WEBMASTER'S NOTE: I've compiled this information based upon a few presumptions: the nominal price of mobile-based gasoline in 1985; approximate map directions and driving times, taken from Mapquest; and the assumption that the Howards' total mobile-home costs include an initial week's worth of food (though the movie shows the Howards at a couple of restaurant stops, they never actually eat out, anywhere). If any webviewers have far more up-to-date information than in my primitive methods, feel free to E-mail me here. -- Lost in America Webmaster

Day 1

Drive from Los Angeles, CA., to Silver Bell Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas, NV., 4 hours and 33 minutes, 268.95 miles. Have wife get all hedonistic and suggest spending an X-rated night in a Vegas hotel before re-marrying.

Drive from Silver Bell Wedding Chapel to The Desert Inn*, Las Vegas, NV., 10 minutes, 2.91 miles. Bribe the concierge $100 for junior bridal suite.

Day 2

Awaken at 6:00 a.m. and discover that wife has spent $144,198 at inn's casino. Eat a comp'd breakfast at inn's diner while asking pointless rhetorical questions about what you did to deserve this.

6:30 a.m.: Have hilarious but ultimately futile conversation with casino manager.

Drive from Desert Inn to Hoover Dam, NV., 11 minutes, 3.19 miles. Blast tirade at wife, who temporarily separates from you to hitch ride with escaped convict. Follow wife and convict to local greasy-spoon restaurant, and get bloody nose courtesy of escaped convict. Retreat to motor home.

Briefly drive and reminisce about previous proceedings while exceeding local speed limit. Get pulled over by local cop with mojo for Jack Nicholson. Use Easy Rider as reference to evade $150 speeding ticket.

Proceed to Safford, AZ., 12 hours and 15 minutes, 453.23 miles. Declare Safford as permanent residence based on tired feet. Have night of extraordinary sex with wife.

Day 3

Eat exquisite piece of toast. Walk to local pharmacy and pointlessly inquire about "Help Wanted" sign in window. Proceed to local employment office to get endlessly tweaked about previous salary by local officer. Accept demeaning job of school crossing guard.

Day 4

Proceed to first and last day of job as crossing guard. Return to mobile home, quiz wife about equally demeaning job at local Der Wienerschnitzel, declare plan to accept previously-offered job and eat copious amounts of dung. Take off in middle of night and cop out on local mobile-community bill for one day of service.

Day 5

Drive from Safford, AZ., to Houston, TX., 17 hours and 41 minutes, 1,000.28 miles.

Drive from Houston, TX., to Mobile, AL., 7 hours and 55 minutes, 468.49 miles.

Day 6

(The movie doesn't indicate any night-to-day break here, but if you can drive for over 24 hours without seeing a sunset, more power to you.)

Drive from Mobile, AL., to Big Peach landmark in Gaffney, SC., 3 hours and 19 minutes, 193.03 miles.

Drive from Gaffney, SC., to Charlotte, NC., 54.38 miles, 60 minutes.

Drive from Charlotte, NC., to Washington, DC., 6 hours and 47 minutes, 398.81 miles. (According to the movie, David has now driven approximately 37 hours without sleep, but remember, he's "hyper on this high but it's real, it's real!")

Day 7

Drive from Washington, DC., to New York, NY., 3 hours and 59 minutes, 227.12 miles. Eat copious amounts of shit and declare the journey a triumph.

Total cost of road trip:

$145,000.00

-144,198.00 at casino

- 100.00 for junior bridal suite

- 622.00 for gas for Winnebago

__________

$ 80.00 remaining

* Actually, this is no longer possible. The Desert Inn closed on August 28, 2000. -- Lost in America Webmaster

Go to:
Home page