Connie answers you most intimate questions...

My little darlings,

You have been sending me hundreds of mails and letters to ask for this section to open. You have to understand that I can not publish all your letters, or even answer to everyone. First, because Connie does have another work, that is not all as glamourous as being the star she is, but it pays the rent ! Also because the content of some of your letters would get me kicked out of my web-hosting in no time...

So, I have to select the ones that I'll put here. Being the modern lady I am, I do have a very complexe and precise computer assisted process to do so, but in two words, let's say that if your prose is of general interest for the visitors of this page, not too graphic, and not directly insulting to your dear Connie, then perhaps, perhaps, perhaps....

(note : I am now adding a short FAQ section down here, as some questions keep repeating themselves in your letters, in various languages and styles. So be a darling and read it before you ask again).

Your message to Connie :

(your name here)
Dear Connie, bla bla bla... I love you
something about you :
are you : Male - Female - Other
how do you love my site ? a lot - even more
would you agree for Connie to post your message on this page ? yes - no

8Hi there, how's it going?

Well for starters I must confess that this8 is indeed
pretty awkward.

I onoticed your profile online and figured I'd drop
ya a line....I bet that doesn't happen to you
everyday! I neve6r really even thought about it until
someone saw mine and got in touch a little while
back. 6

ANYWAY! My name is Karan, I'm 6 23, and I'm a sale
repo for a mid-sized pharmaceutical company.

Goodness I can't get over how strange this is! I'm
sure you're probably thinking the same thing! hehe.
Oh well, I really don't want to go on too faor.
8 Especially since I'm not sure6 whether or not you
have any6 intrest.

But if you would like to get to know more about me,
please6 drop me a line. I'll be more than happy to
include some6 pics as well.
Anything aobout you would be greatly apreciated as
well :-) o

Well I hope to hear from you soon! Take care.

xoxo,

Karan6 ..........

P.S. Do you use any messenger services, maybe we can
chat on there sometime? My email address is
flowers_kerrigan_27@h...

Best regards,

Karan, darling,

First of all, when you write a love letter as passionate as this one, you might want to hide the fact that you send it to several recipients at the same time... Yes, I can read headers !

Who are these dramachick820@h..., dramacide@h..., and dramaclub01@h... anyway ?

And you will need to do something about your keyboard, dear : the numeric pad is leaking all over the place.

Dear Connie,

Are there such things as girl drag-queens?

I mean, besides the total irony of that statement - are there any females who dress up in the eccentric style of a drag queen? Since I was young I've thought that drag queens are downright beautiful, but being that I'm a woman, I never thought there was much of a market for girl drag-queens ?

Sorry to ask such a silly question - I'm just curious. I'm always looking to pursue new things....

"Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans..." John Lennon

~Ash~

Ashley, dearest,

Well, I don't own the "Drag Queen" trademark, and it does not belong to me to make the rules, but if you ask my own personal opinion, I'll be glad to indulge.

I've checked on my "Drag Queen Universal Licence", and it does not state that you have to be male to qualify. I even remember that on the application form, I paused for a while at the question "gender : male - female"... It is true that all the Drag Queens I know have to tuck and shave before they can get on stage, but look at famous painters : they are all dead ! Does that mean you have to be dead to paint well ?...

Seriously... My opinion is that Drag Queens are an art form, that the rules can be stretched quite a lot, and that really, we are only skin-deep ! What does it matter what gender is under the make-up !

For me, other criteria, like good taste and/or humour, big hair and high heels, are MUCH more important ! And love, love, love !

If you want to be a Drag Queen, go for it ! Be fabulous, be out there, spread universal Drag love, that's all it takes !

