Part eighteen of "Little blue world" - an AU series
by Jinny W
August 2001
Disclaimer: Paramount owns all. I'm just playing.
Summary: Back in the Alpha Quadrant at last, the crew make plans to leave the Liberty and offer Starfleet their deal.
~~~
Captain's Log
After eight weeks and two days lost in the Delta Quadrant we are finally close to home. The wormhole, while still dangerously unstable, managed to deposit us back in the Alpha Quadrant. We emerged, amid raucous cheers across the bridge, a safe distance from any Federation space station. Mr. Tuvok calculated the nearest was DS9 and that is still six days travel away. Instead we have set course for Jotham Four, a rough colony world where our cells have always been able to slip in and out unnoticed. From there we will contact a Starfleet vessel, return the Starfleet crewmembers, and propose our trade.
Once safely through the wormhole we held a staff meeting, possibly the last for our joint crew. Most of the senior staff - or what remains of us - seemed as surprised as I first was by Kathryn's suggestion of swapping the transwarp specs. Tom expressed firm doubt that Starfleet would agree to such a deal, as did Tuvok, although I suspect their reasoning differed. Tom, Kathryn told me later, doesn't trust Starfleet to keep their word. B'Elanna said she had her doubts about how many of the Maquis would want to take the amnesty. That's something I've yet to find out. Only Harry appeared enthusiastic. I suspect he is keen to think the best of both sides.
Kes' recovery is proceeding to the doctor's satisfaction. Another consequence of her ordeal was revealed to me this morning before the funeral. Tuvok told me that according to their legends Kes' race once possessed great mental powers. These were lost when the Caretaker started providing for them. He believed that Kes' mental ability may be reawakening, as he felt her mind cry out when she was poisoned. I am unsure how to respond to his news, but trust he will offer Kes the guidance she requires.
I can sense the nervousness of the crew now - both Maquis and Starfleet - and their doubt about what is to come next. I wish I could reassure them, but my own nerves could use a little calming.
~~~
Kathryn and Chakotay stood side by side on the Liberty bridge staring at the viewscreen display of the Alpha Quadrant.
"It's nice to see a familiar view", Kathryn commented.
Chakotay smiled at her. "Yes, it is", he agreed. Kathryn had the distinct feeling he wasn't talking about the astronomical pageant before them. She ignored him and continued to stare at the stars, but couldn't stop the smallest of smiles from creeping across her face. "Mr. Tuvok", he said, "is there anything of note in between us and the colony?"
"Negative. There are no ships in our immediate vicinity."
"We'll need to find a patrol if we want to send our message", Kathryn said.
"Scan adjacent areas," Chakotay ordered.
"Long range sensors have detected a vessel", Tuvok reported smoothly.
"Starfleet?"
"Running identification now. It is Nebula class", Tuvok paused, examining his console. "It is the U.S.S. Tanazaki."
Chakotay glanced at Kathryn. "Know it?"
She nodded. "I've only met the captain once. Euan Lamond. He was a good man. But I thought he'd taken some time off."
"Perhaps the vessel is being captained by someone else", Tuvok suggested.
Chakotay was frowning at her. "Time off for what?" he asked.
"Personal leave". At his blank stare she added, "I heard he had a gambling problem, actually. If he is back in command he must have recovered."
Chakotay continued to stare at her. "What?" she said.
"I was just thinking whether it's better or worse to try and make a deal with a gambling man."
Kathryn shrugged. "His command reputation was always fairly impressive. He played things straight. No one even knew he had a problem until a Ferengi debt collector turned up."
Chakotay sighed. "I suppose there are advantages to living in a society without money that we don't think about."
Tuvok spoke up from behind them. "Humans still maintain possessions, Captain, despite their rhetoric to the contrary. Mr. Lamond would still have been able to gamble away anything he had."
Kathryn and Chakotay shared an amused look. "If you say so", Chakotay agreed. "About his reputation?" he said to Kathryn.
"It was good. His field record was impressive. No major crew problems. No erratic command decisions."
"Sounds like paradise, doesn't it, Tuvok?", Chakotay said with a quick grin.
"Indeed," the Vulcan replied sagely.
