that people said, or something:
"I'd like to help, just...
not as much as I'd like not to help." -Red.
Moe- "Marge, we better check Little Italy."
Homer- "I'll get our little passports."
"I think that every man should have a tatoo across their fanny that reads exit only." -Chris Parnell in Hardball on Saturday Night Live.
"Behold the rarest of the rare, the mythological two- headed hound, born with only one head!
ooo- and here, out of the mysts of mystery, the legendary esquilax, a horse born with the head of a rabbit...
and the body of a rabbit."
Zoolander- "I'm a ugugulizer."
Zoolander- "You know, a ugugulizer? One who gives speeches at a funeral? Did you really think I was too dumb to know what a ugugoly is?"
Marge: "First he wrecks your car, then he steals
mine. Homer, your father has to be stopped!"
Homer: "Oh sure- when he does something bad he's my
"This is my
Woodstock!" -Moe, entering the Shoe Expo.
Homer (in the distance on a swing, looking over the
fence):"D' oh! D' oh! ... D' oh! D' oh!"
Marge: "Homer, what's wrong"
Homer: "The grass is actually greener on Flanders'
Marge: "That's because you keep on passing out on
Dark Helmet: "These are all
President Screw: "Yes... He's
and Asshole, He's Asshole, they're all Assholes [the family].
Dark Helmet: "I knew it: I'm
surrounded by complete Assholes!"
"Your Schwarz is as big as mine." -Dark Helmet
"I want to have my own
scent... When I leave a room, I want people to say, 'Hmm- it smells like
Hal in here.' ... But in a good way." -Hal.
"We have this saying in our family: if it's been
an hour, eat without her... If it's any longer, something's
Marge: "Homer, are you still
attracted to me?"
Homer: "Why would I want
Purina when I've got Fancy Feast right here?"
"Is Malcolm a robot?" -Dewey.
Louis: "Drink your
Dewey: "It's lumpy."
Louis: "Then chew it."
"I'm not complaining, I'm constipated!" -Resse.
Can 50 little people pull an airplane further than
an elephant?" - Fox's Man versus Beast commercail... seriousely,
"Cool beans!" -Amy
Poeler as teacher in SNL.
"I am Lugash" - Lugash.
NRod (no longer jo Jo): "get your hand off my
Greg: "that's not my hand."
Here's a quote from jo Jo:
"Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.
"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.
"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.
When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
"Why are you crying?" asked the girl.
The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urine test."
Dr. Evil: "space was cool."
Something from a Seinfeld episode:
(phone rings, Jerry Picks it up):
Caller: Hello, are you interested in a phone service?
Jerry: I'm sorry, I'm busy right now. But if you give me
your home number, I'll get back to you.
Caller: I can't give you that.
Jerry: Why, you don't want people calling you at home?
Jerry: well now you know how I feel."
Nathananiel's buddy Info (at least on 12-5-02):
"Me Nathaniel Big Man. Me hunt bug animals. Me Wear animal dead Head on my head. Me run around and get Womon!!!! Nathaniel King of the land. Me Wear nothing but tiger skins. Womons love tiger skin. When Me Full mE Burp. Everyone hear and Chant Big Nathaniels name. Me rule the land and get lots of WOMONS."
"This week, Kenny G. released his new Christmas
album... Happy birthday, Jesus, hope you like crap!" - Norm McDonald
in Weekend Update.
"Damn Mongowians, knock down my
shitty wall!"- the funny Chinese guy from that South Park episode!
i know there's already a link page, but iv got so much extra room, what
better way to take up space??)
that's enough space and I've really just lost interest.
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
or use my sn, jackassmidgit.
Check out some of my other sites: http://www.angelfire.com/weird2/exotics-world/,
for car pictures and info, and my rock sites coming soon, topRock.com
see That one
Go to the What if...
go to News Archive
Last night, Evan on Joe Millionaire chose Zora, a
teacher from Lambertville to be his wife. I also hear as a surprise,
some bald guy gave them 1 million dollars. Has it ever occured to any
body that not only is Fox paying him for the show, but wasn't the whole
point of the show to see if the winner would marry him without
all of this money? It's just a thought.
2- 17- 03 (monday):
This week, 3 TV channels (NBC, Fox, and ABC) are airing
special interviews with Michael Jackson, focusing on mainly his face and
little boys. In one part, he claims he only had 2 nose jobs, and then
when the doctor was interviewed, he says that he had near 50 plastic
surgeries, and that his nose was collapsing in (this is actually true).
Also, Michael admits that he occasionally likes to stay in the same room
as little boys. You may ask where I am going with this. Well, I really
don't know. I just thought all of this was a little obvious.
Anyway, to waste space, I decided to make a list of
signs of Michael Jackson's insanity. Enjoy:
has had 50 plastic surguries.
his nose is actually collapsing in on itself as a
result of so much plastic surgury.
he likes to spend the night with little boys.
has long, curly hair.
have you ever actually seen him in any clothes that
about two months ago, he would only wear one shoe
because he claimed to have been bitten by a spider.
has a child named Blanket.
lives on a freaking amusement park called THE
NEVERLAND RANCH, and sells paintings of him surrounded by
is known as "The King of Pop."
That's just how bored I am.
This week, once again, Micheal Jackson showed his
insanity in many ways, including making devil- horns with his fingers,
and only wearing one shoe because he claimed to be bitten by a spider.
Well that would explain alot.
This week Micheal Jackson was questioned about his right
to have children after he held one of them over the edge of a
balcony over a crowd of fans. But most people say they are glad,
because this can be some early signs of Post- Pardom
He then was seen in a zoo, with vales draped over his
children's heads. But he claimed that he just wanted his family to show
some respect to his fellow Black- Headed Sagui Dwarfs [see pictures
Yesterday, New York Governor George Pataki was
re-elected for a third term in office. This still did not surprise New
Yorkers, seeing how everyone just loves the way he sort of lies back and
doesn't do anything. In fact, now with the economy failing, many people
say they just can't wait for nothing to happen.
This year, many people may have noticed the absence of
CBS's Temptation Island. This may sound like good news, but if
you think about it, now there's probably no chance of them making a
lesbian version: dammit- the only crappy show with promise is canceled;
if only people would think ahead. like me...