Dear Connie,

May I just say that your page is FABULOUS. I love it!!! Very fun and very wry:)

To introduce myself, my name is Annalis Hermann. I am a student at college in the US and I am hoping to come to Japan next year. I'm in the midst of applying for a scholarship that would allow me to travel anywhere and study any topic I choose. Of course I have to pre-select this topic and submit it as a proposal. I chose to study makeup. I love the stuff but my skills are limited to replicating fashion magazines, which aren't very inventive in the US. Kevyn Aucoin has the best faces going but even those seem to be limited by editors.

Enough bitching, let me get to my point. I am hoping that I will receive this grant and be able to come to Japan to study makeup in Geisha and Kabuki actors. However, I found your wonderful page and was wondering, if I do make it over there would you mind terribly if I imposed on you for a while and asked you to share some of your tricks? You and your friends seem to know a thing or two about foundation and lipstick:)

I know this is a rather rude and imposing e-mail but if you are intrigued let me know if you want any references or anything and I'd be happy to provide you with whatever you need to assure yourself I am legit!

Thanks for reading this!

Sincerely, Annalis Hermann

Annalis, my dear little eclait au chocolat, what a lovely name !

I am flattered that you turn to me as a "foundation expert and lipstick mistress", but alas ! I am but a beginner in the art of face painting !

The truth is, I keep experimenting, and whenever the make-up fairy is around, I end up with the fabulous looks you might have seen on my web site. The rest of the time, the whole thing goes down the drain after a rageous shower !... I am getting better with foundation (I do cream PLUS powder, and I like it thick...), but the eyes are my everlasting battle.

Beauty does not come naturally to us, dearest, it is earn through suffering and frustrations !...

What could I say to help you...

That too much green is no good for the complexion ? That you should already know, my child.
That lipstick shows better if you pump the excess of the first layer on a hanky, and let it settle before you apply a second one ?
That lipliner is worth the extra effort, that a touch of gold powder on the lower lip brightens a dark red lipstick like nothing ?
That liquid eyeliner is a nightmare, and that black pencil is REALLY good enough on stage (but sharpen it often enough, or you end up looking like a Chinese Panda !) ?
That you should shave at least an hour before applying the make-up, and that toothpaste give a closer shave than shaving cream (but, you lucky thing, you don't need that, do you ?).
And you don't want to hear me go into technical details of tucking or cliveage !

Ask away, I'll be glad to help if I can.

But most important, my little wildcherry pie : if you ever fly from wherever you are to Japan, make sure you have a stopover in Taipei (Taiwan), and I'll be glad to show you around...

Much love, Annalis dear, and do something purple today !

Madame Lingus,

I am not sure why I am writing to you, this is the first time I write to someone I don't know, but I feel really lost. I don't even know if I should call you Miss, Mister, or what ?

I am 17, and I have a big problem : Sarah in my class says she likes me a lot, and we have been to the movies sometimes and that was really cool. But Patricia helps me with my maths every Friday, and that's cool to, especially that she has that perfume like my Gran'ma, only it's nicer when it is on Patricia... And Melinda is waiting for me after practice, and carries my bag, and I have that funny feeling in my stomach when she looks at me. And also I like to peep at Mathew when we are at the swimmimg pool, he has a great body, and I had cool dream where he was.

Mind you, Ma'am, I'm not a virgin or anything, I have seen videos and I know how things work, it's just I have never done it, and I can't decide who I should get married to.

What do you think I should do ?

"Not too sure" Tom in Yorkshire

Tommy darling,

Some people call me "Miss", some people call me names, some people even call me at three in the morning when they are drunk and desperate... Well, as long as you call me...

But, back to your little problem : Tom, honey, you should be so happy you are so popular ! Life is a feast, my aunty Mame used to tell me, and, my little cherry blossom, you should enjoy it ! Sarah is nice ? Patricia is "cool" ? Melinda likes you ? Matthew returns your looks ? Well it's Life offering itself to you, go for it. Tell them how you feel, find a nice place to share nice moments, let time get you intimate.

But married ?!?!?! Sweety, you have plenty of time to think of that, don't rush ! I you married Sarah, how would you know if you had not prefered Melinda or Matthew ? Do you always buy the first pair of shoes you try on ?

