NOV 30 05 - 6 down 4 more to go
Mood:  chillin'
Greetings in the Name of Our Lord Jesus Christ
I would like to share somethings in general & what I received from the prayer walk on Nov. 30.
Firstly I want to share that this has been a very difficult time for me. Not the walk, but my life & what I have been going through. I was laid off from a job I had for 5 years & was unemployed for 6wks. - just as my EI was to start I got a job doing well file conversion. However 6 wks after I started that the client company canceled the evening shift that I was on. In short, it did affect my collecting EI again & now am waiting to be reinstated in that. I don’t have a job & no money to pay for rent or groceries. When I was first laid off from this second job I flipped out, to say the least & for a few days was extremely depressed. Couple of weeks ago my fiancee did send me some money to help out. That was a blessing & a struggle & humbling for me. I have always been a very self-efficient person & have chosen to work. Even though I have plugged Heavenly Father for some kind of insight to this time period in my life I have received none. I do have some peace in my life, I am thankful for my friend & landlady who waits for when I do receive some money to put towards the low rent she has blessed me with. This is walking through the valley of shadows…is it death in some ways it is. Upon chatting with some close friends I have found that they are also in similar circumstances. So God what is going on ! It is to say the least an interesting scenario. I have purchased a few small gifts for family & even though I should be dismal about the whole season I am not. I have lots of cloth and creative ideas that I am able to make presents from.
WHY am I sharing this…. A- for prayer - I have applied for quite a few positions & have not received any yet.. I have recieved 2 responses - one at the post office & they say if I get the on call postal clerk, I may not be called & if I work I wouldn’t get piad till mid Jan…. the second for a seismic company, but after the interview I was contacted back that they did not have enough work themselves to hire me. I would like to pay my basics but most importantly I would like to be able to work.
B To share about determination… not that I have it in myself , I am a whimp & have been bugging God relentlessly… it is through Him, I can take no credit, for His lifting me up to push forward on what He has asked me to do. I could have chucked the walk - what purpose is it achieving anyways… how we can be plagued with many thoughts like that. But when He says lift your head & look beyond - one must. Look beyond to what I don’t know at this point nor do I see anything yet… concrete that is. But the walk is not worthless. He will so something… smiling.
THE PRAYER WALK OF NOV 30
Did I debate to whether I was going out to do it seeing it was -10oC or so. No. When I was involved with the St. Luke’s Jericho walk we did it when it was -30 & storming. And yes it was up hill both ways… sorry couldn’t but chuckle. So yesterday was not really anything too difficult. I asked Him what He wanted to talk about that day. It wasn’t a hugely profound conversation nor lengthy. But He spoke about grieving. Brentview you are going through a grieving process. Yes you are pushing forward to things ahead but in the movement there is also grief. Grief in those who have attended Brentview for years & now a dramatic change is coming. You will not be the same ever again. There is no turning back. But how things will unfold from this point forward is determined in how you handle the grief among you & how you pursue the Lord. For those who are excitedly running after the Lord in the concept that He will move on Brentview that is great, but do not forget those who are grieving. Look upon them & ask Father - What can I do to encourage them to either catch Your vision or to look forward to Your move. Let us not patronize them but smile upon them with love & draw them to see Him in our midst.
To whether one has the doors of the church open on Christmas day or not; is not an option nor should be a subject of debate. I will leave behind my theory platform & state this….. We as a body of believers are representatives of the Lord Jesus Christ among the world around us. How does it appear if we close our doors & say ‘sorry we won’t be celebrating the Lord’s birth-day with you, you’re on your own.’ Harsh words perhaps - a jolt of hey look at our actions & the consequences. For those who may or may not come, will seek out other places of worship - I am not saying that they will be Godly places.. but there are other institutes that present themselves as ‘Christians’ & are distant from Father’s hearts. Is there grief in this… yes… Christ’s grief.. for as our brothers in Yahweh, the Jews, have done this before & we are now following in their footsteps and have slowly closed off our faith in God to the world. Yes… this is a thought to consider… whether it is true on the whole, perhaps not. But look inward. Have we… or have we not. Where else is the grief in this… for those who do not have a family on that day to be with.. where do they go.. Can they come to church if even for an hour & celebrate the love & excitement of what Father has given to us so that we might live. No. They will be alone. Is it a success if only 20 come that day. Would Christ’s death been a success if only 1 person came to know Him.. yes. For success should not be thought of or measured against worldly standards.
There is another point I would like to bring forward. First in a form of a question. Do you know who is outside your doors & what they are doing?
As I started my walk I chatted with the fellow who is going to put up another section of the fence around the new parking lot.. yes it will make the walk more difficult.. but that is beside the point & something that is easily overcome…. I chatted a little with him at the beginning, then proceeded to walk. Laurel joined me a few minutes later. Her & I walked & talked while he worked trying to break up the frozen ground so that he could plant the posts to hold the fence boards. Then the last steps came & I went to my van & contemplated the rest of my time. I backed up & was about to drive away. Heavenly Father said… he needs a hot coffee… yes, my first thought was, why doesn’t the people inside the church take care of that. God’s reply was - they don’t know . So I drove to Wendys & got coffee for the landscape fellow. When I came back I asked the man if he was ready for coffee… a surprised look came first then a big smile as he replied sure could use one. I handed him the coffee & wished him a good day. Do I want kudos for that… no not really… what I want is to learn from that.. who is outside my door who Father wants me to touch today. Yes I can stay inside where it is nice & warm & fill my thoughts with what I deem very important.. but what does Father deem important. Where are His thoughts. Is the fellow doing the landscaping a Christian.. I don’t know.. if not will he come to the Lord because I gave him coffee… don’t know that either… the thing is I saw him, he was outside my door, he was working in the cold, & Father said warm him… so I did. There could be nothing more to that. Like there could be nothing to the smile you give the person next to you in that lengthy seasonal line or the ‘thank you I appreciate your being here to serve me’ to that clerk who has been harassed by the hordes of unpleasant shoppers. Simple things.. His way.
Smile…
I am off now to see if EI will reconsider the 6 week waiting period they have put on my - reactivated claim & honour their word that it would only take 24 hours due to the first layoff. Plus I have some studying & sewing to do.
Bless you
Candace

