The Brain in Your Head!

Your Brain Before Repair.

ECCENTRIC

OBSESSIONS

BRAIN

REPAIR

SERVICE!

The Other Brain in Your Head!

Your Brain After Repair!

brain, brain repair, neuro, stress, stress management, psychology, headache, neurology, therapy, theraputic, psychological, stress reduction, pain, suicide, psychiatric, depression, psycho, humor

  CONTENTS 

1. Symtoms!

2. What Our Service Does!

3. EO Repair Service Plans!

  3b. This Month's Special!

4. Our Guarantee!

5. The WWWeb Brain Connection!

6. Brain Books!

7. Why?!

Visit E.O.'s Brain Repair Service MAILBAG Page

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A Man With Severe Brain Pain!

 [1] Symptoms!

Is your brain feeling tired and listless? Do you wake up in the morning and say "Bubba gabba wabba", because it takes your brain at least an hour to form intelligible words? Are people constantly looking at you in a shocked manner and asking if you're all right? Or perhaps, like many Americans, you were dropped on your head as a child! Well these are just some of the interesting symptoms of Brain Malfunction! Check this checklist to see if you're suffering from any of the other common symptoms of a diseased, disused, or demented Brain!

A. Your Brain constantly itches.

B. Small pieces of your brain seep out of your ears when you're sleeping!

C. Aliens have planted bugs in your Brain!

D. You took far too many "street medications" during your drug-crazed youth, and now your brain just won't work right!

E. You can actually feel things crawling around inside your head!

If you suffer from Any of these horrible symptoms then you Need our Brain Repair Service Now!

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It's A Brain!

 [2] What Our Service Does!

We clean! We scrub! We remove unsightly tarnish! See all those folds there on that healthy brain to the left? Well all kinds of gunk can collect in those folds if you don't clean them out regularly! When was the last time you had your brain washed? You probably don't even know! Yes, it's a sad but true fact that most people don't take the time necessary to keep their brains clean, well-tuned, and litter free. That's why we're here! To aid those whose schedules are too busy to do regular maintenance on their brains themselves! Why not let us clean up your brain for you!!! It's quick, it's easy, and it's almost pain-free!!! Just check out our exciting Service Plans!

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  Brain Technicians!

  Your Colorful New Brain!

  Brain Doctors!

 [3] EO Brain Repair Service Plans!

Eccentric Obsessions Brain Repair Service has several different Plans for your convenience! Choose the one that's best suited to you, your wallet, and the current condition of your disintegrating grey-matter!

Plan A. The Full Treatment!!! Remove your entire Brain (this can easily be done using utensils found in any common household kitchen), place it in the Tupperware container of your choice, and send it to us! We'll give it a good washing and waxing, and thoroughly analyze it for faults, defects, and stress fractures! Anything we find amiss we'll fix, and if the problem can't be fixed we'll replace that part of your brain using our special synthetic brain material grown fresh in our labs every day! And this plan is guaranteed for the life of your body or 40,000 headaches, whichever comes first!

Plan B. The Clean & Lube Job!! Remove only that portion of your brain which is giving you trouble and ship it to us. First we'll give it our standard analysis and do a quick check for any obvious mold or fungi. Then we'll give it a nice hot steam cleaning, lube it up with some 30-weight oil, and slide it right back to you! It's not the best repair job in the world, but it should get you through the rest of the year without any further problems!

Plan C. The Economy Package! We will send one of our engineers out to your home or office to drill some holes in your head and do a spot check of the important areas of your brain! He will tweak any and all areas that need adjusting and re-seal your head with our patented, quick-drying skull epoxy! This service is primarily for those who are having a bad week and just want to make it to Sunday without any further brain complications!

 Free Repair Estimate!  Just cut out a hunk of your Brain and send it to us in a plain brown wrapper. The following day we will be happy to call and advise you as to which of our repair plans would be appropriate for what's left of your rotting inter-cranial material!

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Special Brain!

Very Special Brain!

Not So Special Brain!

 [3b] This Month's Special!

Eccentric Obsessions Brain Repair Service appreciates you're bringing your brains to us rather than our competitors!  That's why we have a specially discounted service Every Single Month!  This month our special is... Pre-Frontal Lobotomy!  That's right!  This month if you come in and use Any of our fine services, we'll be happy to throw in a Pre-Frontal Lobotomy at no extra charge!

