I DID IT!!!
Mood:  celebratory
I figured out how to sign up for PayPal, went through the whole painful process (painful because you KNOW that if I didn't have paypal that I don't use online banking & the process if you are not "confirmed" through your online banking is a pain in the butt) OK....So...anyone wanna throw money my way...you know my email address...LOL...which leads me to my very next thing I have to figure out.....how do I get money out of there once its in there? Hmmmm, a quandry to be certain. Paying for something using paypal is another issue...but one thing at a time...right? Ha.

Uh...Oh, Sam ate some dirt out of the Christmas tree the other day, that was kind of cute. I'll be posting a photo of his only partially cleaned face in the photo album, along with some of our Christmas decorating...some have asked...So I'll do it! LOL...

Not too much else going on...PRAISE GOD...last week, Sam had his EEG, to see what is going on with these little seizure episodes he's having and lo and behold his EEG was NORMAL! NORMAL...for the first time EVER! OK...I don't get it...I'm guessing it was normal because he didn't have a seizure during the actual EEG, but I think that has to do also with him being on the Keppra instead of the phenobarb...which he was on when he had his prior EEG. So...he continues to have very few of the eye blinking episodes, in the past two days or so, I've only seen one. He is on klonopin (drug from hell) but wonderful Dr. H cut his dose into smaller doses spread out throughout the day...less at a time, more frequently...so at least Sam is not screaming at me ALL THE TIME now... He is looking good right now. His color is back. The EEG did not show any encephalopathy or that type of process going on, so while I am convinced that the vaccines are responsible for his becoming so ill and we are infinitely blessed that he has not, hopefully, suffered any permanent damage from the vaccines. He's got a boogery cold now and oh...my....I don't like boogers. Daniel & Jonah, on the rare occasion they get boogery, they can blow their nose or (Jonah can't blow, but he can wipe his face) but Sam tends to be a much more boogery child and oh...ugh. Ha....He tried to hand me one this morning...For the love of God Kid...leave it in your nose...I'll clean it out for you. Then comes in the snot sucker and if anyone likes the snot sucker less than I do...its Sam. Copious amounts of snot...LORD GOD...why oh why?

OK, Things going OK...Puppy driving me crazy, too cold to leave her outside (she would be outside playing with the boys for several hours a day... but she is still too nuts to have run of the house. Maybe we'll try today. She's in her crate right now...I have to figure this out cuz I can't leave her in her crate all day...she sleeps in there, but...OK...next step in being a puppy mama. She's really just like Sam...she'll jump up onto a table (not the kitchen table...that's just gross and too high for the dog to get on...Sam on the other hand...is often on top of the kitchen table.) OK....Let's give it a whirl. Have a great day!

SNOW-Tastic & Gag-Tastic!!!
Mood:  mischievious
WOO Hoo!

LOL..SNOW!!! Not sure if I am going to be able to convince the kids to go out into the cold weather (their constitution is like mine...in other words "Uh, its cold, there is snow up to my knees and its warm in here and I know where the hot chocolate is") but...even after over an hour of snowing this morning...I'm SO excited that darn it...ITS SNOWING! LOL! So, I want to take the boys sledding...can you IMAGINE Sam snowing, he will flip out! I'll take the camera. Sam will be all for it (one of his very few words is "bye bye", so he might not know what's coming, LOL, and he will be very angry (I will go as far to say hes gonna be pissed!) at the prospect of wearing a coat...LOL, he HATES coats! but I think he will enjoy the sledding very much. Our school district never closes, so it will be a good time to take the boys (uh, weather, physics and p.e. lessons, right?)

OK...after all that shovelling, tea & water (because you should always drink 8-10 big glasses a day!), I'm feeling like lying down for an hour isn't a bad idea.

My dad has dental surgery today...then after that there is a showing of Rudolph at our local theater... I think the boys will get a kick out of that....Sam did really well at "Happy Feet" but its so hard to leave the house by myself with all three boys...I have to carry a pharmacy of rescue meds with me (Sam's klonopin, Jonah & Daniel's Diastat, Jonah's injectable B6 & injectable leucovorin) and God forbid something goes wrong...I can handle just about any medical emergency thrown my way, but when nervous nellie onlookers freak that a baby is having a seizure and people are screaming "CALL 911", its very disconcerting and I am dealing with said seizing child & trying to deal with the people who I'm sure are trying to be helpful, but its not helping, a kid with a seizure disorder having a seizure is not a medical emergency. PERIOD. Back off, don't watch cuz you're either gonna get mooned or see a little kid get a shot....and by the time the ambulance gets there (that I said "no" to to begin with), "sick" child is just fine, just a little tired....So, I'm always hesitant to go out alone. If Sam's in his stroller & Jonah's having an OK day (not a day when he feels the need to run headfirst into immobile objects, not spinning & flapping & drooling too much, etc) then those are the days we can go out...ya just never know when those days are gonna be. I'm gonna go and uh, turn up the heat...chilly out there.

