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January 22, 2005
Louis Izzo

WWF Superstars (May 1st, 1993):

- The hosts for this particular time frame of Superstars are Vince McMahon, Randy Savage (Semi-Retired at the time), and Jerry Lawler, a very poor substitute for everyone. He sucked then, and he really sucks now. Quick Note: The entire show is based on Savage and McMahon trying to get Jerry Lawler to compete in the King of the Ring Tournament, but every time he refuses. Just wanted to get that out of the way now, and not keep mentioning it during the actual matches and miscellaneous stuff.

- The show starts off with a Special Podium Interview(tm) with Raymond Rougeau. His guests this week... The Undertaker and Paul Bearer. Short and sweet, they want to destroy the Giant Gonzalez. The interview is incredibly long for such a short promo, since Bearer and Undertaker just... talk... so... damn... slowly, like Sgt. Slaughter circa 1990-1991. Oh well, it's time to light the lights...

- The Headshrinkers (w/ Afa) vs. Scott Bazo & Bob Young:
Finally... onto the Squash matches! I just noticed Mike McGirk (the female ring announcer) was still doing WWF shows... whoa. The Headshrinkers have just come off a big loss to the Steiner Brothers at WrestleMania IX, and really didn't do anything but flounder around and fill up space until their face turn in the Spring of 1994. The pre-match ceremony in undressing eats up time until the duo attack the Jobbers from behind. Irish whip on Young finishes with a double clothesline. Fatu remains the legal man in the ring and connects with a scoop slam followed by a headbutt. Samu tags in, and bounces off the ropes with the Hart Attack clothesline (old finishing move of the Hart Foundation). Samu stomps away on Young and connects with a series of elbow drops. Headbutts by Samu, and he tags in Fatu for a double headbutt. Fatu and Afa have a little chat, and Fatu tosses Young to the corner so Bazo can get his ass kicked too. Fatu kills him with a reverse crescent kick 2 seconds into his tagging in, and chokes him down. Samu tags in and the Shrinkers connect with the double front face slam. Fatu tags in again and finishes off Bazo with the Superfly Splash from the top rope at 2:46. 3/4* Energetic for a squash match, and actually quite fun. Of course, that doesn't mean I will give it a good review with the stars, because I'm a bitter fuckhead.

- Time for the Event Center with Mean Gene Okerlund. First we get a blue screen promo from the Steiner Brothers, who run down the defeats of the Beverly Brothers at the Rumble and Headshrinkers at WrestleMania, then target Money Inc. Makes sense, but that feud never actually happened on T.V. Next we get a Shawn Michaels promo, bad mouthing Mr. Perfect. Generally a pretty bad interview from the Heartbreak Kid. I guess he learned how to cut a promo while giving Vince McMahon some man love.

- Virgil vs. The White Shadow:
The White Shadow is just another Jobber, and has a weird mask and is wearing the same ring gear (or a close resemblance) of Duane Gill, a.k.a Gillberg for the fans who only tuned in starting in the Attitude era. Virgil is surprisingly still over for such a Jobber. They lockup, and Shadow applies an over-head hammerlock, and takes Virgil down with it. Virgil reverses with a go-behind hammerlock followed by a snap mare takeover. Irish whip leads to a crisscross sequence, and Virgil connects with a dropkick. Virgil takes the WS out down with a drop toe hold, and applies an armbar. Jumping knee drop to the elbow of the Shadow, followed by a series of stomps. Virgil with a hammerlock slam, followed by a series of chops in the corner. Irish whip to the corner is reversed, but Virgil catches the Shadow with a botched DDT. Virgil finishes off the Shadow with his ugly ass Russian Leg Sweep into a float over cover at 2:04. * Quite energetic match to my surprise, and the best rating I can give out for a quick squash. Just don't get use to me doing that, though.

- It is now time for the 1993 King Of The Ring report with Mean Gene Okerlund, sponsored by ICO-PRO, the (Not-really) steroids developed by Titan Sports. For those who don't know, the King of the Ring is a Single-elimination tournament, where 8 men (at least for most of the years) compete in a tournament. So far, the #1 seed is Bret Hart, who received a BYE from Jack Tunney. He gives a promo following the announcement. Also announced, Hulk Hogan defends the World Title against Yokozuna. Yoko and Fuji cut a promo, then Hogan (along with Brother Bruti & Jimmy Hart) cut a promo from the beaches of Orlando, FL, where Hogan is filming another crappy movie. VERY weird promo by the Hulkster, WrestleMania IV levels of weird. This week in KOTR Qualifying Matches... Mr. Perfect takes on Doink The Clown later in the show, and Bob Backlund faces Lex Luger on the May 2nd edition of Wrestling Challenge.

