Scabs of 2000

Hey look! it's Dave Lomez! Dave also known as the self-titled, "DL" is a longtime compatriot of the cuddlebreeders. he took over keith's spot and started taking over the newsletters too! what can't this guy do? well for starters, he can't finish his high school education, he can't hold a steady realtionship, and he can't drive 55. Yet another native canadian (at least he's from Quebec), Dave makes everyone laugh with his funny t-shirts (Alive with Pleasure. hahahaha!) and overall sense of self.
Email Davey: dave.lomez@cuddlebreeders.zzn.com

Height: stud

Weight: 180, 195 with mullet

Hair: flowing

Eyes: most weekends bloodshot

Blood type: Quebecanese (ugh)

Occupation: Chick Magnet

Another Pamer! How many are there? Heres Dan (brother of the infameous Greg) from Washington DC. Actually hes in the hurting suburb of WALDORF (SMIB). Dan is wasting your tax dollars working for the Navy on computer. We better not say anything real bad or he'll hack us. Rumor has it Dan likes to cruise in his Jetta and listen to Leaf Garret. Dan listens to the same whiney nerd rock that former-CB Keith does. Cry me a river. He used to be in a band but the kicked him out! He deserves it too. Good Charlotte is better anyway. Email Dan: alskapone2@aol.com

Height: six cubits

Weight: we all know...

Hair: matchbox twenty

Eyes: blue boy

Blood type: related to Keith (ugh)

Occupation: missile launcher

Are you ready for the "big game"? Mike sure is! He totally sold us out and moved to the hurtingest Atlanta area. Forget trying to breathe oxygen Mike. I guess he finally earned enough money after mowing lawns for five years. We had to steal his picture from a Calvin Klein ad. Mike practices the dark art of chiropracting. He can be seen late-nights playing his Casio keyboard and singing kareoke at Bucks. E-mail MIke: mgp911@yahoo.com

Height: regular joe
Weight: wait for the "freshman 10"
Hair: german black
Eyes: twinkle
Blood type: marching band
Occupation: being brainwashed by chiropracting

Rock and Roll never dies! This is Tina. Doin the scene in San Diego is what she's all about. But she knows California doent hold a candle to Ohio so she comes out here often. Whether housing hungarians or riding the waves, tina does it with style. But she cant do either without corrective lenses because her eyes are terrible. She comes from a huge family so send money for food. At least she has a cool email address! E-mail Tina: tinas@cuddlebreeders.zzn.com

Height:shorty pants
Weight: little bo peep
Hair: brown and blonde mix.
Eyes: near-sighted
Blood type: hungo-german
Occupation: surfer chick

Born in Sweden, screwed up and now in Canada, heres George with the Material Girl herself! This is a special scab because this week is Georges birthday. Were not going to discuss his age, seeing as he happens to be slightly less then twice Keiths age. George likes wreaking vehicles! He managed to "lay down" his motorcycle and total his Escort Wagon in less then a month. Ladies beware. George can seduce you with his Jack Nicholson eyebrows and smooth talking. Unfortunetly he was a big disapointment in the "Six lbs. Burger Challange" of 2000. E-mail George: george.pfeiffer@sympatico.ca

hut hut Height!:
Weight: healthy
Hair: salt-n-pepper homeless cut
Eyes: brownie?
Blood type: swedish meatball
Occupation: rocket scientist

This is the only picture we have of Melody because shes from SoCal, SoHurting. She has obviously has picked up her jive-talking from the mexican immigrant neighbors. An avid supporter of ebonics "she beez a big-time hustla o' da speak. She lives with the beach bums riding the waves. She (like the zarks) comes from a large family so she probably doesnt get a lot of attention, causing her to act up. Jason is still sore from when she didnt say "please" when asking him for a hot dog. E-mail melody: jesusfreakm33@excite.com

Height: i bet i can throw her 15 feet

Weight: slim jim

Hair: she cut it short when she was in OHIO

Eyes: prying

Blood type: hungarian-german (best tag team ever!)

