Welcome to the Insult-A-Nator's Super Insults's Fun With One Liners page. The purpose of this site? Simple. Getting into verbal conflicts with assholes and morons is an inescapable part of life. In my mind, there is no worse a feeling then when someone who is either a moron or an asshole, or any combination of the two, schools you infront of any number of people, verbally.Well, with the help of this site, that shall happen no more. Not only will I fill this page with classic one liners that can be used in a vriety of situations to help you school the person giving you an earful, but I will also include my favorite threats, should there be a need to bring those into play. So, load your mind by scrolling below, and the next time you get into a verbal scuffle, and you win, be sure to announce "THE INSULT-A-NATOR RULES!" to all slack-jawed on-lookers, as a way of paying me back for helping you. Or don't, whatever, how the hell will I know?
1. (Appearance) You look like Uncle Fester with Down Syndrome.(My all-time favorite, which I came up with a few weeks ago upon seeing one of the guys who goes to my high school for the first time.)
2. (Weight) Don't you have fat things to do? (Thanks to Julie Lewis for this favorite of mine)
3. (In response to a comment regarding a person giving you shit about supposedly "sleeping with your mom") Well, that makes you a mother-fucker then, doesn't it, asshole?
4. (In response to claims of being a player or getting lots of "ass".) Oh please, there are Muppets that get more ass then you do.
5. (In response to someone claiming they got laid.) Hey Limp Wrists, it doesn't count when you're the only one in the room!
6. (Fragrance)Your (cologne/perfume) smells like hot skunk shit! (or, if their not wearing any cologne or perfume, simply say THEY smell like hot skunk shit.)
7. (When you want someone to piss off because they're annoying you.)Isn't it time for you to go back to the lab to get your BOLTS TIGHTENED?! (For those of us who aren't so quick, that's a referance to Frankenstein) (Thanks to the writers of the movie "The Mask" with Jim Carrey for that classic.)
8. (In response to someone bragging about how big their penis is.)Yeah, they don't call him the field-mouse for nothing.
9. (In response to someone bragging about how big their penis is.)Are you kidding me? I've seen Barbie dolls with. more dick then you've got!
10. (When you catch your g/f cheating on you with another guy, or girl, it works both ways) HEY, GET YOUR OWN SLUT, THIS ONE'S MINE!
11. (Whenever someone dumb uses a big word trying to act smart.) Spell it! (Why?) Because I'm not used to anything with more then four letters coming out of your mouth!
12. (Whenever a guy with buck-teeth makes fun of you or someone you are friends/going out with.)Listen ass-wipe, your teeth hang down lower then your dick does, so I wouldn't be talking about other people!
13. (When someone is purposely getting in your way to annoy you.) Look, I'd tell you to go back where you came from, but I doubt Hell wants you anymore down there then I do up here!
14.(When the school bully asks if you told on him, and you know you did) I would've told your mom but she left right after I payed her! (Be careful with this one, because then they can always use "Well, that makes you a mother-fucker then, doesn't it?") (Should they use that one, you can always follow up with "but at her prices, how could I resist?!")
15. (Appearance) Were you ALWAYS this ugly or did it just kind of develop and spread throughout your entire body over the last few years?
16. (When someone is threatening to have their friends attack you) Well I wouldn't want to put you through the trouble of rounding up BOTH of them!
17. (When someone is threatening to have members of their family attack you) To be honest, that almost scares me, because I've never had to fight a bunch of inbreeds before, and I don't know what to expect! (If their threatening to have just one member of their family attack you, like a brother, then you can shorten it to, and spice it up with "Fine with me, from what I've heard inbreeds aren't very dangerous anyway!)
18. (Appearance) If my dog looked like you, I'd shave it's ass and teach it to walk backwards!
19. (Intelligence) You're dumb enough for two or three people!
20. (Intelligence) If I throw a stick, will you leave?" (For those of us who aren't so damn clever, the reason this is effective is because dogs chase sticks that are thrown, so should the person leave, their intelligence could be compared to that of a dog's.)
21. (Bravery/Size of balls) If you're so damn brave, how come for the last five minutes you've been acting like your jeans are a toilet?
22. (Height) If you got any shorter, you could sit on the curb and swing your legs!
23. (Having issues/problems) You've got more problems then a whore with no holes!
24. (Hygiene) You'd have to bathe to be a slob! (Thanks to the writers of the Simpsons for that favorite of mine)
25. (Appearance) You're so ugly you've gotta sneak up on a glass of water!
26. (Double whammy) If you're so big and bad, how come you cry like a baby everytime you see a mirror?
27. (Energy/Intelligence) You're slower then a snail race on Vicadin.
28. (Uselessness) You'd fuck up a wet dream!
29. (Commen Sense/Intelligence) You don't have the sense to pour piss out of a boot!
30. (Sexuality) You're queerer then a three doller bill!
31. (Intelligence) You don't know your ass from a hole in the ground!
32. (Appearance) You're so ugly you get rejected by blow-up dolls!
33. (Appearance) You've got a face not even a mother could love!
34. (Usefullness) You're about as useful as a cripple in a jumping jack contest.
35. (Height) Boy, I've shit bigger-n-you! (Thanks to the writers of the movie City Slickers for that intimidating line.)
36. (Appearance) You look like someone beat the shit out of you with an ugly stick, then threw you into the top of a tree and made you hit every branch on the way down!
37. (Maturity) You're so immature you drive to K-Mart just so you can ride the mechanical pony for a quarter!
38. (Intelligence) You're not smart enough to be human!
39. (Threats) I'm gonna shove my foot so far up you're ass you'll be able to un-tie my shoes with your tongue!
