Chap 4> Sometimes it’s hard for people to expect what they really are. What is the truth. I finally told my family I was gay. They were supportive, like I knew they’d be. We told all our fans, who were not so supportive. IT was either they were all mad because now they knew they could never have me, or they were all homophobic bitches, but they started rumors on the internet about how I was having a ‘affair” with Taylor. Taylor w as disturbed by it, but I found it amusing. And ironic. After all those years of wanting Taylor, I had finally partly gotten over him. I mean, I was 23 for god’s sake. I needed to let go. He was straight. I was gay. There was no question.---------à But sometimes, just SOMETIMES I look at him and those old feelings come rushing back. Like sometimes he’ll be standing there talking to someone, and he will move in some way that shows off his amazing beauty, his detailed perfection, and those feelings will be there again. Nagging at me very soul, threatening to suffocate me of they remain unfulfilled. I’ll see him sitting down, watching T.V or something, he will be perfectly still, like a statue. Not a hair out of place, except for a couple golden blond strands falling In his face. A sight relaxed pout on his lips from concentration. He doesn’t even try, and he always looks gorgeous. He’s perfect, like a statue, almost. I can’t breathe. I just stare at him, amazed that I’ve held out so long without him. How I’m still living without him. He’ll notice me staring at him and he’ll say, with a slight smile playing on his perfect lips, “ What you looking at, Ike? “ He will come up to me and breathe on my neck as he whispers in my ear, “You know you can’t have me. And it kills you, right?” He smells faintly of soap and some girly perfume and aftershave. I close my eyes and realize that feeling on my neck as he backs away, sitting back down. It feels cold now on my neck where his breath had just warmed it. He’s right. It does.