Whom can you serve today?

There is a special blessing for those who not only agree that humble service is Christ's way, but who also follow  through and do it.

Specifically, how will you put Jesus' teaching into practice in at least one relationship this week at home, work, or church?

In your spiritual life, who is one person who has demonstrated what it means to "wash feet"?  What did he or she do?

Why do you think people in the church do not regularly practice the equivalent of foot washing?

in your family relationships, what would it mean to practice foot washing?

people are human children of God - who have physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual needs.  Yet when people stand in need of help, they often find their needs divided among specialist in caregiving.  Physicians seize the physical; psychotherapist or counselors, the mental and emotional; friends and family, the social.  But frequently the spiritual goes begging for want of an available caregiver - or it falls squarely on the already overburdened shoulders of the pastors.

Every Christian's job description includes being a sister/brother, servant or fellow "Child of God."  By virtue of your Christian faith, you are uniquely equipped to relate to the deep spiritual needs of others.  Your "specialist" function, as a Christian training person can ensure that another's spiritual needs will not be unrecognized and unmet.  You are a trainer who rightly integrates spiritual needs into the other kinds of care a person might receive.

 Before we discuss ways to minister to spiritual needs as one part of the whole person, we need a clearer understanding of what spiritual needs are.  You have made a good start on this, by participating in the QOL-Christian Leadership Training Institute program.

Probably no one else will ask the person about his standing with his God, and the problems of his spiritual needs.  As a Christian trainer, you continually need to have your eyes open to the spiritual dimension of people's concerns, along with other dimensions.  Even with this knowledge, obstacles to your reaching out to someone's spiritual needs could remain.

Obstacles to Training in Meeting Spiritual Needs

Although you intellectually see the importance of recognizing and relating to the spiritual needs of people, there are some common roadblocks preventing meaningful spiritual discussion.

Modern Spiritual Poverty

One 'stumbling block' to freely talking about spiritual needs (for both trainers and trainees) is that society in general is spiritually impoverished.  Spiritual talk, unfortunately, takes a back seat.  People are frequently more comfortable talking about material things than spiritual issues.

Compartmentalization

Relating to modern general spiritual impoverishment is a second obstacle: spiritual matters are generally thought to have a place (church) and a time (Sunday morning). The rest of the world and the rest of the week are reserved for the secular.  Sunday is experienced apart from the reality of the rest of life; Monday through Saturday existence is cut off from  the spiritual dimension.  Since everyone lives in relationship to God, the spiritual dimension is as much a part of life as any other dimension, regardless of time or place.

Reluctance or Fear

A third obstacle preventing people from addressing spiritual needs is reluctance or fear - on the part of either the trainer or the trainee.  Discussing personal spiritual needs with someone else can be threatening, because it includes talk about personal and sensitive issues that might not be accepted by others, and it means wrestling with difficult questions affecting the very heart of human existence.  Frequently, people respond to difficult questions with superficial, pat answers.  Stock answers are evidence of the difficulty that many people have in meaningfully discussing spiritual matters.  Falling back on canned answers prevents people from examining how they feel inside about their relationship with God, what they really believe.

Lack of Knowledge or Education

Many people do not know, or don't think they know, what to say or do when confronted with others who have spiritual needs.  Some people, in fact are unclear about what spiritual needs are.

Opening the Door for Spiritual Talk

Precisely because society is spiritually poor, you, a Christian trainer, need to be ready to open the door for the expression of spiritual needs.  The needs are there and must be met.  Here are some ways you could begin to initiate spiritual communication.

Provide an Atmosphere of Acceptance

Because people are in the habit of suppressing their spiritual needs and because society in many ways encourages this.  You need to help break this habit.  It is important that people know it is acceptable for them to express themselves regarding their spiritual life.  In a caring relationship they need to feel an atmosphere of acceptance that includes talk about their spiritual concerns.

