DISCLAIMERS: Lady Xysia doesn't own Xena, Gabrielle, Ares or Rob Tapert. Universal / Renaissance Pictures does.

Copyright 2000 Lady Xysia.

This is the sequel to what Xena and Gab do when they are dead, some spoilers blah blah blah

Life and Death in a Pizza Box by Lady Xysia

Xena and Gab free from the cross and fully healed are walking through a field in the linen wraps::

Gab: Xena we really need to get some new clothing..

Xena: I don't see why you didn't ask Eli or Americe for some money

Gab: Eli doesn't believe in money, its evil. It causes war, hate, pain and bad fashion.

Xena: ::rolls eyes:: Whatever...

Gab: It does, Oh Xena look a tree!

Xena: Oh wow so what.

Gab: Its so cute!! ::runs and hugs it::

Xena: Gabrielle I told you no tree hugging when your around me.

Gab: But its sooooooooo cute

Xena: Cute my ass...

Gab: Well maybe not that cute.

Xena: I told you to lay off the henbane.

Gab: I don't do henbane anymore, I do my powder.

Xena: ::raises eyebrow:: Powder?

Gab: From the smoke blowing thing...

Xena: So thats why Argo's been acting strange, going off alone at nights and coming back dazed.

Gab: What do you mean?

Xena: What do you think I mean, you've been drugging her!

Gab: I have not! All I've been doing is reading to her.

Xena: I don't want to know what...

Gab: Just some of the latest scrolls to come out.

Xena: That stuff is trash.

Gab: You should use it, instead of my scrolls.

Xena: Nahh no rough.

Gab: We could wear fig leaves..

Xena: Greens not my color.

Gab: Thats right now you have to be picky.

Xena: I'm not being picky I'm being logical, leaves don't cover much.

Gab: And thats a bad thing?

Xena: Ok how about this. we split up and find town, we can meet each other back here in two days.

Gab: Fine! ::stalks off::

Xena: Thank the gods shes gone.... ::walks into the forest::

Xena: Hmm what to wear... ferns, nope. Feathers? Nahhh if I can kill a boa..! trips and falls flat on her face::
What the fruck!

Pan: Sorry...

Xena: ::Looks at him:: Pan!? I haven't seen you for years!

Pan: Xena!? ::hugs her leg::

Xena: Ummmm get off my leg and stop humping it.... I have Gabrielle to do that.

Pan: You found someone to replace me?

Xena: Yeah... but I'm thinking about dumping her.

Pan: Ok, so what have you been up to from the last time I saw you?

Xena: That was ten win...

Pan: NO! it was 7 winters ago... gods why is everything ten for you...

Xena: I don't know I think when I got hit on the head with a log it did something to me, and the fact that I can't do my opium anymore.

Pan: ::blinks:: You gave up the smoke!?

Xena: Yup, been clean now for almost four years.

Pan: Wow, I'm impressed.

Xena: Yeah, any ways I need some clothing can you help?

Pan: Hmmm well I do like that bloody I've been nailed to the cross look on you but I think I can help.
::takes her hand and gos along to a nifty house in a tree::

Xena: When did you get this place?

Pan: From this guy with a bunch of robes, he kept hugging trees...

Xena: Eli! OOoooo If he hadn't healed me he would have gotten it good.

Pan: ::nods:: I don't blame you, any ways come along ::gos inside:: its bigger then it looks.

::Inside is a large area so grand and chic that Ares would have hung his head in shame::

Xena: Damn if Eli can find me a place like this maybe I'll forgive him for what he did to Gabrielle.

Pan: Ha! the taxes are murder.

Xena: Then I'd kill the tax collector.

Pan: Good idea, ::rummages through a chest:: Hmmmm dresses aren't your thing...

Xena: Got any armor?

Pan: Well now that you mention it I have your old I'm going to kill Hercules armor that you left here.

Xena: That will do.

Pan: ::hands it to her:: Your sword and old chakram are here too.

Xena: Yeah! Now I don't have to go back to India to get a new one.

Pan: You were in India?

Xena: Gods Don't you start too!
::Puts on her armor, claw shoulder things, arm bands, bracers, boots etc.::
AHHH gods this feels great... and it still fits too.

Pan: Yup leather is your thing. ::hands her the sword and chakram::

Xena: Thanks.

Pan: Say want some henbane?

Xena: Sure.

::Mean while as Gab gos on her merry way.::

Gab: Ohhhh a tree! I loooovvvveee yyyyoooouuu Trrreee!

Farmer: Yup another blonde twit.

Gab: Twit!? I'm not a twit! I follow the way of friendship.

Farmer: And the way of drugs to I suppose.

Gab: Well umm, hey do you know were I can get some clothing?

Farmer: What do I look like? The God of clothing?

Gab: I don't care what it is as long as its something to wear, other then this bloody stuff.

Farmer: Well I think I might have something ::digs through his cart:: hmmm ahh here you go. ::tosses her a bundle:: enjoy and stop hugging the trees....

