Get Smart Quotes
Agent 13:You're going to get killed tonight!
Max: Tonight!?! But it's almost midnight!
Agent 13: Midnight!?! Well look if I don't see you again, Happy New Year!
99:(entering the room singing) I thought you were going to lower the lights!
Floyd: Why? Do you sound better in the dark?
Operator:"What number are you calling?"
Max: "I'm calling Control, Operator…"
Operator: "You have dialed incorrectly. Give me your name and address and your dime will be refunded."
Max: "Operator, I'm calling from my shoe!"
Operator: "What is the number of your shoe?"
Max: "It's an unlisted shoe, Operator!"
99:Oh, Max what a terrible weapon of destruction.
Max: Yes. You know, China, Russia, and France should outlaw all nuclear weapons. We should insist upon it.
99: What if they don't, Max?
Max: Then we may have to blast them. That's the only way to keep peace in the world.
99:Sometimes I wish you were just an ordinary businessman.
Max: Well, 99, we are what we are. I'm a secret agent, trained to be cold vicious and savage. . . . Not enough to be a businessman.
Max:I'm sorry I'm late, Chief, but I was stuck in the car for almost 20 minutes.
Chief: I know, Max. The traffic.
Max: No, the seat belt. I can never get the darn thing unbuckled.
Senator:What would you do if you were fired, Mr. Smart?
Max: They can't fire me- I know too much.
Admiral:Our chances are slim, hopeless. We're facing imminent disaster. I must go on the air and speak to the public.
99: What are you going to tell them?
Admiral: That everything is fine.
Max:Have you got any information to report?
Agent 13: You bet I do. It's a matter of life and death. Unfortunately I can't remember whose life or whose death.
Max: Ninety-nine, this ship is a freighter, right?
99: Right, Max.
Max: And freighters run on fuel oil, right?
99: Right again, Max.
Max: And wooden masts belong on sailboats, correct?
Max: And this is a wooden mast.
99: Go on , Max.
Max: Ninety-nine. . . .
Max: I forgot where I started.