WARNING: I don’t claim to own any of this. I don’t even listen to most of these
musicians, if they can even be called that.
Some of them, believe me, can’t.
Sorcerer
Hunters Goes Musical!
by
Yaeko
The sorcerer cackled evilly as
the purple mist in the crystal ball faded.
“MWAhahahahaha!” he said, and, tapping his staff on the floor three
times, he disappeared into a spiral of the same purple fog…
The five Sorcerer Hunters were
walking along through a rather desolate canyon.
“Daaaaaaarling!” Chocolate
crowed. “It’s so hot out! Wouldn’t you say we’re both wearing way
too much clothing?!”
Poor Carrot squawked and
unfolded himself from her crushing grip, as Tira reprimanded her wayward
sister.
“…It’s not so much that I need
to, it’s that I should…” Marron was saying, and Gateau nodded in
agreement.
They all stopped walking as an
unnatural, purplish mist drifted the dry valley.
Marron struggled to give some
sort of intelligent analysis of the situation (because, besides that, what the
hell else does Marron do?!), but found he couldn’t speak. He looked at the others, distressed, and
found that they, too, were all mute.
But as quickly as it had come, the mist was gone. Chocolate started to speak, but…
She sang. “Darling, what happened, what happened,” she
sang… All the other Hunters gasped, and
Carrot started giggling. Chocolate was singing…
Marron shook his head, shocked,
and opened his mouth the reply. He,
too, found himself (and the fangirls gasp) singing! “I don’t know if it’s right…”
He clapped a hand over his mouth and doubled over, paling further in his
shock (as though such a thing were possible!
Marron is one pale bishonen!).
Gateau let out a joyful sound at
hearing Marron sing, and ripped off his shirt.
“So take a look at me now!” he sang loudly, and then made a horrified
face. Gateau paled, himself, and put
his shirt back on quickly, wasting no time in clamping his mouth shut.
“With the lights out, it’s less
dangerous,” Tira offered, trying to keep her singing voice quiet.
The other Hunters gave her
rather baffled looks, and she just shrugged.
Marron looked seriously at his
comrades. “We may have to leave here,” he sang, horrified at the country song
lyrics coming out of his mouth…
Just then Dota appeared in a
puff of pink smoke, and beckoned for the Hunters to follow her. “Come with me, Come with me, yeah, come with
me, uh-huh, yeah,” she said, sounding for all the world like Puff Daddy. (Rapper Dota!)
As soon as they arrive at the
Stellar Church, Carrot ran towards Big Momma, half shrieking, half
singing, “Oh what’s going on, what’s
going on, yeah, what’s going on, ah, what’s going on?”
Momma held out a hand and shook
her head solemnly. “Put a spell on
you,” she explained, horrified at the sound of her own voice.
Gateau growled, and slammed his
fist into his open palm angrily. “I’ll
stop the world,” he sang, and was understandably upset when his irate promises
turned into an eighties love song.
Milphey gave Gateau a strange
look, but then suddenly broke the gaze when he noticed how pissed-off the
blonde actually was. “I know I was
wrong,” he sang apologetically, “For treating you the way I did.” Tira cringed when she noticed how unaffected
Milphey was by the fact that his apology had been turned into an R&B-soul
song.
Motioning to his friends, Carrot
said, “Let’s go there today, go today, go today, everywhere, right away, oh
let’s go.”
Gateau shook his head in mild
disgust, but said nothing, for fear of the words – lyrics? – that might come
out of his mouth. Momma shook her head
as well, although no one quite knew why.
Then the goddess transported them to the Sorcerer’s palace.
Tira shuddered as they walked
into the huge, dusty mansion. “Can you
feel it in the air, ghosts be hiding everywhere,” she said, shivering again,
and not just due to the creepiness of the old house.
“So you’ve managed to find me,
Sorcerer Hunters,” said the Sorcerer, indulging in that nasty habit Sorcerers
tend to have – laughing maniacally.
“I can’t stand it no more, I
can’t stand it no more, I can’t stand it no more, I can’t stand it no more,”
yelled Carrot. How in the seven hells
did the damn Sorcerer manage not to get cursed! It wasn’t fair!
Tira growled, and whipped off
her cloak, forgoing the evil laugh in case it, too, had turned melodic. “You can’t stop me now, ‘cause I’m right and
I’m making advances!”
Chocolate followed, licking her
garrote. “You must die,” she sang
angrily, and the Sorcerer just laughed, enjoying his weird little prank.
“You’re freakin’ me out,” sang
Gateau, “you wear a … fake. Hey, man,
wake up and smell the concrete!”
The Sorcerer, a moron like all
his peers despite the rather creative (although completely pointless) spell,
used a magic blast on Carrot. The
spiky-haired boy growled deep in his throat, and then broke into a very hoarse
rendition of Britney Spears. “I’m
stronger than yesterday,” he sang, then cackled gleefully, and promptly
squished the Sorcerer to a freakish Sorcerer pulp.
Big Momma appeared once again and
smiled benevolently at her five Hunters.
“Good job, Hunters,” she said, smiling.
“Hopefully this will never happen again.”
“Man, that guy was such a
freak,” Marron said, rubbing his aching head.
All that parody had given him a migraine…
“Momma, you so owe us
overtime for that,” Carrot grumbled.
The goddess laughed. “Don’t worry, Carrot… It was all being recorded for the Bakuretsu
Hunters Top Forty Radio station!”
With that, everyone ran off
screaming.
~ Owari ~
(Thank God!)
The lyrics are from these songs,
in order: (“Song Title” by Performer Smith)
“I’ve Been Hurt” by Bill Deal
& Rhondels, “I Don’t Know if It’s Right” by Evelyn “Champagne” King, “Against
All Odds (Take a Look At Me Now)” by Westlife, “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by
Nirvana, “Loose Talk” by John Prine and Connie Smith, “Come With Me” by Puff
Daddy (featuring Jimmy Page), “What’s Going On” by Marvin Gaye, “I Put a Spell
on You” by Sonique (and many other performers), “I’ll Stop the World and Melt
with You” by GAH SOMEONE, “I’m Sorry” by All-4-One, “Let’s Go!” by Wang Chung,
“Gambler” by Madonna, “I Can’t Stand it No More” by Peter Frampton, “I Hope You
Die” by the Bloodhound Gang, “Counterfeit” by Limp Bizkit, “Stronger” by
Britney Spears.
