RfTF
Chapter 12
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(The part of The Cheeks Candria will now be played by Hallie Eisenberg, a.k.a. the Adorable Pepsi Girl.)
JUST ABOUT EVERYONE: NOOOOOOOOO!
MAD: Mistress, if you send her in here, I will strangle myself with Fernando's Village People sash.
THE BIG CHEEKS: I’m sorry, Mr. Maddening, I’m already off to do that myself. I have the Pepsi jingle stuck in my head now, you see, and I have no other option. Actually . . . I believe Remiel’s time in The Comfy Chair is up in about 7 seconds. Yes, yes, that will work nicely. Carry on!
(she poofs, and Remiel appears in the room)
REMIEL: M-mad? Oh . . . oh my god . . . MAD! It’s you! Oh, it was so horrible. The cushions were so squishy, and offered me no support at all, and, and, and . . . * grins * Is that Honor Thy Father? Awriiiiight!
MAD: REMIEL! * throws a slobbering Candria onto the bed * There are only three paragraphs left! You may have the honors! * begins to breathe hard and wipes cold sweat off his face * We just might live through this! Yeehaw! Take that, fanfiction.net, you hoor!
For a while, they just sat there together, holding each other close. Soon, Draco’s crying subsided, and a peaceful silence filled the room, only to be broken by a surprised gasp from Harry.
“Shit! Lunch is over in five minutes, Draco. We better get to Filch’s meeting place for detention, or we’ll earn ourselves another one!” Harry scrambled to his feet, and helped Draco up. His eyes were still slightly red from crying, but he was none the worse for wear.
REMIEL: Way to break the mood. “Draco, you’re my everything . . . GOD DAMN FUCKING SHIT!” And all that took only 25 minutes? The hell? Screw this, I’m headin’ back to that chair . . . even the soothing, ergonomic, marshmallow-like quality of that giant, plush, * shudder * soft leather armchair is better than THIS. And I don’t care HOW many beautiful cherubs rub my feet this time, or how many delicious martinis with sunbeam and rainbow chasers I’m forced to drink!
MAD: * tackles it to the ground * We. Are. Not. Finished. With. This. Mofo! You will stay here and read this with me! Hehehe! HEEEEEE! * cackles and begins pulling out tufts of hair * None the worse for wear? Damn straight. Draco's got an ass of steel!
Hurriedly, Draco and Harry of them ran out of the room, and down the corridor. They both knew that their relationship was never going to be the same because of Draco’s confession. The simple fact that he had worked up the courage to tell Harry the truth, and that Harry still loved him after this had increased their already strong love, and built between them, a bridge of complete trust and unwavering strength.
MAD: "Draco and Harry of them?" What the hell does THAT mean? Complete trust . . . yeah, that must be why they're not comfortable with telling people they're gay. "What? Draco said I'm his hot momma? No way! I'm so hetero, I got a different girl in my bed every night. Totally. Queers suck!" That's . . . that's it, isn't it? It's DONE. * bursts into high- pitched giggles * It's DONE! It's done done done done done! * screams suddenly and drops to the floor *
REMIEL: * clicks furiously on the list of chapters * No more? No more? NO MORE, MAD! There’s no more! There’s . . . no . . . more! * squeals and lands on the floor next to Mad, then peers at him suddenly * Um, well hello there. This . . . isn’t going where I THINK it is, is it?
CANDRIA: Hehehehehegaaaaaahgurglehee.
MAD: * draws dirty pictures on his floor with a rainbow-colored Crayon * So then I says to Mabel I says that I ain't gonna listen to all her shit anymore and then Mabel says well Mabel says I'm a funny boy 'cause my thingy does this weird thingy and I says to Mabel I says you know you like it you sweet woman you all of you sweet women 'cause you're all named Mabel. Moooooooooooooooooooooommy! I go tinkle now. * begins to cry *
REMIEL: Okay, not exactly what I had in mind, what with being on the floor together and all. Not that I had anything in mind, but not what I thought you’d have on YOUR mind, you understand. Um, Mad? I don’t think you should draw things like that . . . it’s dangerously close to Fernando’s sigil, for one thing, and for another, ew.
THE BIG CHEEKS: You’ve done well, Cheekses. Now, the three of you . . . report to the interview room immediately.
MAD: * waves his middle finger at the ceiling * I don't have to listen to you, coppers! You're going down! Damn the man! * gets up and runs out of the room * Catch me, Gingerbread Man, catch me! I'm the Court Jester of Heeeeeeeeell!
CANDRIA: * stands up suddenly * Mad! You left your bag of Magical Silver Alicorn Flowers behind! If you don’t keep it in your pancreas at all times, the Spinosaurus that lives in my ceiling will catch up to you! Maaaad! * delicately lifts a dirty gray sock very carefully, perhaps as if it contained flowers, and runs after Mad * There’s, a radio in my fingernail, CAR!
THE BIG CHEEKS: * heaves a sigh * I’ll get them there. Remiel, you round up Cherim, Fernando, Venrial, and Hamlet. You guys aren’t done yet. * sweeps majestically out of the room *
REMIEL: (sits frozen on the floor for about 5 minutes, staring into space. Suddenly, it gets up carefully, goes to the door, closes it, heads over to Mad’s jewelry box, and pulls out Mad’s class ring, which it then slips onto its finger) Oh yesssss! MY PREC—
(and at this point, we lose the feed.)
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THE BIG CHEEKS' FINAL NOTE: Well, children, how are you feeling? Sore in all the right places? Good! We'd again like to thank Wyrd Sista187 for being . . . well, wyrd. Hur. If she adds any more chapters, we'd love to read them and continue with our MST epic. Until that time, stay tuned for our epilogue to this MST. We just might answer our fanmail! And trust me, we get a ton of it already so if we don't answer yours, please don't feel unloved. We love you all dearly. And we have another project in the works! Yes, folks, if you thought this was bad, you won't believe what's coming up soon. It will hurt like a red-hot poker jammed in your eye. No foolin'. Now then, if you'll excuse me, I need to attend to my wounded Cheekses. Kool-Aid, lithium, and sex games coming right up!