Half way there - 5 more to go
Mood:  incredulous
There has been a lot of things happening in my life as of late. The week of the 9th I had to finish the second portion of my course, so was pressed for time & not able to type down what I had. The week of the 16th brought another interesting event. My evening shift was canceled & was not able to collect EI due something regarding having the job through a placement agency….grooooaaaannnn. It is not fun not knowing when one is going to get any money next. Tense. Did I flip out…yep..for the last week & half. I have been laid off before but this time the stress seemed even more intense. Whew.. Father I believe has now lessened the load. We walked in the afternoon due to my having an interview in the morning.
In short, yes this all has hindered me from hearing all that I probably could from Heavenly Father. I shall try to remember what I have heard. Laurel - if I get something out of place & or don’t remember it all let me- us - know & comment on the blog.
The 9th Father spoke of reasoning again. I will try to put this how He did. To reason as a fool, is like someone trying to reason about something they know nothing about. To reason like an intellectual one stands a good chance in reasoning away all Truth. He told me about the Jewish Rabbis & how they debate the Torah so much so they tend to confuse each other. But the one who can do it the best is held in high regard & thought of being extremely wise. However… have they reasoned away the Truth?
I had the feeling Father was warning me - us. To be careful in our reasoning with Him, His Word…etc.
The 16th He spoke about responsibility. What is our responsibility? As Christians. Are we fulfilling our responsibilities on all levels? As we walked & conversed that day I shared with Laurel about our responsibility to a group or church or individuals when we are shown something from Father. It is not up to us to run out & tell them, unless it is a prophetic unction Father has laid on our heart to speak out right away. Instead we must go to Father & ask Him what He would like us to do with the understanding. Part of that responsibility is praying in form of a blessing. Here again we must ask Father - how do I phrase this? For example - Brentview on the whole would like to see god move on the church. But to many it is a scary thing for we do not know what it entails , what is going to look like, what is He going to do? So if one has the knowledge that Father is going to move, how would one pray? First we know everyone has to be in the right position spiritually in order to flow with His Spirit. Heavenly Father, in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I ask how would you like me to pray for Brentview right now - In the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ I bless the congregation of Brentview, from the oldest to the youngest. The ones who have been there for a long time, the new comers & the ones yet to come, with the ability to open themselves up to Your move. Bless them with a thirst & hunger to desire you to a deeper depth. Bless them with an on going desire that will not stop, but one that would aid them to lay their lives down to You & greet Your move with open arms. Thank you Lord.
Nov 23.
This afternoon Laurel patiencely listened as I shared my turmoil with her. Then she asked a question which Father answered later. Is there anything that parallels what is happening to you? Father started off saying - you have dissension in yourself. Then brought my mind to Neh. I had remembered that when I spoke to Pastor Dave in the spring that the Lord said that Brentview would have a Nehemiah anointing… I won’t go into that in detail right now… I know that when a prophetic person is assigned to a church by the Lord, that person goes through situations in their lives that will reflect their connection. Part of what I am going through is this. The dissension He referred to was within myself. In the verse we see contention amongst the Jewish people.
Neh. 4:10 Meanwhile, the people in Judah said, "The strength of the laborers is giving out, and there is so much rubble that we cannot rebuild the wall." 11 Also our enemies said, "Before they know it or see us, we will be right there among them and will kill them and put an end to the work." 12 Then the Jews who lived near them came and told us ten times over, "Wherever you turn, they will attack us."
In mine - our dissension within ourselves it is between the soul & spirit. I spirit tells us to trust & believe in the Lord & not at what others say to us. Our soul - in my case - wants to freak out over the situation & doesn’t want to listen to the Lord. We then enter into turmoil. Is it to be expected? In some ways yes, but we are not to fear it when it comes verse 4:14 …….Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes."
The Key remember the Lord… our spirit yearns to rise to that occasion to remember the Lord & all He has said & promised. As we press our soul towards the Lord the dissension begins to quiet within us. So to it will in the church.
Now we have some understanding.. what is our responsibility of it. Simply to pray that the Lord would press upon us as individuals & Brentview collectively when dissension seems to begin to rise.
A lot to take in - would like to hear your comments.

