HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVEY
My darling little lovey-

today is your day with memories surround us all here on earth.
What you brought into this world and what you left behind is amazing knowing your time here was short the impact was HUGE.
I miss you. Sharing with all who came into contact and spreading GOD's cheer is what life is about.

Searching for the inner peace once you left this world is still rough at times. Mommy is finding the peace in GOD.

This maybe your day however not everyone in heaven needs to take you for a walk today.
all my love and hope
MOMMY

Little Girl is turning 6
As most of you know our little girl would be turning "6" on 10/17/05. WOW!! hard to image.
Many changes in ones life. I am planning to make some ladybug cupcakes to have a pinic with her that day.
My memories carry me through 98% of the day and most days the remaining 2% I look to make new ones.
God's is good he is providing a new lifestyle and friends. TO know and witness the GRACE given to share with others and to have all of you share with us is amazing.

My love for my daughter is never ending and will always be -I miss being a family, I miss being a mommy. I pray that one day God's will fill my life with that someone special. Until that day I am finding the inner peace within myself and getting back on the right path of life to be connected.
I was so focused on getting past the first year of grieve/lost that I did not look beyond that time frame and now I find that for the last six months I have been over picking daisies. Trying to keep busy to fill that then realized how much was missing and what needed to be filled. Once again our church is doing a 40 days of community to help out reach to other in showing God's's love.
As you notice I am not posting daily just when the words are given to me. Stay strong and look up GOD is always there to help you in all that you do,
GOD BLESS,
Ruth

Happy Father's Day
Well seeing is how I have not sat and wrote anything in along time wanted to let everyone today is a new day.
I have posted a couple times on the older journal but forgot I had two journals in this setting.

Went to Seward Saturday with friends had a wonderful time. walking the fishing docks, went out in a boat, sat around the fireplace the went on a walk to Exit Glacier with all the bugs.
Enjoyed myself had a wonderful time knowing I was safe and in good company.

Now don't confuse me having fun and missing my daughter are two different heartfelt areas. Their is not a moment that goes by that my Lovey is not in my thoughts or a part of what I am doing. Moving forward in life is what its all about having FAITH helps me everyday. I often battle being alone I miss being a mommy and caring for the family. At this time in my life GOD and I are working out the details for the next chapter of my life. never know what the next chapter can bring.

GOD BLESS to you and your families,
Ruth

Its been one year
This blog is to my LOVEY, my thoughts, and heartfelt of missing you everyday.


My Dearest LOVEY,
Its been close to one year that your left this earthly world to go home to be free and run at the right side of our beloved JESUS-however my heart misses you daily in all that I do.
I talk to you nightly when I go to sleep after saying my prayers, holding some nights onto your baby dolls.
My love for the LORD is growing stronger as I have joined a Bible study group reading and thirsty for more knowledge.
As your mother I believed in the power of prayer knowing and being able to witness how mountains can be moved but how when your gave your life to CHRIST how many lives you can change bringing those to there knees.

IF it is only one soul you touched your mission on earth will be in ten fold in heaven.
You taught me to be humble, learning to ask for help, the unconditional love, forgiveness, heartfelt openness to make today a good day.
Today is a brand new day to love, live, laugh and dance.

I miss being a mommy, I miss the arguments at bedtime, I miss doing your meds, I miss you.

As I move forward in the next chapter of my life I am writing at home how many times you visit or I hear you in my dreams I listen for the voice of GOD in the stillness.

All my love, that I will have eternity with you in Heaven. IT is JESUS that holds my heart daily to move forward.

IN the name of JESUS<
love mommy

Happy Day of HEARTS
Tomorrow is the day to say Happy Valentine's Day
However I say Happy day of Hearts.

I just came home from house sitting with two teenager girls it felt really good to be needed like that. I made a hot breakfast daily, able to make lunches and making dinner every night was the biggest blessing I had.

I am now home for five days before heading down to San Franciso and Seattle to the conference to talk about "Losing a Child". This blessing in my life means alot to share the mission of my DESTINY,
the joy of Destiny's story being able to talk about her.

I would like to ask for your prayers to Lorie a friend of mine who has just started chemo for the third time- She has stage 2 lung cancer ( has beaten the breast cancer twice before) please lift her and her family up in prayer.

I will post in a couple of weeks. All my love and prayer to all of you.
GOD BLESS you today
Ruth

Valentines Day will soon be here
Valentines is the National Day to bring the "Heart Awareness" for heart defects there are 1000's of children born daily around the us with heart problems.


I have everything I could buy with hearts on them or in them. I just love this day not pun intended.
I am going to be staying with some kids while their dad travels for work.

Then I plan to travel 2/20/05 to San Francisco then Seattle and return home on the 2/27/05. I will speaking at a conference as a parent who has lost a child and how the support from the hospital helped me daily even today.

My last update was on my little buddy Landon- recently the TV did a story on him on KTUU and then newspaper wrote an article about the red tape that is holding him back from the treatment he could be receiving. Lift this family and many others up in prayer.
As you can see I really do not type as much as I used to with me helping me and others I try to post something every couple of weeks or so. I plan to post next on "The Day of Hearts" Valentine's Day.