Having An Issue...
Mood:  quizzical
I'm confused. I'm confused. I'm confused....maybe one day in the very near future, I won't be confused. I finally did it. November 29, 2006.... I did it and I said I would never do it...Oh Good Lord forgive my soul....I am barely one step removed from keeping my money under my mattress. I've got a bank account because I do enjoy shopping on line....but oh....I think I've just sold my soul to the devil or at a minimum some cult that will have me shave my head & walk around passing out fannie mae mint meltaways to strangers at the grocery store...OK, well, I suppose there are worse cults to be part of...but seriously...having issues here. I'm just gonna say it....I've signed up for paypal. I don't know what it means. I don't know how to use it and I have a headache. And advice, tips, comforting words....prayers for my salvation... all much appreciated....my spinning head.

I can't even sit down and eat my cheesy garlic bread with anchovies without being bothered! You'd think my breath alone would keep 'em away! No dice. Jonah already asked for "fish strips".... They really don't ever stop talking. Jon keeps telling me stupid things like "Sam's sleeping, go to bed." Like I'm going to wake up in the morning, the kids won't be twitchy on a million meds, stress all gone...Dumbass has to do 10 lesson plans...by tomorrow night....seems to me that someone has had 12 weeks to do it in, which comes down to less than one lesson plan per week...and that someone (not mentioning any names!) procrastinated again. And, after he pulls off this "superhuman feat" (his words...), and plays basketball tomorrow morning (probably having to stay up all night...) and works all day and then goes to school tomorrow night...boy, he's gonna need a day off by Thursday! Whew! I wish I could take a day off...no dice...I just got told I'm not in the "real work force". I hope he remembers his pants tomorrow because I'm not taking his britches out to his work because he's walking around like an idiot in his basketball shorts all morning cuz he forgot his pants.... I couldn't make this stuff up...but seriously, I'm not packing up the kids & driving 45 minutes to take him his britches again....suffer it out in yer shorts, son...natural consequence of forgetting your trous is that you walk around with chilly legs.

The Good, The Bad & The Cranky
Hello Everyone,

Today is an OK day. Not nearly as aggitated as I was yesterday...Ha...I was pretty irritated yesterday....not good. The neurologist's nurse decided to argue with me. HA! I refuse to argue with someone who is "stupider" than I...."How, Smarty Pants", you ask, "do you know she is "stupider" than you?" HA...again! ANYONE with half a brain (I have a full brain, MRI proves it... brain function is sometimes in question, but I do have a full brain) but anyone with HALF a brain and very little brain function should know better than to argue with a sleep deprived mother of 3 epileptics and one of whom is 2 and has been seizing for 2 straight weeks and YOU are a source of her stress by not giving the doctor a message. THAT, my friends, takes a special kind of stupid. I really don't care if I piss her off, because as far as I'm concerned, # 1, Ha...I just don't care and # 2, if she is anything like any of the long line of other young 20-something snips before her, she won't be employed there for too much longer. OK...so that was aggitating and for some reason, bothered me most of the day...I have a very difficult time with people who don't do their jobs (usually only if it affects me and family/friends...I really don't care if the construction workers are picking their noses or taking their 15th coffee break of the morning...just if it affects those around me).

Another annoyance...Amazon.com....they freaking sent my box (yay...all good) but why on earth would you package a paperback book NOT flat? DUH!

I do love 6 year olds (especially mine!) who get excited about construction paper crafts. LOL....We've done penguins, we're doing snowmen & snowflakes! LOL....Speaking of penguins...Happy Feet...the movie...another thing I LOVE is # 1, movies that are about someone (or thing) "different" SO BE IT if Mumble's "heartsong" was tapdancing! GO MUMBLE!!!! Right along the lines of Nemo's "lucky fin"....its the special needs mom coming out in me...but YAY for people who are different! Can you imagine how boring it would be if everyone were the same...worse...can you imagine how AWFUL it would be if everyone had lost their mind like me? If I think I'm aggitated now...HOLY CRAP, I can't imagine having to deal with myself in everyone I had to deal with...LOL...that would be so not cool. And, # 2, I LOVE the movies that have great soundtracks (Shrek, Shrek 2...there's been a lot of 'em in recent years...Happy Feet is another)

What else is good? Sam had his EEG this morning (which is a good thing), his "girlfriend" (who has done everyone of his EEGs and had the NERVE to get married last year...sheesh! LOL) is just so nice. I think she thinks I'm nuts. I guess that's OK, I might be...but that went well.

OH...94.3 (on the radio dial) and 93.9 are VERY close to each other. That is a good thing. I'm usually set to 94.3 (K-Love) but our "All Christmas Music All The Time" from Thanksgiving thru Christmas is 93.9...so two little clicks and I am back focused on the road. I am a good driver (really I am...always go the speed limit (how annoying is THAT?!?!), eyes on the road, not using the cellphone unneccessarily, etc) So, while I am a good driver, I acknowledge that there are a few things that I (and pedestrians & other cars in general) are better off with me not doing...concentrating on radio station changing is one...going in reverse is probably the other biggie... the more time I spend going forward...I just feel the better of everyone is.

OK...I think that's it...My head hurts. Sam is napping (another good thing) Oh...annoying...Sam had a seizure WHILE his girlfriend was hooking him up to the EEG, and none during...grrrr...hopefully we will still see if there is something else we need to see....OK...oh...another GRRRR...this stupid med he's on....I got me a screamer....Seizures are significantly decreased but the child doesn't stop screaming. Ugh! I'm twitching a lot and after a few hours of him being awake, I definitely start to get a histamine reaction to being his mother....OK...now that's it.