Wed Nov 2 - second time 8 to go
Mood:  chatty
Nov. 2/ 05
Can it be November already! The snow indicates that it is, though we are still officially in fall.
What a delightful blessing I had this morning. I was late getting to the church for the walk & there, was Laurel Braun & her daughter walking. Laurel, it was a blessing, for only moments before I questioned God on the importance of this walk. I can’t say it has been a real struggle, for it hasn’t just more me questioning. But in that questioning Father chose today to talk a little bit more about reasoning. How He started it off was with realizing - to realize His presence is with us. To this He added that there are 3 levels… 1- universal, for us to realize that His presence is always about us whether we are believers or non-believers, for He is the Creator of not only Heaven & earth but us as well. 2- in a group - for when 2 or more are gathered I am there… His promise of His presence. This is where He may intensify His presence or withdraw it… yes with draw it… I have been in gatherings where we felt the Presence of the Lord with draw.. I wish that experience on no one, it is sickening & grievous. But this does depend upon the unity of our hearts as believers. 3- the intimate presence of God. This is the most powerful presence of our Lord and even more so when this intensity comes in a group of believer. Have I experienced this.. yes.. the awe that washes over is almost indescribable. This is Father’s heart desire that we as His followers, lovers, experience, individually & corporately. This should be our ultimate goal… to be with God to that degree.
Now to reasoning…. We can reason with ourselves that we are in the presence of God when we are not. We can reason with ourselves that we are not in God’s presence when we are. We can reason ourselves into & out of anything we want. For our thoughts are the inner essence of our being. Here we reason with the enemy, with others, ourselves & God. Here is the private sanctuary till we decide to allow others in. Today I returned a last minute call. I didn’t have to but I chose, for I reasoned with myself that there would be no one else there at Brentview waiting to walk with me… even though there was that voice that said people are waiting…. Yes I am sheepishly grinning… I reasoned with myself that what I was doing was not important. But I did not reason with Heavenly Father. If I had I feel I would have been on time. While walking He said do not reason on your own, reason with Me & through Me the decisions of your life, no matter how minute or small you perceive it to be. This way you gain a deeper level of intimacy. I know this, and I had let this concept slid as I had reasoned about other things in my life & allowed that reasoning to take precedence over insight He had given me. And yes reasoning can take on a form of arguing with Father. IE. Brentview… I had just left another church a few months before I came to Brentview. One day as I drove by Brentview the Lord said there is where you will go next. Yes I did reason with Him by saying.. no way, you got to be kidding.. I know the history there. On the way back home I once again past Brentview & Father nudged me.. I shook my head no. My reasoning was not only based on the history that I knew about Brentview but what I had experienced in my life. I knew that He was not sending me to Brentview to sit & soak in but to serve & serve with my prophetic gift & other giftings that I have. After a few Sundays attending I reasoned once again with Father.. no. I did not want to come out of hiding & use my prophetic giftings for a congregation any congregation. There is a background for this. But with this reasoning, I wanted to be faithful to Him, so in a sense I was reasoning through Him. I am here now serving at Brentview, not because of anything in me or of me, merely because of God. I want to serve Him & those in His love the way He wants me to. Who am I ! that is the question we all ask. Who am I! The answer is no one. But in reasoning through Him it becomes… I am a servant of Christ, that He may be glorified & honoured & so that others may come to know Him in a greater depth. The main denominator in the reasoning shifts from ‘me’ to Him. We thus begin to reason with Him & through Him.
I went to the sanctuary after the walk today to pray… as lead in prayer I noticed that Father not only wanted me to thank Him for what I was He was yet to give & what He had given but also for that which He did not give. For that He had not given that I had requested, for it was through His wisdom He has chosen not to give it to us. Thank you Lord for your love through that act. Then He laid upon my heart Jeremiah 29:10 This is what the LORD says: "When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place. " I reasoned to understand the why of this scripture… 2 fold 1- personally, He moved me to focus in on the later portion .. I will come to you and fulfill my gracious promise to bring you back to this place… Through my hiding & his slow withdrawing me from it.. I got confused & wandered a distance from Him. Yet I remembered that which I had with Him & longed for it. Through this scripture He showed me His promises are always fulfilled & everlasting, even those promises we are not aware He has made with us. 2ndly with Brentview… wandering is a slow migration off a path for a congregation & Father places those who are faithfully asking for His steerage.. this is a promise to them that it will be fulfilled by His grace.
Bless you all today