Communicating acceptance, first of all, means taking the time to listen fully, being especially attentive to peoples hurts and struggles.  You might be one of the few who are willing to discuss real spiritual concerns with them.  As trust develops, people often become more willing to discuss personal spiritual matters.  Your genuineness will also help to create an atmosphere of acceptance.  Drawing upon the resources of the Bible and prayer at appropriate times can let others know that it is perfectly all right for them to share their spiritual concerns with you.

Be Alert to Spiritual Needs

Creating an atmosphere of acceptance is a start, but you also need to be alert to detect spiritual needs, expressed or unexpressed.  In a training relationship an individual might tend to suppress spiritual discussion, but this does not imply that the person has no spiritual needs.  Being alert to what people feel and think (as well as what they say) is important.  Your ability to discern the spiritual dimension in the life of a trainee could result in a answering a hidden cry for help from someone involved in a spiritual crises.

Encourage People to Discuss Spiritual Needs

The author of Proverbs wrote: "The purpose in a man's mind is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out" (20:5).  Just as individuals need encouragement to express their feelings and needs in other areas of life, they also need encouragement to talk about their spiritual needs.  When training someone, you will probably ask questions like "How are you feeling?"  or "How are things going?" or "What would you like to see happen in the future?" (My favorite) similar questions can also be asked about the person's spiritual life.  For example, you could inquire:

Another way to encourage people to share their spiritual needs is to ask specific open-ended questions.  Unlike the general spiritually oriented questions above, the following questions are prompted by what the person is specifically experiencing.  For example, you could say:

Sometimes after you say something to encourage a person to talk about the spiritual, the individual will answer with a religious cliché, or a general statement that does not really express how he or she is feeling inside.  For example, the person might say, "God means everything for the best," or "I go to church every Sunday" or "Oh, I believe in God."  None of these statements fully expresses how the person feels about his or her life in relationship to God.  To move beyond clichés, you may need to ask some follow-up questions that allow the individual to explain his or her feelings in greater detail.  Here is a sample excerpt from the middle of a conversation to show how this might be done.

Trainer:  You're facing some major surgery tomorrow, George.  How are you feeling right now about God?

Mr. Adams: Oh, I don't know.  I go to church every Sunday, you know.

Trainer:  You are very faithful in coming to church, and that's good.  I'm wondering, though, how your relationship with God is affected by all this?

Mr. Adams:  I guess God will be with me.

Trainer:  You say that God will be with you, could you tell me more about what you mean?

Mr. Adams (fidgeting): Whether I live or die in surgery is out of my control.  I believe God is in control and will do what is best.  I have faith in him.

Trainer:  Would you like to talk to God about that, George?  I'll be glad to join with you in a prayer.

Mr. Adams (dispiritedly): What difference would it make?  God doesn't care what I want.

The trainer has seen a small bit of the spiritual crisis Mr. Adams is undergoing and can work with him in it.  The trainer can continue to provide an atmosphere of acceptance and encouragement so that Mr. Adams can express his concerns and fears with the trainer, and eventually with God.

Take Whatever Time is Necessary for Extended Conversation about Spiritual Concerns

Occasionally, you and the other person might decide to discuss a single spiritual concern in greater depth.  You might even spend an entire conversation focusing onn a particular spiritual issue.  For example, suppose you are talking with a man who knows he has cancer and might not have long to live.  He told you that he has been struggling to understand his illness and probable death in light of his faith in God.  Certainly you will want to spend a lot of time discussing his feelings and thoughts about his illness and his relationship with God.  It is important that you take sufficient time to actively listen to him and to understand his faith struggles.  Since this is a personal, sensitive matter, the man's anxiety and tension will probably intensify as he explores his feelings.  By taking the time to listen, understand, and discuss, you can enable him to gain new insights into his relationship with God and new growth in his faith as he struggles with his situation.

Pitfalls to Avoid

By staying away from a few common pitfalls in ministering to someone's deep spiritual needs, you will significantly increase your effectiveness as a trainer.