I Am SO Blessed
I am the luckiest, most blessed mama on the planet. I have the coolest kids ever (although... my mom is pretty darned lucky too! LOL) and I don't even have any words to describe how fortunate I feel to have them in my life.

This has been a trying couple of weeks for me, personally...Sam's been ill since he received immunizations (see previous posts) on the 13th. He's having lots of seizures and is on increased doses of his meds and a new med (why not add more... we don't have enough meds around here anyhow?) but he "only" had three seizure clusters (for lack of a better term) today...that is significantly down from a few days ago when it was almost constant. I'm scared but anxious to get an EEG & whatever follow up he needs depending on the EEG results...I'm very anxious to find out if there is any permanent damage in my sweet baby's brain. But, he has been much happier, this second week (this past week, week # 2 of the reaction) than he was during the first...very hard to see him having all of these seizures, but most grateful that he is at least happy most of the time now. He's not really eating well, but he is still drinking his bottle so he is getting his meds down.

I think the reason that I am feeling so very blessed in the middle of such a difficult time is that I found a picture of Jonah today. He was about 3 in the picture and he just looked so sick. (check out the photo album linked to in a recent blog post) He looks so much better now. The photo was taken when he was having hundreds and hundreds of seizures every day and even with his physical and cognitive issues now, Oh my....I would not trade this for any of those days. I feel so fortunate that he is on a med combo that has him relatively stable seizure wise and even with the "fun" side effects of the meds....well...I'll take it. Look at the difference in the photos & you will see what I saw. I cried like a baby when I found that picture...but quickly felt better because his seizures are so much more controlled and he just looks so much better.

I can't even ask for a sweeter child than Daniel. He is so helpful and sometimes I feel bad that he has the brunt of chores & such. I do ask the older boys to help & sometimes Jonah just well... he's Jonah & by the time I've explained it again and again, Daniel's done it already. He loves helping but I try very hard to not give him too much...he likes helping & he gets an allowance for helping with simple things like letting the dogs outside, feeding the puppy, taking out recycling...So, like I said, not too terribly difficult stuff, but by the time I gather bottles & cardboard, Jonah has forgotten what I asked him to do in the first place. He's a sweet boy.

Sam is a little ham. He loves the camera, he loves attention, loves Elmo, loves cuddling and loves playing with his brothers.

All of the challenges that the boys have gone through are for a reason. I don't know what God's plan is for them, but I do know that the life lessons that they've taught me are priceless. Without them, I would most certainly not be the person I am today. I've never really had a problem with having a voice...yeah, that's always been a strong point of mine...but I never had such a clear purpose for my voice. Now, it is crystal clear... much to the chagrin of almost anyone who has ever come into contact with me and challenged me as to what I felt was best for my children. The vax reaction has taught me not to compromise...Most things with the boys, for me, are cut and dried... no compromise...but I did compromise on the vax, on "my terms" and delayed them...but had I gone with my gut...Sam wouldn't be suffering right now. I can't look back and say that I was wrong and kick myself for it...won't do a bit of good. I WAS wrong to compromise what I felt was best for my children and have learned that lesson the hard way that compromise is no longer in my vocabulary when it comes to the care of my children. That's a good thing....ha...good for my boys, good for me...big old pain in the butt for everyone in the health field. Oh wait...here's me pretending to care.... darn, that wasn't very convincing, was it?

OK...and last but not least, this has nothing to do with my amazing children, but I was kind of bummed about having to stay up until midnight tonight to catch the walmart.com sale (that was supposed to start at midnight) and I have been checking daily for an item that I hope my husband does not pick up for our boys, but it is out of stock...and the sale price was posted at 8:30 tonight! GRRRRRR. So, my sister said she saw them (Darth Vader voice changers) at the store the other day for the sale price (this was supposed to be an online only sale!) and so I called my least favorite store on the planet (well, maybe second least favorite... the one store in the mall with the neon beer signs has always bugged me) and FINALLY talked to someone in toys who confirmed that there are "a few" Darth Vader Voice Changer masks in the store and I was able to avoid bribing him to pull me a couple and I grabbed Jonah (who was just about to sit down to a bowl of chili) and we ran to walmart at 9:00 at night. Dressed for online shopping (LOL, it was almost 60* here today...we burned leaves in t-shirts!) we went into the store and got the TWO masks (for the SALE price!!!) and got the heck out of there! So...I didn't get to shop from the comfort of my cozy computer chair, but I DID get what the boys (my sister's twins) will be THRILLED with. I wish I had more $$ because I would have bought a bunch of them & sold them on ebay....they're flying off the shelves! But I would feel really guilty about doing that...If I paid $10 for it, I'd be like....oh, you seem nice...give me $14 to cover my cost & shipping...Merry Christmas... I'd be a really bad ebay seller! LOL... OK...So, I'm blessed. And I feel even more blessed because people, mostly people who don't know us, our family and friends know how blessed we are to know these little boys, but a lot of people perceive us as a "sad story" and I just want the world to know that my children are not sad. They are people & no matter what their medical diagnoses are, they are not numbers or cases...they are sweet, adorable, fun, funny, witty, helpful, charming, playful, rambunctious boys who are the light of our lives. Any perceived imperfections are in the heart of the beholder....Give kids a chance...I guarantee you that you will be pleasantly surprised every single time. I know I am.

