Title: A Hard Goodbye

Author: Jeanny

E-mail: jeannygrrl@hotmail.com

Rating: G

Spoilers: Season 3 Through The Zeppo.

Distribution/Archive: Go right ahead, if you like, just let me know where it's going.

Disclaimer: I don't own them, would that I did. The characters herein belong to Joss, Mutant Enemy, Greenwalt, Fox, etc. I'm merely using them to tell my own little story.

Feedback: Please! I need it.

Summary: Willow's thoughts after seeing Xander in The Zeppo. (The second in the series I call Zeppositions)

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I didn't kiss him.

God, I really wanted to kiss him. I mean, what if that's the last time I'll ever see Xander, and I didn't even kiss him goodbye. I hugged him. I hugged him harder than I've ever hugged anyone...but no kiss.

It's not like I gave it any thought, either, like should I or shouldn't I? I just...didn't. My kisses are for Oz now, and that's just how it is. I'm over Xander that way. Which is good. Really good.

So why does it feel like I'm dying as I'm walking away? Because he's your friend, stupid. Your best friend since forever, and the world's gonna end. Of course it hurts. This sort of thing is supposed to hurt. We're all gonna die unless we can stop this somehow. I've got to hurry. Buffy needs me...

Oh God. I told him I love him. It's okay. Xander probably thinks I meant it in the friend way, though. I mean, I did mean it in the friend way. That's the way I meant it. I love Oz...but it's okay that I love Xander as a friend. Still, I don't think I'll mention running into Xander tonight. It's a wolfy night, and the world's ending...enough to deal with without Xander and the fluke and all of that mixed in too.

I wish I'd kissed him goodbye. I should go back. I have to go back. I have to...I can’t. There’s no time. There’s no point.

Goodbye Xander. I wish...

It doesn’t really matter what I wish.

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Feedback is appreciated!