"I think he'd be willing to listen to us", Kathryn said, "and judge our hand on the strengths of the cards we hold." When Chakotay pulled a face she added, "Sorry, bad pun." She sighed. "If his first officer took command in his absence though, that's no help. I don't know anything about her."
"Okay", Chakotay thought for a moment. "Once we get to Jotham Four there's a landing site where we can set down and slip into the background. Then we'll send your message from one of our mobile transmitters, arranging for you to meet him at co-ordinates on the planet." He turned to Tuvok. "I want you and the other Starfleet crewmembers packed and ready to go with her. Lamond - or whoever is in charge - can beam you all straight to his ship." He turned back to Kathryn. "That should give them some idea our intentions are good, that we aren't holding you hostage."
"Seska's actions two months ago might be harder to explain away".
Chakotay winced. "Most probably", he said. "But surely once you tell them about her being a Cardassian..."
She touched his arm gently. "Don't worry. I'm a good horse trader."
Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "An unusual metaphor for the Maquis crew", he observed.
Kathryn grinned at him. "I was talking about my diplomatic skills. It's an old idiom. What then?" she said to Chakotay.
"Once you've discussed the deal in detail I expect he'll want to contact Headquarters to talk it over with them. If they agree you can take a shuttle back here and pick up the remaining Maquis who want to leave. I doubt they'd trust Starfleet to beam them up safely," he added with a smile, "but I'm sure they have more faith in your piloting skills."
"That's very touching", she said. "Then they won't have to give away a location either, or set themselves up for a possible trap. How long until we reach the colony?"
"Approximately seventeen hours", Tuvok reported.
"We should arrive tomorrow morning then", Chakotay said.
Kathryn glanced around the nearly empty bridge. "Where are the others?" she asked.
"B'Elanna is continuing with her research", he said, throwing a sideways look at Tuvok, who appeared to be ignoring him. "Harry's finishing the sketch of the transwarp drive for you to take. He wants to include enough information to show the worth of what we have, but not enough so that the secrets are given away."
She nodded. "Fair enough."
"I don't know what Tom's doing."
Tuvok spoke up. "Perhaps he is preparing logs of our journey for the Starfleet debriefing, as I am".
Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged glances. "I doubt that", she said softly. "Maybe it's time I did the rounds of the crew quarters, to let people know exactly what's going on, so they can be prepared."
Chakotay nodded. "I have to visit the Maquis one by one to discuss the amnesty deal. See who wants to sign on."
"Well", she said, feeling an odd awkwardness, "I suppose I'll see you later on."
Chakotay bobbed his head again, running a hand through his shortly cropped hair to cover his own sudden shyness. "Yeah," he said, "I'll see you later."
~~~
Kathryn rubbed her neck tiredly as she made her way down the corridor towards her quarters. She wondered if Chakotay had finished his crew visits yet. Should she call him, or just pop in to say hello? She decided on the latter.
It had been a very long afternoon. Most of her visits to the Starfleet crewmembers had taken longer than she anticipated, as one by one they invited her to sit and talk for a while. Five minutes became ten, then twenty, then half an hour. Afterwards she had, on impulse, knocked on a few Maquis doors as well, to see how they were feeling about the Liberty's return. To her surprise even those she wasn't close to seemed pleased to see her. She suppressed a giggle at the thought. Even Crewman Macintyre had offered her a cup of tea, which she had later spilt on herself as he demonstrated his uncanny impersonation of Tuvok. Then again, she recalled, it was his friend's nose, not his, that she had broken.
Afternoon quickly became early evening, then B'Elanna had invited her to join her for dinner in the mess hall. The younger woman seemed keen to talk about her work on the cloaking device. As there were few others she could share this with, Kathryn agreed. As she thought about B'Elanna's excitement she recalled the first time she and B'Elanna had worked together on the Liberty's systems. Chakotay had badgered her into it after the half-Klingon woman declared she wanted Kathryn nowhere near her engine room.