Avoid One-Way Street Discussions

One of the dangers of discussing spiritual concerns is that the discussion can easily become a one-way flow of words from you to another person.  You might have responded well to the needs and feelings of your trainee until a spiritual question was raised.  At that point you could be tempted to shift into the role of a lecturer.  When this happens, the conversation quickly becomes a monolog in which you do all (or most) of the talking.  The relationship is no longer between equals, but becomes that of a superior instructing an inferior.  When relating to spiritual needs, the discussion should always be a dialog - a mutual exploration of religious feelings and needs.  Talking about God or faith is not taking a funnel and pouring the right words into someone's head.  It is a sharing process in which you will both speak and listen.

Avoid Religious Clichés

There are many religious clichés and pat phrases in common use.  Be careful to avoid using them in your helping relationships.  Examples are:

Although such  might contain some truth, in many contexts they are shallow, inappropriate responses to difficult life problems.  Clichés frequently offer little insight and, furthermore, prevent both you and the other person from really speaking meaningfully and to the point.  If you do not know what to say, it is better to say so than to resort to a pat religious phrase.  When you do have something spiritual to say, don't use a cliché.

Avoid a Know-It-All Attitude

You no doubt have strong convictions about certain matters of faith.  A problem can arise if you are tempted to act as the final authority on spiritual matters and try - perhaps even unwittingly - to force your convictions on others.  A rigid attitude on your part can yield negative results in the training relationship.

First, and perhaps worst, the person might passively buckle under to your conclusions, agreeing with you without thinking things through.  Second, and attempt to force your views on someone could cause him or her to reject or avoid spiritual matters entirely.  Third, trying to force your own understanding on someone could start an argument.  This is certainly non-productive for spiritual growth.  Feel free to share your insights, but there is no need for you always to justify your beliefs, or worse yet, force your own understandings on another person.

Everyone's life has a spiritual dimension.  God persists in revealing this dimension wherever and whenever he can, despite society's continual efforts to thwart him.  As one who seeks to train others as a effective Christians, you need to be ready to relate to the deep spiritual needs of others.  Your readiness to do so will be communicated to others by the climate of acceptance and encouragement you create, by your sensitivity to opportunities to raise the issue, and by your willingness to take whatever time is necessary.  The person you are caring for will find you trustworthy because you do not respond with clichés or behave in a lofty, superior manner, and you listen as well as talk.  Thus, the door will be open for providing care that is deeply and distinctively Christian.

Training for Emotional Problems

We'll apply scriptural principles to four major emotions interwoven with many of the problems that bring people to you as a leader-trainer: anger, fear, worry, and depression.

Emotions are to life what pigment is to paint:  they make life bright and beautiful or dark and dreary.  Indeed, life would be mechanical and lacking intensity without emotions.  But when emotions become damaged, just as a river which overflows its banks creates destruction, something beautiful becomes ugly.  When a person becomes overwhelmed by his emotions, his family, friends, and acquaintances suffer too.  But far more than the suffering which the person causes is the internal turmoil and intensity which he or she must face, often alone and misunderstood.

There is an issue, though, which needs to be confronted as we delve into this issue.  Does God really want His children to suffer emotionally?

Is God pleased when we are overwhelmed with worry or fear?  Is he pleased when two who once loved each other are continually torn by emotional conflict?  Is there anything that glorifies Him about individuals who were once productive but have become stressed to the point of emotional "burnout?"

My question is not whether we ought to face emotional conflict, but rather is He pleased by our succumbing to it?  In the upper room shortly before Jesus faced Calvary, He told the disciples, "In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world" (John 16:33).  The word translated "tribulation" is a word which is also translated in the New Testament as oppression, affliction, or difficult circumstances.  All of this spells emotional pressure, or stress, as we often refer to it today.