OH NO!!!
Mood:  d'oh
OK...If the flakiness gets any worse...bad things might start to happen...

I did the unthinkable...Now, I've been VERY good. I've not had a single piece of Halloween candy (since Halloween & then it was ONE mini Snickers...I swear! I remember because I got hives from the chocolate). I skip dessert & double up on salad with lemon juice dressing...but there are some things that are just not OK. Like oh...I don't know...but one I do know is fat free cheese! I can't believe I bought fat free mozzarella.... Is NOTHING SACRED?!?! I'm having HALF a piece of veggie pizza & I wanted to sprinkle a *little* bit of extra cheese on it...I'm telling you...this is just not right. It "melted" in a plastic-like sheet on top of my not e. Coli contaminated spinach. (Did you hear that the outbreak has been blamed on wild pigs? Now...I wish I could blame some stuff on wild pigs! HOW COOL IS THAT?!?!? Anyhow... Good God...I bought two packages of the stuff and Frankly, my dears...I just can't use it. Awful, Awful stuff. Ugh...

Oy Vey...Whatta Week
Mood:  not sure
Hi Everyone,

Its been a heck of a week. My last post was a hint at the very beginning of what was to come with Sam's vaccine reaction. Thankfully, this ends well, Sam is just slightly worse for the wear...His words are not with him...he has "mommy" and "byah" (Grandma)...He is trying to say other things, though... but he's definitely lost some of his words...there were not too many to begin with...

OK, Sam had lots of seizures and fever. Long story as short as possible for me is that this has cemented my gut feeling that immunizations are not for my boys...I've always delayed vaccines and made sure that the boys were very healthy when they got shots...but no more. If you think that Jonah is not thrilled all the way to the moon that I cancelled his appointment for his flu shot...well...he's pretty happy with me!

As if seeing my baby so sick was not bad enough (it was horrible, he was walking around, bumping into things & looked dopey and seizurey...the ped said it looked like he was walking around in a postictal state (postictal is the state a person is in after having a seizure), which meant that Sam was probably having lots of seizures that we were not seeing...not very comforting. But even after saying that he was having lots of seizures, they sent us home. Another ped in the group said "We" don't concern ourselves with night time seizures... Uh....well "we" do. So, apparently the new standard of care is that not only is it totally OK for a toddler with a seizure disorder (which was controlled before the administration of immunizations) to have a new seizure type (as long as they are at night...its fine!) but its also OK for said toddler to be having "lots" of seizures throughout the day and to be walking around in a perpetual postictal state....Hmmm. Shows what I know. I am disgusted that this vaccine reaction was swept under the rug....A mother frightened at her child acting very much NOT normally, high pitched screaming, aggitation, fever, not sleeping... I was told to "wait and see..." Give us a call on Monday.... Not quite sure what the aftermath of this is going to be. The neurologist (who has a rotten staff), to my knowledge, wasn't even contacted, despite several phone calls. And apparently, his nurse has recieved her M.D. since we last saw them in the office last month. I'm very much not happy with that situation either.

So, I guess my feeling right now is simply relief. Sam is sleeping more normally, he's not screaming so much...he's getting his happy disposition back. We went to see "Happy Feet" yesterday...his first movie...he did great, he loved it. Every time he saw something he liked, he pointed at the screen and yelled "MOMMY!" Then he and Jon took a nap...right there in the theater. I'm very relieved that it wasn't worse, as bad as it was, I do realize how much worse it could have been. It was a long week without sleep & I got screamed at a whole lot...not too big on that. But, assuming that the worst is over, this ends well...and that makes me very happy.

Decompression
You know the sound that a dog makes when they just want to get your attention, its not really a yelp, not really a bark...well, mix that with the sound of a parrot screeching, a coyote howl, the first three seconds after a baby gets a shot and a few seconds of fingernails being scratched down a chalkboard... That's the sound I just made...oh yeah...plus add in a really big sigh! LOL...

Sam's in bed, is having a fever issue from his immunizations yesterday..."only" 102.6* before bed... that's "Nothin'" But he's pretty miserable. I've given him fever reducers & he's comfy again, but...oh, the whining...

We said goodbye to Jon's mom this evening. It was a whirlwind weekend for her and it was good to visit again.

We met Jon at the mall tonight to walk around & for dinner before he took her to the airport & after dinner & we said our goodbyes (Jonah with a firm handshake, a giggle, then a hug), the boys & I walked around for a bit & other than pictures with Santa (Which I will have on our regular website in the next day or two), I didn't buy anything...I'm losing my groove! Can you stand it?!?! At a huge mall & not buy a thing! I was ready for some Christams shopping & it just didn't happen... Sam was getting crabby (fever starting to creep back in) and I felt like I had just eaten a buffalo chicken sandwich (I had)...so we came home! Ha...

OK, not much else going on...I promised the twins a "sleepover" tonight, so they unfolded the family room hide-a-bed and guess where I'm sleeping tonight...Ha...So...its getting late...gotta go turn on a movie and get the can of redi-whip out...most families eat popcorn (did that yesterday with Nana...how painfully normal...we prefer redi-whip, straight from the can.) OK...Good Night. Sleep Tight...I hope the shopping bug bites... otherwise I'm not getting any Christmas shopping done!

THE BEST DAY EVER!
Mood:  special
Hi Everyone!