Occupation: carpet-cleaner

Meet the Zarks! From left to right we have....back row...Vera, Joanne, Brenda, Tanya, Lillia and in the front is George! These cave-person like serbs like to house sit for rich romanians with persian kittys, babysit frequently and drive blue probes. What would posses someone to drive a blue probe you ask? Maybe protesting NATO. This group is like the Brady Bunch without talent. And with more anger. Jason still hasnt met all of them. What other family would start school not being able to speak english? E-mail the Zarks: vera brenda joanne tanya lillian george

Height: taller then the kwaks combined

Weight: a hefty prize

Hair: all brown

Eyes: again...

Blood type: serb positive

Occupation: sitters

Peter is a scab because we cant measure up to him. He's very built (similar to Keith) and is very smart. But he chooses to study stupid stuff like aeronautics (SO sixties space race) in college. And go to OSU! Big mistake. You should know how we feel about Columbus by now. Peter is a Lebanese who does not own an AK-47. He got lucky and beat Keith in chess this weekend. boooo. He thinks hes the next Tony Hawk too but his tricks are weaker then Siegfried and Roy.

Height: domesticated

Weight: whatever pennsylvanians weigh

Hair: conditioned

Eyes: pensive

Blood type: Quaker State

Occupation: musclehead

No longer living under a shadow, Marianne is breaking ground as a Scab! Its uncommon to find Marianne without a cold-one in her hand. This plucky Serb likes to hang out with the AK crew and watch movies like "Center Stage" and "Bring It On". She is in her señor year of high school and rumor has it, is the class bully. We dont know if Marianne is a good CuddleBreeder cause she has a sick dog we've never seen! Keith gives her props because she had Captian Crunch Peanut Butter Crunch at her house when he stayed there.

Height: keith size (pint)

Weight: "light girls throw higher than fat ones"

Hair: revitilized

Eyes: prying

Blood type: 2% low fat

Occupation: bookworm

Thanks for leaving us Nick. This jerk decided that he would sell-out Mansfield for the glamour of Atlanta Georgia! Just to live the chiropractic high-life. Nick likes to practice his street-fighter moves in parking lots. He tends to get into fights over his "weight issue". We also found out that Nick has A LOT of serbian blood pumping through his body. Say it aint so Nick...

Height: paramount

Weight: tons of fun

Hair: heart-shaped chest hair. awww

Eyes: spy something blue

Blood type: no.......not...

Occupation: "alternative medicine" student

Dusco is a new friend of ours from the Artic Circle. He happens to be (another) Serb, but this time hes got the point and lives in Sweden. Dusco likes wearing his Terminator shades at night or a chicken hat. Don't let Dusco sit on your lap or youll reach 7 on the Richter scale! He likes soccer and thats really all we know about him. Hes funny though. Oh yes, Dusco is featured in the new "Gossip Page". Check it out! E-mail Dusco: kennyjan@hotmail.com

Height: decent

Weight: smorgassbord

Hair: military cut

Eyes: wandering

Blood type: something european

Occupation: ???

Hey...Scotty likes it! Even though he might not be Mikey, Scott loves his cereal. Keith's cousin lives in Canada! What a scab! He works at Zehrs grocery store as a bagger. Stuff your sorrys in a sack mister. Scott drives an '86 VW Jetta. Its diesel and leaks more fluid then President Clinton. Dont expect any tunes cause the radio refuses to work. Scotty thinks he fits in to American society when he visits but sticks out like a sore thumb with his mountie hat and Molson breath. Hes kindof like a 90s version of Dudley Do-Right. E-mail Scooter: scottyfep83@aol.com

Height: shorter then keith! no way!!!
Weight: Labatt gut
Hair: chimp cut
Eyes: starry
Blood type: maple
Occupation: he bags tea

In order to spice up the Scab of the Week, CuddleBreeders have decided to attack Jäson & Keith's neighbors, the Kwak kids. Behold (from left to right) Kyung, Sung, Kee, Boo Ja, and Kim. 5 korean kids next door? aye! We've had it up to here with them mowing at five o'clock in the morning and letting their dog, Jet Li, crap in the street. But what really bothers us is Boo Ja's wretched violin lessons. We really cant do anything about this because Sung is a yellow belt and can whoop our butts. But we're making them scabs in order to vent our grievances E-mail Kyung: fi_69@hotmail.com