My love and prayers goes out to all of you,
GOD BLESS your daily life.
Ruth

Update on Landon
We had a bake sale for Landon to help raise funds for he and his mother to go to UCLA this could be months upon months of a long stay.
The hearts of the people opened up and the funds that were raise in a two day notice was just over $1000 dollars.
Channel 2 KTUU finally did an updated story on the news covering Landon's story.

Landon is still in the hospital here in Anchorage this is going on 2 months. Please keep this family in your prayers to help them during this time.
Landon is now 15 pounds at the age of 2 he is starting to crawl and holding himself up to stand by himself. What an amazing site after all the ups and downs he goes through.

As for me I have been praying hard to help my heart with Christmas ending I do not know if I am able to take in a foster child and give them up or allow them to go back into the system with no emotions I could not do this like a job and let them go. I want to give my whole to taking care of the children but I want more then anything to give 100%.
My prayers at this time are to help other families and patience at the hospital I can understand that works and know how it feels to stay long visits.

The house is coming along I have finished painting the upstairs bathroom and working on putting up pictures. I love being at home the house is the heart of me.

With all my love,
Ruth

Happy New Year 2005
What a beginning of a new year for us all from the words of my pastor may this year be better and no repeats of 2004.

Its been a while since I have posted. Things are going good today Christmas Eve was very hard and emotional for the memories I have of Destiny was very overwhelming I went to church service and cryed most of the service. The comfort and love I was given know how many of you care was more then words could say.

Christmas day the family came over to my new house which was a big HUGE blessing. Then the tears flow was able to stop. As many of you know I often say "Today is a new day" The celebration Destiny had with Jesus this year is beyond words.

For New Year's Eve I invited some friends over for super the company was a very big blessing. My heart loves this man and he is I are such good friends that my heart breaks when he left. I know the friendship is more important in my life then a relationship with him and I treasure that decision.

My neighbor on the new year had a party until 3am so last night to say the least when they turned on there surround sound I just happen to start putting up pictures I said nothing on friday but it will not continue. One of my other issues right now is the people who let there dogs go potty in my yard and not clean up the mess drives me nuts. I just need to pray hard for these issues so I will have no need to fester over this.


Now on to my little buddy LANDON he is needing to go to UCLA Medical center to see the a specialist however the insurance the family had UCLA does not take. I am going to work on two fund raisers for this family.
1. A Spaghetti feed (no date in mind yet)

2. Selling "Butter Braids" desserts with different fillings- these will sell for $15.00 each with the family receiving 40% of the money. ( A special account has been set up for Landon at Alaska USA Federal Credit Union). Please lift this family in your prayers.

Many of you know I do not check my emails but weekly however I want to really thank you for the cards, emails and notes left by you to me and my family during the holiday season.

The heart of Destiny is in you and me as long as you remember her and think of the memories she gave you.

God Bles you each and every day in your daily walk.
Love Ruth

We had a beatiful day- on Thanksgiving
To much food I sent everyone home with a couple of bags of goodies. Still learning my oven my peaches and cream did not turn out to be the greatest I've made before but it was eatable.

My little buddy Landon is back in the hosptial will be stay until until the first of the year the doctors are in touch with another specialist in LA where they are looking at sending Landon they will be there from 4 to 6 months or longer if needed.

This little one opened my eyes and made me realized how much of a part of my part he is but more importantly how much of my life is a part of his.
Yesterday I was at the hospital with Family Action Counsel helping Santa with letters to kids.
Landon was walking down the hall with his parents holding his hands I came out of the room to see him he started crawling and talking up a storm to me. He shared his red sunglasses his mom had for him. Then he would look at the pictures with me on the laptop and smile when showing him a couple pictures of Destiny he would look at her then look at me and it touched my heart deeply to see into the child's eyes. So I then showed him pictures of himself and his family and he would laugh.
After going home and sleeping on this moment I realized how much I need them in my life to how much those eyes and smiles and laughs melt my heart.

I ask all of you to look into a child's eyes to see the wonder of life and what the purpose to show the children what GOD does daily in your life.

As Christmas approaches be safe and enjoy today-
As everyday.

Wow can you believe its almost Thanksgiving
From one day to the next its almost the end of another year. My church is finishing the 40 days of a Purpose Driven Life. HOW incredible I encourage all of you to read this book if you have not.
I have been blessed each and every day reading and going to a bible study we are going to continue with a new group in January.

I am putting the house together lately all the photos of the kids are from one end of the living room to the kitchen area on the floor in date order and school all are placed in frames now its time to start pounding on the walls. I placed all the frames on paper traced them, cut them out, putting this paper on the walls to see how the pictures will set without any holes being put into the walls now I am ready to hang them. SO do I be rude like neighbors and pound on the walls at 10:30pm to 1am as they are to me with there TV or music ---No that is not me nor would JESUS do that to them. I will watch during the days like fridays when both of them are at work and do as much work then.
Dad came over with my nephew and put in extra shelves in the laundry room for me they are beatiful. Now they will come back in a couple of weeks to put more in my walk in closet. I will wait for next summer to put some in there.

Today is a new day--Enjoy and make the best of it.


God Bless you all daily with what you do.
Love Ruth



P.S. HAPPY THANKSGIVING--

SAVE A TURKEY EAT BEEF--WE'RE GOING TO HAVE PRIME RIB