The stray memory seemed to open a door in her mind and other images from her time here sprang to life. She could picture sitting with Kes in the hydroponics bay, admiring the flowers the younger woman had transplanted. She remembered listening to Sam Wildman singing as she worked. She remembered the uneasy days when they had hunted two Kazon ships, trying to catch up with those who had kidnapped Chakotay. She could hear B'Elanna bantering with Tom and Harry as they crowded around a game board, whiling away a quiet evening.
Kathryn shook her head to clear away the odd rush of nostalgia and glanced around her at the battered corridor. She was *not* going to get teary-eyed about leaving this place. As she approached the door of her quarters she briefly thought about going in to change. She glanced down at what she was wearing - soft blue pants and an olive jumper stained with Macintyre's tea. She quickly pushed away the thought and kept walking. She'd worn grubbier clothes in the past few months.
Chakotay answered his chime almost immediately. When she stepped inside his room she saw he was bending over one of his armchairs with a pile of clothes scattered in front of him.
"Am I interrupting your packing?" she said.
He turned with a grin. "Yes. But", he said, glancing back at the half packed bag on the chair, "this wont take long."
Although the other chair was free Kathryn remained standing, looking idly around her. "I thought you were staying on the Liberty", she said.
"Nope". He slipped his hands into his pockets and turned back to face her. "It's my last night here too. For a while, anyway", he added. "We usually try and get some time on the ground when we stop anywhere for repairs."
"Like shore leave for pirates?" she said.
His eyes glinted with amusement. "Something like that", he agreed. "Even we hardened criminal types go stir crazy stuck on a ship for too long. In some places we're able to do our repairs in orbit of a planet. At others, like this one, we have hidden landing sites. But they're not always safe indefinitely, so we have to take them where we find them."
"Sensible", said Kathryn, who until the past few months hadn't really had to think about the problems of refitting a ship on the move. Chakotay smiled at her bored tone of voice.
"But I don't think that's what you came here to talk about", he said.
Kathryn shifted nervously. By keeping herself busy all afternoon she had managed to defer the thoughts that had been troubling her earlier. Now she couldn't continue to ignore the realization that this was her last night on this ship. Chakotay continued to stare at her. His eyes were warm but his expression inscrutable.
Feeling the need to say something Kathryn said, "I thought maybe you'd like to join me for dinner."
Chakotay smiled again. "Thanks. But I've already eaten."
"Uh, yeah", she said, brushing back a lock of hair from her face. "So have I, actually."
Chakotay took a step closer to her, his gaze still on her face. "So", he said, his eyes twinkling, "you don't want to eat. You don't want to talk. What does that leave?"
Kathryn stared at him, her mind racing. Was he propositioning her? Not that she minded, of course, but after what had happened the last time on Rexal's ship, she had thought...
"Are you propositioning me?" she blurted unthinkingly, before she could dissect the scenario further.
He chuckled, taking her hands in his own and pulling her closer towards him in one smooth movement. For some odd reason Kathryn noticed he was sporting the same snug fitting trousers he'd been wearing when she'd first met him near the Caretaker array. She'd always liked the way he looked in those pants. She glanced up at his face again, suddenly aware of how many times they had been this close, dancing around each other, then retreating again.
"What if I am?" he said, his voice low.
Kathryn ran several responses through her mind. She bit her tongue to stop herself from saying something really stupid like, "I should throw tea over myself more often." From the look on Chakotay's face she could tell he was also remembering the last time she had kissed him. Uncertainty about her response shone in his eyes, as did something more. Without any further thought she let go of his fingers and pressed her hands to either side his waist.
"If you are", she said, pulling him closer still, "then I think you'd better lock the door."
~~~
"This one", B'Elanna said as she handed the tall glass of green liquid to Harry, "is called a 'spearmint smoothie'."
Harry took the proffered drink with a grin of thanks. He sipped tentatively at the frothy liquid.
"This is great", he said, taking a deeper sip. "Doesn't taste alcoholic at all."
"Trust me, it is", she said.
"Where did you learn to make all these Earth cocktails?" he asked, through another mouthful of drink.
She shrugged as she finished filling her own glass from the large jug. "A woman I was seeing once", she said vaguely. "She owned a bar."
"Whoever she was", Harry said, "I thank her."
