Now Playing: Sensual Seduction by Snoop Dogg (Edited Version)
Sometimes I can't STAND my mother's side of the family. Dear lord, I love them with my entire being, but I am no one's puppet! I'm not even mad at them, just irritated that we keep going over the same shit again and again!
To my family: (as if they'd read this, except for my aunts and siblings)
I understand that you want me to be happy, okay? I truly do, and I appreciate it. But what y'all have to understand is that I *am* happy! Completely, totally, butt-fuckingly happy! What makes me happy and what y'all think constitutes happiness is two different things! I do not WANT to get married. That's why I don't date! I am not interested in finding a special someone. I'm interested in travel, money and clothes. I am interested in seeing amazing things, and taking care of my patients. Having a family is not something I want at this time. So quit giving me shit!
Mom: I'm not a lesbian. Quit fuckin' asking me that. I don't mention any guys to you because there's nothing to mention. (Plus I never remember their names.) But if you want, the next time I proposition someone for sex in whatever biker bar I'm in, I'll be sure to let you know.
Grandma: Grandma, grandma, grandma. I'm not my mom. You can not manipulate me the way you do her, so please stop trying. I am as strong-willed and stubborn as you are, and I do not take kindly to your 'suggestions.' I also don't need to explain myself to you. If I say 'no' or 'I'm not interested,' then that's what the fuck I mean! Quit pushing! Believe it or not, I don't like fighting with you. Our conversations turn into screaming matches, and I'm tired of it. You're getting too old to be stressed out in such a manner. I don't want you to have a stroke arguing with me.
Grandpa: I won't take prisoners, and I won't ask you to choose. I have no right. You are on Grandma's side, and that's fine. That's the way it should be. But you will also suffer the same consequences because you won't speak up! Either tell me to piss off or be on my side. Stop the double agent bullshit!
Aunt Denise: Shut up. What you have to say is insignificant.
Aunt Gwen: Do you have any crock-pot recipes?
Brother: I still haven't made up my mind. Should I get the Xbox or PS3?
Sister: I farted in the frig yesterday. Dad was so pissed. Everybody says hi, by the way, and to hurry up and visit.
Brother-in-law: I double dog dare you to fart in the frig. How'd you find my site anyway?
Gosh, I never realized how theraputic this blog is. It's amazing what I can get out when I'm not screaming into a phone.
Food! Gotta go!