Title: Love After All?
Author: Kata
Disclaimer: No, I don't own them. Technically, I don't own anything, seeing as I'm not quite 18! Song is 98 Degrees'.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: For the first season.
Feedback: Yes! I'm a little uncertain about this one. It's somewhat disjointed, and strange.
Summery: This is short of my idea of what would be going through Maria's head right before the season premire.
Author's Note: The song is called "Yesterday's Letter," and it's brand-new. I just couldn't resist! :-)

******

I wrote a letter yesterday
Just trying to explain

I wrote him a letter. He won't return my phone calls, will he read a letter? Somehow I think he will, and I had to tell him... to try to put into words how I feel.

Couldn't find the words to say
Cause you are so far away
So far away
I wrote you a letter yesterday

I haven't talked to him since that day. The day all of our lives' shattered. Or at least all the humans' lives. Maybe the aliens' are happy. I wouldn't know. The alien-human relations don't seem to be going very well. They don't even come to the Crashdown anymore. Michael works at night, to avoid any chance of possibly seeing me.

It's so hard for me to face
That it had to end this way
But my love will never change
Will never change

My heart still asks, "why, why?" Why did I have to have that brief splash of happiness if it was only going to be taken away in the end? Why did I have to learn to love? Why did he have to tell me that way? If he had just said, "good-bye," I could have gotten over him. But to know that he felt the same way... how am I supposed to feel?

When I search my soul, to find the truth about the love we shared
I wonder why you're no longer here

Love. That's not a word I would have ever asossiated with us. Passion, yes, but love? Love's for people like Liz and Max. The lucky ones. Michael and I are the survivors, the ones who overcome all obstacles thrown their way. Survivors don't love. Only these two did. And now my heart is breaking.

You can just walk away
But I don't feel the same
My heart still beats for you, breathes for you, sings for you

He still walked away. I asked him why he could. He said because he loved me too much. And he walked away. Is that love? I guess I don't really know. I never expected to love. I never knew what it was.

And these feelings will never fade
I can hide the pain
But I can never hide the way I feel for you

No one knows how I really feel. They all think I'm completely over Michael. Even Liz. I fake it. I'm used to faking it. I hide behind a smile, a laugh. And no one suspects how miserable I am. I wonder if Michael could tell? I hope not. I wouldn't want him to know... to know that I can never stop loving him.

I've been talking in my sleep
About the way it used to be

How could I have ever complained about Michael? Flowers, chocolate, romance, it doesn't matter. I thought you didn't love someone unless you bought them things. Now I know I'm wrong. And I'd take that bottle of genaric shampoo with gladness, if Michael came with it.

Girl (boy *g*), I pray that you'll hear me And then I'll see you in my dreams
Oh, in my dreams
But I can't forget the words you said to move on with my life
And no matter what, I'll carry you inside

He said good-bye. I hate that word. It's so final. My daddy told me good-bye, and he's never came back. Now the only other man I've loved has said it. Does that mean he won't come back, too?

You can just walk away
But I don't feel the same
My heart still beats for you, breathes for you, sings for you
And these feelings will never fade
I can hide the pain
But I can never hide the way I feel for you

I suppose he's with Isabel now. I don't know, I don't want to know. Because if he can be with her, and be happy, then it means he never loved me at all. And I don't want to face that. Or do I want him to be happy? I wouldn't want him to feel the way I feel.

Sooner or later you're going to realize
That this type of love happens once in your life

IS this true love? I didn't think it was. I remember telling Liz that Michael and I weren't soulmates. But are we? I can't stop thinking about him, loving him, but I hope he's happy! I hope he's not as miserable as me. Is that true love?

So open your eyes, girl (boy), and see what we could be
Come back to me

If only he would come back to me! I just can't let him go... even when I want him to be happy above all else, I won't him back. And it's almost time for school... when I'll see Michael every day. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'm not sure.

You can just walk away
But I don't feel the same
My heart still beats for you, breathes for you, sings for you
And these feelings will never fade
I can hide the pain
But I can never hide the way I feel for you

I wish he knew I loved him. Somehow I don't think he'd belive it unless I told him. I wouldn't. I still don't. I can't help wonder if it was an excuse, a reason to get rid of me...

You can just walk away
But I don't feel the same
My heart still beats for you, breathes for you, sings for you
And these feelings will never fade
I can hide the pain
But I can never hide the way I feel for you

But in the end I know the truth. I love Michael and he loves me. And all I can do is hope that someday, somehow, we can be together. Maybe we do have true love. I hope so. Because true love conquers all, right?

End

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