Paul of course, saw more than his fair share of emotional conflict.  His commitment to Jesus Christ and his determination to make Christ known created conflict as does our faith today in some situations.  In today's society a woman who is a committed believer will experience similar conflict with her unbelieving husband about her spending time with a Bible study group or about her giving money to her church.

The letter which we know as 2 Corinthians has been called the "heart of Paul."  In this magnificent letter, Paul laid aside doctrinal concerns which had occupied much of his previous letter and quite intimately shared his heart with these struggling people, so immature in their own Christian experiences. Possibly, Paul wanted them to know that even he struggled with emotional issues and conflicts, but he also wanted them to know that the struggle isn't the important thing - the victory is.  He wrote, "Thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ" (2 Cor. 2:14).

Ponder these words for a moment:

"From the Jews five times I received forty stripes minus one.  Three times I was beaten with rods; once I was stoned; three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I have been in the deep; in journeys often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils of my own countrymen, in perils of the Gentiles, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; in weariness and toil, in sleeplessness often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness - besides the other things, what comes upon be daily: my deep concern for all the churches" (2 Cor. 11:24-28).

In  the same letter he said he was "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things" (2 Cor. 6:10).

What a contrast of emotions;  Whatever we face, Paul probably experienced too.  Shortly before his death, the tough old warrior wrote to a young man from prison saying, "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Tim. 1:7).

That sound-mind principle which Paul spoke of is possible because of these things: a relationship with Jesus Christ deals with the fundamental issue of guilt and forgiveness; the Bible teaches us how to handle the disappointments and hardships of life which are very much part of the broken world in which we live; and faith eliminates the ultimate fear of death, which allows us to focus on living vibrant, meaningful, and purposeful lives.

Paul's letters echo what he experienced in life; in the world we will face trouble and pressure, but through faith in God we can overcome the emotional conflicts and pressures that are fatal to many.

What Paul chose to do was to refuse to give up when confronted with emotional issues that would have caused lesser individuals to "turn loose" and give up.  "I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound ... I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need,"  and then he wrote, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:12, 13).

When someone comes to you for help and you sense that the person's mind is poisoned with hatred and anger, you understand from the beginning that you are working with a situation which is contrary to God's will.  You realize that you are working in cooperation with the Spirit of God to help that person forsake the anger and restore a relationship.

When you see a mother overwhelmed by irrational fear which keeps her captive within her own home and so destroys her peace of mind that se cannot back the family car dow the driveway and take her children to school, you are dealing with a situation which is not God's will (remember 2 Tim. 1:7 quoted earlier in this chapter?).

When you talk with a business colleague who has made some poor investments and is so worried about the money that he can't sleep nights and lives on a diet of double-strength Maalox and crackers, you know you are working with someone who needs the peace that comes through viewing life from the perspective of what really counts.

Christian faith becomes the framework of our emotional outlook which is different from the secular mind, as Paul wrote, "Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus" (Phil. 2:5).  Dr. Chris Thurman of the Minirth-Meier Clinic has written an excellent book, The Lies We Believe, to help people understand the secular lies that they accept as truth.

Once a person understands life from God's perspective, he or she will not be embittered by difficult situations.

Uncontrollable Anger

Undoubtedly you will encounter people whose anger is out of control.  The wife who has been betrayed by her husband is understandably angry, something different from the husband whose temper causes him to strike his wife or children.  One is the result of confidence which has been betrayed; the other occurs because the man's emotions are out of control.

Insights

Anger in itself is not sin.  It is amoral; it can either be used for good or misused, causing a great deal of heartache.

In the King James Version of the Bible the word "anger" occurs 234 times in 228 verses; the word "angry" 44 times in 43 verses.  Many of these situations refer to God's anger because of the sins of His people.  Jesus was angry with the Pharisees because of their unbelief (see Mark 3:5).  Obviously, he was angry when he took a whip and drove the money changer from the temple.  There is a time and a place for anger, but manifested in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and in the wrong matter, it becomes sin.  That is why Paul urges us to be angry without sin, He says, "Do not let the sun go down on your wrath" (Eph. 4:26).

