Dear Kathryn,
First of all, let me tell you it was so good to actually finally hear from you last month. You can’t imagine just how happy you managed to make mother. It does her good to know that you’re still alive. Oh, I know you’ve still got a long way to go, but just knowing you’re on your way home… The Janeways and Adams will always have the proverbial light on for you. I think Steven was as excited as mother and I were when we first got given the news that you were still alive. And still captain, too. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you some of the scarier thoughts that were floating around when we heard there was a possibility you were still alive. I think one nightmare I had consisted of you… well, never mind. I’m sure you don’t want to hear that.
Anyway, I hear that Chakotay is okay. Only you, Sis, would try to make your enemy your friend. What’s the old saying about keeping friends close and enemies closer? Anyway, at least he has a Starfleet background. Probably why the Federation wanted him back so badly. What’s he like? Do tell! You mentioned him in passing in your last letter, but I have a feeling you’re not telling me the half of it. Or is it that you don’t want Starfleet and/or the Feds to know? We’ve seen a couple of pictures of him – one early one, must be at least ten years old, and one surveillance one after he was outlawed (they flashed that one across the media a lot!) – but I’m sure they don’t do him justice. There’s something about the eyes… and the jawline. I’m sure he must be okay though if you’ve managed to work together for the past few years.
We’re fine here. Steven and I have decided to try for a baby, but I don’t know. It just doesn’t seem to be happening. It’s fun trying but, oh Kathryn, it’s so difficult at times; we think, ‘maybe this time,’ and when we find out otherwise… I just get so depressed. And I know mother wants grandkids so much.
Oh god, Kathryn. Please, please, don’t take that as a slight against you. I know you wanted all that too. I hate to say it and, please, please, don’t take this the wrong way, please, but I’m actually glad you haven’t got children. Don’t get me wrong, you know I’d have taken care of them, but for them to have to grow up without you, and for you to have to miss their growing up. It would have been heartbreaking for all of us.
Thank you for telling us that you know about Mark. We didn’t know if he’d sent a message, and we didn’t feel it was our place to tell you. It about killed mother when she first found out about Carla. It was just another sign that life was moving on. But it was like he was giving you up for dead, you know. And I just couldn’t stand that. I… I wasn’t very nice to him, I’m afraid. Said some pretty harsh things, but really, all we had to go on was faith, and he didn’t even seem to want to have that. But after we got word from Admiral Paris about you, well, I don’t know how he took it, mother told him. She’s so damn forgiving, you know. Makes the rest of us mere mortals look and feel the lowest of the low. Anyway, we don’t see them much; they live in San Francisco. Occasionally, we hear about them, you know how gossip spreads in this town!
I hope you find happiness, Kathryn, or that you’ve found it already. If Mark has moved on, so should you. There must be someone on that ship of yours who’s eligible. Mother says that technically you can’t have a relationship with either someone in your department, or a subordinate, but I don’t think that gives you much choice, and besides, I’ve heard the tales of old. Take the Enterprise crew. Five year missions don’t allow for much time to meet other people, and I hear Kirk had quite the reputation. Or are there different standards for female captains? If there are, there damn well shouldn’t be. Now, I’m not saying you should emulate Kirk, and try to bed every crewmember of the opposite sex. Good grief! But there has to be someone, surely. Oh, I know, that Chakotay! I don’t know what he’s like in person, but, as I said earlier, he looks pretty damn handsome. Did I say that earlier? I know I was thinking it. And he’s your first officer so you must have a decent rapport with him.
Kathryn, above all, enjoy life. And don’t worry about Starfleet rules, regs and whatnots. I mean, what are they going to do seventy years from now? Punish your grandchildren because you had a life? Plus, well, who’s going to captain Voyager or are you planning on staying in that captain’s chair until you die? I remember how father worked all the time. And it’s sad, but when I look back all I can see is this tired old man. Please, Kathryn, please don’t end up like that.
Well, on that downcast note, I must get going. Steven’s mother is expecting us for dinner and I just know she’s going to ask us again if we’ve thought about children. I mean, we’ve only been married a year! At least our mother doesn’t nag like she does! I know she’ll never say anything to you so I’ll say it instead. She wants grandchildren, okay? Goodness knows Steven and I are doing our damndest, but I think you could put in a little effort too!!!!
Take care, sis. I’m looking forward to getting your next letter.
Love,
Phoebe
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