Yes we get mail here at the old Brain Repair Service! Tons of mail each and every week from satisfied customers around the globe! Most of these are of course letters of gratitude from people thanking us for the enriched new lives they are now leading after making the incredibly wise decision to let us repair their pathetically fragmented grey matter! However, we sometimes get letters from folks (yes folks just like You) with brain problems that they are having difficulty solving! These are usually topics we haven't covered in our main page of information, so the head eccentric at our Brain Repair Service has given us permission to post some of these letters as they may be of great aid to others suffering similar conditions! All letters printed are actual mail received here at the Brain Repair Service along with the actual response one of our crack technicians has sent out!
[1] What's a Mother to Do?! Q: Love your site!!!!! Here's my question. I have a 15 year old son, in great need of brain repair. Do I legally need his permission to remove his brain and send it to you for a full repair job? If I don't need his permission, what is the best time of the day to remove it? Is it best to do this while he's sleeping? I'm sure he'll thank me for this later. :-) Thanks, Joyce A: First of all we advise everyone to not have any children in the first place! They only cause excessive wear and tear on your valuable brain cells, and once you are stuck with children they will irritate your brain for years and years without letting up! At this point we're sure that YOU are much more in need of brain repair than any of your children! To answer your questions: 1. No, you don't need your children's permission to remove their brains until they are 21 years of age. Up until that time they are like indentured servants who don't actually do any work! They are yours to do with as you will! Feel free to remove any of their body parts or internal organs as you see fit! 2. The best time to do it? You can just forget about removing it while your teenager sleeps as they do this only very rarely! The process for obtaining teenager brains is as follows: Check your child's report card and make note of the subject they are getting the worst grade in. Then find out what time of day he or she has this particular class. After that it will be a simple matter of walking into this class while it's in session. Your child will be in a coma-like state, no doubt induced by an insufferably boring teacher, and you can easily scoop out their brain without their taking any notice whatsoever! Ship it off to us and we'll do what we can with it (though teenage brains are notoriously uncooperative and resistant to repairs or improvements of any kind!). 3. Your child will not be thanking you for this later, we're sorry to inform you! Have you not yet learned that all children are ingrates?! (This is normally the case until they reach maturity, after which they will resent you!) And besides, we here at ECCENTRIC OBSESSIONS Brain Repair Service do such an excellent, high-quality job that your child will never realize that they have had their brains repaired! Unless of course you, being a typical parent, tell them that you scrimped and saved just so you could pay for their brain repair and improve their life. This will induce enormous guilt in your child and is something we highly recommend! (The guilt will eat away at their brains and they will someday be back bringing us their brains for further repairs!) Thank you for your patronage of our services, and good luck with the teenaged humaniod mutant now residing in your formerly happy home!
Hosted by... |
