Mark's Movie Review Page
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Armageddon
(1996): There are two kinds of people in this world, people who think
Bruce Willis is a good actor, and people who are right. Any movie with Tom Hanks
in it, for example, is destined to be a good movie, (at least on some level.)
People who think that “Armageddon” is a good movie because Bruce Willis
is in it are doofy. The worst supporting actor award goes to Ben Affleck, who
should return to his days in “Voyage of the Mimi,” an educational
video series for elementary students that he filmed in his pre-teen years. The
only redeeming quality about Affleck in this movie is the lack of his J-Lo sidekick
from later years. The plot leaves much to be desired. It’s yet another addition
to the overdone genre—the destruction of humanity if the main character
doesn’t save us all, (this time it’s an asteroid the size of Texas
that Bruce and Ben have to blow up.) With poor writing and bad acting together
in a movie, there is only one thing that can save it…explosions. Targeted
at an early-teen American audience, this movie leaves you thirsting for intellectual
stimulation with lines like “Let’s kick some asteroid butt!”
Sure, it’s entertaining, but it will leave you unfulfilled. If you’re
looking for a way to escape from reality, and intelligence, “Armageddon”
is for you. Rated PG-13 for brief language and sexual content. Grade:
D+
Bedazzled
(2001): In the scope of Brendan Fraser’s career, it is hard to
find a movie in which he has been a main character that hasn’t made him
look bad. From his earliest days in “Encino Man” to “George
of the Jungle” and “Dudley Do-Right,” a pattern has emerged,
obvious—apparently—to everyone but Fraser. Fraser obviously has no
qualms about making himself look like an idiot, and he has the looks to back that
up. He feels comfortable in a loincloth, eating dog food, drinking from a gutter,
and making jokes about his body odor. “Bedazzled” is Fraser’s
closest attempt to breaking that norm. With sexy and Satanic co-star Elizabeth
Hurley at his side, this movie has what all of the ones previously so painfully
lacked—depth. There isn’t much of a plot here, (he wants a girl (Frances
O’Connor) and makes a deal with the devil (Hurley) and things don’t
quite work out,) but for sheer entertainment, this movie exceeded my initially
low expectations. It is full of laughs, though at times a little inappropriate
and crude. This is not a movie to be enjoyed with your family—particularly
younger siblings—at your side. Refreshingly funny, and, unlike Fraser’s
previous films (excepting “Encino Man”) it moves along nicely, and
I wasn’t bored. Not a family film, though very entertaining. Rated
PG-13 for brief language and sexual content. Grade: B-
Charade
(1963): I can’t say enough about Audrey Hepburn. She is far-and-away
one of the best actresses of all time. Cary Grant plays a strong role as her
co-star in a mystery about the murder of Hepburn’s husband. This action-packed
drama also lends itself to a few moments of comic relief, which (unlike Star
Wars’ Jar Jar) do not distract from the overall impact of the film itself.
Filmed in the 1960’s like so many other timeless movies, “Charade”
is everything that you could ask for in a film. Despite having an intricate
plot, and amazing acting, however, this movie does seem to drag at points. If
you are looking for a better Hepburn movie, you might consider “Roman
Holiday” or “Sabrina,” however, you’ll find it hard
to come close to “Charade” in the murder mystery genre. Like
many movies of its time, “Charade” is not rated, because it’s
safe. Grade: B
Finding
Forrester (2000): Sean Connery, like Tom Hanks, has a hard time producing
a bad movie. This movie plays to the viewer’s emotions in a way that is
captivating and effective. “Finding Forrester” is the story of an
underprivileged black youth (Roob Brown) from inner-city New York, who finds
ways to express himself through writing. Fate, it seems, brought him to the
very same neighborhood as that of a long-lost famous author (Connery). Superb
acting, choreography, and writing make this a must-see movie. Due to the inner-city
setting, there is brief, harsh language that makes you cringe at times, so to
best enjoy it, don’t watch it with kids nearby. Rated PG-13 for
brief strong language and some sexual references. Grade: B+
First
Knight (1997): As far as movies go, Richard Gere is one of my least favorite
actors—he’s a good actor, but he comes across as egotistical and cocky.