Just let things go their way, and enjoy !

Try a little bit of this, a little bit of that, always keep room for the next dish until you know which one is the one. And you'll know...

[P.S.: by the way, Tom, the funny feeling, it is not in your stomach...]

Dear Connie,

I love your site. It is very informative.

I am a pretty black drag who wears outrageous afro wigs littered with beads, hearts and assortments. I thoroughly enjoy acting and being a queen.

I've got a question and need advice what is a good drag name for a black queen Cocco Butta or Cocco Crisp or Frutti Tutti?

(no name)

Dear "I don't have a name yet",

Miss Cocco Butta ? Sounds nice. Avoid the "Frutti" thing, everybody's name is Tutti Frutti...

See, it all depends what impression you want to give (and to leave). If you want to insist on the colour of your skin, I guess the "Cocco" must stay. Not to mention that cocoa is a powerful aphro(afro)disiac...

The most important thing is that you have to be confortable in your Drag name, like in your favorite pair of plateforms : you'll have to hear it, use it, repeat it, introduce yourself, every night the beads are out.

What kind of Queen are you ? Powerfull, man-eater Queen ? Outrageous colourful and funny Queen ? Sensual and distinguised ? Have you thought of using a French middle name ? It is so "tres a la mode"...

"Miss Marie-Antoinette Cocco Butta" ?

I choose my name because I wanted to enjoy the few seconds of shocked panic on the face of the person I am introduced to : "Have you met Connie ? Connie Lingus, she is from France... Not Ponnie, Connie, with a 'C', like in 'cunt'..."

Hope you find yours (name, that is) !

Much love,

[P.S.]

My dear child,

We have been congregating with other sisters, doing some thinking and some drinking, and obviously in the correct order, and here is what came out of our magic jewel boxes :

• Miss Blanchette Mod Velour
• Miss Vania Black Lilly
• Miss Jeannette Tawny Spice
• Miss Nicole Morello Cherry
• Baronesse Zita Brown

Have fun, and let me know your final choice !

Much love,

Dear Connie,

Where are you from ?

(anonymous)

Dear "So very curious",

You ask where I am from ? Most of the time from the bottom of a suit case, where I lay in parts, wig here, gloves there, bosom and buttocks properly stored in glamourous-looking shoping bags, and all the colours of my face arranged in cute little transparent plastic pots... I usually take one or two hours to assemble. Don't we all ?

Maybe you wanted to hear something else about it, like "from France" ? Or like "I now live in Taiwan, where Drag Queens are new and performing is fun" ?

Hi Connie,

I am a pretty Drag Queen in XXXXXX, my name is XXXXXXX.

I love your site, which I discovered while I was XXXXXXX in XXXXXXX at XXXXXXXXX, with my friend XXXXXXXXX and her XXXXXX, XXX.

But I was wondering, how could I be as glamorous as you are ? You know, in XXXXXXX they don't have much taste for XXXXX, like XXXXXX in XXXX. At least, that's what I could guess when listening to what our horrible neighbour Mrs. XXXXX-XXXXXX was telling to Mrs. XXXXXX, X days ago in the XXXXX of XXXX.

Could you help me ?

X

P.S.: Please do not post this message as is, as I have to be discreet in XXXXXX.

Dear X,
(this starts like a spy story !)

I am not sure that anybody would understand anything of your story after I edited it as you asked me to do, to remove any sign that would give away your identity !...

First thing about being the fabulous Queen you want (or do you ?) to be, is to show yourself ! So cheer up, and go and tell this Mrs Claus-Mayers of yours to have a smaller mouth and a larger heart.

[P.S.: ooups ! Did I write her name ?]

Connie Lingus is a member of the "WEBMistresses with Attitude".

Copyright (in case you are seriously considering copying anything from here !) 1999-2006 TaiPei
"Connie Lingus" is a registered trademark. Grrr !...