"We should make a toast before you finish that", she said.
"Alright", Harry held up his now nearly half-empty glass. "What shall we drink to? To the Liberty?"
"No", B'Elanna said, holding up her own glass, "let's drink to friendship."
Harry beamed at her, then reached out to clink their glasses together. "To friendship", he echoed. "The other question", he said, after he had swallowed, "is where did you get these spirits from? Don't tell me you had a bottle of crème de menthe sitting in your quarters. Not to mention the others," he said, gesturing to the array of bottles containing different coloured liquids that cluttered the table.
"Nope", she said, "I replicated them this afternoon."
He raised his eyebrows. "I thought that was against the rules. This ship only has two replicators and you always reserve them for essential items. Not to mention the power drain that-"
"Harry", she said, cutting him off, "this is your last night here. And without getting unbearably soppy, I think that's something worth commemorating. Besides," she added with a sly grin, "the person who monitors the replicator usage isn't going to complain."
"Let me guess", he said, "that's you?"
"At your service."
"Humph", he grunted. "Then why did you put up with all of those horrible meals Murphy cooked while Neelix was gone?"
"I didn't know how long we'd have to ration our power for", she said, "though if he had stayed head chef for much longer I might have taken drastic steps. Jack Murphy", she said, sinking back in her chair, "must have one hell of a disciplinary record. How does he get by with all those Starfleet rules and regulations?"
"He probably runs underground scams to keep himself sane", a voice said from the doorway. They both turned to see Tom Paris silhouetted against the dark corridor, as he leant casually against the frame. "That's what I used to do, anyway."
"You would", Harry said.
"Come and have some refreshments with us", B'Elanna said, her darkening skin indicating she was well on her way to becoming tipsy.
"I'd heard rumours about your secret talents", Tom said to her as he wandered over to join them. "I was wondering when you'd get around to showing them off."
He sank down in a chair next to Harry, who was finishing off his drink with a satisfied slurp.
"When she had the chance to replicate enough ingredients", Harry said.
B'Elanna reached for the jug, then refilled their glasses. Tom took his with a broad grin. "So, what are we drinking to tonight", he asked, as he took a sip. "Mmm, this is good."
"Thanks."
"Fond memories?" he asked, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
Harry and B'Elanna shared a glance. Tom's moods had been erratic lately, but he appeared cheerful enough tonight. "Don't tell me you haven't enjoyed yourself these past few months, Paris", Harry said.
"Oh, I wouldn't dare", Tom said. "All those dangerous skirmishes where we were outgunned. Spending days chasing the Kazon to get our beloved Captain back. Getting to watch Jonas take his revenge. It's been wonderful."
B'Elanna sobered at the reminder of Sam's death. "We're not saying it's been a picnic, Tom", she said. "but I'm going to miss you two."
Tom's face flushed slightly at the uncharacteristic compliment, but his response was typically glib. "I'll be thinking of you two the whole way to Risa", he said. "But probably not once I step off the transport."
Harry rolled his eyes. "What are you going to do now, Tom?" he asked. "I can't imagine you'll sign up with Starfleet again."
"You got that right". Tom took a long draught of his drink. "I don't know, to be honest," he admitted.
"I don't imagine you're the only one who's confused", B'Elanna said softly, twirling her glass in her hands.
"Where is Kathryn?" Harry asked. "I thought she had dinner with you?"
"She did", said B'Elanna, avoiding his question.
"Then where..."
"Where do you think?" Tom answered for her.
"Oh", said Harry, blushing furiously.
"I think she wants to stay with us", B'Elanna said abruptly.
Harry stared at her. "But she's Starfleet. She wouldn't leave it for the Maquis."
"Not for the Maquis in general, no", said Tom, "but maybe for one of them." At Harry's puzzled glance he added, "Come on Harry, she's in love with the big guy."
"That might not be enough", B'Elanna said. "You're the one who thinks Starfleet isn't all it's made out to be. She still thinks they have integrity."
"More's the pity", Tom said.
Harry glanced from one to the other. "You actually want her to leave Starfleet?" he said to Tom.
"I want her to be happy", he replied obscurely.