Oct 31 05 Morning walk in the Park
Mood:  special
Topic: Prayer Walk
Good Morning… I have been praying about getting up earlier then I have been since starting to work nights. Today was the day & I went for a walk in centennial park. As I walked I prayed. Yesterday was a sleeping day for me, & at one point I questioned the Lord what was the point. This is normal for me, specially when I get tired or am in pain like I have been with my arthritis the last few weeks. This morning he drew my attention to Brentview to answer that question. He did so to encourage you & others with the point of our significance in Him. I thought at first His reference was a little odd, but in the mysterious ways Father chooses to do things to reveal His thoughts is always deeply touching. Drawing me to think about Paul-Saul during his time of blindness. What did Saul think of while blind? Did he see the holiness of God? Obviously he was conversing with Christ for the Lord said to Ananias that Saul was. Then Father mentioned to me that through our humbleness of salvation we finally see our insignificance compared to his vastness. But we also begin to see our significance through our humbleness in Him.
Acts 9:7-11 (NIV)7The men traveling with Saul stood there speechless; they heard the sound but did not see anyone. 8Saul got up from the ground, but when he opened his eyes he could see nothing. So they led him by the hand into Damascus. 9For three days he was blind, and did not eat or drink anything. 10In Damascus there was a disciple named Ananias. The Lord called to him in a vision, "Ananias!" "Yes, Lord," he answered. 11The Lord told him, "Go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul, for he is praying. 12In a vision he has seen a man named Ananias come and place his hands on him to restore his sight."

