[1] Symptoms!

Is your brain feeling tired and listless? Do you wake up in the morning and say "Bubba gabba wabba", because it takes your brain at least an hour to form intelligible words? Are people constantly looking at you in a shocked manner and asking if you're all right? Or perhaps, like many Americans, you were dropped on your head as a child! Well these are just some of the interesting symptoms of Brain Malfunction! Check this checklist to see if you're suffering from any of the other common symptoms of a diseased, disused, or demented Brain!

 [2] What Our Service Does!

We clean! We scrub! We remove unsightly tarnish! See all those folds there on that healthy brain to the left? Well all kinds of gunk can collect in those folds if you don't clean them out regularly! When was the last time you had your brain washed? You probably don't even know! Yes, it's a sad but true fact that most people don't take the time necessary to keep their brains clean, well-tuned, and litter free. That's why we're here! To aid those whose schedules are too busy to do regular maintenance on their brains themselves! Why not let us clean up your brain for you!!! It's quick, it's easy, and it's almost pain-free!!! Just check out our exciting Service Plans!

 [3] EO Brain Repair Service Plans!

Eccentric Obsessions Brain Repair Service has several different Plans for your convenience! Choose the one that's best suited to you, your wallet, and the current condition of your disintegrating grey-matter!

Plan A. The Full Treatment!!! Remove your entire Brain (this can easily be done using utensils found in any common household kitchen), place it in the Tupperware container of your choice, and send it to us! We'll give it a good washing and waxing, and thoroughly analyze it for faults, defects, and stress fractures! Anything we find amiss we'll fix, and if the problem can't be fixed we'll replace that part of your brain using our special synthetic brain material grown fresh in our labs every day! And this plan is guaranteed for the life of your body or 40,000 headaches, whichever comes first!

Plan B. The Clean & Lube Job!! Remove only that portion of your brain which is giving you trouble and ship it to us. First we'll give it our standard analysis and do a quick check for any obvious mold or fungi. Then we'll give it a nice hot steam cleaning, lube it up with some 30-weight oil, and slide it right back to you! It's not the best repair job in the world, but it should get you through the rest of the year without any further problems!

Plan C. The Economy Package! We will send one of our engineers out to your home or office to drill some holes in your head and do a spot check of the important areas of your brain! He will tweak any and all areas that need adjusting and re-seal your head with our patented, quick-drying skull epoxy! This service is primarily for those who are having a bad week and just want to make it to Sunday without any further brain complications!

 [4] Our Guarantee!

We here at Eccentric Obsessions Brain Repair Service absolutely guarantee our work! If your brain isn't in better shape when you get it back than when you sent it to us we'll double your money back and even send you an extra brain as a back-up! (Your extra brain will of course be in a freeze-dried, zip-lock bag so it will stay fresh and crisp for years to come!)

Other companies may make big promises but what do you do when they send your brain back to you in pieces and you can't put it back together?! That won't happen to you with us! Rest assured that when we return your brain it will be bright, shiny, and have a unique glow all it's own! (Undoubtedly from the radioisotopes we've added!) And any missing pieces weren't really necessary for your brain to work properly so don't worry about them!