< SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.>
 FAULT:   Glass being held at incorrect angle.
> ACTION:  Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.<

< SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.>
 FAULT:   Improper bladder control.
> ACTION:  Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.<

< SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.>
 FAULT:   Glass empty.
> ACTION:  Get someone to buy you another beer.<

< SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. >
 FAULT:   You have fallen over backward.
> ACTION:  Have yourself leashed to bar.<

< SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.>
 FAULT:   You have fallen forward.
> ACTION:  See above.<

< SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.>
 FAULT:   Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
> ACTION:  Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.<

< SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.>
 FAULT:   You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
> ACTION:  Get someone to buy you another beer.<

< SYMPTOM: Floor moving.>
 FAULT:   You are being carried out.
> ACTION:  Find out if you are being taken to another bar.<

< SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.>
 FAULT:   Bar has closed.
> ACTION:  Confirm home address with bartender.<

< SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.>
 FAULT:   Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
> ACTION:  Cover mouth.<

This recipe is for 30 gallons


50 lbs. 2 row
13 lbs. 40 degree caramel

12 oz Northern brewer

 6 oz Goldings
 3 oz Fuggels


Mash grain at 157 to 158 degrees for 1 hour

Total boil time is 60 minutes
Add hops like this---
8 oz at start of boil
4 oz at 20 minutes

Mix Goldings and Fuggels add half of mixture at 45 minutes
Add the other half at end

Ferment at 63 degrees for one week then rack 
to soda kegs and continue to 
ferment for another 6 days