first off i would like to apologize for the runon sentences, and the nonsence, and the notions contained in this document. it is all meant to be somewhat comical, so if you don't get it, don't get bent up over it. oh and thank you my 11th grade english teacher, for skipping the majority of the school year...were we really that bad? there was only 11 of us in the class, i don't think any teacher in the world has had it easier. you really suck.
so almost two weeks ago, i went online and bought a computer from dell. yeah great computers even better commercials, dude you're getting a dell...right...and the newer commercial about how indestructable their computers are too...whatever...so after having my laptop for about 2 weeks i fried the motherboard, i guess they didn't test them for magents, and thats all i am gonna say about that(not really)...i mean i live in a magnet...i have close to 16 speakers wired in my room...awesome surround sound i might add...do you realize how much magnetism one of those suckers will put out...i have ruined my tv twice...but only once that my friends know about...kindof embarrassing to do the same screw up twice...and the guys rip on me hard enough for my selections of females...you sleep with two girls that don't meet their standards and your reputation is ruined for the rest of your life...because you look a little deeper at someone, more than just looks, its impossible for a guy to be attracted to a girl unless she is anorexic and retarded these days...most guys won't even look at a girl if she is a few pounds overweight...and all i wanted was to be close to someone, to have something meaningful, even if we both knew it was gonna be short lived. but the worst part about that was the first fat girl...tried to press rape charges on me, after she initiated the whole thing...i was in a drunken stupor...how was i supposed to know that she wore bigger shoes than shaquielle oniel? and how was i supposed to know that this girl was a virgin...even though i think she was lying about it. i have only slept with two girls since i got to san antonio...and its been an entire year... i remember back in the day when i was hot stuff, i think it was the hair, and girls would flock to just say hello. now they all think that i am a stalker, or worse a loser... and the reason that stalkers are higher up on the avoid-me-or-be-harrassed list is that atleast they are faithful...i mean its hard to stalk one person, let alone many...i know i have tried it for a few days, its tough watchin a girl sleep...kind of exciting too. but a loser, they could go for anything that has a pulse, and some losers even go for the girls that don't have a pulse because they either find it more exciting, or they gave up on the living, because the living gave up on them. i remember back when i was in middle school and i was such a dork...6th grade and everyone wore jeans...elementary school i was one of the kids that wore sweat pants every day, not that i was fat...i was boney, but i just found them to be very comfortable...so in sixth grade the preppy kids decided to pull a prank on me and send me love letters. each one was a little more intense than the first, you know to keep the interest... the letters said i really like you and wanna date you and that sort of thing...it doesn't take much to lead a dork on. oh i didn't mention that when i got into sixth grade and saw that everyone else wore jeans, i had my mom take me out and buy me clothes...bad idea...they were all tight in the crotch and the legs hung up above my shoes, by almost 3 inches...i had one pair that was kindof loose around my waiste so i would sag the pants down so that they would atleast look a little better...i really looked like i needed alot of help...i was a special child. so these letters that i was getting...i passed them around pretending that i didn't care about it...like i wasn't interested, but you know i was. i so wanted just to know who it was...it was even better than a secret santa...i got a letter everyday, telling me that she was thinking about me, and again telling me how much she liked me. until one day rich told me that he recognized a little swish thing that was signed at the bottom of every note, he knew who my secret crush was. he knew her phone number and how much she had been talking about this really cute boy... he didn't know it but at that moment he was a god to me...he was my savior from all my frustrations of puberty and life itself. he gave me her number and told me that i should call her that very night...so i took the number and for the rest of the day i was on cloud nine...nothing could ever go wrong. she wanted me and i wanted...well i was desperate. if i could show everyone that i can date one of the preps then i would be in forever. so i went home with her phone number in my pocket constantly checking to see if it was still there, and it was, everytime. i waited until around 6 or 7 i think, and then i picked up the phone and dialed the first 6 numbers, paused,...and hung up. i was so freaked out, this was the first time that a girl had shown interest in me, the first time that i was gonna date someone, my first kiss, my first... everything. god was smiling down on me that day. i picked up the phone again and dialed...it was ringing... still ringing... still, ..no wait... "hello?", it was a girl's voice,... i answered back and asked if allyson was there... "i'm sorry you have the wrong number"... i was crushed but though maybe i dialed wrong...so i dialed again, this time a little more confident... "hello?...i had dialed the right number, but it wasn't "her" number... so i moped around the house for the next few hours before going to bed, didn't feel like eating, sleeping, running, playing video games, or anything. i went to bed. i got up in the morning very slowly from the heartbreak that i had the night before, but still excited about what the day might bring...maybe rich gave me the wrong number...maybe allyson will just come up to me and tell me that she wants me...maybe i will get another note in my locker... it had to be rich giving me the wrong number, had to. this sortof denial is what kept my head up in middle school. i got to my locker in the morning and rich was close by. he was standing infront of his locker. we were both on our way into the classroom when he asked me if i called allyson... i got excited and said yeah i did but it wasn't her number... and then he busted up laughing and yelled into the classroom "he called, he called" i felt my heart sink to my stomach...i was gonna have to sit next to these mindless automitons for the next 6 hours and they were all gonna snicker, jeer, and laugh at me. i could feel my face blushing darker and darker... apparently rich wasn't the only one in on this little gag. allyson herself didn't know about it though. i overheard rich asking her if she got any phone calls last night and she said no... from that moment on i decided to stay in the background. but things didn't really stay that bad for me...well for that year they were hell, but the next year i found an actual girl that thought that i was actually cute. mary. she