The (admittedly twisted) minds that brought you "Mommy's
Little  Girl,"  "Addicted," and "All Through the Night," now
present for your approval "Little Agent Mulder" (to the tune of
"Little Bunny Foo-Foo' [you'll catch on]).  SPOILER ALERT!!!  If
you haven't seen the cockroach episode, don't read this.  Or do. 
Whichever.  But you have been warned *insert maniacal laughter
here*.
 
Disclaimer!  You know the drill: Chris Carter owns the bunnies,
err... agents.  Goodness only knows who owns the song.  We just put
them together.
 
Little Agent Mulder
or, My Life As a Cockroach
or also, Yes We Have No Lives and Your Point Is?

by Nicole Mason and Melissa Wilson
copyright 1996
 
Little Agent Mulder, driving through Massachusetts,
Scooping up the roaches and bopping them on the head.
He calls his partner, and *she* says,
"Little Agent Mulder, I just have to tell you:
It's anaphylactic shock that you're a'dealing with.
     Do you want me to come up?"
     "No, you're probably right."
 
Little Agent Mulder, driving through Massachusetts,
Scooping up the roaches and bopping them on the head.
He calls his partner, and *she* says,
"Little Agent Mulder, I just have to tell you:
It's drug hallucinations that you're a'dealing with.
     Do you want me to come up?"
     "No, you're probably right."
 
Little Agent Mulder, driving through Massachusetts,
Scooping up the roaches and bopping them on the head.
He calls his partner, and *she* says,
"Little Agent Mulder, I just have to tell you:
It's an aneurism that you're a'dealing with.
     Do you want me to come up?"
     "No, you're probably right."
 
Little Agent Mulder, driving through Massachusetts,
Scooping up the roaches and bopping them on the head.
His partner calls him, and *she* says,
"Little Agent Mulder, I just have to tell you ... "
     "Not now!"
 
Little Agent Mulder, driving through Massachusetts,
Scooping up the roaches and bopping them on the head.
He calls his partner, and *he* says,
"Little Agent Scully, you were right from the beginning:
It wasn't the cockroaches, it was those Latin terms."
     And *she* says, "I'm coming up."
 
Little Agent Scully, driving through Massachusetts,
Hunting Dr. Bambi to bop her on the head.
She calls her partner, and *he* says,
"Little Agent Scully, I've just got to tell you:
They're not really roaches.  They're probes from outer space."
     Then she eats a Milk Dud (go figure).
 
Little Agent Scully, driving to the rescue,
Hoping to catch a Bambi to bop her on the head.
She meets up with Mulder, and *he* says,
"Little Agent Scully, this guy thinks I'm a cockroach
(I just wish I was hung like the one I caught!)"
 
Little Special Agents, running through the building,
Scooping up the roaches and dodging methane gas.
And *they* say: "DUCK!"
 
Little Special Agents, covered in manure,
Watch as Mulder's love life goes down the tubes again. (Whew!)
And *he* says,
"Little Agent Scully, I never thought I'd say this:
You really, *really* smell bad."
And then he walked away.
 
The moral of this story, if there really is one,
Is, if you see a cockroach, BOP IT ON THE HEAD!
 
The End

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