However, Sean Connery saves the day as King Arthur in the most recent addition
to the “Camelot” genre. “First Knight” has all the elements
of a good movie that we learned about from cartoons as children—a bad guy,
romance, swords, horses and fighting. The idea here is that Lady Guinevere’s
(Julia Ormond) kingdom Leonesse is being overrun by the bad guy and his men, and
to save her people, she marries Arthur (Connery.) She thinks she will learn to
love him, but instead falls for the clumsy and unattractive Lancelot (Gere.) This
timeless story is one that we never tire of, though it seems that “First
Knight” tries a little too hard to be modern. It doesn’t seem genuine
in the way that “Finding Forrester” does. As far as entertainment
goes, this is a movie you don’t have to think too hard about—the bad
guys wear black, the good guys wear blue. With action, adventure, and romance—not
to mention the grossest kissing scene ever filmed, “First Knight”
does what so many others have tried, captures the emotions of its audience and
draws them into the Kingdom of Camelot. Rated PG-13 for violence and some
sexual references. Grade: C
Joan
of Arc (1999): There are few movies that move me emotionally, and this
is one of them. Every time I watch it, I cry at least once. Leelee Sobieski
does a phenomenal job in the role of Joan, and with great supporting actors
all around, this movie has what it takes to become a classic. Peter O’Toole,
who played Lawrence in “Lawrence of Arabia,” another great epic,
brings his talent and presence to this film and contributes immensely. This
timeless and emotional story is one that has lived for 500 years in the hearts
and imaginations of people the world over. People fighting for a controversial
cause that they believe in, and especially one ordained of God, always makes
for a wonderful story to be told again and again. I never get tired of this
movie. It inspires me to be a better person, and reminds all how precious the
gift of freedom is. A better job of capturing the drama and emotion behind the
actual evens upon which this movie is based could not have been done. Because
this was originally a made-for-TV miniseries, it is not rated, but there is
little or no language and no sexual content. Were it to be rated, it
would most likely get a PG or PG-13 rating for violence. Grade: A
A
Knight’s Tale (2001): Ask any girl, and they’ll tell you
the same thing—Heath Ledger is gorgeous. But that’s not what this
movie is about. It’s about carefree, lively fun…set in the middle
ages. Like “Finding Forrester” this movie appeals to the masses.
It follows the life of a young peasant (Ledger) who tries to “change his
stars.” Basically, this means he uses a false identity to become part
of the upper class so he can joust and win the heart of a girl (Shannyn Sossamon.)
Perhaps most maddening is the fact that he is constantly flanked by his trusty
sidekicks, including a beautiful blacksmith, and he never even looks twice at
her. There are many inside jokes within this movie, such as the fact that one
of their companions is Geoffrey Chaucer (Alan Tudyk.) The soundtrack for this
movie is almost entirely classic rock pieces, by groups such as War, BTO, Tin
Lizzy and others, creating a lighthearted feeling. If you’re looking for
a historically accurate movie, this is not the one. Basically, it’s just
fun, neurotic, and nonsensical…perfect for unwinding after a hard day’s
work. It is best to watch this movie with a group of guys you can kick back
with. Thoroughly enjoyable. Rated PG-13 for brief action violence, some
nudity, and brief sex-related dialogue. Grade: B+
A
Midsummer Night’s Dream (1999): You usually can’t go wrong
with Shakespeare, and “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” is not an
exception. With an all-star cast, this movie was destined to be a winner from
the outset. This romantic comedy spins a web of fantasy and enchantment. When
the fairy king is offended by the queen, he decides to play a practical joke
to get back at her. As always happens when you mess with the magic of love,
things go terribly wrong. When a few foolhardy mortals stumble into the middle
of this magical feud, the game of love has never been more dangerous. A surprising
and twisted ending will please all who watch it. Though the movie drags at times,
the dialogue and plot are fascinating. However, it is not a good idea to watch
this movie if you are tired, or it is dark. I have seen it all the way through
many times, but almost as many times, I have fallen asleep. Unlike “Armageddon,”
this movie has all the elements of intellectual stimulation that so many others
lack. In this instance, this movie requires your full attention to be thoroughly
enjoyed. Rated PG-13 for sexual content and some nudity. Grade: B
Mr.
Bean, The Whole Bean (1989-‘97): This 3-disc compilation includes
every episode of Mr. Bean from BBC television. The BBC is infamous for being
very hit-and-miss. When they do a good job, they come up with masterpieces like
“Pride and Prejudice.” Mr. Bean is a nerdy single guy who is reminiscent
of my childhood reading of “Amelia Bedilia,” in which simple problems
turn into difficult and complex solutions. He is a little crude at times, appearing
naked in more than one episode. Hearty laughs are assured—from the laugh
track, even when you don’t. At over 6 hours of film, this collection is
not to be viewed straight through, but rather more like the TV show that it
is, in bits and pieces. Admittedly, you have to be in the right mood to really
enjoy the antics of this funny little man. It’s a TV show, so
it’s not rated, but were it to be, it would probably be PG for some harmless
nudity. Grade: B
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