Do you find yourself getting just Too excited about life?  Do you think that excessive emotions are getting in the way of a nice, quiet existence??  Would you actually Like to be a big old vegetable that sits around and drools all the time???  Then perhaps a Pre-Frontal Lobotomy is the answer for you!!!  In your own home or in our specially designed drive-through facility it's a quick and easy operation, with only two little insertions into your skull and two quick snips!  What could be easier?!  Come on in and un-complicate your life today!  Your friends will be amazed at the difference in your life-style, and it's free!  And don't worry, if you find life without your frontal lobes a little Too bland and boring we'll be happy to re-connect your lobes... for a small remunerative fee of course!

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The Female Brain!

 [4] Our Guarantee!

We here at Eccentric Obsessions Brain Repair Service absolutely guarantee our work! If your brain isn't in better shape when you get it back than when you sent it to us we'll double your money back and even send you an extra brain as a back-up! (Your extra brain will of course be in a freeze-dried, zip-lock bag so it will stay fresh and crisp for years to come!)

Other companies may make big promises but what do you do when they send your brain back to you in pieces and you can't put it back together?! That won't happen to you with us! Rest assured that when we return your brain it will be bright, shiny, and have a unique glow all it's own! (Undoubtedly from the radioisotopes we've added!) And any missing pieces weren't really necessary for your brain to work properly so don't worry about them!

Snd. - HEAR 3 of our top surgeons give you their personal guarantee!   [ 88 KB ]

Snd. - HEAR one of our top scientists interview a potential victim customer!   [ 97 KB ]

Pic. - If all else fails we will send you one of these; our Emergency Brain Repair Memory Facilitater!  This will keep All of your important memories for you, and we guarantee it will never forget!!!   [ 14 KB ]

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[5] The WWWeb Brain Connection!

Yes, there are Brains splattered all over the WWWeb! Some of them are big and some are very small (as evidenced by some people's Home Pages!)! Well here are some more Brainy Sites around the Web for your perusal!

Neuroscience for Kids! - http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/neurok.html   It's not just for kids!  It's neat stuff about your Brain!

The Whole Brain Atlas - http://www.med.harvard.edu/AANLIB/home.html   Great Brains from the Harvard Medical School!

Spinning Brain Page - http://wwwdir.nidr.nih.gov/dirweb/nab/spin.htm   3D movies of Magnetic Resonance Images of the Human Brain! These are really Neat!

The Brain Surgery Site - http://www.brain-surgery.com/   Everything you ever wanted to know about brain surgery explained in non-technical terms!

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[6] Brain Books!   Amazon Books On-Line!

Amazon.com is pleased to have Eccentric Obsessions in the family of Amazon.com associates. We've agreed to ship books and provide customer service for orders we receive through special links on Eccentric Obsessions!

Amazon.com associates list selected books in an editorial context that helps you choose the right books. We encourage you to visit Eccentric Obsessions often to see what new books they've selected for you. Thank you for shopping with an Amazon.com associate. Sincerely, Jeff Bezos, President, Amazon.com.

P.S. We guarantee you the same high level of customer service you would receive at Amazon.com. If you have a question about an order you've placed, please don't hesitate to contact us.

The Amazing Brain  by Robert Ornstein, Richard F. Thompson

Brain Activation  by Per E. Roland

The Owner's Manual for the Brain: Everyday Applications from Mind-Brain Research  by Pierce J. Howard

Brain Tricks: Coping With Your Defective Brain  by David L. Weiner

Brainscapes: An Introduction to What Neuroscience Has Learned About the Structure, Function, and Abilities of the Brain  by Richard M. Restak, Richard Kot (Editor)

The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life  by Joseph Ledoux

The Brain Encyclopedia  by Carol Turkington

The Human Brain: A Guided Tour  by Susan A. Greenfield


BOOK  SEARCH  AMAZON.COM

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Planetary Brain Ad!

[7] Why a Brain Repair Service?!

If you've left your house recently and tried to deal with anyone (including your relatives) you know why this service is needed! Because there are millions of people out there desperately in need of Brain Repair, and most of them don't even realize it! They meander through their day thinking that they are normal, when in fact they are just getting in the way of the rest of us who are actually trying to get something done! Wake these people up and send them here to get their brains repaired! They'll thank you for it later!

Man with a New Brain!

This small but exciting part of the WWWeb is brought to you by Robert Haycock.  E-Mail me with any questions, comments, suggestions, or information about the human brain, or why your brain is in need of massive repair!  Sorry, but because of Massive SPAM problems my E-Mail link has been "hidden". See the info box at the bottom of this page for more info, thanks!

 

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