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Kiss me! I'm the Trunkenator. Hi! I'm Captain PBP. Let's do lunch. Click here to go back HOME. I'm Green Lantern. Enough said.  I'm X Boy. Don't wake me.
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This is where we answer the question, "Where the heck did these guys come from and why the heck do they think they are superheroes?"

Contents

It Begins

    Summer of '94.  San Ramon, California.  Bristol, Virginia.  Farmington, Utah.  Layton, Utah.  The places and time of the most significant events of the 20th century.  To them it began as a normal summer.  Working, playing, dating, watching TV, eating meals, sleeping, waking up, going back to sleep, hiking, driving cars, watching movies, swimming, making ice cream from scratch using fresh strawberries from the garden and fresh cream from the family cow; ordinary events, it seemed, and yet it was the makings of superheros.
XBoy
    The soon-to-be X Boy found employment at the local amusement park near his family's home.  Working as an undercover security agent prepared him for his future responsibilities as a superhero.  He was assigned to the high crime area of the park.  "Pioneer Village", as it was called, contained many valuable antiques and historical displays.  The amusement park only employed the best to see that these artifacts were protected.
    As he responded to a silent alarm one afternoon, the soon-to-be X Boy thought to himself, "I certainly enjoy this job.  Protecting these artifacts is work of significant responsibility.  And with the money I earn, I'll be able to go to the Toad concert next month.  I sure like Toad."
    Just then he arrived at the scene of the crime: the dentist shop.  He peered cautiously inside.  The criminal was gone, but evidence of his presence was evident.  Some dust had been disturbed on the dentist chair, as if some one had sat there.  "Drat," our soon-to-be superhero thought, "Foiled again.  They got away.  No doubt just testing our response time to crime scenes.  Some great crime is assuredly to be committed here soon."
    Walking back to headquarters, he reflected again on the Toad concert.

Trunkenator 
   A few miles away as a telemarketer, the soon to be Trunkenator talked to people on the phone all day and received money for his "labors".  "Why am I here at this job," he would sometimes ask himself.  "I need money, and when I come here they give me money.  Maybe that is why I am here.  I mean if I weren't here, they probably wouldn't give me money.  Or would they. . ."
    His thoughts trailed off as sounds of a customer yelling on his headset forced him back to his "labors."  "Are you there?  Hey you moron!  HELLO-OO!"
    "Oh, sorry sir.  I must have been daydreaming."
    "Do you fade in and out of consciousness with everyone you talk too?  What's the matter with you?" the customer inquired.
    Thanks to modern technology, namely lasers and fiber optics, the customer seemed to Trunkenator to be in the same room with him.  "Wow, lasers are cool," he thought to himself, "I hope to some day own my own laser.  I think I will get an argon one.  Those are the coolest."
    A loud click, and a dial tone informed him that the customer hung up.

Green Lantern 
   Everyday millions of people across the world buy groceries.  Some go to the store only to buy a gallon of milk.  Some just want a candy bar.  Others buy two carts full of various items to provide nourishment to their loved ones.  These are the people to whom the future Green Lantern catered.  Some called him a bag boy, but to others he was more than that.  He was a cashier.  Scanning bar codes and counting change quickened soon to be Green Lantern's reflexes, speed, and agility.  "Boy racer, boy racer," he would sing to himself, thinking about his catlike speed and reflexes at the register.  "This job sure keeps me busy and out of trouble during the summer months.  I can't wait to get back to my studies, though.  But with the money I earn here I can purchase goods and services as I see fit to meet my wants and needs.  What a great town I live in."
    Just then, at that exact moment, he saw a teenage boy stick a Snickers bar in his pocket and jet towards the door.  Without thinking, the future Green Lantern ran from his register towards the door.  "He must be stopped," he thought to himself, "He must be stopped."

Captain PBP
    "Hey, how's it going?  I'm the Terminix guy. We're here in your neigh..."
    "Well, isn't that nice.  Thanks so much," the lady at the door interrupted sarcastically.
    She slammed the door with out giving soon to be Captain PBP a chance to say anything else.
    "What a psycho," the future Captain PBP thought to himself as he rang the door bell again.
    After a few moments the door opened again.  The sarcastic woman was not the door opener, however.  This time it was a very, VERY large man, with a beard no less.
    "I hate this job," the soon to be Captain PBP thought to himself.  "What am I doing this for?  Oh, wait a second.  I get money for this.  Every time I sell one of these things they give me money.  This is great."
    "What do you want?" the man at the door asked.
    Thinking quickly, our soon to be superhero responded, "I'm just going around warning all the neighbors that next Wednesday we will be spraying for wood beetles at the house behind you there with the pool.  The fumes might be bad so you'll want to keep your pets inside that day."
    The large man didn't seem to be buying it.  "I used to spray pesticides for a pest control company," the large man said, "no one has wood beetles in this area."
    "Let's see," soon to be Captain PBP thought, "I could probably outrun this guy.  But then he would call Terminix and they would know it was me.  Sometimes I wish I had one of those time things that let you go back in time.  A machine like that would come in handy.  I wish I could remember what those things are called."
    "So what company did you work for?" Captain PBP inquired, hoping to steer the conversation in a more favorable direction.
 

CONTINUE