THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR THE SORCERER HUNTERS SAY, by Yaeko

NARRATOR: ::Shot of Marron wearing a way-kawaii mile-long braid and a preist’s outfit:: Marron Glace, pilot of the Gundam Deathscythe...

MARRON: ::Lying in bed, smoking a cigarette:: Damn, Carrot, that was good... (Y’all, I’m really sorry!)

ZAHA: ::bouncing around like he’s had one (or ten) too many Doctor Peppers:: Oh, I’m a psychopath and I’m OK!

MILPHEY: ::twirling around in an Austrian outfit:: Spooner’s alive with the sound of muuusiiiic!

NARRATOR: ::As Milphey runs through the nighttime streets of a conspicuously Sillicon Valley-esque town, looking very blonde, with a stake in his hand:: Since the beginning of time, there has been one, who was fated to fight vampires... She - uh, He is the Chosen One... He is Milphey the Vampire Slayer!

CARROT: You know, brown really isn’t my colour! ::tears off his tank, and reaches off screen. He pulls back another shirt, and throws it on - a hot pink tank top:: Now this is more like it!

TIRA: You know, I’m getting really sick of all this sword and sorcerery stuff... Put me in an Eva!

MARRON: ::sitting in one of those folding director’s chair, wearing street clothes. He is talking to a reporter:: Well, you know, I originally tried out for the part of Mille Feuille, but they decided they wanted someone a little more... colourfull... for the job.

CARROT: ::only his hand is visible, swinging a silky robe tie:: Oh, Milpheeeeeeeee...

(Milphey rolls into frame wearing a tilley hat and a safari vest, looking unshaven and very suntanned.) MILPHEY: G-day, mate, the name’s Crocodile Mil-Phee!

(Tira wears a brown-and-white school uniform, with her hair in two odangas, tied with red ribbon. She’s ditched her shades, but her looks seems a little too vapid.) TIRA: Hi! I’m Miaka!

MARRON: ::scrutinizing himself in the mirror:: You know, I’d look really good with a mohawk! (Oh, gods, the horror!)

CARROT: ::wearing the green tank top from the manga. He looks in the mirror - lightbulb!:: Heeey... ::dashes off screen - sounds of rustling cloth - comes back onscreen wearing the tanktop and a pair of black spandex shorts, toting a gun:: Heh, heh... ::points the gun at the mirror, and does his best scowl:: Omae o koruso... ::cracks up and drops the gun:: Damn, I’d make a good Gundam pilot!

(Zaha is sitting in a dirtecor’s chair, wearing street clothes, talking to a reporter.) ZAHA: Well, you know, before I landed the role in Sorcerer Hunters, I’d auditioned for the role of Trowa Barton in a then-small-scale show called Gundam Wing... ::glares:: Of course, they wanted someone younger... ::growly, vengefully:: They always want someone younger! She dumps me for Milphey, and now Milphey for Carrot, the bitch... ::the reporter stares, rather frightened, and tries to edge away. Zaha grabs him by the shirt:: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT????

(Gateau grabs a hanging microphone a la George Clooney in O, Brother, Where Art Thou?)GATEAU: ::singing, with a Southern accent:: Oh, I’m a maaaan of constant sorrow!!!

(An anime-style Roger Rees, the Sheriff of Rottingham, drills at Chocolate’s locked Chastity Belt.) CHOCOLATE: ::being bounced around by the jackhammer:: I will never submi-i-it! I’m saving myself for Darli-i-ing!

MARRON: ::singing a la Maria in West Side Story:: I feel pretty, Oh so pretty, I feel pretty, and witty and gay! And I -
GATEAU: ::jumps out of some gloomy corner and glomps Marron:: I knew it! I knew it!

ZAHA: ::with a hook for a hand:: Has anyone seen Jennifer Love Hewwit?

(Mille is suspended, naked, in some bluish goop inside the spaceship Outlaw Star, his arms crossed in from of his chest. Thankfully, the glass in replaced by steel strips before anything too nasty is revealed. His eyes are closed.) GENE STARWIND: Hey, Jim ask Mille-fina to ... What the hell!?! Mille-fina? AAUUUUUGH!!!!!

(Carrot is wearing, by some editing defect in TYNHSHS, the hot pink tank top and Heero’s spandex shorts form two earlier gags.) CARROT: Wha - AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

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