I'm not quite sure what I'm going to write about, but Its definitely time for me to make an addition.

The twins have been doing a countdown to "The Best Day Ever" for a few days...Well, today, my friends, was the day. How, you ask, did they know that today was going to be the best day ever (maybe they have psycho abilities like their mama!) Well, see, there was a countdown...OK...The Best Day Ever is a SpongeBob marathon...All SpongeBob, all day. Fantastic! I could barely convince Jonah to get up to take his medication today, had to bribe to get him to come to the mall with me (like he had a choice! LOL) and bribed him againg with candy to go to Walmart with me. What a sweet kid. LOL...

Jon bought me some Bailey's Irish Cream yesterday, so, needless to say, (I LOVE Baileys!) I'm sipping on some right now...my face is flushed & hot after a few sips...yum-o!!!

Uh...Election...over...YAY! I was going to skip voting, but I did go...seems like the rest of the conservatives in the country forgot...But that's OK...its all part of the game and whether a candidate wins or loses, the next day, God willing, they still wake up, still go to work, still go to work...life goes on...Life is beautiful like that. It really doesn't matter much...they're either pumping their fists in the air & pounding their chests or they're licking their wounds...But life DOES go on...Things get to go back to "normal"... I have a very hard time with the politics game...Well, if you read my rant from the other day.. you get it...

Along the same lines as politics...Cloth diapering is going GREAT! I can't believe I was afraid to use cloth with the twins...It really is no extra work (OK, well you can imagine a senario or two when it might be a little more inconvenient, but in general...) Its only 2 or 3 extra loads of laundry a week, and I put the twins' undies in there with them...and heck, I've got three boys, I'm not afraid of laundry.

Alrighty...not much else happening. No major broken bones, head injuries, bumps & bruises...not too much to speak of...Oh, boring is SO good.
I made toasted raviolis for dinner/snack tonight. We had a late lunch, so we just decided to snack, that is a lot of work for a snack, but oh so yummy!

OK, I think that's about it. We are going to spend the night in a hotel tomorrow night. As we speak, Jon & his mom are with their long ago departed sister/birth daughter. We will be meeting them tomorrow...Jon will be with us, so I plan on letting him have the kiddos for a while & heading down to the hot tub with a good celebrity gossip magazine. (Celebrity gossip is my favorite sin) Not entirely sure why I like it, LOL, because I really don't believe any of it (or think that any of it is my business for that matter), but boy, it sure does make for some mindless reading...which I do like once in a while. OK...I think that's really it.

Rant, Vent, Psycho Babble...I've HAD IT!
Mood:  loud
OK....Now, I realize that the election is happening tomorrow, I've done quite well, if I do say so myself...This level of aggitation, irritation and a general dislike for anyone outside of my family and a pretty close circle, usually sets in several weeks before an election, so the weekend before an election...well, I deserve some serious kudos for growth....

Mom (Jon's mom), if you're reading this...you *might* not want to continue...I promise you there is nothing cute about any of the kids in this post...I've done my duty in telling you...I'm sure you're going to read anyhow...but buckle your seat belt...

OK...So, generally, my husband isn't much of a "talker"...like most guys. Things came to a head yesterday when I had to go pick the kids up after he told me he was going to take them for the day. My picking them up wasn't in the agreement...I didn't ASK him to take them...wouldn't have, didn't. PERIOD...So HE offered to take the kids with on Saturday night, so since I'd been up with Sam for a couple hours by the time sleeping beauty got his ass out of bed, I went and layed down to sleep for a bit. An hour later (granted, I was grateful of an hour of sleep because Sam had been poking me in the eyes all night and I didn't get to sleep at all), he comes in and makes a lot of noise and blames me that he has no socks... (my answer is consistent on this...if you put your dirty socks in a hamper, or SOME kind of dirty clothes pile, you will have clean socks because the *laundry fairy* gets it done...they're not in a pile or the hamper...sorry charlie...I just spent two weeks looking for one of the kids' new shoes...I'm not spending three seconds looking for a 38 year old's misplaced SOCKS!) and then announces that he's taking Jonah with him. Fantastic...well, since I'm still groggy from an hour of sleep and that's pretty much it, I was a little confused...I thought you were taking Sam...(again, I didn't ask, I wouldn't have asked...he offered) So he says something stupid like "Well, if you get up and get him dressed..." WHAT?!?!? Because everytime I have to leave the house with the kids, I call you home from work to get the baby dressed? Little bit confused...So apparently Jon's arms are broken because I have to dress Sam...(That was VERY irritating to me...When I take him out, I have to get him dressed...period...) OK...so then comes the phone call that I have to come pick the kids up because he "has a meeting"....what ever....You know...Now, this probably sounds like absolutely nothing to get irritated over...Granted, even though I get precisely ZERO breaks, EVER...I still didn't ask him to take the kids...but when combined with Jon's apparent lack (forgetfulness?) of driving skills (exactly how many red lights does a person have to run in, say, a 20 minute period of time before you are allowed to call him or her a bad driver? How many times turning into oncoming traffic? (Same time period for argument's sake) How about how many times stopping at green lights and then turning once it turns red?) So, between the driving thing (of course with the cell phone plastered to his ear the entire time) and his lack of ANY words...(Don't worry...I get plenty of communication all day long...Sam knows how to say "yeah" (even though he doesn't know the difference between yes and no) and he also can say "Elmo"....that should be plenty for me...sorry I expect anything of you)...

