His parents could not be reached for comment, having fled the country after the recent unexplained burning of their home and the mysterious hanging death of Timmy's sister Laurie. Although they left their son in the care of the State, sources indicate that they would be able to tell many stories of his unique behavior.
Now Timmy has cancer. And like every red-blooded American kid, he has just one wish:
To see singer Michael Bolton shot through the eye with an arrow.
Here's how you can help. Please give generously to the Make-a-Wish Foundation, so we can help little Timmy fulfill his dream. Sources in the Bolton organization have already indicated their willingness to proceed with the plan, provided sufficient public interest could be generated.
"Mike's career has been in the crapper for a while now," said manager George Frobisher . "We think a live, onstage disfiguring injury or, better yet, actual death could be just the shot in the arm his flagging record sales need."
Bolton himself could not be reached for comment, as he has for some months been in self-imposed isolation, undergoing what staffers describe as "intensive vocal training".
"It's quite pathetic, really," one source close to the so-called singer said. "The rest of us have long ago accepted that Mike is a talentless buffoon, but he just keeps struggling for artistic validity. Look at that business of singing with Pavarotti a couple of years ago. Maybe the best thing anyone could do would be to shoot him through the eye with an arrow or something."