You can help people work through uncontrollable or harmful anger if you:

Key Scriptures

Ephesians 4:26 (quoted above) provides leverage for change.  Ask him or her to memorize it with you.  In the margin of your Bible at Ephesians 4:26, make a note of James 1:19, which gives motivation in dealing with this issue.

Irrational Fears

Fear of danger motivates a person to take steps to insure his safety; continual debilitating, fear which shackles and robs him or her of peace of mind is not of God an must be overcome.  Remember that telling someone how foolish it is to be afraid only intimidates a person and makes the problem worse.

Key Scripture

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (@ Tim. 1:7).

Most of our fears center around what has not happened but what we fear may happen, and what we do not understand.  Men tend to fear things which threaten their male image, such as the loss of employment or the respect of their contemporaries.  Women fear the loss of their physical beauty and whatever would rob them of their security.

Understanding that nothing outside God's will can happen to the child of God who is living and walking according to His purposes removes the feeling of being victimized by circumstances.  Jack Morris, a psychotherapist, uses Psalm 23 with patients who are struggling with fear, asking them to memorize the psalm and quote it audibly several times a day.  "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.  I will fear no evil; For you are with me" (v.4).

You can help people to cope with circumstances which could otherwise produce devastating fear..  Understanding that safety is not "the absence of danger" but "the promise of the Lord's protection," they can live above fear which would otherwise destroy their peace of mind.

Pervasive Worry

Insights

No matter how many of us indulge in the practice, worry is sin.  No individual can worry and trust God at the same time; you have to help your trainee see this truth if you are to help him or her overcome what has been described as "the acceptable sin of the saints."

Key Scripture

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God; and the peace of God.  which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" (Phil. 4:6,7).

The truth of this passage comes through clearly in The Living Bible paraphrase which says, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything...."

Some individuals because of their nature and emotional makeup are more prone to worry than others are yet anxiety or worry is not justifiable merely because it "comes naturally."

When a trainee struggling with this problem ask you, "What do you think I should do about it?"  You need to work through several issues.  What is the actual cause of concern or worry?  What has been done to determine whether or not the issue is valid?  For example, if a woman who asks you to pray about "her cancer" has never gone to the doctor for an examination, the first step is to convince her that she needs proper medical diagnosis.

Elderly people usually are quite certain they will run out of money before they die (no matter how much money they have).  Getting that person to consult a financial planner or a bank who can help with investments may allay that concern.  The person who is worried about personal finances may eliminate that concern by having a budget and learning to stay with it.

Your part as a trainer-leader may be providing emotional support to insure that action is taken.  You can also suggest that your trainee read Worry-Free Living by Dr. Frank Minirth, Dr. Paul Meier, and Don Hawkins.

Has the person who is worried made the matter a definitive, concerned issue for prayer?  Committing yourself to the keeping of a Sovereign God, believing that He is in control of your life, eliminate worry.  You can then turn out the light and say, "God, you take the night shift; no need for both of us to be awake.  I'm going to sleep!"  It works.

Emotinal Depression

In phase one of the training process you are striving to understand what the problem really is and what is causing it.  When your trainee comes to you depressed, your first task is to help him or her evaluate the cause of depression.

Insights

Among the causes of depression, look for the following:

One of the most common causes of depression is the feeling that a person is in a hopeless situation from which there is no escape.  For example, a wife with several children and no professional skills, is married to a man who walks out and leave her with no support.  Having no family close by, and little possibility of employment, discouragement turns to despair and eventually to depression.

As you talk with a trainee, you begin to determine whether depression is the result of a specific cause (say, when an aerospace engineer, age 47, is laid off because of cutbacks, is overly qualified for menial positions, and can't seem to get back on with a major company), or you are confronted with an individual whom seems to suffer from chronic depression without apparent cause.  Some of the symptoms of depression are lethargy, indifference to responsibilities, neglected appearance, and emotional flatness.