Gab: Of all the ungrateful people ::gos behind some bushes and gets dressed:: Ahhh Xena will be so envious of how quickly I got these clothes. ::starts back down the road to meet up with her.::

::Back at Pan's place.....::

Xena: Yeah, Gab and I really got hot and heavy into it.... Who knew painting mehndi one each other erotically could burn so many calories.

Pan: ::nods:: So are you two off to any place inperticular.

Xena: Not at the moment, we just got nailed to a cross and came back from the dead. Don't know were we're going next. I hope some place interesting for once. I'm so tired of this Xena saves Gabby, or Xena pries Gabby off of a tree and such.

Pan: I know what you mean.

Xena: Well thanks for the stuff I need to get going back to Gabrielle maybe she hugged a tree to heard and knocked herself out.

Pan: One can only hope.
::Xena walks out of the tree and down the road::

Gab: ::spots Xena:: Xena I... NOOOOOOOooooooo!!!

Xena: ::draws her sword:: What!? What is it? Joxer? Argo? Ares in a thong? hmm the later would be a nice thing to see..

Gab: Nooo Xena you can't become evil again you promised!! ::punchs on her armor:: ow ouchy!

Xena: Gabrielle what are you talking about?

Gab: Your, Your in your old armor and and you have blood all over you!

Xena: I tripped and cut myself.

Gab: What your doing drugs again!!?? I told you not to do opium!

Xena: ::looks guilty for a moment:: Well err Gabrielle were in Hades name did you get those cloths?

Gab: Huh? Oh you like em? ::spins around modeling::

Xena: Like em?! HAHAHHAH! You look like a Pre Myceasen Spice Girl or something.

Gab: A what?!

Xena: You don't want to know, I heard about them from Ares one time...

Gab: You mean you've been seeing Ares again too?

Xena: No, you know he stalks me...

Gab: Why don't you just tell him what you are now? Maybe he'll leave you alone.

Xena: I think he already knows about you and...

Gab: I don't mean that! I mean that you are truly good now.

Xena: Like he'll ever believe that.

Gab: Don't worry we'll think of something.

Xena: So were do you want to go from here?

Gab: To a market place.. seeing you don't like what I'm wearing..

Xena: If you could see yourself you would agree.

Gab: Is it that bad?

Xena: Yup, and then some.

Gab: Hmm maybe some new clothing for you.

Xena: Whats wrong with my armor?

Gab: I just don't like it... and you know why.

Xena: Only if theres something at the market place that I like, if not I keep this.

Gab: Well, ok.

::they go down to the market place with various wares and junk and glitter, Gabrielle picks up a few gaudy looking items and then puts them back before deciding on a (GASP!) Smaller BGSB and SHORTER rust colored skirt::

Xena: Gabrielle umm just how do you expect to pay for your new gear?

Gab: Oh oh... umm bugger?

Xena: Were in Hades did you come up with that from?

Gab: ::heavy NZ accent:: What the bloody hell do you mean I always talk like this Xener.

Xena: Ares! What have you done to her!?

::Ares appears in a flash of blue light::

Ares: Xena I am sick of this...

Xena: What?!

Ares: Always Ares this or Ares that or...

Xena: You never seem to mind me calling your name when we....

Gab: WHAT!?

Xena: Opps umm nothing..

Gab: Just what the bloody hell are you talking about Xener?

Xena: Gods Gabrielle its X-e-na not Xener, can't you pronounce a'?

Gab: Ey?

Xena: I give up...

Ares: You do? Yes I have been waiting for you to say that Xena! ::big happy grin:: Yes your coming back to me, to the dark side of the force.. errr way? Bugger now what was that bloody line...?

Xena: What in Hades name is going on?!

Off Screen: Cut!

Gab/Ren: Lucy what are you talking about?

Xena: Lucy? Gabrielle I'm Xena.

Gab/Ren: Lucy are you feeling ok? Did I knock you upside the head with my staff?

Xena: Not that I know of..

Gab/Ren: Lucy are you sure your feeling ok? I mean with the baby and everything.... here you should sit down maybe work on your knitting?

Xena: Knitting?

Gab/Ren: ::hands it to her:: Here you go.

Xena: ::looks at it and picks up on of the needles flinging it across the set with it impaling Kevin Sorbo in the back killing him.::

Gab/Ren: How did you do that?!

Xena: I have many skills.

Rob: Thank God now we don't have to worry about that blasted show of his...

B.S.: ::Flipping channels:: ::news person:: And today we are sad to report the slaying of Hercules actor Kevin Sorbo who was said to have been killed by a woman dressed up like Xena wielding a blood covered sea gull. Next on The National Extra Garbage....

B.S.: Yes! Back in Business!

TBC... Maybe... Of maybe not... hmmmm if Xena and Gabrielle Go to visit Una and then raid her freezer maybe...

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copyright 2000 Lady Xysia

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