fantastically beautiful home in a city I'll love... It may be too much to ask, but that's what I want outta my life.

I just have to have patience I think. I remember when I first wanted to do travel nursing. I was in the backyard in my hammock, staring up at the sky (bitching to God I'm sure) about how I wanted to do this. It was a year later before I began travel nursing, but I remember it vividly. I wanted to travel, but I wasn't ready at that time. Looking back, I know that now. I can see it. I may want to go international, but I can see that I'm not ready. I could be offered a million dollars tomorrow to work in Sydney, and I'd freak out (in a bad way) because I wouldn't be prepared.

There. I'm better now.

Thankx guys, as always.