In situations involving chronic fatigue,  I always recommend that the friend go for a complete physical with care given to blood sugar and blood composition.  If there is still no apparent physical reason for depression, your trainee needs the help of a professional.  There is help for the chronically depressed.  At time a change of diet or the inclusion of a program of physical exercise in a routine under a physician's supervision or even a low dose of medication (such as lithium), to stabilize a chemical imbalance in the body, relieves depression.

While depression itself is not hereditary, the predisposition to certain personality. types which are more susceptible to depression or discouragement can be inherited.  Telling a depressed individual to "snap out of it" because God doesn't want the person depressed only drives him or her deeper into depression.  Saying that God cares, and that He will never leave or forsake his child (see Key Scriptures), and understanding that a person has been forgiven and is the child of God, helps an individual to break through depression.

Diagnose the problem but minister to the whole person including the physical, the emotional, and the spiritual.

The Physical Body and Depression

When people tell me about depression, you should always ask, "What kind of physical exercise do you get?"  and invariably the person gets none or walks around the block thinking "That's exercise!"  If you have any questions as to a person's physical condition, you should send them to a doctor for his counsel as to what they can handle, and then you should recommend that the person start walking (build up to a brisk walk of three to five miles at least three times weekly)  or get exercise which will increase the heartbeat and the rate of respiration.

Depression and Your Spiritual Life

In striving to isolate the reason for depression, you may discover that an individual is living with something which he or she knows is wrong.  Gordon MacDonald refers to these people as "secret carriers," individuals who may be struggling with a sin such as an immoral relationship, an addiction to pornography, or a financial shenanigan which he or she knows is wrong.  Bringing that problem to light, dealing with it through repentance, confession, and restitution (when necessary) will eliminate depression.

The depressed individual almost always feels that God is distant and that prayer doesn't work.  Even John the Baptist, languishing in dark Machaerus Prison probably succumbed to doubt and eventual depression, wondering whether or not Jesus was really the Christ.  Depressed individuals usually doubt truths which they really know are valid.  In their hearts they know that God has not singled them  out as victims of attack, yet they feel isolated and lonely.

Key Scriptures

Matthew 28:20, "Lo I am with you always, even to the end of the age."  Also Hebrews 13:5,6, "'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'  So we may boldly say: 'The Lord is my helper; I will not fear.  What can man do to me?'"

Depression and Your Emotional Life

Recognizing that the spiritual cannot be separated from the emotional, it is necessary to point out that the individual who is depressed not only doubts spiritual truths, but he of she likewise finds it difficult to accept other valid realities (My wife really doesn't love me, or else she would understand how I feel!").  Here you can help your trainee to understand that love is a commitment, and that the husband or wife is standing by the commitment which was made long ago.

An individual's emotions are controlled by the will, and the decision to hold on to reality goes a long way toward breaking through depression (see Happiness is a Choice by Dr. Frank Minirth and Dr. Paul Meier).

Homework

1.  A had a member of their family they loved very much recently died and you are talking about the funeral yesterday.  You are training A.  As you do this,  encourage A to open up about spiritual issues.  You have five minutes."

2.  B, has been feeling very depressed recently and is telling you about this.  You are training B and also trying to explore the spiritual dimension of this problem by asking open-ended questions.  You have five minutes."

3.  C, whom you are training indicates that they are  feeling vague and uneasy about their relationship with God, telling you that the warmth and closeness of that relationship has disappeared.

You are to train C to look more deeply at this situation and to explore different aspects of it.

4.  Once When I Was Needed...

Share a time when you have experienced a deep spiritual need.  As you describe this need, try to answer the above four questions.

Read Phil. 2:1-11

5.  How would things change if these verses mark your family life?  Church Life?  Work Life?

6.  How does humility differ from being a doormat?