Height: under 25 feet combined
Weight: they eat rice
Hair: duh
Eyes: slants
Blood type: yellow
Occupation: neighbors/kung fu fighters

Again...a serb. What can we say? They rub us the wrong way. But Ivans got to be one of the best of the rotten apples. He wears around a tshirt with Melanie Shiposhs picture on it. We havent seen it but it sounds funny. If youre ever feeling lonely and need a good grind. Ivans the man. He lives in Mexican section of L.A. but frequents the midwest to flirt with the CuddleBreeders. Oh yeah...if youre not a sound sleeper...dont sleep in the same house with Ivan. Jason thinks he has "sleep apnea". Snores like a mail-order Russian. E-mail Ivan: batacikos@aol.com

Height: medium

Weight: hes got some stored energy

Hair: ariticial texture

Eyes: snake eyes

Blood type: 7-up yours

Occupation: conan the librarian!

Stefan completes the "trifecta" grilling of the Serbian Shiposh Sibling clan. Yet another dork from the Akron area, Stefan enjoys working on his batmobile (lowering it 1 inch below ground level); fronting an Apollo Kids wanna-be band, Route18 aka "project gay men;" and attempting to make it 23 straight years living at home! a man in a 15 yr. old swedish boy's body, Stefan is an idiot that everyone should avoid at all times. E-mail this winner:pxmxpunks@yahoo.com

Height: he's pretty tall
Weight: sucha frail boy
Hair: black (rumored soon-to-be silver)
Eyes: glazed
Blood type: simmering
Occupation: working on his "carpenter's crack"

Brads been a CuddleBreeder critic from day one. This fool thinks its cool to live in Columbus! We say "NO WAY!". Beer can take his townhouse and shove it. He likes to be a french bellboy at a ritzy hotel downtown. Actually we think its a motel 6 off of I-71. He can 100% guarentee and stamp it on his forehead that his car "Katie" sucks. Who would drive a brown car? E-mail this dork: beer.22@osu.edu

Height: likes to critize others for being short
Weight: husky
Hair: pube-black
Eyes: bad vision
Blood type: swiss miss
Occupation: hotel maid

Meet Keith Freund aka "the other CuddleBreeder". while it is nearly impossible to list every reason why K should be SOW, we've come up with the major "high/low points" of his infamous, not-so-special life. Keith, a lowly German boy from MFD, is a jerk. getting his kicks from ladies' 10 speeds, pretending to be cool, and leading a bubblegum pop band ( Apollo Kids). Jäson doesn't like to hang-out with Keith much, rather it's only a convienience. he drives an Audi, grinds like a Brazilian mad-man, and contributes a little to society as possible. E-mail this dork: jimmyeatusa@aol.com

Height: shorter than most boys his age
Weight: sickly
Hair: trashy black
Eyes: dilalated
Blood type: worthless
Occupation: lawn-boy

Say hello to Sylvia Shiposh. Or is it Mya? We cant tell! Anyways its been awhile since we featured a Serb as one of our "Scabs" so sorry. Does Sylvia have a job? Not anymore after a brief stint peddling yogurt (hippie scam). She seems to have an over abundance of aggression within her system. I think she needs to be locked up like Hannibal on a dolly. Sylvia also has tried to give Jäson an "indecent proposal" to get his shirt off. For shame Sylvia... E-mail: sylvia1984@yahoo.com

Height: shes serbian so....tall.
Weight: same as keith
Hair: flowing mane of dirty blonde
Eyes: bloodshot
Blood type: yugo
Occupation: JOBLESS FREELOADER (so stop critizing keith)

UPDATED: 9.10.00... Ryan is Serbian too. Ryan is one of the most dangerous pediphiles in MFD Ohio. Whats worse then a Saturn? Mazda Miata. You can guess what Ryan drives. Known to spend a half hour in an airport bathroom doing his hair, and the ladies still arent impressed. Except the three year old girls he teaches "gymnastics" to. Ryan has been strongly opposed to CuddleBreeders since the beginning. He's jeleous of the glameour and girls. Ask Ryan about Edmonton... E-mail: weingartner.8@osu.edu