"That's very noble of you Paris", B'Elanna teased, with a small grin, "but I'm not in the mood for such a depressing conversation. It's too hopelessly romantic. Emphasis on the hopeless. Let's have some more to drink."
Tom eyed her for a moment, noting the look of understanding in her eyes. He nodded at her in appreciation. "Now you're talking. Let's get horribly drunk instead."
"Am I going to regret this?" Harry asked.
They both ignored him. Tom drained the last of his spearmint cocktail and clunked the glass down on the table. "Do you know how to make a Betsy Ross?"
"You bet", B'Elanna said with a grin. "Pass me the shaker".
"Did someone say a Betsy Ross?"
All three turned to the doorway again. Doctor Zimmerman hovered there, looking slightly apprehensive, as if unsure he'd be welcome.
"Kes is sleeping peacefully", he said, "so I thought I'd take the night off".
Tom grinned at him. "Doc", he said, "if you keep your mouth shut about our extremely unwise and possibly unsafe level of alcohol consumption, you're welcome to join us."
The doctor's face brightened and he made his way over to their table. "As long as you don't try and pilot the ship afterwards", he said, "it's a deal. Where are Chakotay and Kathryn?"
The others shared a glance. "Early nights for both of them, I believe", Tom said, with a straight face. "Hey, we should invite Tuvok to come", he added suddenly. "He's not on the bridge shift tonight."
Harry chortled. "I doubt he'd be interested in socializing. He hasn't been so far anyway."
The doctor shook his head. "Perhaps he was unsure if he was welcome."
B'Elanna stared at him, then nodded. "You're right, Doc. The more the merrier." She activated her communicator. "Tuvok. Are you awake?"
The Vulcan's smooth voice came back over the comm channel. "I am indeed."
"A group of us are having last night drinks in the mess hall. We were wondering if you'd like to join us."
In the moment of silence that followed she glanced around at the group. Harry shook his head at her but Tom was still grinning.
"I presume you are consuming alcoholic beverages", Tuvok said.
"You bet we are Tuvok", Tom chimed in, "and a damned lot of them."
"In that case", Tuvok responded mildly, "perhaps it would be best if I joined you. You might need the company of a responsible adult."
The others laughed as B'Elanna signed off.
"Tuvok", Tom snorted, "responsible. Huh!"
"Perhaps he meant comparatively responsible", the doctor suggested.
"I'm going to ignore that slight", Tom said loftily, then beamed at B'Elanna. "Come on then, woman," he said, "get mixing!"
~~~
The instant Chakotay awoke he knew there was something different about this morning. Something seemed missing. Or to be specific, someone seemed missing. He opened his eyes slowly, the bland grey of his cabin wall greeting him.
With a tired groan Chakotay rolled away from the wall, the thin blankets slipping from his upper body as he wriggled over onto his other side. Glancing bleary-eyed around the small room, he could see Kathryn perched in one of his armchairs. She had pulled on her blue pants and a grey t-shirt. Her jumper lay discarded across the armrest of the chair. She had tucked her bare feet up on the cushion, and sat with her hands wrapped around her legs, her chin resting on her knees.
"Morning sleepyhead", she said softly.
He squinted at her, his eyes still adjusting to the light in the room. "What's the time?" he mumbled.
She half-smiled at the instinctive question. "Late", she said. "Tuvok called a little while ago to say we were an hour from the planet, but you looked too comfortable to disturb."
"Mmm", he said, forcing himself up onto one elbow. "So what are you doing out of bed?"
"Watching you sleep", she said simply. She shifted in the chair to get more comfortable, finally deciding to sit cross legged with her feet tucked under her thighs.
Chakotay's eyes narrowed at her. "Is that a Starfleet shirt you're wearing?" he asked.
Kathryn blinked at the question, then glanced down at her grey t-shirt. "Yes", she said. "It's the undershirt I was wearing when this all started. I always found them quite comfortable, and it isn't really part of the uniform, so I thought I'd keep it." She looked closely at him. "Why?" she added.
"It's odd", he said, "I never noticed that you still had it."
Her grin grew broader. "Maybe you never got beyond my outer defense perimeter before", she joked lamely.