40. (Threats) I'm gonna staple an American Flag to your butt and mail you to Afgh anistan (variation of an insult created by the writers of The Simpsons)
41. (Clumsiness) You're such a klutz you could fall over in a closed phone booth!
42. (Uselessness) You're as use-less as a pulled tooth.
43. (Misc.) After meeting you, I've decided I am in favor of abortion in cases of incest.
44. (Intelligence) Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
45. (Uselessness) You're as useless as rubber lips on a woodpecker. (Thanks to Earl Pitts for that contribution to our list)
46. (Appearance) Can I borrow your face for a few days while my ass is on vacation?
47. (Appearance) Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
48. (Height) You're so short your hair smells like feet!
49. (Height) You're so short, when it rains you are always the last one to know.
50. (Misc.) You're the reason brothers and sisters shouldn't marry!
51. (Intelligence) You'd have to be twice as smart to be considered a moron.
52. (Appearance) The last time I saw somebody that looks as nauseatingly ugly as you do, I had to pay admission!
53. (Appearance) You're so ugly, you'd make a freight train take a dirt road!
54. (Misc.) You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning!
55. (Misc.) You should be the poster child for birth control. (Thanks to Richard J. Antus for that contribution to our list)
56. (Appearance) You're so ugly you have to trick or treat over the phone.
57. (Appearance) You're so ugly you make blind kids cry.
58. (Appearance) You're one of those people that stays ugly no matter how drunk I get.
59. (Appearance) You're so ugly you've gotta blindfold your pillow before going to sleep!
60. (Height) You're so small you've gotta blow your nose through your fly!
61. (Height) I've seen toes that are bigger then you!
62. (Double Whammy) If God made an animal the size of a hippo that looked like a rat, he'd name it after you!
63. (Appearance) Take your mask off, it's not Halloween!
64. (Appearance) You look like someone replaced your head with a fishbowl full of shit!
65. (Intelligence)You're so dumb you'd starve to death in a grocery store.
66. (Intelligence) You're so dumb that the Psychic Friends only charge you half price to read your mind
67. (Intelligence) You're so dumb, you'd fail a pregnancy test!
68. (Intelligence)You're so dumb, you got fired from a blowjob!
69. (Weight) You're so fat, if you ever ran away, they would have to use all four sides of the milk carton to fit your picture.
70. (Intelligence) Hey, what are you going to do for a face when the baboon wants its ass back?
71. (Appearance) Your teeth are so yellow, I cant believe its not butter!
72. (Intelligence)You're so dumb you would try to drown a fish!
73. (Intelligence)You're so dumb you could trip over a cordless phone!
74. (Intellignece)You're so dumb you jumped over a glass wall to see what's on the other side!
75. (Girlfriend)Your girlfriend's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she has Don King in a head lock!
76. (Height) You're so short that you can play hide-and-seek in a field of freshly cut grass.
77. (Fragrance) Your armpits smell so bad the teacher gave u an A for not raising your hand!
78. (Intelligence) Your so stupid you sold your car for gas money!
79. (Intelligence) You've been in the same grade for so long everyone thinks you're the teacher!"
80. (Intelligence) You're so stupid that even the class dunce makes fun of you!
81. (Charisma) You don't have the charisma to be an undertaker!
82. (Double Whammy) You're not smart enough to flush the toilet before taking a bath in it!
83. (Intelligence) You're not smart enough to open the door before attempting to walk through the doorway!
84. (Girlfriend/Boyfriend) Your girlfriend has got all the personality of road kill!
85. (Laziness) There are pet gold fish who do more then you do!
86. (Double Whammy) You don't deserve the shit you're full of!
87. (Intelligence) You're so dumb when your dog took a piss on the neighbors mailbox, you dropped your pants and took a shit on their lawn and said "top that!"
88. (Fragrance) You smell like the bottom of Noah's Ark!
89. (Charisma) You've got all the charm of a rabid possum.
90. (Class) You're so stupid you thought a gas chamber was a special room at Taco Bell!
91. (Misc.) You are the punch-line of God's biggest joke!
92. (Fragrance) You smell like a human Port-O-Potty!
93. (Threat) I'm gonna tear off your head, shit down your neck, and stick my foot up your ass so it all doesn't fall out the bottom!
94. (Threat) I'm gonna tear off your arms, shove one down your throat, and one up your ass, and use you as a jump rope!
95. (Threat) I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass you'll be able to clip my toe nails with your teeth!
96. (Threat-for children who are still growing) I'm gonna beat you so bad it's gonna stunt your growth!
97. (Threat-for people with pale skin only) I'm gonna stomp your ass so flat it'll look like a big, pasty white pancake!
98. (Threat-for fat people) I'm gonna kick so many craters in your fat ass, astronauts will jump on you, stick a flag in your asshole, and claim you for their country!
99. (Threat) I'm gonna kick your ass so bad, they'll skip taking you to the hospital and go straight to the funeral home!
100. (Threat) I'm gonna rip off your head, stomp it flat, and then wipe my ass with your face!
What's this? You've gone through A-Z and your still bored and you want yet MORE reading material?! Well, your in luck because I've also got a bio page up and running. Although I must warn you, my life and interests are not the most exciting, so make sure your pretty damn bored before you venture into my little world. But anyway, if your still interested, here's a link: The Insult-A-Nator's Bio (Updated 10-8-01)
Didn't find what you were looking for here, comedy wise? Type exactly what you're looking for into the box below and see if it can take you where you want to go.
Thanks to the Brain Candy website (http://www.corsinet.com/braincandy/) for their contributions to my one liners page. (I got numbers 42-57 from their insults page)