Height: not much, but he's no Kobe
Weight: couple kilos
Hair: oh head? gelled. on chest? shaved
Eyes: crossed/wandering
Blood type: luke warm
Occupation: kiddy gymnastic "trainer"

Well since Jäson is on a brief "sick-of-monday" stint he is this weeks SCAB. Jäson is the worst boss ever. I hope he reads this and fires me. He's nothing but a tall, skinny, german dork. Jäson likes to seem european by putting special punctuation marks in his name and playing "euro-football" aka soccer. He is grouchy after naps and listens to Moby. What a loser. Techno isnt cool! He plans to get into international business since everyone in the United States already hates him. Please email him and tell him how much you dont like him... E-mail: CBj@cuddlebreeders.zzn.com

Height: tall twig
Weight: slim shady
Hair: beatles cut
Eyes: stink-eyed
Blood type: less then 1% fruit juice from concentrate
Occupation: stundent/architects slave

To continue on in the rage against "plasic monkey cars" aka Saturns, we bring you someone who deals in this smut. Sey hey to Greg "flamer" Pamer from Waldorf Maryland. While not polluting our nations capital with Saturns Greg gets his lip pierced and then has it removed in a week. Cool. He listens to such wuss trash as "indie rock" and keeps his brain in his pants. Please hate Greg. He might be related to Keith but hes still a traitor. E-mail: xfenixtx@aol.com

Height: who cares.
Weight: thin
Hair: gelled like a true dork
Eyes: dont look in his eyes
Blood type: oil
Occupation: Plastic peddler

To begin this, for legal reasons, Keith is writing this weeks Scab and Jäson is across the room at the other computer. Courtné is also not Serbian. She's a German much like Jäson and Keith. She's semi-nice to Jäson and Keith and she drives a S-car, which entitles her to drive like "a maniac on the street." Another stupid plastic monkey car driver. Also student at Ohio State, Courtné is currently studying the art of "Paparazzi." Her work is impeccable and almost got her punched by Danny Devito. While not trying to "pick-a-fight" with Jäson, Courtné can be found working hard and listening to MO-Town. I cant believe Jäson bought her a Savage Garden CD. Maybe next hes gonna be buying cigarrettes and porn for twelve year olds. E-mail: goggles80@aol.com

Height: shorter then keith, shorter then jäson
Weight: and see
Hair: au natural blonde
Eyes: blue-gay?
Blood type: german
Occupation: Toys R Us drone

UPDATED: 9.10.00.... Justin is Serbian. he's lied to us for a long time about being a "true" German. He drives a Saturn. Ouch. If you know us you must know how we feel about Saturns... Plastic monkey cars. Justin denies his connection to Danny Bonaduce from the Partridge Family. He also like such movies as "10 things i hate about you". Hur-ting. E-mail: allsysgo4@aol.com

Height: just the right height to beat up. for jäson at least. keiths a wimp.
Weight: 4 1/2 stone
Hair: dirty
Eyes: boo hoo blue
Blood type: gay
Occupation: Kroger VJ, no joke

How come it seems we only have Serbians as our featured "Scabs"? Well think about that for a second. Milans a decent chap currently stationed in the CLB of Ohio. Philosophy is his game. Hakuna Matata is his creed. Milan likes writing poetry, playing chess, and the occasional drink (cafe latte)email: karna.2@osu.edu

Height: way taller then keith, way taller then jason
Weight: for how long?
Hair: autumn brown
Eyes: chestnut
Blood type: serbian
Occupation: used to work for "uncle sam" (wal-mart)

Although there are a multitude of reasons we have chosen Ms. Shiposh as our "S.O.W" there is one very good one. She's Serbian. And as you know Serbians have been trying to shut us down for years. Just ask Milan. Melanie likes to ride "crotch rockets", drive fast cars, and kill bunnys! email: melanie1948@yahoo.com

Height: taller then keith, shorter then jason
Weight: never ask a lady her weight.
Hair: raven
Eyes: artificial blue
Blood type: cold
Occupation: ruining the nasdaq