OK...now...Jon, while being a big contributor to the problem, is not the whole problem...the problem boils down to a very few words....let's see: Politics, Egos, Insincerity, oh, I could go on...but those are a few. When I picked the kids up yesterday I had to say something to Jon about priorities...invariably it comes up before an election...I think ALL politicos' spouses have the same conversation a hundred times (just for the record, it does not good)...I had to leave however, when Jon said something to the effect of those who are working in politics are the saviors of the people. HHMMMPPHHH....I drove away...Egos in action.

So, that speaks for ego in and of itself...Not another story is even needed for that one! OK...what I want a politician to get...the next one who comes to my door begging for my vote...and they have the NERVE to insincerely ask me what concerns me....I'm going to have to lay it out on the line... What concerns me? Where do I start...I guarantee that NOTHING that concerns me is even REMOTELY on their radar screen. This is real life. It may not be a glamorous life, but oh...rest assured, its real. And I feel sorry for these people because they don't get it...so, here goes...for the sake of brevity, I will limit my main concerns to those that have occured in the past 11 months, JUST THIS YEAR....January through March included 2 hospitalizations for Sam, pneumonia and a medication reaction...oh yeah, and the fabulous news (which thankfully turned out to be another stupid doctor talking out his a$$) that my one year old has bone cancer. A couple more months for following up for that and holding him down several times a week for blood draws cleared up that "little misunderstanding". Let's see...February was also a hospitalization for Jonah...several days of inpatient EEG monitoring...June saw another hospitalization for Sam, pneumonia again. August...Jonah headaches & increased seizures and confustion...to the ER for a CT scan...shows a cyst or tumor...FANTASTIC...so he had an MRI the following week, had a looney toons reaction to the anesthesia & we had a "wonderful" (ego again) resident call him a monster and me a saint (yes, because he was having a reaction coming out of anesthesia)...good news and bad news...and I find this out only an hour after Jonah's reaction, on our way home from the hospital...Jonah doesn't have a brain tumor! (YAY!) But Jonah does have brain damage and, well...nothing we can do about that. Thanks and have a good life...Let's see...not to be outdone, September saw eye surgery for Sam, only a few seizures after anesthesia...all in all good...October, Jonah took a header from a game of stratego gone terribly awry...'nother CT scan....a few days ago...'nother header into a tree...I can't bear to take him to the ER...at what point is DCFS called into a case...how many head injuries is a 6 year old epileptic kid with cognitive issues allowed before "bad mom" comes into play...THAT's a practical question that you can answer me! Now, those were just the hospitalizations, a couple of the ER visits, surguries etc...my everyday life consists of meds 4 times a day, every day, split over 3 kids...I did the math once...It really is an obscene amount of med passing that I do, conservatively lets just say 25 doses a day, I'm sure if I counted, its more than that...double that if they are sick because its tylenol/ibuprofen alternating every 3 hours around the clock and that adds another 24 doses of meds...not to mention seizure rescue meds...speaking of seizures...I'm on daily seizure watch and my children's seizures are considered well controlled for them...Jonah "only" has 10-15 a week and Sam is probably hovering around 5-10 a week...Oh...but this is "easy"! We lived for two years with Jonah having hundreds a day, every day...so what am I doing complaining about "only 15-25 seizures a week?" Being on perpetual hold with insurance companies, doctors offices, therapists, pharmacies...having strangers in my home several days a week for therapies, waiting for these people to call me back, not knowing what the future holds for my "defective" children (not my word)....and through it all, I KNOW that our lives are blessed. I KNOW that it could be a hundred times more difficult. I have friends who are going through it and have the added difficulties of having children who can do nothing for themselves...I KNOW how blessed we are... But because I can't seem to squeak out time to volunteer for you, I'm not worth the time of day. Because my kids are the way they are the people whose salaries we are paying (teachers, principals, the school district superintendent) have made poor choices not in the best interest of my "slow, difficult to teach" children...so in addition to all of the health stuff...I'm also their teacher. And they are doing better now than they did ALL LAST YEAR...So, to every last politician out there who REALLY DOESN'T give a crap about people...I'm a person. This is real life. YOU don't have a CLUE for one second about real life....I can see the headlines now...You'd jump off a bridge if you had to deal with the things I have to deal with...I don't have a scheduler and a driver to get me to where and remind me where I need to be...THAT is not real life...I do it all, scheduler, driver, nurse, teacher, chef, "campaign" manager, general consultant, banker...TRY THAT...THIS is real life... its not "charmed", its not glamorous, but it is real...my kid may not be able to talk, another one may run himself head first into trees and drool a lot...I'M SO FREAKING SORRY if you don't want to see it or hear about it...THIS IS REAL.

Ammendment to the BIG Announcement...
Mood:  caffeinated
HOLY CRAP BATMAN!!!