and i dated(if thats what you wanna call it) for a few months, which is a really long time, when you are in middle school. it was toward the end of the year that it all started. the only reason that i remember is becauseshe and i went swimming and she was moving in for a kiss and i splashed her in the face on accident. it really was i was making a fist really quickly under the water and i splashed water right in her nose. she got upset and got out of the pool, went over to her mom and told her what had happened. i got a glare from this child's mother like none other that you have ever seen. but she then told mary that it probably was an accident...thats really all i can think of that happened with her...except that one day that summer i got a letter from her with insults on the envelope and through out the letter that basically told me that she hated me and that she hoped that i die. which i find to be pretty typical of the ladies at any age...if you ignore them long enough they usually decide that they hate you and wish for you to die...or put curses on you, or try to enter your dreams. i had a wiccan girlfriend that thought that she could do that sort of thing, in 9th and i think 10th and 11th grade. but the crazy thing was, i was entering her dreams...and she couldn't invade mine. she would have a dream and then out of nowhere i would appear and take over. it was wierd though(fake) because i didn't even go to sleep most of the time in high school...i just sat up and watched scratched pornos. after watching one of those for long enough you can really appreciate the actual pornos. you get a picture with the sound of ohhs and harders and all that jazz. after watching scratched pornos you really start to notice stuff like the music...its usually a sixteen bar loop, that just repeats for each sex scene, and the higher quality porns have different songs for each sex scene. you notice stuff like the plot or lack of. usually they are really lame. a cruise boat that gets hijacked by pirates and the only way to save the crew is for someone to sleep with all the pirates and then take their guns as soon as they are climaxing all over the girl. which led me to another fine discovery...why men in pornos ejaculate all over the girls... its so that they can't fake an orgasm(like the girls)(well most girls, i am pretty sure that they love the bigger thicker penises). i am sure that some of the girls in the porns of today actually get off, otherwise they wouldn't be doing it. can the money be that good? i know that eggs are worth almost 5 times that of sperm... i just wish i knew where to go to donate some. having a 2 dimensional child would be great. you could mute them, and you would never have to clean up aftem them... all the joys but only one real pain, they aren't yours anymore. last night i got about i wanna say 7 hours of sleep in. thats a record for me. normally i get about two to four hours in and i feel great in the morning, but i normally watch a movie not a porno. last night was porno night. i watched some stupid porno about a firestation i think. atleast that is where i fell asleep. not even 20 minutes into this hour long "film". i think i saw the first orgy and the start of the second sex scene. what is it about humans that makes us want to see another person ejaculate? is it fantasy or shear fascination? i have come to believe that it is fantasy. we wouldn't impregnate anyone in the real world, and we would be able to have sex for close to 15 minutes per encounter, regardless of the number of partners involved...wouldn't that be great? i would love to have sex with two extremely hot women with only a few minor defects. instead i can't even really sleep with a girl without having some sort of relationship with her. i hung out with this one girl for more than a month before we even did anything. it was her choice as much as it was mine...but she thought that it was entirely her idea to not do anything. so after we actually had sex(we were both drunk and horny), i found out that not only guys but also girls can have premature-ejaculation...but we don't call it that, instead we say that a girl is extremely sensitive. why is it that if a guy does something like sweat, we call it sweating, but if a girl does it we call it glowing? do we really need to sensor the world and the youth of today that much? i don't think that it really matters if a girl sweats, but i think that it should be called sweating, not glowing. we don't call periods, "periods" we call them monthly visitors or our friends...or something else that insane. women have managed to pass on the trait of period-personification... its ridiculous. alright so my suitemate, mike, wants to play the guitar. he has a guitar, an amp, cords, and me telling him what he needs to do to be really great, but the guy won't practice. he played this wierd al song about when i was your age, and it just goes on and on with complaints about todays youth. he said that he wants to learn to play a riff that gets thrown out there about twenty times throughout the song. so he played the song again after hooking up the guitar and the amp, and hands it to me so that i can learn it(i am thinking finally i will show him how to play something and he will practice this atleast). so i learn the riff and show him how to play it, and he decides to go on to the next song and try to rap or something, about tacos. wtf. anyways, this guy eats nothing but hamburger helper, and i know and i hope you do to that this is a slight exaggeration, but only slight. i saw a picture of when he was in high school as a junior, and he was skinny like me, but since then he has really, whats the word?, blossomed?, filled out?, exploded? yeah that will work. he has exploded. he even had a fat assessment test done and he came up as having almost a third of him as fat. it can be ten percent off so he is 25-35 percent fat. that is incredible...a 23 year old male that fat... which seems to be the norm here in texas. just about everyone here has a problem with weight. which i guess is why san antonio is rated as the fattest city in the us and texas is the sweatiest. have you ever seen a fat person sweat? they do it on warm days. now imagine sticking them in the dessert for an hour let alone a few months or even a life time. i don't know how these fat people can afford to feed themselves. but then you see a family of fat people, fat mom, fat dad, 3-15 fat kids. its just horrid. i have told my best friends to just kill me or have an intervention or something to that effect if i ever get to be that size. it is just beyond me, people can let themselves go, and then have the gall to say that they don't have time, or that they are in the best shape of their lives. now i can understand that some have health conditions that prevent them from actual excersize, but i know the buttcrack of the us has not had a mass diagnosis of any of that, although they do have handicap stickers for people that get too overweight to fit out of a normal sized parking space. ok thats enough about my laptop.
websites not my own
home is what you make it
well this is the second rant... 2 seahorses