~ Father continued to say that is through Saul’s unrighteous pride that he display what he thought of as his significance, that was in ridding the Jewish world of Christians.
Acts 8:3 (NIV) But Saul began to destroy the church. Going from house to house, he dragged off men and women and put them in prison.

Heavenly Father posed questions - How is your faith? How do you do things? Is your focus on Me or do you get my insight then run with how you want to do it? How is Brentview’s faith? Where do they get their momentum from? Do not be like Paul when he thought he was in the righteous right. Be rather like Paul when he was humble and knew he earned nothing and knew of his own personal worth was nothing. Know your worth through Me & do all things through Me is prayer & supplication. Think of those who died who Saul murdered. What was their significance? Has it impacted you today? It has, for it was through their prayers that you have meet Me & gained. Think of their deaths, for they did have impact not only of that day but on this day too. Reflect now on My death & it’s impact on your life presently. For through your striving of significance your worth through Me has been lost.

Have a good day today, for our significance is in our worth through Christ.
Candace

Oct. 29 05 - 4am - more understanding
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Prayer Walk
Oct. 29 05 - I was having a hard time sleeping, @ 4am I began to pray & wondered about what He had given me regarding Brentview…. He asked me what I heard first.. Realize, then He gave me a scripture… Matthew 25:6
(NIV)6"At midnight the cry rang out: 'Here's the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!
(KJV)6And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him.
I began asking Him what He was referring to…
Heavenly Father - Who is the main topic of the verse, He asked
me - the Bridegroom..
Heavenly Father - Who’s presence do you want to realize
me - Yours Lord, Jesus Christ, our Bridegroom
Then He asked
Heavenly Father - What are you doing…
me - Reasoning
Heavenly Father - Reasoning what
me - reasoning with you for understanding.
Heavenly Father - Then what do you do
me - I am responsible in passing along what you have shown me in a concise way where other’s will understand & draw closer to You..
Heavenly Father - And…
me - and realize Your presence…
Heavenly Father - whose presence….
me - Christ’s our Bridegroom.
Heavenly Father - What is your conclusion Candace …
I went on the internet & looked up in a Bible concordance to se what they had to say….
Jamieson, Fausset & Brown Bible commentary
6. And at midnight--that is, the time when the Bridegroom will be least expected; for "the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night"
there was a cry made, Behold, the Bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him--that is, Be ready to welcome Him.

