The Manners of Companionship

by Shaykh Badrud - Deen al - Ghazzee (d.984 AH).

The Shaykh - rahimahullaah - said :

Know O Pious brother - May Allah make our affairs good - that the manners of companionship and good relationships are of various types, of which I will explain, such as will show the person of intellect the manners of the Believers and the Pious; and come to know that Allah - the Most Perfect, the Most High - has made them a mercy and helpers toward each other, which is why the Messenger of Allah sallaallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said : " The example of the Believer, in their mutual love and mercy is like the example of a body, if one part feels pain then all of the body suffers in sleeplessness and fever." And he sallaallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam also said : " The Believer to the Believer is like a solid building, one part supporting the other." and " The souls are arrayed armies, so those who knew each one another before, will be friendly..." .

So if Allah intends good for His servants, He grants him the companionship of the people of the Sunnah, righteousness and Deen; and keeps him free from the companionship of the people of Bi'da (Innovations). The Prophet sallaallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said : " A person is upon the Deen of his friend, so let one of you look to whom he keeps as a friend."

" About a person do not ask;

but ask about his companion;

Since every companion follows his friend."

From the manners of companionship :

Good Manners

Good manners with the brothers, peers and companions, following Allah's Messenger sallaallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam as he said, when it was said to him : What is the best of what a person has been given, So he replied : " Good manners."

Making One's Opinion Good

From the manners of companionship is behaving well regarding the faults that he sees in his companions, since Ibn Maazin said : " The Believer seeks excuses for his brothers, whilst the Hypocrite seeks out their faults." And Hamdoon al-Qassaar said : " If one of your brothers commits an error then seek ninety excuses for him, and if not then you are the blameworthy one."

Companionship with the Believers

To keep companionship with one whose Deen you trust and who is trustworthy, both inwardly and outwardly. Allah - the Most High - says : " You will not find any people who believe in Allah and the Last Day, making friendship with those who oppose Allah and His Messenger, even though they were their fathers, sons, brothers or their relatives. For such He has written eemaan (faith) in their hearts, and strengthened them with a spirit (proofs, light and guidance) from Himself. And We will admit them into Gardens beneath which rivers flow, to dwell therein forever. Allah is Pleased with them, as they are with Him. They are the Party of Allah, indeed it is the Party of Allah that will be successful."

Forms of Companionship

For the Shaykhs and elders :- with respect, service, and to carry out their needs.

For those of the same peer group and those of the 'middle rank' :- with sincere advice, giving what you have and being prepared to carry out their wishes.

For the students and younger ones :- by guidance, teaching of manners, carrying out what knowledge demands, guidance to the manners of the Sunnah, rulings on matters of the heart, and to guide them to develop good manners.

Overlooking Mistakes

From the manners of companionship is overlooking mistakes of the brothers and not reprimanding them. Al-Fudayl ibn 'Iyyaad (d.187AH) said : " Chivalry is to overlook the mistakes of the brothers."... Ibn al-A'raabee (d.231AH) said : " Forgetting the harms caused by the brothers, causes your love of them to persist."

So it is binding upon the Believer that he avoids seekers of this world, since they will bring him down to the level of seeking it, and this will distance him from his salvation and it will distance him from remaining alert and being aware of it. Rather, he must strive hard in attaining the companionship of the good and the seekers of the Hereafter. Therefore, Dhun-Noon (d.245AH) said to the one whom he advised : " Accompany one whom you will be safe from outwardly, and whom - when you see him - it helps you in doing good and reminds you of your Lord."

Agreement with the Brothers

And from them is : not to differ much with the brothers, but continue agreeing with the brothers in those things allowed by knowledge and the Sharee'ah. Abu 'Uthmaan said : " Agreeing with the brothers is better than showing compassion to them."

Leaving of Envy

That he does not envy the signs of Allah's bounty upon them. Rather, he should be happy with that and praise Allah for it, just as he would praise Allah if it were seen upon himself. Allah ta'ala censures the envious one : " Or do they envy men for what Allah has given them from His bounty ?" The Prophet sallaallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said : " Do not envy one another."

To Keep a Feeling of Modesty

That he has hayaa (shame and modesty) at all times, as he sallaallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam said : " Eemaan (faith) has sixty or seventy - odd branches, the most excellent of them is the witnessing that none has the right to be worshipped except Allah, and the lowest branch is removing something harmful from the road, and hayaa is from eemaan."

He sallaallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam also said : " Hayaa (shame and modesty) is from eemaan and eemaan is from Paradise. Speaking obscenely is from coarseness and coarseness is in the Fire."

Companionship of the Dignified

To accompany one whom he has feeling of respect for, so that this prevents him from acts contrary to the Sharee'ah. Alee - radiallaahu 'anhu - said : " Enliven your feeling of hayaa (shame), by sitting with those whom you feel shame before." Ahmad ibn Hanbal (d.241AH) - rahimahullaah - said : " I have not been led into calamity except by accompanying those before whom I do not feel shame."

Showing Happiness

To have :- cheerfulness of the face, kindness of the tongue, largeness of the heart, outspreading the hands, withholding anger, leaving off pride, keeping people's honour in mind, showing happiness at their companionship and brotherhood.

Companionship of the Wise Scholar

From good companionship is :- that he does not accompany except a Scholar, or a person who is mild, intelligent and has knowledge. Dhun - Noon - rahimahullaah - said : " Allah has not disrobed anyone of His servants of a robe better than intellect, and has not adorned him with a necklace better than knowledge, nor adorned him with anything better than mildness. And the completeness of this is taqwaa (fear of Allah)."

Giving Sincere Advice

Having a clean heart with regards to the brothers and advising them, as Allah ta'ala said : " Except he who comes to Allah with a clean heart." Saree as - Saqatee (d.257AH) - rahimahullaah - said : " One of the best of the manners of the righteous is having a good heart as regards the brothers and to give them sincere advice."

Not Breaking Promises

Since this is from hypocrisy, and he 'alayhis - salaatu was - salaam said : " The sign of the hypocrite is three : When he speaks he lies, when he makes a promise he breaks it, and when he is entrusted he acts deceptively."

Sufyaan ath - Thawree (d.164AH)

- rahimahullaah - said :

" Do not make a promise to your brother and then break it, so that love turns to hate..."

Trials of Life

A man asked Imam ash-Shaafi'ee (rahimahullah) :

O Abu Abdullah ! Which is better for a man, that he is put to trial or that he is firmly established (i.e in safety, security, not being harmed).

The Imam replied :

" He will not be firmly established until he is put to trial. Indeed Allah tested Nuh, Ibraheem, Musa, 'Eesaa, and Muhammed, may Peace and Blessings be upon them all. When they showed patience then Allah established them (upon the land). So do not let anyone think that he will escape from suffering and harm ever."