"Today the House of Representatives, with a nearly unanimous vote, passed the $2 trillion 'Anti-Evil' bill. That bill allows the president to do whatever he wants, wherever he wants, to whomever he wants, and for however long he wants, in the name of eradicating 'evil' from the globe. The lone dissenter to the bill, congresswoman Barbara Lee, told the House that she firmly opposes evil at home and abroad, but 'You people are acting intensely stupid right now. Please stop.'" - The Boondocks, by Aaron McGruder

Contents

Thoughts

If you have the attention span of a common housefly, then you have probably noticed the picture of a burning pagoda immediatly above this paragraph. Good for you! I'm kind of grumpy due to the unconstitutional acts of the Attorney General and the House of Representatives (Barbara Lee speaks for me!), but I'm even grumpier because of my pessimistic thought that this all seems to convenient - Bush had been having trouble getting some of "his" ideas passed, until some terrorists blew up something really fucking big. Suddenly everyone is agreeing with him - even though it was never proved that he was supposed to be the president.

Well anyway that aside, anyone familiar with the fantastic anime film "Princess Mononoke" should have also noticed that the fire picture comes from that movie. What can I say? It was that or Star Trek. Even though I know you all LOVE Star Trek. Especially the new one. Well maybe not the new one. I'd better stop talking now.

This month's crude political joke:

Oh yeah - happy holidays. May you stimulate the economy as well as avoid exploitation of foreign workers. And remember - if presents were what the holidays were all about, then maybe all of our brains would spontaneously explode and save us the trouble of strangling ourselves to death due to a total lack of philosophical or religious values.

Anyone up for some more sarcasm? No? How about some more pretty pictures from one of the best movies ever made?

Joy!

 But wait! There is more! I have more to say!

Question: why are all of the good children's movies only coming out now that I'm too old to watch them? This is a source of endless frustration to me. Let's take a magical look back at the movies I saw in theaters in the last couple of months. Let's see... Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (which was actually very funny, if completely tasteless), Zoolander (another tasteless farce that was actually very amusing), Shrek (children's entertainment), Monsters, Inc., and Harry Potter.

Looking at these, I notice a trend. Apparently I only watch tasteless farce and family movies.

Why the hell weren't any of these great movies for kids out when I was one (a kid that is, not a movie)? Sure "The Lion King" was good, but what about movies like "Anastasia"?

Granted, today's juvenile entertainment isn't all good. The crap my 10-year-old sister watches every day on the Disney channel couldn't get much worse. But those aren't really children's entertainment - more teeny-bopper popular culture pre-teen fake teenage drama. Gag.

Looking back on the last couple of years, another intriguing trend presents itself. Most of the best features have come out of Emeryville, California's Pixar, which has produced such movies as "Toy Story", "Toy Story 2", "A Bug's Life", and "Monsters, Inc." Dreamworks' recent addition of "Shrek" to the children's genre only solidifies it - computer animation is the future of children's entertainment.

Yes, some movies (like the visually stunning "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" or the totally and abysmally awful "Star Wars: Episode One: The Phantom Menace") utilize the computer animation system for more mature audiences, but the fact remains - children's entertainment is taking a definite lean in the direction of computer animation.

Now, let's take a look at some of the other options available to children seeking entertainment. "Harry Potter and the Sorcerors' Stone", based on J. K. Rowling's best-selling novel of the same name, is a two and a half hour dive into the world of Hogwarts School. The acting in this film, especially from the child actors, far surpasses any other film currently in theaters, and computer animated effects such as moving paintings, a huge aerial game of Quidditch (kind of a cross between football and cricket, played on broomsticks in the air), and a sequence in which a brick wall rearranges itself into a doorway, are used strategically just when the movie begins to move sluggishly. This movie is probably the best movie currently in theaters, although I'd still recommend "Monsters, Inc." even just for the two and a half minute short computer animated film before it, "For the Birds". I've never laughed so hard as when I saw that for the first time.

Yet even "Harry Potter" relies heavily on computer animation (look for a centaur and certain scenes on broomsticks in which the entire character is actually a computer generated model) to carry the story into the world more totally.

Essentially, almost all movies made for children in the next several decades are going to be computer animated (or rely heavily on computer animation). Even animation (as such features as the recent "Road to El Dorado" or "The Emperor's New Groove" prove) is in the decline, both in quality and in frequency. For almost twenty years, Disney produced a full animated film every year or so. It's been almost a year since "The Emperor's New Groove", the last animated movie made, and still not a breath of plans for another animated feature. However, advertising has already begun for the computer animated "Ice Age", which we can all expect to hit theaters in the Fall.

To sum up: Computer animation = future of children's entertainment, animation = dying (I am obviously not referring to Japanese anime, but to American children's animated movies), "For the Birds" = hilarious.

END