I began to type this up & reading over what He had said & my responses, trying still to grasp what He was really getting at. Heavenly Father told me to step back & look at it comparatively to Brentview….
As I read over the commentary, I pondered on what seemed to be the obvious, yet wondered if it was really that simple, ofcourse I love the complex, yet it is the simple that will confuse the wise.
So what can be my conclusion -
Heavenly Father, what conclusion I draw I only do - comparatively, partly Lord, for it is in Your understanding that I see Your deepth not mine. Father remove any veil that separates me from Your thoughts, your sight & let me see.
Heavenly Father in like doing - move upon the congregation of Brentview so any veils of apprehension will be removed from their eyes & they will enter into a new realm of understanding. Father this is not too great of a task that I ask Lord… you did so in Nineviah, & you also did it in Moraviah. Father you moved upon nation after nation, upon hearts through out the centuries & drew people to see you & know you. Lord have mercy upon Brentview, our shallowness of human beings, Let our eyes be open …
let us realize Lord… [I feel I am too look up in the thesaurus for others words meaning realize & coninue praying from them]
understand - beyond our ability to do so,
grasp - take hold Father of the knowledge of you presence,
comprehend - who you are in a deeper respect & in a wider spectrum of our concept Lord,
recognize - You - for You Christ said the sheep would know your voice.. Lord let us know your voice & in that voice your Being with us, so that we may -
apprehend You…oh Lord to apprehend you Father.. it is hard to fathom that Lord..to catch you..yet is that not what you desire us to do Father..to catch you as we allow ourselves to be caught by you and have been caught by you and we place ourselves in position to continually be caught by you Lord…Come Lord sink it deeper into us…soak it into us Father,
accomplish - it is an accomplishment Lord..how I think of things here on earth we try to accomplish but all.. everything pales & disintegrates next to the accomplishment of us realizing the fullness of you Being with us..can I accomplish Lord…can we at Brentview accomplish Father..O your heart beats with excitement that we do..Lord how unworthy we are of this yet you have looked upon us & deemed us worthy..that very thing in itself is an accomplishment.. that we understand that very essence of it,
effectuate - for it is your very desire that we achieve this…you have fashioned us to do so..now Lord it comes to us.. what is our desire, what is my desire Father.. at this very moment I desire it tremendously but I know me too well & my fickleness.. it is only through you Lord that I can reach inside to obtain that very thing that you created in me to achieve the realization of you here,
acquire - I have acquired a taste from the little that you have exposed me to of your presence.. it wow’s my senses Father, yet I know there is more.. more you.. Lord move upon those in Brentview so that you may not have to hold back or with draw due to their inability to realize you there and realize Father there is only joy to feel and not fear,
gain - we are the ones to gain Father .. for in this we begin to reach out to touch the potential in us.. the potential to not only realize you presence with us but to live fully in your presence.. it is to our benefit.. nothing we are worthy of, nothing we have worked for, nothing that we ourselves do.. Lord it is all through you & from you & because of you.. O Father how wonderful & merciful you are.. you see our deepest sins our frailties & shallowness yet you step forth to embrace us.
Yeah Lord at a time we least expect we will hear a call…. The Bridegroom comes, go out & meet Him..
Then rise us up Father to reason with you in prayer & supplication to have all this ingrained in us so it is in the essence of our being. And in that reasoning Lord we will know our responsibility & how to fulfill it the way You Lord desire in Your heart for us to do.
Yahweh - Yahweh.. thank you Lord

First Week - Wednesday Oct. 26 05
Mood:  bright
Topic: Prayer Walk
I prayed one evening for a word for Brentview Baptist. I received it and also received an action word. The Lord said that there would be a Prayer walk around the outside of Brentview. 10 weeks, 7 times around the outside of it. I was to do the first week without telling anyone till it was finished. Then for the following weeks invite others to join me. I felt I was to begin a blog so those who are participating & leadership will be able to view the progress.

Week One -
I wasn't quite sure that I could make it around the church 7xs. I said to Father 'if you want me to then give me the strength & I will be obedient to You.' He did & I walked the whole 7xs about the building. As I walked I prayed for understanding & what to pray for. He said nothing till the third time about. Then gave me 3 words, realize, reason, responsibility. Realize - recognize God’s presence & His giftings to His people. Reason - reason out with the Lord what one sees, hears & feels to understand to a fuller degree & how to apply it. Responsibility - to handle the info that has come out of the reasoning & the people.
I know there is more He would like to say about these 3 words but I have not been able to sit down & persue Him in prayer for the depth. When I am able to I will add to this.


If you would like to comment on this drop me a line @ candace_barlow@hotmail.com.
God Bless
Candace