Blonde
Quickies..............
Q: What's the
difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!
Q: How can you
tell if a blonde was playing game on the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.
Q: What will a
blonde do to make her look more attractive?
A: She puts her ankles behind her ears.
Q: What do you
say to a Blonde that won't give in easily?
A: "Would you like to have another beer."
Q: What do
Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you Guys all in the same band?
Q: How do you
make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: By flashing a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a
screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: What does a
blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds
and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Why was the
blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.
Q: What do
peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What does a
blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you
call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: What do you
get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: Why did the
blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why do blondes
give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.
Q: Why did the
blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q: Why did the
blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: She was crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the
blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the
deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: Why did God
create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God
create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
Q: Why did the
blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the
blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why didn't the
blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and didn't want it blown
around too much.
Q: Why did the
blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did the
blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6
months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: Why did the
blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: What is the
blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
Q: What is blond,
brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A: A blond doing cartwheels.
Q: What is the
connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q: Did you hear
about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: Did you hear
about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times!
Q: What do a
moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Q: How do you
know when a blond has been in your fridge?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!
Q: What do a
blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
Q: What is the
difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray
Q: What's the
quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor.
Q: Where do
blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: How many
blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: Why don't they
let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: What happened
to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: What is the
irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A: The other guys waiting their turn.
Q: What the
blonde says when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the hairs'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
Q: What did the
blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: Why are dumb
blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: Why are
blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q: Why can't
blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: Did you hear
about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: What is a
blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q: Why was the
blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: Did you here
about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why can't
blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!
Q: When does a
brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: What's a
blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: What did the
blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Q: Why is a
blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
Q: Why is a
blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
Q: Did you hear
about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: What does a
blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q: Why is 68 the
maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q: What is the
difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Q: Did you hear
about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car
at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: What is the
definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q: Why is a
blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
Q: How would a
blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Q: Why is the
blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It usually swells at night.
Q: A blonde is
walking down the street with a pig under her arm. A passer by
asks her "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: What's a
blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: Why did the
blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q: What did the
blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: Why is it okay
for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: What happened
to the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q: What's
the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
A: When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.
Q: What's
the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs.
Q: What's
the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab?
A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
Q: How do
you give a blonde more headroom?
A: Adjust the steering wheel.
Q: Why did
the blonde have lip stick on her steering wheel?
A: She was trying to blow the horn.
Q: Why does
a blonde wear panties?
A: To keep her ankles warm.
Q: What is
the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q: How does
a blonde turn on the lights after having sex?
A: Opens the car door.
Q: What do
blondes and cow pies have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Q: Why
aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q: What did
the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
Q: Why is a
blonde like a turtle?
A: They are both screwed when they're on their back.
Q: What did
the blonde's mom say to her before she went out?
A: If you're not in bed by midnight, come home.
Q: What's a
blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: What is
the difference between a circus and a group of blondes?
A: At the circus you'll find a cunning array of stunts.
Q: What did
the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
A: She peed on her corn flakes.
Q: What did
the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the
overhead transparency?
A: She turned it over and used the other side.
Q: What did
the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra?
A: Thanks for the refill.
Q: What did
the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How does
a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do
you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: Why did
god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
Q: How do
you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How does
a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
Q: How does
a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q: How does
a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.
Q: How do
you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
Q: How do
you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How does
a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.
Q: How do
you drown a blond?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How do
you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