Today is not the day I switched to decaf, but it should have been....Oh my...send prayers and good thoughts my way...I'm jittery and anxious and its not good...my stomach feels jittery, and I think it might be my spleen as well....OK...gallbladder's gone...spleen, stomach & oh...yeah, intestines... we got some rumbly, grumbly unhappy tummy action going on...sorry if that was TMI...nothing gross, just weird tummy noises....OK...lay off the caffeine...I gotta remember that. The concert isn't going to be nearly as much fun if I can't sit still for more than 22 seconds... I oh...nevermind, I'm keeping politics out of my tummy troubles and I won't even compare any of my current tics & issues with anyone who might come to mind who may or may not have not taken his or her medication correctly for a commercial, or not....oh boy...this is so not good....

This Is What's Gotta Happen...
Mood:  rushed
Hi Again,

I will be adding more photos to the boys photo album, but many of you have been asking to see Sam's haircut, halloween photos, etc...So they are now up in a photo album & well...go take a look. The link is directly below this post.

I feel very rushed right now (GET YOUR BUTT OFF THE COMPUTER, Right?), Today is "diaper day"...not an entirely big deal...but my least favorite part of cloth diapering has quickly become opening the wet bag every other day....the aroma is overwhelming! Ha... OK, not only is it diaper day, but it is, in general, laundry day. I don't think I'm going to get out of the house until this evening... not that that is entirely a bad thing... its pretty darned cold out there! I do have a couple packages to send out, so maybe when it gets a little bit warmer... Waiting for a couple packages from people who are apparently avoiding me, but have already received their packages from me...I know people get busy (ha...do I EVER know!) but c'mon...throw me an email, ladies? (PLEASE? You don't even have to tell me how insanely busy you are...I TOTALLY get it...I've got three kids with epilepsy & developmental delays that I homeschool in between therapy appointments and seizures and ear infections, a husband who has A.D.D. and works full time plus grad school...He's busy & doesn't have time to be home much...So, I get busy...YOU ARE NOT TOO BUSY TO TELL ME YOU HAVE BROKEN OUR CONTRACT...Just send me an email telling me when you will be sending out and I will not embarrass you on the trading group. Thank you from all of the people who have been screwed! Public service announcement over) Sometimes...I get more than a little peeved....LOL, Don't get me mad, darn it!

OK...laundry day...I should go start dipes... and then clothes...yep...that's the plan...maybe put something in the crockpot for dinner.

I am SO excited about the concert tonight...I can't wait to let y'all know how it was! OK, go look at the boys' photos...Later Gators!

New Photos of The Boys
Mood:  a-ok
The Boys

BIG Announcement!!!
Mood:  caffeinated
This just in:

Today is NOT the day I will be switching to decaf!!!

Good Times, Good Music and a BREAK for ME!
Mood:  caffeinated
Hello All!

OK...busy busy day...but in a nutshell, I was a nut all day, running around, lots to do. Sam, my Dad and I went to do aforementioned running around, I took Dad to get bloodwork done, get his prescription, run to the store, pick up cell phone chargers...just lots of stuff...OK, Dad bought lunch (chinese...yummy), got home, decided we were (Jon & I) going to go to the Broken & Beautiful Concert (LOL, TOMORROW night! Talk about procrastination!) I heard "Can You Hear Me" (Mark Schultz) on the radio today and, well...I have to go. We saw Casting Crowns & Nichole Nordeman earlier this year and it was such an uplifting experience, so we are going to see Mark Schultz & Big Daddy Weave tomorrow night...I'm excited!

I had to run to the bookstore to buy tickets (because e-tickets & phone orders were not being taken today...again, procrastination! LOL) So, I piled the boys in the van and we had a blast driving 45 minutes to pick up tickets because Mommy's an airhead! Ha...we had fun though. I picked up Casting Crowns Lifesong & Nichole Nordeman's CDs. I highly recommend the Lifesong CD... The song "Praise You in This Storm" is just amazing and it absolutely feeds my spirit and it reflects so much of my heart in my journey with the boys...all of the heartache but there is such joy... its just amazing.

I'm feeling very blessed and at peace right now. I have a calm feeling and in the journey that I'm on, I've not been capable of feeling calm in any way, shape or form for most of my life, so I am very content in things right now.

On a sadder note, God's Preferred Softball Team did not win the championship game...but they did have hot chocolate (and last night's game was a win by forfeit (the other team had the common sense not to show up when it was so cold that I wasn't the only "crunchy" thing at the field last night... the GRASS was crunchy from the frost...and it was "only" 9:30 at night...usually the frost sets in later than that...))

And in events that can be considered nothing short of miraculous...I've been drinking my coffee, catching up on email, freecycling stuff, packaging up things I have to mail, doing dishes and even got to eat dinner...in the last 2 QUIET hours...ALL THREE boys have been sleeping since 8 O'clock! Can you stand it? OK, I admit, the twins got sent to bed early, but they actually fell asleep when I sent them to bed!!! They were tired & were a bit too crazy and had to be told too many times to settle down...so apparently, they were just crazy AND tired, instead of just crazy. So, I have had 2 hours of "me" time! I think I might even go to sleep before midnight...insanity...I will probably wake up at 4 in the morning not knowing why I feel so rested...a whole 6 hours of sleep, straight through...HA! OK, I'm going to go before I get myself all giddy and worked up and not able to sleep.

Do They Ever Stop Talking?
Mood:  caffeinated
Howdy All,

I've had a bit too much coffee today...Have you tried the limited edition coffeemate coconut creme creamer? OK...the stuff is yummy. Really REALLY yummy. But because of it, I feel like a chihuahua on speed...HOOOOOAAAHHHHHHH!