- King Of The Ring Qualifying Match:
Mr. Perfect vs. Doink The Clown:

The winner of this match faces an unknown pairing of wrestlers in the 1st Round of the Tournament at the PPV. I know who the winner faces, but I still like jerking around. Doink attacks Perfect in the entrance with a clothesline, and rams him face first into the ring steps several times. Inside the ring they go, and Doink hammers away on Hennig. Snap mare by Doink, but he misses a knee drop. Perfect with a single leg takedown, and he hammers away at the inside part of Doink’s left knee. Sit down splash across the knee follows, followed by a knife-edge chop, sending Doink flying over the top rope. Perfect now rams Doink into the ring steps, and sends him back into the ring for some more working over of the knee. Perfect slaps Doink like he's his bitch, and connects with a headbutt across the midsection. Perfect connects with a super-knee lift, sending Doink out of the ring again, as we go to a Commercial Break. We come back with Perfect laying outside the ring, and Doink comes off the top rope with a double axe handle, shades of Randy Savage. We go to an insert interview with Crush, but no one is there, and Doink pops up... and yeah, that's kinda silly. Back inside the ring we go again, and Doink works over Perfect and connects with a sit-down splash across the lower back. Doink executes a snap suplex, and goes to the top rope and comes off with another double axe handle. Irish whip, and Perfect pummels on Doink with rights. The two exchange blows until Perfect catches Doink with a small package for two. Perfect with a back-slide gets another two count, as does a roll up off the ropes. Perfect connects with a back suplex, and that gets yet another two count. The two exchange blows again, until Perfect goes for the Perfect-Plex, but the bell sounds at 6:39, and apparently it's a Time Limit Draw. Weird... **1/4 Good match, but I remembered this being much better than it actually was. Oh well, it lead to another good match between the two a few weeks later at least.

- Courtesy of WWF Magazine (with Hulk Hogan on the cover), it's time for a WWF Update from Gorilla Monsoon. On the April 24th episode of Superstars, Bam Bam Bigelow started assaulting the Sensational Sherri until Tatanka (Buffalo!) came out, made the save, and beat up Bigelow. Later in the show, Bigelow attacked Tatanka before his scheduled match, and cut off part of Tatanka’s red hair. Promos followed, with Bigelow sounding like he won the World Title, and Tatanka acting like he was a rape victim.

- Typhoon vs. Larry Ludden:
There goes the streak of enjoyable matches on this show. Typhoon is on his own since Earthquake had taken time off around February of '93, and wouldn't return until February of 1994. Typhoon would disappear soon, and go to WCW where he became the infamous Shockmaster. For those who don't know, the Shockmaster was suppose to be this big main eventer, except on his first appearance, he tripped and fell on live TV, causing Jesse Ventura and Tony Schiavone to piss themselves with laughter, and the characters push was killed off. Anyway, onto the match. Lockup, and the Jobber applies a standing side headlock. Irish whip, and Typhoon with a shoulder block, followed by several more. Ludden rakes the eyes, but Typhoon no sells a series of clotheslines before laying Ludden out with one of his own. Ram to the buckle and Typhoon with a clothesline. Hip toss from out of the corner, followed by a suplex. Several squashes in the corner with his fat, followed by an Avalanche. Scoop slam by Typhoon follows with the Tidal Wave (Big Splash) for the victory at 2:31. DUD Boring... next please...

- "The Narcissist" Lex Luger vs. Terry Zeller:
I must be the only person alive who liked Luger's "Narcissist" character, maybe because I take pride in knowing how to spell it... plus his theme music was quite catchy. VERY lengthy entrance, as Luger takes his sweet time getting to the ring, then takes time to disrobe and pose in the mirror placed in the middle of the ring. However, the Jobber does something stupid by checking himself in the mirror, so Luger gets upset and KO's Zeller with the running forearm, which we found had a steel plate in it due to a Motorcycle accident sometime in 1992. Match never starts, since the Jobber is unconscious, so no time and no rating.

- One last visit to the Event Center with Mean Gene, and this time we have an ultra crappy interview from Harvey Wippleman, while Giant Gonzales stand around looking like the idiot he is. Words cannot describe how much Jorge Gonzales sucked as a "wrestler", so I won't even try. The target of the Interview, is, of course, the Undertaker. Followed is an Interview from "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan, who is coming off the injured list, and directs his comments at Yokozuna.

- Coming Up Next Week on Superstars... The Nasty Boys and Kamala take on Tag Team Champions, Money Inc. and Mr. Hughes in a Six-Man Tag Team Match. Also, in a King of the Ring Qualifying Match, "El Matador" Tito Santana squares off against Razor Ramon. All this and MORE! End of Broadcast.

Final Thoughts: Overall, a fun 45 minutes, with some good (and hilariously bad) interviews, angle developments, squash matches where wrestlers might stiff the Jobbers, and of course a Feature Match here and there. The King of the Ring tournament was quite fun in 1993, and maybe a review of it will come later. Perfect / Doink of course stole the early part of the tournament with three good matches, while Bret Hart stole the show for the rest of the tournament. Until next time...