He chuckled and flopped onto his back, letting his hands drop down onto his bare stomach. "What are you doing over there, Kath?" he said, turning his head to look at her.
"I was going to leave before you woke up", she admitted. "Then I sat down to watch you for a minute before I went."
"How long ago was that?"
"About an hour and a half", she said.
He grinned at her drowsily. "Come back to bed," he murmured. She shook her head and he looked at her more closely. "What is it?"
"I've just been thinking", she said quietly.
"About what?"
"Everything. You. Me. This ship. The deal with Starfleet." She scratched absently at her shin bone. "You never got around to telling me how your meetings went yesterday."
"No. We got a bit distracted", he said, flashing her another grin, which turned into a yawn. "You were right. There were sixteen crewmembers who wanted to take the amnesty deal, and two more who were going to think about it and let me know".
She peered at him. "Are you really surprised?"
He shrugged. "A little. Probably more at the fact that you realised it and I didn't, more than their desire to leave." He stretched backwards, resting his hands under his head. "Mostly they're people who still have families left to go back to."
"I guess that makes a difference", Kathryn said softly.
Chakotay looked over at her quickly, then stared back at the ceiling. He was silent for a while. Kathryn assumed he was thinking about his own family.
"I want you to stay", he said quietly, still not looking at her. "But I won't ask you to. And I don't think you will." He shifted his head on the pillow so that he could see her face. "But I wanted you to know that anyway."
"Thankyou", she said.
"I know this isn't easy for you", he said.
Kathryn made a face at the calm understatement. "Yeah", she said, letting out an exasperated breath. "And it would be a hell of a lot easier if you told me to get lost."
Chakotay smiled thinly at that. "Would you like me to yell at you?"
"No", she allowed. "But it would be easier."
"We haven't really talked about this", he said, rolling over to face her again. "I didn't want to push you by asking."
"I don't have much of an answer to give you", she said. "I'm not sure I want to leave, but at the same time I know I can't stay. So where does that leave me?"
Chakotay watched her, his dark eyes sad. "Somewhere else", he said.
"The idea of going back to the way things were, chasing and arresting other Maquis, going back to a normal Starfleet command", she sniffed derisively, "it all seems so strange. I'm not sure I can do that."
"You can do anything you want to."
"Really?" she said softly. She pushed her hair back from her face and sighed. "Does that include falling out of love with you?"
Chakotay stared at her, nonplussed by her blunt declaration. "I-" he said eventually, then floundered.
Kathryn waved her arm at him. "Don't answer that", she said tiredly. "There's nothing to say. There aren't any answers that will make this feel any better."
Chakotay watched her silently for a few moments longer. When he spoke it was clear he'd decided not to pressure her further on the subject. "What time did Tuvok call?"
"About half an hour ago now."
He sat up abruptly, sweeping the blankets aside. "We'd better get ready then", he said. He slipped on his shorts, then fumbled on the floor for his discarded shirt, which he quickly shrugged over his shoulders.
Kathryn slipped out of the chair. "I am ready", she said.
Chakotay looked down at her bare feet. "Shoes?" he said, as he scooped up his crumpled trousers.
Kathryn followed his gaze. "I'm giving them up", she said. She reached beside the armchair and picked up her boots and socks. With the boots slung in one hand, and her jumper in the other, she made her way to the door. The last thing she felt like doing now was staying to watch him dress, trying to think of conversation that avoided anything either of them really wanted to say. "See you on the bridge", she said over her shoulder, as the doors opened.
"Kathryn", Chakotay called after her as a sudden thought struck him. She turned back to face him.
"What?"
"You said Tuvok called"
"Yes".
"And you answered it."
"Yes."
He stared at her, his pants hanging from his fist. "Then he knows..." he trailed off.
The corner of her mouth twitched in amusement. "I don't think you and I are much of a secret, Chakotay", she said. "I don't think we've ever been. Even when there was nothing to hide."
"Oh", he said, as though the thought hadn't occurred to him. "No, probably not."
"I'll see you soon", she said, and with a small smile, she left his room for the last time.
~~~
end of part eighteen
~ read part nineteen ~
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