My children (well, the two older ones anyhow) have not stopped talking since like last Tuesday....I hear chatter in my sleep, I hear cartoons in my dreams, my "quiet place" is routinely interrupted by Jonah's growls, Sam's screaming "MOMEEEE" and Daniel's sometimes incessant whining....

And, when you feel like you can't get one more thing on your plate....guess who tells you he volunteered you to make hot chocolate for his softball game? GRRRRRR...but really, its OK... Its a complete honored to make hot cocoa for the preferred Softball team of God. I'm there...wouldn't miss it for the world...especially since its a playoff game and "God's Team" is #3 and the "good" team (although not God's preferred team) that they were supposed to play tonight (did I mention that God's team's playing at 9:30 at night...in November...when the high temp of the day was 39*...worth mentioning) anyhow, the "good team" got beat last night, so now team in 3rd place (God's team) is playing the team ranked #11 (and therefore, clearly NOT God's team) and therefore the players on God's preferred team seem sure they will win...but if God's Team's Captain's wife doesn't make hot cocoa for the "boys" then for some reason, they may no longer be the preferred team of God and this is one wife who just can't bear to allow that to happen. I'm feeling the pressure....but Holy SMOKES....its gonna be like 2* on that artificially lit field (because, as I think I've mentioned...the game is at a very convenient time...9:30 PM) so, God's team or not...the guys need hot cocoa...and its on me. And I don't think I have enough thermos containers to get Hot cocoa for ten guys (and the cheering section)....this could be a problem....but is it really a problem if its for God's preferred team? Clearly, I need to have a better attitude about the whole softball "thing". He's been playing softball at least one night a week (during the summer it was 2) since like June...so, clearly...I should just joyfully bring the cocoa.... And the kids still haven't stopped talking...I wonder who they get that from...

What we say....and the Translation...
Mood:  spacey
What we "weird" Christian, Attached, Homeschooling Moms say: "What a blessing today is! Sam was up bright and early and we've begun learning for the day! The Lord has Created another beautiful day for us to enjoy, the leaves are covered in a delicate layer of frost & everything's glistening in the early morning sun. The splendor of God's Kingdom is awesome. I can't wait to go outside to day and take a nice long walk with our nature bags & granola bars!"

And on some mornings...this is what we really mean: "Good Lord Child...God hasn't even turned on the lights yet! And its so darned early that the energy saver on the furnace hasn't even kicked in... I want to go back under the covers. OK... lets get this stupid cloth (who the heck's idea was this anyhow?) diaper changed...I love coming into contact with pee 6 or 8 times a day, WHY can't I see the snaps on this thing....OK, Diaper changed, wetbag nowhere to be found, pants back on, Your Elmo video is calling you kid...you like Elmo... right? 30 minutes later, I figure out the high chair, how to put the nipple on his bottle and that the reason I can't see is that my glasses are not on...And oh...JOY! Jonah's awake! Watching Spongebob...and Daniel is missing...There is no way I'm opening Auntie Boo's door until her boys are awake...so Daniel is MIA for half an hour...and good thing the sun has STARTED to come up....Daniel is not in there....hmmm, I've got a missing child and its not even 7 a.m. yet....OK...He's in my bed... not sure how I missed that, oh, no glasses & getting hit in the head with a sleeve of Ritz crackers might have had something to do with it... There is no way in heck we are going for our nature walk today...ITS COLD out there! In fact...we're not going anywhere today...Daddy has the van in the auto shop at school....YAY...today is going to be a good day and I am so blessed to be awake to witness the sun rising....and the furnace kick out of energy saver mode...and I need to rewind Elmo.

There's a Bad Smell Coming From Somewhere....
Mood:  don't ask
I'm smelling a smell....its not a good smell. Its not a smell eminating from a child...but its a smell. Not a good smell. Nothing's burning. Animals are accounted for & uninjured & no uh-hem, messes are anywhere.... I'm downstairs so there's no food that should be down here...puppy crate has been searched & is clear, Jon's not cooking anything... I don't like this smell & must get to the bottom of it....ugh.

A Game Of Stratego Gone Terribly Awry....
Mood:  d'oh
Hi Everyone....

Let me just start out by saying that Jonah is fine. A busted up nose & head injury later... Who KNEW that Stratego was a contact sport?

Uh...The CT scan says that he's gonna be OK.... my heart really can't take too much more of stuff like this, though. Last year it was his broken foot from playing Superman (at least he doesn't feel any pain!) My heart skips a beat each time things like this happen. His newest thing (and he's not yet gotten injured...knock on wood) is climbing the tree in the back yard & playing Tarzan with the rope swing...he's narrowly missed running into the tree & the only reason he missed hitting the tree is because he just lets go of the rope (AAAAAAHHHHH!)

Sometimes I'm not quite sure what the Good Lord was thinking giving me boys...I am faithful that He has a plan for my wee ones....but I'm not sure yet of the lessons He has in mind for me....maybe patience? Maybe I need to toughen up a bit? I'm a pretty hands on type of mama, but Lord, forgive me for saying this, but my butt's not gonna be out there jumping out of trees with them! I just shake my head at some of their antics and everyone tells me "They are such boys!" I am not sure how to take that!!!! My response is universally "Yes. Yes they are." Have a great day!