Blonde Jokes
 

 

 

 

 
 

 Blondes ears burnt

A blonde walked into a doctor's office with both the ears burnt.
The doctor asked her, "What happened to your ear?"
The blonde replied, "I was ironing and the phone rang, instead
of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and put it to my ear.
The doctor asked, "Well, what about the other ear?"
"The  guy called again!
 

 'I've got mail'

A man was washing his car. His neighbor (the blonde) walks out, checks her mail box only to see that it's empty, goes back in the house.
Five minutes later, she comes out again, checks her mail box finds that it's still empty, and goes back in the house.
The third time she comes out, the neighbor asks her, "Excuse me, is there a problem?"
The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a problem. My computer keeps on telling me 'I've got mail!"
 

 "How did you die?"

Two blondes were waiting at the Pearly Gates and struck up a conversation.
First blonde says "How did you die?"
Second says "I froze to death".
First blonde says " Oh! Sorry, must have been awful."
Second blonde says "How did you die?"
First blonde says "I had a heart attack, I knew my husband was being unfaithful so I came home unexpectedly one day and rushed to the bedroom and found my husband alone reading. I rushed to the basement and nobody was hiding there, I rushed to the attic and still no one, and after all that rushing around I had a heart attack and died."
Second blonde says, "If only you'd looked in the freezer we'd both still be alive."

 
 

 Blonde and Capitals

A young blonde woman gets fed up of men trying to pick her up because she's a beautiful, blonde, and so men thought she was an easy pick. One day, she decides to smarten herself and show everyone. She decides to learn the capitals of all the fifty states. She practices hard until she knows them all. Finally, she is again ready to go out and saw people how smart she is. She goes to a bar sits down and orders a drink a guy comes up to her and starts conversation with her. It seems that guy just wants to take her home and have sex with her. The lovely blonde says emphatically, "But I'm not just beautiful! I'm smart too!" says the young blonde.
"Yeah, yeah. I believe you," says the young stud. "Now let's go." 
Again she protests. "No, really I am smart. I know the capitals of all the states."
The guy getting sick of her starts walking away.
The blonde follows him. "Really, go ahead ask me a state. I'll give you its capital and show you how smart I am."
Just to get rid of her, the guy says, "Fine. What's the capital of New Mexico?
The blonde smiles at him  and says. "New Mexico has two capitals: 'N' and 'M'."
 

It's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari

A blonde, who wanted to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and starts canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
The man who wanted to get his porch painted asked her "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 150 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and asked her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $150.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
 

 6 a'clock news

One day, a blonde walked into a bar and ordered her usual drink. And  asked the bartender to turn on the TV for 6 a'clock news. The new showed a man on the golden gate bridge threatening to put an end to his life.
The redhead next to her also watching, offered a bet to the blonde that man would eventually jump. The blonde jumped at the opportunity and said a definite yes. About 7 minutes later the man plunged to his death. The redhead was claiming her 50$ dollar prize when she confessed,
"I can't accept this, I saw this story at 12 o'clock. I knew what would happen".
The blonde replied "Yes you can, I saw the same story at 12, but I thought he had learned his lesson this time!"
 

 A blonde in the first class

A blonde holding an economic class ticket boards the airplane and takes a window seat in the first class section.The stewardess comes over to her and tells her to move to the economic class because she doesn't hold a first class ticket.
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm going by first class until we reach London."  
The disgusted stewardess calls the head stewardess who asks the blonde to move to the economic class .
The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm going by first class until we reach London."
The head stewardesses doesn't know what to do because still passengers were boarding and had to get them seated before take off and the blonde is causing  problem, so she calls the copilot. The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up collects her hand luggage and goes to her seat in the economic class.
The stewardess asks the copilot in surprise what he said to move her to the right seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane was not going to London."

The blonde and the farmer

There was a blonde who was so sick of blonde jokes she decided to cut her hairs and died it red. The jokes stopped and she felt so good, she was driving in the country side one Saturday afternoon. While on her drive, she noticed a flock of sheep and stopped the car to take in their beauty. She noticed the farmer just standing there watching too. She walked up to him asked some questions on raising sheep.
She then asked, "If I can guess how many sheep are in your flock, can I have one"?
The farmer agreed. She guessed, 400. The farmer said that was correct. So, go take your pick on which one you want. She went into the flock and then to her car.
The farmer stopped her, and asked, "If I can guess what your natural hair color is, can I have my DOG back"?